He contacted me (follow up to Enough!)

[McFadden]

^^^Not at LS. At the fact that I keep following all of your advice here, and people still think I'm doing something wrong. I think it has been pretty hard of me to not reply one time to the person I love for 6 months when he's been trying to contact me on and off the whole time.

 

Anyway I know his patterns, I have seen every relationship he has had for the last several years. What is happening now is he is starting to get tired of the girlfriend because the newness has worn off and he's starting to reach out for other people. He can't ever be single, he has to swing from relationship to relationship. And if he is contacting me I feel like I could have a chance of him dating me again.

[burning 4 revenge]

If all of you guys on LS don't want me in contact with my ex well I guess I will go shag that 14 year old boy that I posted about in another thread. LS can't veto everything for me.

Does your ex know you're a child molester?

[alasia]

I see your point McFadden and I do understand your frustration - if you want to contact him so badly, then do it. Just prepare yourself for the possiblity of being hurt again when things don't go as planned; I hope things do work out, I really do - but if you look on the negtive side, you can only be positively surprised, can't you

 

BUT - you said you know what he's like, he gets bored with the 'newness' of girlfriends eventually and starts to look elsewhere and he can't be single, so he switches from one relationship to another.

So why would you want to be with him?! Do you think that somehow he won't get bored of you again eventually (if you did get back together) and you won't end up even more hurt than before?

 

And trust me I'm not telling you you're 'wrong' as such, or trying to be nasty - I know what it's like to love someone who could only ever hurt you. And I also know how tough it is when you come on a forum like this, and people that don't know the situation sit preaching to you. Taking this kind of advice is easier said than done sometimes.

[McFadden]

Does your ex know you're a child molester?

 

Yeah.. in fact I think at one point over the course of the relationship he was 17 and I was 18, molestation in action. At least he doesn't know my whole homosexual history.

[dr strangelove]

Hey mcfadden

 

are you male or female?

 

In any case...

 

At some point, you have to make up your own mind about your course of action.

If you wish to talk to your ex.. you should do so. It matters little that he has a girlfriend.

 

I kinda thought you had talked to him already

[McFadden]

Hey mcfadden

 

are you male or female?

 

In any case...

 

At some point, you have to make up your own mind about your course of action.

If you wish to talk to your ex.. you should do so. It matters little that he has a girlfriend.

 

I kinda thought you had talked to him already

 

 

I'm a girl, I am also not a molester. That is something from another thread that got blown out of proportion.

 

I was planning how to approach contacting my ex, and then he started contacting me. Call it intuition or whatever.

[McFadden]

Anyway I know no one else wants to hear about this but I still would like to say what he just did yesterday.

 

As I said at the beginning of the thread, ex contacted me a couple days ago and said he wanted to talk. I have been wanting to talk to him, but I ignored it per the advice of LS because he has a girlfriend.

 

I was at my boyfriend's house yesterday (just an expendable one) and I have AIM there because I am there a lot. I was swimming in the pool with my boyfriend's room mate and thier dog. I had AIM running in case anyone messaged me, and my boyfriend was on the computer watching 300 with his other room mate because he downloaded it from this site where he downloads movies. Then my ex sent a message saying "Hey." My boyfriend replied and said that it wasn't me and asked who it was. My ex said "this is Jeff," but it happens one of my other exes who I'm on good terms with and talk to is named Jeff also, and my boyfriend knows that one.

 

So my boyfriend assumed that it was that Jeff (we call them GJ for the Good Jeff, and BJ for Bad Jeff) so he was like "hey, what's up GJ?" Then my ex was like "What? This is Jeff [Last Name], I don't know who the hell you are and blah blah blah..I have to talk to McFadden can you get her?" So at that point my boyfriend told him very clearly that he was not going to get me because I don't want to talk to him, I already have a boyfriend and not to message again. My ex said "this is none of your business, just go get her." My boyfriend said that its not his fault I dont want to talk to my ex, and even if he got me, I wouldn't talk, so there was no point and goodbye. So my ex said "fine I won't bother you all again, have a nice life," and blocked my sn.

 

When I heard about that conversation I was kind of annoyed and I told my boyfriend not to answer my messages and just to get me next time. I figured things were finished off with my ex.

