How important is confidence and a good personality?

[drake111]

Have you met Caliguy personally?

you dont have to meet someone personally to deduce that theyre lying in an online forum..it might be helpful evidence but its not necessaryy.

If not then how do you know whether or not he is BSing or telling the truth? Just because he has a viewpoint that is different from yours, that automatically makes him a liar?

I can deduce that from his tone, the way he makes a point of saying it and a whole thread about it, etc...there is ample evidence from his posts which would indicate hes trying to appear "good" about the situation, as if hes a good guy for liking personality and not looks. Its almost as if he came here to tell everyone what a great guy he is for liking personality and not looks.

[Pyro]

you dont have to meet someone personally to deduce that theyre lying in an online forum..

 

I can deduce that from his tone, the way he makes a point of saying it and a whole thread about it, etc...there is ample evidence from his posts which would indicate hes trying to appear "good" about the situation, as if hes a good guy for liking personality and not looks. Its almost as if he came here to tell everyone what a great guy he is for liking personality and not looks.

 

For some people it is pretty easy to tell if they are BSing..................

 

Care to back up your claim? Lets see some examples of the OP being a liar.

[drake111]

Its not a claim you can substantiate i admit. Ill have to admit theres not much evidence to indicate hes a liar. I retract the claim then. It does seem tho hes trying too hard to appear like hes this good guy that loves personality or something but it's just speculation.

[doiask42much]

CaliGuy, I guess I'm speaking not of where the emphasis SHOULD be (we all know the answer to that) but where it does lie for most people, especially men.

 

Drake, I'm not meaning to suggest CG is a liar; he just seems SO sure that in every case he'd be able to tell what's what and who's who, but women can be pretty facile at deceiving people. He just seems a bit too "I've got everything figured out and the rest of you aren't enlightened yet" for me. I'm sure he's closer to it than I, I just don't feel like everyone has all the answers all the time. Sure, I understand it's more productive to see the world through rose-colored glasses, but I don't think that should mean totally glossing over reality either, which I feel he is choosing to do where this subject is concerned.

 

Riddler, I am sure people's priorities change as they get older and you may just be right that in the end, personality is far more important. Not all of us are there yet, however. Most of CG's peer group probably isn't there yet.

 

TTSP, thanks for the vote of confidence. Now I need to backread to see what all the fuss was about between you and Drake.

[dropdeadlegs]

CaliGuy I have long felt that we are of the same mind. YES, personality reigns above looks. Sure, both are important in a way, but personality has more importance.

 

You're a good looking guy. I was told just last weekend that I haven't lost my looks, at age 42. Lost them? I wasn't aware that I ever HAD them!

 

Still, I grew into my looks near age 40. Nobody saw me as "pretty" in my teens and 20's.

 

I remember in 8th grade science class I sat at a table with Patty Muraski, a truly beautiful girl. In front of my table sat Tim Stallings, a hot guy. One day when Patty wasn't in class, Tim told me that Patty was the kind of girl you date, but I was the kind of girl you marry.

 

I never forgot that compliment and it gave me a certain confidence, even years later.

 

I wasn't naturally beautiful, but he made me FEEL beautiful. Over time I learned how to compliment my appearance.

 

That compliment somehow made me confident and no matter what my weight, or the fact that I wore glasses for many years, helped my confidence. My confidence did me well.

 

I THOUGHT that I was "the $hit" and in many ways I was.

 

My vote goes for confidence over looks, and with confidence looks will come.

[doiask42much]

Drake, I get the same feeling. I guess I thought people came to ask questions and solicit different opinions, but the vibe I got here was that CG came in with the answer already, agreed heartily with those who agreed with him, and not with those who didn't. So the only remaining agenda for his post seems to be to promote himself as having better values than most people. It could well be true. I just don't think he should be tooting his own horn quite so loudly.

[drake111]

 

Drake, I'm not meaning to suggest CG is a liar; he just seems SO sure that in every case he'd be able to tell what's what and who's who, but women can be pretty facile at deceiving people. He just seems a bit too "I've got everything figured out and the rest of you aren't enlightened yet" for me. I'm sure he's closer to it than I, I just don't feel like everyone has all the answers all the time. Sure, I understand it's more productive to see the world through rose-colored glasses, but I don't think that should mean totally glossing over reality either, which I feel he is choosing to do where this subject is concerned.

