Partner of 6 years gave me HERPES

[Prettyinblack]

I just found out yesterday that my partner of 6 years has given me herpes. Wow. We had split up about 1 1/2 years ago, reconciled for 6 months and now I have herpes. We split up on March 25 of this year for good, I came down with a bad case of "shingles" that went into the groin area, went back to the Doctor and the results came in........herpes.

When my partner and I reconciled, I knew that he had been with a ditch-pig in his home town and I refused to have sex with him until he went to the Doctor. We didn't get back together for awhile but when we did, he said he had no symptoms of anything and the sexual relationship continued. Six months back together and all the 'old' problems began resurfacing and I told him I wasn't doing this again. (We would talk about moving in together and he would then saboutage the realtionship). Well, on May 22, I come down with Shingles, (I have a compromised immune systm due to Chrons' Disease) and now, I find out it is HERPES>

I called the bastard yesterday and left him a message. "Hi Bill, it's Tracey.....I would like to get together with you as soon as possible as I have some information you might be interested in knowing. In fact, it will change your life so give me a call, thanks." click.

The SOB hasn't returned my call and I am having fantasies about spraying his little SUV with White paint that spells HERPES. I told my doctor yesterday that I wanted to pick up a few boxes of comdoms and staple them to the vinyl siding on his house and maybe put one under his window wiper at his work. I am so friggin' angry that I could spit. My boss said that whatever I do, where gloves..heheh

I'm not going to do anything, just venting but I loved this man so much.....I really did. Even when we split up in March, I was thinking........."he doesn't want to be without me,,,,we'll work it out." Yeah, it got worked out all right. Gawd.....I want to kill him!

[nicki]

Your anger is understandable and justified. It must have been quite a shock to have received that news! And to not be with your ex anymore just adds insult to injury.

 

You know, it's possible that your ex gave you herpes, knowingly or unknowingly, but it is also possible that you have had the virus in your system for many years, maybe even before you met your ex. You could have been asymptomatic, but now that you immune system is compromised, the dormat virus is activated.

 

Talk to your doctor about it. You could have contracted herpes years ago and thought your initial outbreak was a yeast infection, or it could have been so mild that you didn't really notice it. Herpes is extremely under and mis-diagnosed.

 

After the initial outbreak, which may go undetected, the virus goes dormat (silent) until it is reactivated some time later.

 

Some people never get another outbreak after the first one. Most people find that the outbreaks occur less frequently as time goes on. You might only get one or two more outbreaks in your whole life.

 

Have you ever had cold sores/herpes of the mouth? Most people have.

 

At one time, doctors thought that there were two separate strains. One that affects the mouth, and one that affects the genitals. Now they know that either strain can affect either area.

 

Did you know that over 90% of people carry Herpes Simplex 1? That's the one usually responsible for mouth cold sores. And not everybody even gets cold sores, do they. But they carry the virus for it. We contract it early in our life through kissing adults.

 

Herpes Simplex 2 usually affects the genitals, but can show up on the mouth, too. I even think there are more types of herpes, but I can't remember.

 

A person can contract herpes through oral sex, too.

 

Some of the statistics show that 1 in 3 people carry the virus. Some don't even know it, or show symptoms, but can pass it on to their partners.

 

Just wanted to give you a bit more information. You can live with this! It's actually more common than people think. I'm sure if you go online, there is a wealth of information and support groups that can help you cope.

 

In the meantime, be sure to avoid any triggers that can reactivate the virus. Stress can be a trigger. So can trauma to the skin, as in shaving. Wear breathable cotton undies, too. Polyester and nylon can be irritating to the skin.

 

Anyway, hope this helps in some way. I would inform your ex about the herpes, and ask him about it, but I wouldn't waste too much time on being angry. Although, I understand you will need to be angry for a while before you can move on to accepting this news.

[nicki]

Just wanted to add that a yoga class might help you strengthen your immune system.