 

Then last night, I was on AIM again and my ex unblocked me and said "Hey." I ignored it again. Then after a few minutes he repeated "Hey I have to talk to you." I didn't reply. He messaged again and said "Fine" then he put up an away message that said "MY NEW GIRLFRIEND IS THE GREATEST PERSON EVER! YAY, I'M SO HAPPY I FOUND HER! GOOD NIGHT! " Or something like that. I could tell he only wrote it so I would see it. Obviously he's not happy, if he's trying to contact his ex all the time. He is starting to make me wonder if he even has a girlfriend or if its a lie to try to get me to talk.

 

Part of me was so angry and hurt. But on the other hand I knew that he did it just to try to get a response from me and it didn't work, so he is probably seething now since I ignored it, and that feels good.

 

Well he left that message up for a few minutes, and blocked me again. It makes no sense. I ignored him, and he kept bothering me and trying to taunt me, so he had to block me. I can tell that he is furious for one reason or another, even though he has no right to be. If anyone remembers my posts from several months ago, last time he wanted to talk and I would not answer the phone, he showed up at my house and climbed a tree into my window, and my mom called the police. Then I wrote him a letter saying that I was going to get a restraining order against him if he came to my house. It has been NC since then.

 

And now he starts up out of nowhere and I still don't know what he wants. I don't agree with the LS theory that he is talking to me because he wants to have a steady supply of sex or something. It has been 5 months since I talked to him and he thinks I hate him. I think now he is just keeping it up because he feels defied by me not talking to him and wants to make my life hell.

[alasia]

I'm going to be annoying and reply again...sorry.

 

I think now he is just keeping it up because he feels defied by me not talking to him and wants to make my life hell.

 

I agree. Or it's something along those lines, anyway.

Not meaning to be nasty here, but could he just be a controlling type of person? One of those guys (like my ex) that likes to be the one in control, decided when and where to contact people and expecting them to follow?

 

Because as I say, my ex is like that. He used to constantly tell me to leave him alone then as soon as I did or he saw me with someone else, he'd suddenly get really moody and start making silly comments like he's seeing someone, got a date at the weekend; whatever.

 

Some people just don't like to be ignored, and I bet your ex is one of them.

[dr strangelove]

I took the liberty of skimming your other threads, you are quite the character.

And your adventures/misadventures make for a good read especially with your commentary.

 

I suspect you will have more male trauma in the future with other guys. Perhaps you will get bored of your ex, and could see you as a female (im guessing your a scorpio) who needs probably some guy who woudl keep you entertained. I see you ending up with a loner/weird/eccentric type... ya I think im right on this.

 

Anyways keep up the good work its very entertaining. I especially like it when you talk about taboo subjects.. The more popular members of this forum are not very open minded and their reactions are typical "christian american".

 

Your stories are classic

 

um I can always give you advice if you need but ..do you really need it?

[McFadden]

I agree. Or it's something along those lines, anyway.

Not meaning to be nasty here, but could he just be a controlling type of person? One of those guys (like my ex) that likes to be the one in control, decided when and where to contact people and expecting them to follow?

 

Because as I say, my ex is like that. He used to constantly tell me to leave him alone then as soon as I did or he saw me with someone else, he'd suddenly get really moody and start making silly comments like he's seeing someone, got a date at the weekend; whatever.

 

Some people just don't like to be ignored, and I bet your ex is one of them.

 

Its true. The fact that I didn't want to stay in contact with him has been a thorn in his side for months and now that he heard about me dating someone he is seething. He acts like I did something against him, when he is the one who broke up with me and has a girlfriend. I am just waiting to see him outside my window again or something. Once he feels like he has been spited, he stops at nothing to harrass what he perceives to be the offending party.

 

I have no plan for what to do if he shows up. Last time we just threatened him and called the police, but that just resulted in less contact from him for a while, until things blew up again. And I was pining away for him hoping he would contact me the entire time. I don't want a repeat of the whole cycle. On the other hand if I agree to talk to him its putting the ball back in his court.

