mammax3 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 This is from a novel I'm reading... "Most couples get together for prosaic and practical reasons... but that's not enough... so every couple invents its own myth, about how they got together...and the couple will only last as long as both parties go along with it. When one person destroys the myth, the couple is finished." The character in the novel describes her 'couple myth' as her being Eliza Doolittle and her partner is Professor Higgins. What do you think of this statement, about myths? And if you agree with it, what is your myth with your partner (or a former partner) and who stopped believing in the myth to end it? Just for clarification: Myth - 1.a traditional or legendary story, usually concerning some being or hero or event, with or without a determinable basis of fact or a natural explanation, esp. one that is concerned with deities or demigods and explains some practice, rite, or phenomenon of nature. 2.stories or matter of this kind: realm of myth. 3.any invented story, idea, or concept: His account of the event is pure myth. 4.an imaginary or fictitious thing or person. 5.an unproved or false collective belief that is used to justify a social institution Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Very interesting. I think I get what you're saying. It is like a story you tell yourselves about the meaning behind the relationship. I believe our myth is that my husband showed me "The Truth," freed me from moral confusion and set me on the right path. I plucked him out of the dungeon of eternal bachelorhood. I don't have a cute little "Eliza Doolittle" title for our myth. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Gosh, city girl meets country boy? Eliza Doolittle reversed maybe, or was that "My Fair Lady" reversed. He actually called dress pants.... get this.... slicky britches :lmao:! Ah tout em to walk and to talk lahk a regular gent... ah did! The monster I created... the people you step upon on the way up. In his defense, he was always naturally resourcefull! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Hi Gang!!! :bunny: I'm still uber-busy and just poking my head in here for a minute to see how y'all are doing. Interesting thread, Mamma. I have to agree that every couple has a "myth", each person within the couple is invested in their own self-created version of it. But I don't think it's the 'destruction of the myth' which destroys the couple. Rather, I think it's the stubborn adherence to it which does the dirt. Relationships have to grow and change... and they CANNOT be viewed though rose-colored glasses with any degree of success. Infatuation fades, and unless we're prepared to honor the actual substance of the relationship, we're left holding an empty bag. Say for example in your particular case... here's your STBX holding stubbornly to his old myth, believing that his personal view of 'love' is what your marriage was supposed to be and in not being JUST SO has failed. Nothing could be further from the truth though. It was his inability to cope with reality and to honor the foundation and substance of your true relationship (without the false lens of his "myth"), which ultimately ruined the marriage. Meantime, he'll jump from one infatuation to the next, believing that these hormonal feelings are the definition of love. He's a fool because he could NOT 'release the myth' and see the value of what stood before him. IMHO, we have to release our myths if we really want to grow and learn. Holding on to an old mindset which is past it's use destroys that which is REALLY within our grasp. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Hi Gang!!! :bunny: I'm still uber-busy and just poking my head in here for a minute to see how y'all are doing. Interesting thread, Mamma. I have to agree that every couple has a "myth", each person within the couple is invested in their own self-created version of it. But I don't think it's the 'destruction of the myth' which destroys the couple. Rather, I think it's the stubborn adherence to it which does the dirt. Relationships have to grow and change... and they CANNOT be viewed though rose-colored glasses with any degree of success. Infatuation fades, and unless we're prepared to honor the actual substance of the relationship, we're left holding an empty bag. Say for example in your particular case... here's your STBX holding stubbornly to his old myth, believing that his personal view of 'love' is what your marriage was supposed to be and in not being JUST SO has failed. Nothing could be further from the truth though. It was his inability to cope with reality and to honor the foundation and substance of your true relationship (without the false lens of his "myth"), which ultimately ruined the marriage. Meantime, he'll jump from one infatuation to the next, believing that these hormonal feelings are the definition of love. He's a fool because he could NOT 'release the myth' and see the value of what stood before him. IMHO, we have to release our myths if we really want to grow and learn. Holding on to an old mindset which is past it's use destroys that which is REALLY within our grasp. Again LJ, you've a way of putting things ~ that my brutish way understands, but lacks the words to express ~ but what you've said holds true not only for relationships ~ but for life as well. Bottom line ~ either adapt or become extinct. Infatuation will wane ~ and you're azz had best have a back up plan when it does. Life isn't static ~ its fluid. You move through it and it moves through you. There's the way things are suppose to be and then there's the way they are! There within between the two lies reality. Divorce is reality reconiling the differnce between the two. Balancing out the books so to speak. You don't have to go through a divorce to do so ~ but all so many of us have to go through this cleansing process to do so, some of us more than once. I tend to learn from my azz whippings the first time! Or at least I try?! That along with learning from those of others! Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Again LJ, you've a way of putting things ~ that my brutish way understands, but lacks the words to express ~ but what you've said holds true not only for relationships ~ but for life as well. Hah!... I'm gonna prove you wrong, Guns..... Life isn't static ~ its fluid. You move through it and it moves through you. There's the way things are suppose to be and then there's the way they are! There within between the two lies reality. See... You're a poet who didn't know-it!!! And right on the money too. :bunny::bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
melodymatters Posted June 15, 2007 Share Posted June 15, 2007 Interesting topic ! My last "myth" was that he was a redneck, blue collar, right wing, biker and I was a yankee, professional, artsy left winger, but that somehow we 'clicked" ! I guess our myth got busted when he got drunk and bashed my head into a car and I left him !!! .....probably pretty inevitable..... Link to post Share on other sites
Author mammax3 Posted June 16, 2007 Author Share Posted June 16, 2007 I love your perspective on things, LJ! I hadn't even looked it at the idea from that angle... I think you have something with my H holding onto the 'old' myth and not "Adapting and Overcoming" (thanks gunny!) to the new way our marriage was going. In the novel, it made mythological sense - she didn't want to keep being "Eliza" and so their relationship ended... Maybe the same could be said about the partner - he ONLY wanted to be Higgins, and couldn't see a new role for himself? So he was guiltly of not adapting... hmm.. I think that is a same coin/different side sort of thing.. Applying that idea to my sitch, maybe I wanted a change and *he* couldn't adapt... I wanted a man and had been conveying that inadvertantly/implicitly to him, which led him to feel even *less* like a man, and ultimately led him to want out...? Interesting things to think about... Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 I wonder if people have a tendency to get into relationships over and over that repeat the same myths? I can see this in myself. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 SR, I've heard the same thing. It said that people tend to keep attempting to "fix" the past by repeating the same scenario over and over. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 SR, I've heard the same thing. It said that people tend to keep attempting to "fix" the past by repeating the same scenario over and over. Like Groundhog Day. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted June 16, 2007 Share Posted June 16, 2007 The other possibility for cycling is comfort level. Some people are adrenaline or stress addicts. Link to post Share on other sites
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