I had a breakthrough at therapy tonight

[Woggle]

As you all know I have been seeing a therapist to deal with my misogyny and other issues but it was not going very well. My therapy sessions usually me ranting about gender issues and her listening so needless to say it has not been fun and I am sure she gets tired of hearing me rant and rave about her gender but she does listen. Tonight I was talking about men in abusive relationships and she was agreeing with me that there are not enough resources to help and that there is still a long ways to go in treating abuse equally. I could tell she was sincere and for the first time in therapy I really felt like I could open up to her. I am trying to work on standing up for myself and expressing what bothers me about certain things without bashing women. I am going to try and let go of this hate but still keep the spine that I grew as a result of it. It won't be easy but I feel I will be a better person if I succeed. This is the first night I actually came out of therapy feeling better.

[Great Gazoo]

Hey thats good news, sounds reasonable to me, we are who we are. There is nothing wrong with keeping your spine. No one should get walked on as long as it doesn't cause you to bash the other gender, being a equal is what counts, it sounds like you made some progress, congrads.

[hotgurl]

good for you! Have you talked to your therapist about how you can start letting go of the hate but still "have a spine"

 

I am sure she can help you with that.

[johan]

I think it's great you're seeing someone to help you deal with this stuff, Woggle. Sometimes all it does take is someone who knows how to listen. I'd just encourage you to try to really work things out instead of ranting the same old rants to her. You know how to do that and you know it isn't even therapeutic. I don't know how long you've been going to this person, but I think she should be pushing you a little harder after not too much of it. On the other hand, it's a woman, and she probably knows she's just as likely to push you away as she is to actually engage you.

[quankanne]

It won't be easy but I feel I will be a better person if I succeed.

 

this is wonderful news, Wog – just remember, a huge bulk of success comes from acknowledging the problem/situation/etc, and the rest is about finding a way to conquer it. And I know you will!

[Trialbyfire]

Trust is a difficult barrier to leap once traumatic negative experiences have triggered the self-protection mechanisms. Good luck woggle.

[IpAncA]

That's great. Glad you feel like your getting something out of it.

[JackJack]

Thats great Woggle, glad to hear.

[polywog]

Trust is a difficult barrier to leap once traumatic negative experiences have triggered the self-protection mechanisms. Good luck woggle.

 

TBF has put it perfectly (as usual:)).

 

Good for you, Woggle. As a veteran of therapy, I know how great that is. Good luck.

[whichwayisup]

Woggle, that's great! Trust is really important when in therapy...Once you trust your T it IS easier to open up and just vent away.

 

What helped me (I'm sure she has suggested this to you too) when I was in therapy is keeping a daily journal of my thoughts and feelings. Everyday I would take time and write. I would email it off to my T and then during our next session we would talk about some of the things I spoke about. By doing this, it will open up MORE time during your sessions to talk about you, the issues at hand and together you two can work through them.

 

Hope this helps!

[whichwayisup]

Doglover, you need to know Woggle's past posts, you haven't been here long enough.

 

He WAS abused by his mother, he was also abused by his crazy ex-wife (not the one obviously who he is married to now) who is in jail for things she did. Go back and read some of this past threads about his life.

[Woggle]

Well I don't agree with everything Woggle says but some times he does have a point.

 

I had a friend you was assaulted a few years back by his girlfriend, she had a temper and he knew it and had enough of her. So he planned to just skip the big fight and just move out one day when she was not home. Well she comes home early catches him trying to move out and she flips, starts beating him up, pulling his hair out, throwing stuff at him and even hitting him with a pan. So he grabs the phone calls the cops and they come and guess what, they drag him to the police station and spend 2 hours questioning him when he was the one who phoned and I know this guy, he would not hurt a fly.

 

So if I am going to tell Woggle he has to look at both genders equally then I expect that the system treats both genders equally which sometimes they don't and I think that is what he is trying to say.

 

This happens more than people would like to admit. I see women in public demeaning their men and screaming at them when I know that if a man did that in return it would be called verbal abuse. It this stuff that infuriates me so much and when I talk about it the bitterness just comes pouring out. Once I get on a roll it is hard for me to stop but I realize that even though I make good points the way I say it tends to turn people off. In no way do all women do this or believe in it but these issues are very real.

[alphamale]

yes, women do take more physical abuse than men. but for ever woman who is physically abused by men there are ten times as many men who are emotionally abused by women.

 

one could make the case that emotional abuse is worse than physcial abuse. A black eye or broken arm eventually heals whereas emotional or psychological abuse may never heal.

[Pyro]

yes, women do take more physical abuse than men. but for ever woman who is physically abused by men there are ten times as many men who are emotionally abused by women.

one could make the case that emotional abuse is worse than physcial abuse. A black eye or broken arm eventually heals whereas emotional or psychological abuse may never heal.