 

I've taught yoga to many groups with MS and other auto immune disorders, and was amazed at how much their symptoms abated simply by coming to yoga twice a week.

 

It's definitely got something to do with turning on your parasympathetic nervous system, which calms and soothes your body and releases endorphins and other good chemicals into your body.

 

It's worth a try, if you want to do something proactive. It might make you feel better.

[Prettyinblack]

Thanks guys.......I am feeling much calmer today.....not sure why. The ex called and is due in about 7pm.....he hasn't a clue. He called me this maorninga nd just kept asking if I was ok. I told him that I didn't want to discuss it over the phone and he said that he will be over after work. Probably thinks I'm pregnant.

I have a million things going through my head.....I appreciate the support and I heard that Yoga is good for the immune system...I will definitely consider that. I will update after I meet with the ex.

[rtHawk]

Hey P-I-P

just a quick note to say I empathize totally!

I was at the 5 year mark when I got my first Out Break (OB)...

my SO gave it to me as he had cheated on me just about 1 year before.

 

It is possible you had it and it was dormant, but with your health -immune compromise, it probably would have shown up with in the 6 years.

If the two of you had unprotected intercourse, it is also very possible he has it if you were the original carrier.

Sometimes it can be hidden and very unnoticeable but still contractable, esp if it hides under the pubes.

My SO didn't know he had it (he sure damn does now !!!)

and condoms arent' foolproof.. it can be on the skin near the genitals, thighs, peri-anal area and so can still be contracted.

One of the very highly contagious STDs.

 

Sorry you now have to deal with this.

 

I hate it and hate what it reminds me of each and everytime I get an OB--I have had about 20+ in 1.5 years. not very nice.!!!!!

and he gets nothing!

 

let us know how things went....

be happy to support you thru some of this initially!

hugs

[Prettyinblack]

RT, did you and your SO stay together?

He was in absolute shock and is depressed........cried all night apologizing saying that he can't believe he did this to me, etc.....he was with the other woman 1/2 years ago when we were split up and had unprotected sex. I am calmer today....but as he cried, I cried right along with him.

Don't know what's up from here.....we are having dinner tonight and he is going to see his DR tomorrow as well as make an appointment with a therapist. I am praying alot. I think that is why I am calm. I'm not a religious person, but spiritual and it seems to help.

My ex wants to reconcile and I feel like I'm losing my mind.

[rtHawk]

yes we stayed together--somehow made it work although the internal emotional hurting and trust is always an issue for me; sometimes more so than at other times;

why did I stay, I forgave him and have have tried to believe and trust again.

 

do the commercials bug me-hell yes

do the comedy central laugh sketches hurt--hell yes

 

but, nothing in life is perfect of free of hurt and flaws and since I am a cup half full kind of person, I count on that.

 

I would take alot of time with your feelings and emotions now and not make any decisions about reconciliation until some time has passed and you can better understand your own feelings about all of this--his really aren't relevant at this time---

they are for him to deal with and not influence your choice in life and in a R.

[RubyDeluxe]

I just found out yesterday that my partner of 6 years has given me herpes. Wow. We had split up about 1 1/2 years ago, reconciled for 6 months and now I have herpes. We split up on March 25 of this year for good, I came down with a bad case of "shingles" that went into the groin area, went back to the Doctor and the results came in........herpes.

When my partner and I reconciled, I knew that he had been with a ditch-pig in his home town and I refused to have sex with him until he went to the Doctor. We didn't get back together for awhile but when we did, he said he had no symptoms of anything and the sexual relationship continued. Six months back together and all the 'old' problems began resurfacing and I told him I wasn't doing this again. (We would talk about moving in together and he would then saboutage the realtionship). Well, on May 22, I come down with Shingles, (I have a compromised immune systm due to Chrons' Disease) and now, I find out it is HERPES>

I called the bastard yesterday and left him a message. "Hi Bill, it's Tracey.....I would like to get together with you as soon as possible as I have some information you might be interested in knowing. In fact, it will change your life so give me a call, thanks." click.