[dr strangelove]

somehow its still interesting.. hmm

 

listen hun

 

You remind me of my ex sorta

 

Eventually you will have to talk to him, why?

 

Because you will either give up and call him

 

or

 

he will show up somewhere you are

 

personally id like to see what happens if you guys talk

 

But I guess you would rather talk about it then actually do it. Shame I thought better of you

 

Please dont become one of those wanks that is like

 

"And then I said to the guy blah blah blah and stuff it up your bum"

and then your friends are like

 

"did you really?"

 

"no but I thought about it"

 

Oh well what do I know

[McFadden]

I took the liberty of skimming your other threads, you are quite the character.

And your adventures/misadventures make for a good read especially with your commentary.

 

I suspect you will have more male trauma in the future with other guys. Perhaps you will get bored of your ex, and could see you as a female (im guessing your a scorpio) who needs probably some guy who woudl keep you entertained. I see you ending up with a loner/weird/eccentric type... ya I think im right on this.

 

Anyways keep up the good work its very entertaining. I especially like it when you talk about taboo subjects.. The more popular members of this forum are not very open minded and their reactions are typical "christian american".

 

Your stories are classic

 

um I can always give you advice if you need but ..do you really need it?

 

 

I'm a saggitarius, but besides that youre right, I have a lot of adventures and most of the people I hang out with are eccentric.

 

I feel bad about the thread with the young boys actually because I was never planning on doing something illegal, but the way I phrase things got more of a rise than I meant to. This comes from the fact that the people I talk to every day are really sarcastic and eccentric, and taboo subjects are always joked about. So I forget where the majority of people draw the line, if that makes sense. I should apologize in the other thread.

[the_otherhalf]

I think I am in a similar situation to you, only mine has been a little shorter lived. My ex (I still type boyfriend first, then have to erase it, how stupid of me) and I broke up about 3-4 months ago after a 4 year relationship. I initiated NC and he broke it, just to check in with me and see how things are going. That was two weeks ago, so now it's NC again. Maybe in five months something will happen?

 

I'm following your story to see how mine will play out.

[McFadden]

somehow its still interesting.. hmm

 

listen hun

 

You remind me of my ex sorta

 

Eventually you will have to talk to him, why?

 

Because you will either give up and call him

 

or

 

he will show up somewhere you are

 

personally id like to see what happens if you guys talk

 

But I guess you would rather talk about it then actually do it. Shame I thought better of you

 

Please dont become one of those wanks that is like

 

"And then I said to the guy blah blah blah and stuff it up your bum"

and then your friends are like

 

"did you really?"

 

"no but I thought about it"

 

Oh well what do I know

 

Here is why I haven't talked: I love my ex, I want a second chance at some point more than anything. I want to plan what to say in a way that will minimize my chance of blowing things if there's anything to blow. I don't know what approach to take and what to say. I plan things, but then he contacts me and I freeze and just ignore it.

 

Ex is extremely hard to deal with. He is diagnosed narcissistic and schizotypal. On top of it I think he has other issues and for some reason he thinks that I did something to spite him and he has to get revenge, even though I never did anything to him. I don't even know if his whole girlfriend thing is for real or if he is just to p*ss me off. I think he only cares about talking to me now that I'm ignoring him but once he gets my attention he will get bored again. Its almost better to have him trying to contact me, than to put the ball back in his court and have him start ignoring me, having gotten the last word.

[McFadden]

I think I am in a similar situation to you, only mine has been a little shorter lived. My ex (I still type boyfriend first, then have to erase it, how stupid of me) and I broke up about 3-4 months ago after a 4 year relationship. I initiated NC and he broke it, just to check in with me and see how things are going. That was two weeks ago, so now it's NC again. Maybe in five months something will happen?

 

I'm following your story to see how mine will play out.

 

 

I would not count on it since I am guessing your ex is at least a somewhat sane and lucid individual. Besides, I only dated my ex for 6 months or so. But it sounds like there could be some similarities. Checking in to see how things are going seems like something my ex would do. (Or at least that is the guise for the contact.)