Right...i see where youre coming from..i just saw it as some way to make a point that hes not shallow..maybe he needs to portray that hes not shallow...it seems like he doesnt respect the less attractive girl, he feels ashamed of that, and now hes in here trying to make himself feel better by saying looks dont matter and that he likes her.

 

 

 

TTSP, thanks for the vote of confidence. Now I need to backread to see what all the fuss was about between you and Drake.

Actually, i dont think ttsp and i had much of a problem..nothing she said to me was offensive to me i dont think...that whole thing was a big misunderstanding...I said some controversial things that people misunderstood and I got attacked for it.

[doiask42much]

Oh, is the debate between drake and TTSP on the infamous oavada post?

[drake111]

Drake, I get the same feeling. I guess I thought people came to ask questions and solicit different opinions, but the vibe I got here was that CG came in with the answer already, agreed heartily with those who agreed with him, and not with those who didn't. So the only remaining agenda for his post seems to be to promote himself as having better values than most people. It could well be true. I just don't think he should be tooting his own horn quite so loudly.

precisely...you nailed it...thats exactly what i saw too.

[doiask42much]

I guess for me, personality isn't just about confidence; there needs to be humility as well. Maybe it's my cultural upbringing but I almost value it more than confidence. Then of course there's wit. I've met plenty of confident people who were lacking in humor, a bit too intense. If anything, I guess I like self-effacing humor so I don't find many confident people funny?

[drake111]

Oh, is the debate between drake and TTSP on the infamous oavada post?

im oavada...i had to use this id because they very cowardly prevented me from posting.

[dropdeadlegs]

doiask42much and drake111:

 

Have either of you actually researched any of CaliGuys others posts?

 

Just curious.

 

You might be surprised at how consistent he is.

[drake111]

doiask42much and drake111:

 

Have either of you actually researched any of CaliGuys others posts?

 

Just curious.

 

You might be surprised at how consistent he is.

If he likes ugly women with good personalities, fine..hes a great guy! Lets give him a medal for it and pat him on the back and say what a great guy he is..

 

I think its totally disrespectful to this ugly chick what hes doing in here...using her as a tool to make himself feel like some sort of morally righteous guy..what an *******! If looks arent all that important to him, why the hell is he making threads specifically pointing out that the girl he likes is ugly? It's ridiculous.

[drake111]

Thats what i do..i get on a forum and say what a great guy i am because im deep enough to look past someones looks...then maybe all the other girls will gather around me and think im some really nice guy...what a jerk

[doiask42much]

DDL, no, I haven't read his other posts, I don't think, other than SoCal meetup.

 

He may hold these values and practice them, I'm not saying he doesn't, he just seems a bit too superhuman in that he gives this vibe like he's never sucked in by something that lacks substance or isn't what it seems, like he's correct in judging people always, never makes mistakes, and is always in control.

 

My main point was, what is the point of this thread? As far as I can tell it's for CG to tell us (loudly) that he's a good guy for having good values and for us to applaud him for his wisdom.

 

The thing is, I agree with his message, for the most part. The delivery is just a bit too, what, self-helpy and self-congratulatory for me. Have you guys ever heard of The Secret? He reminds me of motivational programs/speakers like those. There are definitely a lot of people who like that stuff; it just isn't my cup of tea. I guess I find people more credible when they consider POVs different from their own and don't claim to know everything. I feel like CG feels like he knows everything and is trying to reprogram us. I fully expect he'll have written a book in a year or two!

 

I concede I did ask him for advice and that I did like his suggestion, even if the wording was somewhat overbearing. I guess that is what troubles me, his tone (and possible agenda), not what he's saying.

[Trialbyfire]

doiask42much and drake111:

 

Have either of you actually researched any of CaliGuys others posts?

 

Just curious.

 

You might be surprised at how consistent he is.

No kidding ddl. Caliguy is one of the most consistent guys on LS about where he stands. This is strange that other members are denigrating his ability to stick to his philosophies in life. He has yet to prove otherwise.

[doiask42much]

I shall try to look up his other posts later, I guess.