 

I'd like to see some stats on that one because I find that hard to believe. Sure some women are emotionally abusive, but so are guys.

[Miss_Bee]

one could make the case that emotional abuse is worse than physcial abuse. A black eye or broken arm eventually heals whereas emotional or psychological abuse may never heal.

 

You are right when you say that emotional abuse is worse that physical abuse. I've been through both. It's those words that run over and over in your head. Not the black eyes and goose bumps.

[Woggle]

Emotional abuse is much worse. The things my mother said to me cut me to the core even today but I don't even remember most of her beatings.

[Miss_Bee]

Emotional abuse is much worse. The things my mother said to me cut me to the core even today but I don't even remember most of her beatings.

 

It's great that you are feeling better about your therapy Woggle, your taking baby steps and that's really good news for you.

 

I can sympathize with you about the emotional abuse. It seems since I broke up with my bf on Wednesday, those words won't leave me. It's going to be a long road . The words keep running through my mind over and over again. He only beat me once, last year. I don't think about that really at all. There's been other forms of physical abuse like confinement, but i seem to think of that as emotional more than physical, because of the way it made me feel. It made me feel trapped and powerless.

 

Keep up with the therapy Woggle, you are doing good.

[whichwayisup]

Emotional abuse is much worse. The things my mother said to me cut me to the core even today but I don't even remember most of her beatings.

 

I agree and the fact that your own mother did this to you PISSES ME OFF as she robbed you of your childhood, your healthy teen years. She made you have doubts, made you feel bad, has given you insecurities and made you look at most women as evil and bad. That was wrong of her, and it sucks that she was a crappy mother, you deserved better and she didn't give that to you.

 

All I can say is, try your best not to let her influence who you are NOW. The past is a painful past (your T will help) and the skills you'll learn to keep those negative feelings under control and not affect you now will make your life better.

You may have triggers and low points, but just know when they come you won't be down for long.

 

Focus on your wife, the good things in life, your friends, your job, co-workers and stop to smell the roses....Seriously, the tiniest little thing can brighten your day if you recognize it. Whether it be a great cup of coffee, the smell fresh cut grass, a bird singing in the tree (Yeah, I know this all sounds real gay) but trust me, those little things make a difference!

[alphamale]

Emotional abuse is much worse.

If we're going to agree that emotional abuse is worse than physical abuse then its women that are doing the majority of abuse worldwide.

[Pyro]

Well since women are generally better with their emotions than men are I would think it's easier for them to render emotional abuse. Men got the physicial strength and women got the emotional strength...so they are on somewhat equal footing.

 

It doesn't take much to emotionally abuse someone. Talking to them in a demeaning manner, treating them like they are below you are two forms of emotional abuse. I think that just about anyone is capable of doing just that.

[lonelybird]

I've heard a man talked about his painful grow-up, and he wrote a book my life without God? something like that.

http://gallery.bcentral.com/GID4906989P3793886-Books/My-Life-Without-God.aspx

 

When he was a child, he has no father. but he has a very controlling mother who wants to control EVERYTHING, terrible! and wants everyone to worship her!! but somehow he has a close relationship with God, he said that "although there wasn't a father figure to teach him the male role, but God taught him". He has a successful life now. but his younger brother is totally under his mother's control, and has a miserable life.

 

That book may help?

[Citizen Erased]

 

one could make the case that emotional abuse is worse than physcial abuse. A black eye or broken arm eventually heals whereas emotional or psychological abuse may never heal.

 

Physical abuse is also emotional abuse. Do you think the people who get the broken arm or black eye just get over the fact the person they love above all others hits them? I would think not.

 

Anyway Woggle I am glad you are continuing with therapy, it says alot about the type of person you are that you can accept you have faults, and you try to fix them.

[norajane]

Physical abuse is also emotional abuse. Do you think the people who get the broken arm or black eye just get over the fact the person they love above all others hits them? I would think not.

 

And those physically abusive people are usually yelling, "you damn bitch, you f*cked up my life!" or similar crap as they are punching. Living in fear of an abuser's anger and when they might next strike is also emotional abuse.

[squeak]

You are paying your therapist so don't worry about ranting and raving, it takes awhile to get anywhere.

 

The situations you see a woman berating a man, in all fairness, you don't know what preceded it , it doesn't mean all women do that for fun.

 

One thing that may help is ( if your therapist can do this) is to offer different viewpoints for any situation you bring up-- because you see things through a filter that is very personal to you, and it has influenced your interpretation of all situations.

 

It doesn't mean it is THE TRUTH, only your truth, based on how you have been shaped to see and interpret events...have you ever tried DBT?

 

Dialectical Behavior theory (I don't think I'm spelling it right), it is a process where you are given differnt ways of responding to different scenarios, to open your mind to other options that are not fixated on the negative feedback about women loop.