[Jack'a]

Why do people start dating when they still have hope with their ex's? Don't you feel that it is kind of wrong, going into a new relationship with the possibility of hurting another person? From my point of view, your ex isn't really the kind of bf who you would want. You might really really love him, but think about it this way, he's currently dating someone else, and yet he is trying to contact you for some particular reasons which we are not sure of, but he's trying hard. So don't you think that kind of defines his character a little bit? Looking into the future, what makes you think that he wouldn't do the same with you? He may be contacting his "future ex" when he gets back with you? What you are doing is just... Being silly... And come on... your current boyfriend is "expendable"? "E X P E N D A B L E"??? Girls like you are really heartbreakers...

[Am4Real]

Well my question about whether to contact my ex in Enough! Breaking NC has become null and void because after 5 months of NC from my side, he has contacted me out of nowhere. I don't take this too lightly, because I already know from people that he made a scene of deleting and throwing out my contact info and saying he wouldn't try to contact me again. So he went and looked me up again, there must be some reason besides to say hi.

 

All he has said is hey, can we talk and I haven't replied. He still is dating the new girlfriend, she is ill right now. My instincts are telling me that he wants to feel things out with me, while still keeping her in the picture. My instincts are also telling me that he is contacting because he has heard I'm dating again and wants to screw things up.

 

I have mixed reactions about the whole thing. I still want to tell him off, but as everyone who has read my posts here knows I still love my ex and want to get back together with him.

 

Does anyone have insight on what he might mean by contacting me at this point? How should I respond?

 

i'd be willing to say your instincts are probably dead on!!!

[McFadden]

No matter what I do its WRONG according to LS. When I was in NC and didn't date anyone it was "stop pining away for your ex and get out there and date to try to get over your ex." I get out there and date. Now its WRONG that I'm dating.

 

I'm going to care about my ex no matter what I do, I can't just 'turn it off.' And apparently I'm not the only one who can't or there wouldn't be as many sites like this.

[alasia]

I'm going to care about my ex no matter what I do, I can't just 'turn it off.' And apparently I'm not the only one who can't or there wouldn't be as many sites like this.

 

No, you're not the only one - but answer me this McFadden; do you really (honestly) think your ex cares about you?

 

I know I'm probably not the best person to give advice, seeing as I was only with my ex for 5 months or so, we've been split up that long and I'm STILL stupidly obsessed/in love (whichever; maybe a bit of both) with him, despite the fact he's quite obviously a prick; but personally I don't think someone who's seeing another girl bbut still chases after you, really respects or cares about you. Not the way he should, anyway.

 

Same goes for the 'harassing you' thing when he doesn't get his own way, and getting moody when you appear to be living your life.

It just sounds like a badly controlling type of behaviour - and I should know, as both my ex and I are quite controlling/selfish people.

 

You're always going to get differing opinions when you post on here, because LS is a forum for people to post what they think.

All the forum members have their own minds, so just like in 'real life' you'll get people who agree with you, and others that don't. If you just want everyone to agree with your POV then like CaliGuy said; talk to your friends. And I don't mean that in a nasty, bitchy way at all. Just saying that this forum isn't intended for people to post, blindly follow what other forum members say and then everything will work out rosily; it's a forum for OPINIONS. Advice given on other people's experiences and it's not meant to be followed exactly to the letter every time.

 

So if someone says "go NC", it really means "NC would probably work best, based on what I've read about you and my own similar experience, but if you think something else will work better, go ahead and try it". Then when 'your way' goes horribly wrong, you'll come back and post and everyone will be able to say "I todl you so"

 

Anyway I'm rambling again, sorry. Just remember though; some people don't deserve to be cared about.

I suspect your ex might be one of them, as is mine.

[asnath]

my word girl..................i am no goody goody but i cant believe you have got good thoughts about yourself, surely now do you really wanna be plan B, please tell me thats not right, please girl.

[McFadden]

Yes, I actually have pretty good thoughts about myself as an entity. In fact it doesn't bother me that people don't like me on here. As far as my spritual beliefs go I think that I can do whatever I want as long as I'm not harming anyone, which I am trying not to do. The people I am in an open relationship with and dating know about the situation and have agreed to it. I am addicted to eating meat and dairy though, thats the only thing I do which I consider contrary to my beliefs. I have no problem with hunting and living off the land and animals, and being part of the circle of life, but I think the current system we have of factory farming is despicable and torturous.