 

I think what I meant was that while you may believe in something quite strongly, it may not always be possible to adhere to it, due to circumstance, lack of omniscience or whatever.

 

I don't doubt he is consistent. Even in this thread I've seen him repeat some of the same language, which I assume came from something he read. Most of the things he says sound very familiar. Not that they are without merit, mind you. It's the smugness I find troubling. Or maybe that is just me misunderstanding his tone. It is a fine line between confident and arrogant/smug and being online blurs it further.

 

TBF, where'd your ass go? I thought it quite lovely.

[drake111]

Holding consistent views doesnt make them right or more authentic. I can hold the view that the sky is green consistently for years it doesnt make it true. Hitler's views were consistent over the years. Does that make them true?

[drake111]

and noone is "denigrating his ability to stick to his philosophies in life"...lol....strawman fallacy lol

[drake111]

who, lol, pray tell, is "denigrating his ability to stick to his philosophies in life"? lol

[doiask42much]

Just had a far out (maybe not) thought:

 

What if, during your peak reproduction years (your youth), looks matter because you're biologically programmed to be having babies? But then as you age and are no longer fertile (or in the case of men, less fertile), looks matter less, or perhaps not at all, because they are no longer driving any biological function?

 

Make sense, sort of, no? Just a thought.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I'm pasting a link to what I said earlier:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=122080&page=5

 

Refer the second post on the page, where I said that I wasn't referring to DIA's comments to Caliguy.

 

I liked the one paragraph about "looks garnering attention, and sometimes (unfortunately) taking precedence over a person's real nature", that DIA wrote. I agree with that point - it rings true, to me.

 

Secondly, I don't think DIA was having a huge argument with Caliguy, they both had a difference of opinion, debated it, and were accomodating of each other's point of view.

 

So I think that focusing on Caliguy as an individual is a bit far-fetched. Starting the thread was entirely his decision, and he has every right to start it. In return, he's presented his viewpoints well and handled criticism appropriately. And that's what matters.

[doiask42much]

Well it seems like CG is a standup guy and I apologize for questioning his motives. I guess his point in starting this thread was to spread his positive message.

 

I just feel it discounts mother nature almost entirely. People aren't attracted to good looks just because; they are outward signs of (presumed) fecundity, and we are all still animals and are here to continue the species, even if we don't want to as individuals. Genetics do factor into destiny, even where things like cancer and diabetes are concerned, possibly even sexual orientation and musical/artistic talent.

 

It's true that positive thinking/confidence will get you further than focusing on what you don't have. I don't think anyone can really argue with the core of CG's message. It just doesn't seem as absolute to me as it does to him.

[doiask42much]

I guess a more apt title for the thread might be:

 

Looks DON't matter more than confidence.

[CaliGuy]

CaliGuy, I guess I'm speaking not of where the emphasis SHOULD be (we all know the answer to that) but where it does lie for most people, especially men.

 

The problem is, then, that we do not pay heed to red flags. We often make irrational decisions when it comes to dating. The proof is in in the many broken hearts you see on LS. I am a perfect example. But I will say that once confidence and self-respect are learned, you can and will pay more attention to those red flags and better avoid those who are not good for you.

 

Drake, I'm not meaning to suggest CG is a liar; he just seems SO sure that in every case he'd be able to tell what's what and who's who, but women can be pretty facile at deceiving people. He just seems a bit too "I've got everything figured out and the rest of you aren't enlightened yet" for me. I'm sure he's closer to it than I, I just don't feel like everyone has all the answers all the time. Sure, I understand it's more productive to see the world through rose-colored glasses, but I don't think that should mean totally glossing over reality either, which I feel he is choosing to do where this subject is concerned.

 

Whether someone believes me or not is of no concern to me. The point of this thread is what I have seen with my own eyes and learned through my own experiences. I am not saying everyone's situation is like this. What I am saying is those who focus more on confidence and self-respect will often find they are more attractive to the opposite sex.

 

And I'm not sure where the insinuation is that I have all the answers. I have never once made that claim.

 

Riddler, I am sure people's priorities change as they get older and you may just be right that in the end, personality is far more important. Not all of us are there yet, however. Most of CG's peer group probably isn't there yet.

 

Lots of "probably's and maybe's" in this thread