How important is confidence and a good personality?

[Lady Aurora]

Guys who marry #1 and cheat with #2 are not the kind of guys #1 would marry anyway.

 

And if they were suckered into anyway unwittingly, they sure won't tolerate it!

[CaliGuy]

And if they were suckered into anyway unwittingly, they sure won't tolerate it!

 

Not if they are confident and self-assured, that is for sure.

[doiask42much]

Caliguy, you seem to have come with your mind made up on this topic and decisively so. You also seem to be only considering opinions that agree with your own. I know it's human nature to looking for evidence that supports our theories, but I can't help but wonder what the purpose of this thread is then, since it sounds to me like you already know everything on this subject.

 

It's great that you're so PC, assuming that you are genuine, and it'd be great if more guys were like the way you claim to be, but something about it doesn't smell quite right to me. I know you are trying to be life-affirming and positive but it almost smacks of smugness to me, as if you are more trying to convince yourself that these things are good to believe, maybe because a beautiful woman hurt you? I don't know.

 

Looks do matter, and more than people would like to admit. They're not everything but they're not NOTHING either, and some people are more susceptible to them than others. I do think what cutegirl says in this case has some basis about men being biologically hardwired to favor certain physical traits. And an attractive girl with a "bad personality" may not be a keeper, but she does generally reel guys in, and possibly quite effectively, depending on how long she manages to keep her flaws hidden.

 

I hope you don't take what I say personally, but I just think you're being a bit black-and-white on the matter and sound like you've been reading too many self-help books. Everything depends, and depends on numerous factors. I don't think it's as easy as #1 and #2. In a perfect world, maybe, but not in this one.

[doiask42much]

ack. to LOOK.

 

And how do we even define a keeper these days, with the rate of divorce being what it is? From many of the posts I've read on LS, quality, intelligent women get cheated on and/or dumped left and right. How would you explain that? I guess I feel like too much of the focus here has been on how men choose women and not vice versa.

 

People of either sex can be tricked into loving undeserving people, and many years can pass by before they realize their mistake.

[CaliGuy]

Caliguy, you seem to have come with your mind made up on this topic and decisively so. You also seem to be only considering opinions that agree with your own. I know it's human nature to looking for evidence that supports our theories, but I can't help but wonder what the purpose of this thread is then, since it sounds to me like you already know everything on this subject.

 

It's great that you're so PC, assuming that you are genuine, and it'd be great if more guys were like the way you claim to be, but something about it doesn't smell quite right to me. I know you are trying to be life-affirming and positive but it almost smacks of smugness to me, as if you are more trying to convince yourself that these things are good to believe, maybe because a beautiful woman hurt you? I don't know.

 

Looks do matter, and more than people would like to admit. They're not everything but they're not NOTHING either, and some people are more susceptible to them than others. I do think what cutegirl says in this case has some basis about men being biologically hardwired to favor certain physical traits. And an attractive girl with a "bad personality" may not be a keeper, but she does generally reel guys in, and possibly quite effectively, depending on how long she manages to keep her flaws hidden.

 

I hope you don't take what I say personally, but I just think you're being a bit black-and-white on the matter and sound like you've been reading too many self-help books. Everything depends, and depends on numerous factors. I don't think it's as easy as #1 and #2. In a perfect world, maybe, but not in this one.

 

Not taking it personally at all.

 

I would agree I have my mind made up. I guess seeing this in person with my own eyes (and this is not the first time) tended to sway my opinion.

 

Note that I never said looks do not matter. What I said was that confidence and self-assuredness matter more.

[doiask42much]

Glad you're not taking it personally.

 

I guess you just might be as sunny as you make yourself out to be!

 

I myself am probably girl #2, so maybe I am taking your remarks personally. I'm working on changing my personality though, and I think I'm making good progress so far.

 

Question: how does one BECOME confident if one hasn't been historically, mostly due to childhood/upbringing/parental relationships or lackthereof? I figure you know a thing or two from those books you've been reading.

[Lady Aurora]

Question: how does one BECOME confident if one hasn't been historically, mostly due to childhood/upbringing/parental relationships or lackthereof? I figure you know a thing or two from those books you've been reading.

 

First you have to forgive yourself. Then you learn to accept yourself. And finally you learn to love yourself.

[CaliGuy]

Glad you're not taking it personally.

 

I guess you just might be as sunny as you make yourself out to be!

 

I myself am probably girl #2, so maybe I am taking your remarks personally. I'm working on changing my personality though, and I think I'm making good progress so far.

