i need asisstance with a major decision

[confused2007]

Hello everyone,

 

So I've posted here last night with the thread "I need all the I can get." But I didn't really tell the full story of what went on. My recent ex (of 5 days) and I were together for about 2 years. In this story, she was my g/f and not my ex. We were very serious and planning on marriage.

 

She was the very "needy" type of person and needed me to reassure my love all the time. I wasn't always comfortable telling my feelings all the time but I did love her very much. She was also kind of a pushover. Never standing up for her self and never really having an opinion. About a month ago, I decided to tell her I needed a break to figure out myself. A week into it I really missed her and knew I wanted to get back with her so we did. I never went on any dates nor met any girls on the break. I was just trying to figure out if I was with the right girl or not.

 

Now last Friday, we got into an argument. The argument was about her getting waisted and staying over her g/f's house. I felt disrespected and told her it's not right when you're serious to just get waisted and pass out whereever you want. She has a problem drinking where after 1 drink, it follows with being waisted. So I didn't want to hang out with her that night and me and a buddy went out to have a couple drinks. I didn't call her all day until about 11:30 pm and she didn't answer the phone.

 

My buddy's g/f, whose a friend to my ex , told my buddy that my ex was staying over at her apt since she went out of town and he informed me of this. Because she (My ex) lives with her parents temporarily. She tried to get a hold of many of our friends to see if they wanted to hang out, but couldn't reach them. So she decided to call this guy she's known for 4 years (but I've never seen him or heard of him), but I did find out they have known each other for a long time and just lost contact.

 

So anyway, he picked her up where they met another one of her friends (A girl) at a bar. She ended up getting waisted. At 3:45 we went over to where she was staying. A guy was walking out when we were walking in so I pounded on the door and when she answered she was drunk and topless holding a shirt over her chest. I immediately left and found the guy down the street to confront him of what happened. He said if she wants to tell you what happened she can. So what other conclusion at this point can I draw besides cheating?

 

The next day, after a long night of us screaming on the phone, she explains that she threwup on her shirt and was about to take a shower and told the guy to leave which is why she was holding a shirt over her chest. I got the guy's # from her and called him where he confirmed this. I told him I had no beef with him I just wanted the truth so I can find out whether I'm with the right girl or not. He refused anything happened.

 

I talked to her a couple of times but just ending with an argument and her denying anything happening. Her best friend even told me I understand why you broke up with her, but she's telling me the same story. She also informed my (Because she knows how it feels to get hurt) that she "thinks" the guy and her had been intimate some time in the past. So I decided to bluff her. I told her the key to my heart is the truth and I already know what happened. I told her over and over I just want the truth. She got quiet and said well he initiated kissing me but nothing happened "down there." All my love for her channeled into anger and I called her a skank, slut, etc and hung up.

 

Just today she called all of our friends, who have called me also, and told them the only reason she said that she cheated was becasue she thought I would get back with her. She is still refusing that anything happened and she's extremely upset. She begs to get back with me and promises to make any sacrifices I want of her. Now my mind continues to spin and I have a whole lot of questions with no answers. Can anyone help push me in the right direction? I really wish things could be patched up, but i don't know if that's possible.

 

I am hurting like never before right now and I love her so much.

 

I'm very sorry for the length, I just didn't want to leave anything out this time.

[norajane]

I'm still not clear if he kissed her and then her top came off, or if she threw up.

 

I don't understand the "the only reason she said that she cheated was because she thought I would get back with her". You told her the truth 'was the key to your heart' so she lied about the cheating when she didn't cheat just so you'd believe her?

 

I don't know - this is all very confusing.

 

Have you had any reason to mistrust her in the past? Is this out of character for her? You know her best. If this is out of character, give her another chance - just one.

[confused2007]

I think she basically was trying to say her top came off and making out was involved, but I'm not too sure of all this myself.

 

She basically told people she admitted to cheating on me becasue that's what I wanted to hear to give her a second chance. I just don't understand why someone would admit to that if they didn't do it. Period!

 

I know she was unhappy in a past relationship where she cheated.

[mockeryjones]

She basically told people she admitted to cheating on me becasue that's what I wanted to hear to give her a second chance. I just don't understand why someone would admit to that if they didn't do it. Period!

 

becuase you told her that was what you wanted to hear. she probably thought 'ok if i plead to this then he will be ok with what he hears since he already believes it to be the truth and he just told me the truth is the key to his heart'. It seems to me you go caught in your own trap.

 

In either case you really need to figure out what you want from this. it's really a binary solution set, either you want to be with her and will suck up your doubt and move on from here, or you'll realize the doubt is something you cannot overcome in which case you should just end it before giving false hope to yourself and the chick which can only end up cuasing both of you more pain.

 

If you decide you want to be with her then you have to accept that you probably will never know exactly what happened that night. You'll probably need to reset some boundaries. If you can't accept that degree of uncertainty then maybe it for the best that you just cut off contact for awhile till you both can heal.

