shellys-trying Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 why on earth is anyone trying to convince an OW (once an OW, always an OW ) Oi oi, watch it Ripples Certainly not THIS EX-OW, NEVER EVER EVER, NO WAY!!!!! Not with exMM (as much as I still love him) or any other married or attached man. The first thing I do now when I see an attractive man is look at the third finger of their left hand. I know not ALL wear a ring but still, I am SO cautious it's unbelievable. Too much heartache for everyone. I will NEVER go there again in a million years. I would rather be single and lonely for the rest of my life. Mopar, things must be very hard for you. I think you're strong to take your H back when you don't trust him 100% - I know I couldn't if someone had done that to me. Then again, I am pretty cynical and have the attidude that EVERYONE is capable of cheating (that may just be because I have low morals LOL!) Now, you, PP, you sound like a woman with a plan. Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Of course the BS isn't a fool for forgiving. It's all about choices, when a BS discovers their spouse is cheating, they react first then they have to make a choice (yes, most often the ball is in their court because most WS don't want to leave, most are incredibly remorseful and praying that they will be forgiven). The BS has to make the best choice for them and their children. I don't think the interests of the WS are a consideration at this point (they weren't for me, he was last on my list). Over a woman who is completely insignificant and who, at the end of the day, provided my husband with a temporary ego boost and some attention (which quickly crossed the line from attention into much more for her, and freaked my husband out). so divorcing and finding someone new isn't the answer. and his many many other fantastic qualities as a husband and father make up for it. Oh no, I wasn't about to upend MY life and my CHILDREN's lives because my husband was stupid. THAT would have been foolish. Many, many many good points here I quoted from your statement. One of my things I looked at as well was "over a woman who is completely insignificant and who, at the end of the day, provided my H with an ego boost and some attention". I kinda ad libbed, but you get my main point. Very good! Thank you! Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Yes a BS is a fool for forgiving. How can you forgive a person that took your trust and ripped it to shreds. Cheating is 100% a dealbreaker to me. Everyone's opinion and situation is different. What's good for one may not be good for another. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 It was tongue in cheek, PP. Hey Ripples, I DID know that by the . My response was also! Sorry, when I said that I thought everyone was capable of cheating I still didn't mean 'once a cheat always I cheat'. I firmly believe that some people learn by their mistakes. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Now, you, PP, you sound like a woman with a plan. Hmmm, don't know abut that Shelly - in what way exactly? Stay single - possibly (as in not co-habiting/marrying). Can't imagine I will ever feel the same about anyone again (I never had in the previous 34 years before MM) but then again who knows? As far as any plan goes, yep, MM are definitely off the menu for good. Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Is this a real question? Of course there is no presumption that the BS is a fool (or the OW for that matter). What is foolish, imo, is when a person...any person...stops working on the relationship and is, instead, hanging onto hope or memories instead of substance. Actually, strike that, it is not even foolish then, only painful and just a dead end. Again, this is true for some BS and some OW. And some Hs and Ws not even in an affair, I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Yes a BS is a fool for forgiving. How can you forgive a person that took your trust and ripped it to shreds. Cheating is 100% a dealbreaker to me. Trust can be regained. But it has to be earned, not given. I think that is where some relationships go wrong and people get burnt again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author silktricks Posted June 15, 2007 Author Share Posted June 15, 2007 Trust can be regained. But it has to be earned, not given. I think that is where some relationships go wrong and people get burnt again. That is indeed the whole crux of the matter. If the WS is truly repentent, they will go to the extreme lengths required to work at regaining their SO's trust. :) Is this a real question? Of course there is no presumption that the BS is a fool (or the OW for that matter). It was a real question with a little tongue in cheek. There was this ridiculously long thread where it was being repeatedly endlessly that the BS was being foolish. Since it was so far off topic, I figured I'd create a special thread for the discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
shellys-trying Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Hmmm, don't know abut that Shelly - in what way exactly? Stay single - possibly (as in not co-habiting/marrying). Can't imagine I will ever feel the same about anyone again (I never had in the previous 34 years before MM) but then again who knows? As far as any plan goes, yep, MM are definitely off the menu for good. My comment meant you'd learned a lesson from dealing with MMs. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 My comment meant you'd learned a lesson from dealing with MMs. Without a doubt. Can't believe now that I could've been so stupid but, as they say, you live and learn! Link to post Share on other sites
Havn_a_life Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 No one is a fool if they forgive and welcome that person back in and they work out their problems. It seems like it has a good chance of being a win/win situation. But, only if both are willing to work hard at the reconsiling. Link to post Share on other sites
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