Am I stupid or being to harsh

[oakpark241]

Well reading through this board and a lot of us have been through similar instances and there has been plenty of good advice. I will try to keep this short and factual.

 

I was married for 4 years, my ex-husband lied to me about money and put us in financial straights the entire time we were married. To the point that we lost our house and life savings. I decided by my 33rd birthday that if things didn't change I would get a divorce. I asked him to move out in April of 2002. He has been living in AZ ever since.

 

In May 2002 I met a 25 year old at work. He had been living with a girl and her child for about a 1 1/2 and his g/f moved out about 6 months before we met. We had a great friendship (with benefits) but kept things light. He was fully aware of how much I detested dishonesty as I filled him in on the problems with my ex.

 

We would have various discussions about our past relationships not wanting ours to be a re-bound. Finally around November we started telling friends and family of our relationship and I even went to his father's for Thanksgiving.

 

Around Christmas he told me his ex-girlfriend called him talking about how she didn't have any money and that her daughter was going to have a difficult Christmas. Me being the martyr thought of the child's feelings and said why don't you take your ex shopping and buy her daughter some stuff it is the time of giving.

 

Before Christmas I found an email in his bathroom to his ex girlfriend talking about what size she wears because it has been a while since he saw her in sexy lingerie and he would like to get her some clothes for Christmas. He signed the letter "love."

 

I confronted him basically telling him what a snake he was...that I handed his ex girlfriend to him on a platter because I thought they could have a civil relationship. His excuse...he is scared that I am going back to my husband and I am not divorced only separated and morally he has never been able to embrace me as a girlfriend because of this. He has been protecting himself because he thinks I am going back to my ex. I did mention that I wanted to go there a couple of times in the fall but never did and have never stated that I want to go back to him.

 

Now I am scared so I make plans to visit my ex just to make sure things are over. My new boyfriend is fully aware I am going and seems supportive saying I need to do this for myself. But I end up calling my new boyfriend crying a day early to pick me up from the airport because I know I made a mistake and want to come home.

 

That next morning I am awake before he is (we don't live together but I sometimes stay there) and I look through his email. I find several emails (I have no idea what the content was because I am furious) to her but one says he drunk dialed her but they didn't talk and again they all end with "love." I wake him up and we have another fight, he says he was scared that I was going to see my ex, that he didn't want to discuss it with me because I needed to go for the right reasons not stay because of him and that he loves me very much but me not being technically divorced is killing him.

 

Do I believe him when he says that or is he a lying snake?????

[Tony T]

How are we supposed to know whether he's lying or not? If you don't trust him...if you really think he's a snake...get away from him.

 

I think the two of you are carrying on rather immaturely which would indicate to me that both of you may need some time out from each other to get your heads and thoughts together. It might also be nice that everyone was fully divorced and completely detached from relationships with the exes...except as they may relate to children.

 

It's always nice to have an opportunity to grow up a little and act like adults. Not speaking of you in particular here...just making a general statement.

[HokeyReligions]

You wrote that you handed his ex-girlfriend to him on a platter. Wa'fu?

 

When I was dating my husband he came to my office to pick me up. A couple people asked me to have him come in because they would like to meet him. My sis-in-law (we worked together) took me aside and told me that if I brought John in, Sherry would make a pass at him and invite him to have sex with her. (not quite that politely & yes, Sherry was/is that type of person, vindictive and a slut)

 

My response was; so what? let her do it and if he wants her, he can have her. I don't want anyone like that.

 

So what's with this girlfriend on a platter thing? Sounds like you just need to bite the bullett and stop seeing him.