LoveLace Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 If possible, I'd like advice from those who have been down this road, or close to it. I care very much about my roommate, he's my best friend, X 10 yrs. now; When it comes to total understanding, support, and love, I know I'm really all he's got. His coke problem is becoming a pain in my butt and I'm worried about him. He might piss me off (because how the coke makes him act) but he does plenty of things that shows he cares about me as well...and he'll do anything I'll ask of him. First I figured I should move out, just so he learns a lesson of making it on his own, not relying on someone else to put up with his BS. However, I think it's actually the worst time for me to leave him...I think it would only make his problems worse, way before they'd get better. His money problems would be worse, and I think it would only drive him to more self-destructive behavior (he isn't a violent person though, not even close). 8 years ago his family intervened for his alcoholism, and he hasn't drank since that day (after 30-day rehab). I know the power of a coke craving must be a whole lot stronger-- but I'd think with his past experience, that I could have the same effect that his family did--as long as I do it with loving intentions. If this problem was eliminated, we'd easily become best friends as well as life partners. Can it be done with a loving speech and me in tears (which he's never even seen my cry--and I know I will if I do this)...or would leaving him make him stronger, or is he more likely to hit rock bottom? If I move out I'd still be able to support him of course, but I think leaving him will just hurt his pride and drive him right to the drugs. He does not treat me bad. He does not treat me like a queen. He's just a sweet guy that wants people to think he's the man, or whatever. And he's very loving towards his family and they mean everything to him. I know he does not want to lose me, and considers me his family as well. Help! Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 I'm sorry, but are you talking about cola or coke? Coca-cola (Coke) or cocaine (coke)? Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 cocaine...cola is slang word for it..sorry Link to post Share on other sites
Star Gazer Posted June 13, 2007 Share Posted June 13, 2007 Oh, sorry - I've never heard it called that. Wish I could help, but I don't know a thing about cocaine. But wait, are you saying that he DOES coke now, or he has a prior addiction? You're not clear. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LoveLace Posted June 13, 2007 Author Share Posted June 13, 2007 Hi StarGazer..how goes it?! He has a prior addiction to cocaine, as well as a currrent one, that I am just now sure about, after suspecting for a while. I think it probably started again after his Ex Fiance left him a couple years ago...another I think that my moving out would be bad, for him anyway. And he isn't a bad person by any means; he likes things to "go his way" and he likes to take charge...but he does what he can; and currently he has me, his teenagers, and his job to deal with....of which all 3 are constantly demanding something from him. He's very stressed. We aren't helping him, that's for sure. I"m just trying to be as understanding as possible because...he is one of the most understanding people I know...just not very emotional. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 Addiction is that! If off... if he can come clean he can NEVER take any form of any drug again. This will bring it all back and once again he's under. Alcoholism is the same. Once you clean your body you can never have even a sip of wine. I too thought you meant Coca-cola. That is a problem too in addiction. It's caffeine and can damage your body seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
Zona76 Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 In addition, you standing by, you being there accepting his behavior makes it "Okay" He's doing nothing wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
doiask42much Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 My close friend was a coke addict but is now in recovery. It's been a long, hard road for her though. It seems that usually really bad things have to happen to people before they realize they need to stop, and your rommmate hasn't gotten to that point yet. My friend had to give up all substances but has managed to stay sober for a year. She's in AA and has to attend meetings religiously. It takes pretty much all her time and energy when she is not at work. I personally think it very cultish and weird and I hate that they insist you're not strong enough and you need AA for eternity, but it is at least working better for her than what she was doing before, which was basically screwing up her life and getting high every day. She still hasn't beat her addiction to sex though. I fear that it is still a crutch for her, especially since she hasn't got the release of drugs or alcohol and is a very stressy, emotional person. I read another post of yours in which it sounded like you were developing romantic feelings for this guy after a meal you had with this kids. I'm sure that makes this whole issue all that much more complicated. But bottom line, he has to want to stop, nothing much you say or do can make him. And usually some serious consequences have to occur first, which kind of stinks. The good news, though, is that cocaine addiction, like any addiction, can be overcome if the desire is strong enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Pixie-Minx Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 Ok.......you standing by is not saying its ok! but you letting it drop is! your best bet if you think that things have gone to far, is shock therapy! sometimes in someones life it takes a shock to make them see the reality of wear thier life is headed, that unfortunatly is different for differnet people. For me is was the loss of a loved one.....i went through some horredus emotions.. even to the point of killingmyself (now i cant even believe i concidered it) But loosing him, made me realise if i didnt get my act together. get off the drugs, stop relying on men and using my mates, i would end up with a horrible existance. I slate my ex in past posts but in an odd way, although i went through the mill with him, i thank him for making me see the truth. You need to find a way to shock him. Link to post Share on other sites
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