 

Question: how does one BECOME confident if one hasn't been historically, mostly due to childhood/upbringing/parental relationships or lackthereof? I figure you know a thing or two from those books you've been reading.

 

You do it by seeking approval from within. Stop caring about what others think of you. What they say about you doesn't matter. The sooner you learn to accept that, the better off you are.

 

As soon as I stopped seeking approval from others and sought it within, my attitude and confidence leaped. The other thing that helped was learning to accept rejection. Yes, I said that.

 

The more you are rejected, the more you learn to let it slide off your back, the more confident you become. I tend to look at it as: "Every rejection is one less person I have to get to in order to find Ms. Right."

 

So much of confidence is centered around how YOU perceive yourself to be and not what others think. The sooner you come to love and accept yourself for who you are, the sooner others learn to love and accept YOU for who you are (and the sooner you can learn to love and accept others for who they are).

 

I've learned to stop judging others. And that was a gigantic leap forward. I don't compare myself to anyone anymore. I'm not in competition with other men. As Ben Franklin once said "A man who loves himself will have no rivals."

 

Learn to love and accept who you are (in other words, stop telling yourself negative things. Reinforce yourself instead of tearing yourself down. You are, after all, your own worst critic).

 

Cheers.

[doiask42much]

I guess I have read things like this before and understand the concepts behind them; I just don't know how to put them into action. Many years of being a certain way is a hard habit to break.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Caliguy, you seem to have come with your mind made up on this topic and decisively so. You also seem to be only considering opinions that agree with your own. I know it's human nature to looking for evidence that supports our theories, but I can't help but wonder what the purpose of this thread is then, since it sounds to me like you already know everything on this subject.

 

It's great that you're so PC, assuming that you are genuine, and it'd be great if more guys were like the way you claim to be, but something about it doesn't smell quite right to me. I know you are trying to be life-affirming and positive but it almost smacks of smugness to me, as if you are more trying to convince yourself that these things are good to believe, maybe because a beautiful woman hurt you? I don't know.

 

Looks do matter, and more than people would like to admit. They're not everything but they're not NOTHING either, and some people are more susceptible to them than others. I do think what cutegirl says in this case has some basis about men being biologically hardwired to favor certain physical traits. And an attractive girl with a "bad personality" may not be a keeper, but she does generally reel guys in, and possibly quite effectively, depending on how long she manages to keep her flaws hidden.

 

 

I just popped in to say that this is a really good post. Very well said, DoIask.

 

By the way - I'm looking for an acronym for your name - I'm not asking for too much there, am I?

 

Is DIA ok? I could say DIAFTM too, if you like.

[CaliGuy]

I guess I have read things like this before and understand the concepts behind them; I just don't know how to put them into action. Many years of being a certain way is a hard habit to break.

 

Find a role model. Someone who has the characteristics and traits you seek and model their behavior. Sooner or later you will pick up some of those qualities and it will translate easier.

 

Believe it or not, I have a male role model. Someone who has the traits I had been seeking for a long time. I studied his behavior and attutide and it's really paid off for my own well-being.

 

Now rejection does not phase me and I am more confident than I've ever been. And you know what, I like who I am and respect myself enough that if someone doesn't want to be with me, they can take a hike.

 

The right woman will come along one day and we'll BOTH be lucky to have found each other.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

In my last post - I wasn't referring to any of the comments DoIask made to Caliguy.

 

This always happens when someone posts within 5 seconds of you realizing that you need to re-state your post.

[doiask42much]

DIA works for me. I never really thought I'd be posting regularly to consider choosing a less clunky name!

 

CaliGuy, I like that role model idea. In fact, just reading the posts of several of the women on here, I wish I knew them IRL so they could be my role models. But for now, even just their words, thoughts, and how they relate to others are inspiring. That probably sounds way cheesy.

 

TBF, woo hoo! NICE ASS!

[drake111]

Looks do matter, and more than people would like to admit. They're not everything but they're not NOTHING either, and some people are more susceptible to them than others. I do think what cutegirl says in this case has some basis about men being biologically hardwired to favor certain physical traits. And an attractive girl with a "bad personality" may not be a keeper, but she does generally reel guys in, and possibly quite effectively, depending on how long she manages to keep her flaws hidden.

wow, so it looks like now youre all criticizing cali_guy for NOT basing things on looks? Do I have that right? and ttsp agrees wholeheartedly...too too funny if i have this right.