[bish]

So anyway, he picked her up where they met another one of her friends (A girl) at a bar. She ended up getting waisted. At 3:45 we went over to where she was staying. A guy was walking out when we were walking in so I pounded on the door and when she answered she was drunk and topless holding a shirt over her chest. I immediately left and found the guy down the street to confront him of what happened. He said if she wants to tell you what happened she can. So what other conclusion at this point can I draw besides cheating?

 

If nothing happened between them, it would make all too much sense for a decent guy to say, "nothing at all happened man, trust me, nothing happened".

But he didn't say that. He didn't want to be the one to tell you he f#cked your gf.

 

The next day, after a long night of us screaming on the phone, she explains that she threwup on her shirt and was about to take a shower and told the guy to leave which is why she was holding a shirt over her chest. I got the guy's # from her and called him where he confirmed this. I told him I had no beef with him I just wanted the truth so I can find out whether I'm with the right girl or not. He refused anything happened.

 

Ya, he could have told you that the night before when you confronted him if it was the truth. They are both feeding you a line of crap. Don't swallow it.

 

I talked to her a couple of times but just ending with an argument and her denying anything happening. Her best friend even told me I understand why you broke up with her, but she's telling me the same story. She also informed my (Because she knows how it feels to get hurt) that she "thinks" the guy and her had been intimate some time in the past. So I decided to bluff her. I told her the key to my heart is the truth and I already know what happened. I told her over and over I just want the truth. She got quiet and said well he initiated kissing me but nothing happened "down there." All my love for her channeled into anger and I called her a skank, slut, etc and hung up.

 

good for you, because that is what she is and you don't need a skank or slut in your life. Find someone worthy. Let the barwh0re gigilos have her.

 

Just today she called all of our friends, who have called me also, and told them the only reason she said that she cheated was becasue she thought I would get back with her.

 

Now that is just plain stupid. She must really think people are dumb enough to believe that one.

 

She is still refusing that anything happened and she's extremely upset. She begs to get back with me and promises to make any sacrifices I want of her.

 

Don't do it man. Leave her on the street where she belongs.

 

Now my mind continues to spin and I have a whole lot of questions with no answers. Can anyone help push me in the right direction? I really wish things could be patched up, but i don't know if that's possible.

 

Dude, you had ONE argument and she IMMEDIATELY goes out and gets another man. What do you think will happen when you two REALLY have an argument. She might decide to have a gangbang.

 

You cannot trust this little tramp and you never will. You know you won't deep down.

Think about it, if she goes out with friends to a bar without you, you really think you won't be somewhere else wondering who she is trying to pick up?

 

 

I am hurting like never before right now and I love her so much.

 

I know you are man. I feel for you. Been there, done that.

But how can you love someone that will seek another man just because you two had one little argument? Not only did she seek another man, but she boned him that very same night.

 

This is not a woman that deserves your love. This is a woman that needs to be dumped.

 

I know you think you love her dude. But if you stay with her, you will resent her from time to time and will always be wondering if she is screwing around when you are not there.

 

Best to just leave this little huss.

[Italiana]

It sounds like she is the one who is confused.

there is no way she told u she cheated and didn't just because you wanted to hear it. doesnt she know the reprocussions from that.. if she didnt cheat why would she want u to think she did... it just doesnt make sense.. shes trying to cover up.

 

you sound like such a good guy... give yourself some time and space away from her... i betha she'll be out in the bars trying to mask her anguish with liquor and any guy who'll give her attention

 

i dont think she realized what she had with you.. you deserve better.. she sounds immature like she doesn;t know what she wants.. most definatly not a mature relationship.

 

i know you love her and love is heart-breaking sometimes... but maybe there's someone out there who will love you better. and you will love just as well... there were two times in my life where i thought i would NEVER get over this guy...that i loved him so much and he was the one for me...but i moved on from that and so will you if this girl isn;t right for u.

 

always have faith that there is a plan... stay true to yourself and surround yourself with honest and nice people..

 

good luck:love:

[EDDO]

This is a similar situation to what I am going through as you can see in my first thread. Although there are a lot of differences, certain things are the same. Not knowing what really happened could very well drive you nuts but the truth is, you will never know 100%. You will either have to accept that anything could have, and some probably did happen, and move on. As long as she is really sincere and is now willing to give everything back into the relationship so you both can move on I think can happen at times or move on without her. Either way, accept to or it will tear you apart and your future relationship if you choose to go on with her. I have had a million thoughts myself about my own situation and come to the conclusion that in those very special situations, people shouldnt but can screw up ONCE and if that is the case, would you give up a possibility of years of happiness that you might have together if they were truely sorry and would never do anything of the sort again? Im not saying to stay with her or not but if you do, let her know that you will walk next time without a word and she needs to win you back. If she doesnt want to, they she never will. One last comment, it doesnt sound like that actually did it with him as her pants would have been off too.