 

So ideally, I would like to live on a mostly vegan diet, which would preclude me contributing to that and going against my beleifs. That isn't possible at the moment though, since I am addicted to eating hamburgers and Chipotle. Has anyone tried those burrito bowls at Chipotle, they are like crack. I would like to change this and I have been talking to some Vegans in my area about joining a Vegan group. I cannot even imagine how ridiculously cut I would be if I went vegan, as long as I found a way to keep my protein intake up. Right now I'm already pretty ok (5"9 140lb, 12% body fat) and I don't have the healthiest diet and I tend to graze throughout the day, but I spend a good 15 hours in the gym.

 

Anyway I am kind of in sync with Alasia's situation on the ex thing. I know he is a psycho and that he is always trying to play games with me, and that he may not care about me unless it pertains to his ego. I deserve someone better than him. The heart wants what it wants though.

 

I have remained in NC, I just haven't been on AIM and I will probably get a new screen name. That will be the end of him contacting me that way. He also left a blank sheet of paper taped on my gate (wtf), it was really weird but I'm sure it was him because he is eccentric like that. I don't want to talk to him on the side while he has a girlfriend. As long as I ignore him I have the upper hand. At this point he has wanted to talk for 4 months and I haven't replied, so if and when I reply he is going to be really taken aback and I want to use that to my advantage. Its kind of sad that this has snowballed into a gigantic feud. But I am at peace with the situation because I feel that he is going to be in my life again at some point.

[CaliGuy]

No matter what I do its WRONG according to LS. When I was in NC and didn't date anyone it was "stop pining away for your ex and get out there and date to try to get over your ex." I get out there and date. Now its WRONG that I'm dating.

 

I'm going to care about my ex no matter what I do, I can't just 'turn it off.' And apparently I'm not the only one who can't or there wouldn't be as many sites like this.

 

Date, yes. Have a 'sex friend' is not what they meant.

 

Sex complicates relationships. I don't care if you have a prearranged agreement or not. You have little control over your feelings and feelings change.

 

More power to people who want to screw whoever they want to and not deal with the repercussions. But that is what happens and it's a fact of life.

 

If you choose to play Russion Roulet with sex, you do the same with your feelings. Eventually you pull the trigger with a loaded shell in the barrel.

 

It's your life to do as you wish. People are here giving you good advice and instead of listening with an open mind, you call us old-fasioned or conservative.

 

We're just a lot more experienced and wiser than you. You'll learn -- eventually.

[McFadden]

You know what, I'm honestly not trying to be argumentative but I think thats only one side of the situation. I don't like when people say "what youre doing is wrong" and "you just aren't right," especially when it is just based off of assumptions.

 

I am sorry to burst anyone's bubble, but having relationships is playing Russian Roulette with emotions as much as having casual sex is. The reason many of us are on here is, we got our heart broken because we were in a relationship or even a marraige. If you don't want to risk getting hurt or hurting someone then sit at home with a pet rock, and don't invest anything in others.

 

I have taken the advice in this thread that actually applied to the question, and I have taken the advice I received in most of my threads (inspite of some mumbling about it.) I agreed that I shouldn't respond to my ex because he has a girlfriend, and so far I am still in NC, so thank you to people who reminded me why I should stay in NC on that one.

[funkybassplayer]

I think that you are taking the replies and making out that people are againt you, but in fairness, i think that all they are doing is offering there peace, and you are attacking their point of view. Thats what they are saying about attitude etc.

[dr strangelove]

As much as your kind of interesting mcfadden

 

im getting sick of seeing the same thing be rehashed 40 times

 

Think of the logic behind not talking to your ex.. he has a girlfriend. Well consider how flawed that is

 

If no one spoke to anyone because they were married or seeing someone

 

Basically I think you should lay it out to him if you havent already before

it should be

 

-if hes a bit bonkers he should be seeing someone for that or on some type of med or therapy

 

-You would have an interest in being with him if he wasnt attached.

 

Anyways you know what your list of demands is, and you should supply him with it. Otherwise this whole episode is pretty boring.