[drake111]

Looks do matter, and more than people would like to admit. They're not everything but they're not NOTHING either, and some people are more susceptible to them than others. I do think what cutegirl says in this case has some basis about men being biologically hardwired to favor certain physical traits. And an attractive girl with a "bad personality" may not be a keeper, but she does generally reel guys in, and possibly quite effectively, depending on how long she manages to keep her flaws hidden.

I said this EXACT same thing the other night and everyone disagreed and argued with me over it, including TTSP )

[drake111]

this guy is obviously trying to appear like hes this good guy that doesnt base everything on looks....is EVERYONE a liar here? Am i the only one who tells the truth here? Be honest.

[doiask42much]

More like, I'm not convinced that he truly thinks and acts upon what he's saying here. Everyone likes pretty things. They get your attention initially. Whether they hold it or not is another story. And I don't think things are as clear cut as the case studies he presented. And I don't think people necessarily see things as they are when blinded by infatuation.

 

As for TTSP, she's being nice to me because I whined the other day that everyone ignores me, so ease off her, buddy. She's my homegirl!

[CaliGuy]

LOL. What's funny about LS is people assume everyone is lying or they couldn't possibly think that way.

 

Meh. Suit yourself.

 

There are men out there who don't place all of their importance on looks. Women tend to put more emphasis on personality than looks. I personally have always put a premium on personality > looks.

 

Looks fade and you have to live with this person for the rest of your life. Where SHOULD the emphasis be? Think about it.

 

Cheers!

[Pyro]

LOL. What's funny about LS is people assume everyone is lying or they couldn't possibly think that way.

 

Meh. Suit yourself.

 

There are men out there who don't place all of their importance on looks. Women tend to put more emphasis on personality than looks. I personally have always put a premium on personality > looks.

 

Looks fade and you have to live with this person for the rest of your life. Where SHOULD the emphasis be? Think about it.

 

Cheers!

 

Well said.

 

This is sort of an extreme thought, but what if you wake up one day and you are blind? Now just how important will looks be to you? In the end, personality will always trump looks.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I said this EXACT same thing the other night and everyone disagreed and argued with me over it, including TTSP )

 

Same point, different viewpoints, Drake. If you know what I mean. Just think back on the way you've tried to make your point. That is what got your goat.

 

 

I applauded DIA's post because she made her point very well. (No, DIA, not to make you feel better). What she said, had not a sliver of bias, nor did it have a grandiose attitude.

 

I'm not going to discuss this any more with you, Drake. I'm done.

[drake111]

LOL. What's funny about LS is people assume everyone is lying or they couldn't possibly think that way.

 

Meh. Suit yourself.

 

There are men out there who don't place all of their importance on looks. Women tend to put more emphasis on personality than looks. I personally have always put a premium on personality > looks.

 

Looks fade and you have to live with this person for the rest of your life. Where SHOULD the emphasis be? Think about it.

 

Cheers!

girl b is probably tired of getting hit on and hassled by men, so she shuts down at work possibly..im sure if you got to know her shes got a great personality...girl a probably needs more attention than shes getting so she compensates by being friendly..id be much, much more interested in girl b myself.

[drake111]

Same point, different viewpoints, Drake. If you know what I mean. Just think back on the way you've tried to make your point. That is what got your goat.

 

 

I applauded DIA's post because she made her point very well. (No, DIA, not to make you feel better). What she said, had not a sliver of bias, nor did it have a grandiose attitude.

 

I'm not going to discuss this any more with you, Drake. I'm done.

bogus...shes criticizing him now like i was criticized...thats a totally biased view dia posted to criticize him for this false air he has of liking personality..what i said came from a place of truth, what this guy is saying is a complete fabricated lie to make himself look better or feel better about himself.

[drake111]

you forget also, that in that thread, i was the one placed on defensive by being attacked by others who misinterpreted what i said..they assumed all this stuff about wanting a photo for christ sake.

[drake111]

arguments are valid or invalid based on their own logic...you dont change your views because the mood is confrontational...by your logic, war is bad or good based on the mood of the debate..thats ridiculous..youd change your position on war for instance, if the tone of an anti-war debate got unfriendly..that is absurd.

[Pyro]

bogus...shes criticizing him now like i was criticized...thats a totally biased view dia posted to criticize him for this false air he has of liking personality..what i said came from a place of truth, what this guy is saying is a complete fabricated lie to make himself look better or feel better about himself.

 

Have you met Caliguy personally? If not then how do you know whether or not he is BSing or telling the truth? Just because he has a viewpoint that is different from yours, that automatically makes him a liar?