The SOB hasn't returned my call and I am having fantasies about spraying his little SUV with White paint that spells HERPES. I told my doctor yesterday that I wanted to pick up a few boxes of comdoms and staple them to the vinyl siding on his house and maybe put one under his window wiper at his work. I am so friggin' angry that I could spit. My boss said that whatever I do, where gloves..heheh

I'm not going to do anything, just venting but I loved this man so much.....I really did. Even when we split up in March, I was thinking........."he doesn't want to be without me,,,,we'll work it out." Yeah, it got worked out all right. Gawd.....I want to kill him!

 

Although this is a life long aliment through the grace of God you will be ok..

I will pray for you Sister

[Star Gazer]

Did you read Nicki's post? It was very informative AND accurate. Unless you were a virgin when you slept with your ex, and haven't ever slept with anyone else, you didn't necessarily get it from him.

[RubyDeluxe]

How can you tell when you have Herpes? I've been getting these nasty cold sores around my lips and I'm beginning to worry

[zilverenvlinder]

So, do you know that TWENTY percent of adult Americans have genital herpes, and HALF of adult Americans have oral herpes?

 

Yep. So, really, it's annoying, but it's not that big of a deal.

 

I contracted herpes when I was about 16 and didn't show any symptoms until I was 20. Yep. Four years. That might have happened to you too.

[GALT]

Sometimes it can be hidden and very unnoticeable but still contractable, esp if it hides under the pubes.

My SO didn't know he had it (he sure damn does now !!!)

and condoms arent' foolproof.. it can be on the skin near the genitals, thighs, peri-anal area and so can still be contracted.

One of the very highly contagious STDs.

 

I am not a doc, but I think you may be getting Herpes and HPV confused. Herpes is usually preventable with condoms. HPV is rarely.

[tanbark813]

Did you get tested for a specific type? There are more than the two commonly known types and shingles is a different type than genital or oral herpes.

 

http://chealth.canoe.ca/channel_section_details.asp?text_id=1364&channel_id=1020&relation_id=8287

[Star Gazer]

I am not a doc, but I think you may be getting Herpes and HPV confused. Herpes is usually preventable with condoms. HPV is rarely.

 

This would seem to me to be incorrect. Both viruses are spread with skin-to-skin contact. Condoms cover some - but clearly not all - of the area where skin-to-skin contact occurs during intercourse. As such, neither virus is truly preventable with a love glove.

 

Quite honestly, as far as I'm concerned, the only thing condoms are really good for are protection against pregnancy, Hep B, and HIV - you know, the fluid (as opposed to skin) diseases. Condoms only mean "less risky" sex, not "risk free."

 

Ha, I sound like an ad for abstinence. Sooo not me.

[Prettyinblack]

Hi All,

I went away for a couple of days to clear my head......All of my tests haven't come back but I am positive for Geneital Herpes. My ex is going on Monday to see his Doctor for testing.

I know the virus can lay dormant for years but for SIX years????? That is a long time.....isn't it?

[mental_traveller]

That is really bad, I feel sorry for you. I would just say that he didn't necessarily get it from cheating, it can lay dormant and not show any symptoms in people. However, it is definitely possible that it was the cheating that did it.

 

Personally if I were in that situation, I would make sure my doctor got all the facts, and if it showed that a partner had cheated and then passed it on to me, I'd be getting the best lawyer in town and trying to sue them for every last cent for giving me an *incurable* disease for life.

[Prettyinblack]

Some of my test results have come back. Negative for Hep A,B, Borderline for Hep C, negative for HIV 1 & 2 and the Herpes test isn't back yet from Public Health.

My ex partner went to his Doctor on Monday and is now convinced that he doesn't have Herpes because he hasn't had an outbreak....URGH.

He has to......I haven't been with anyone else in 6 -7 years! His results aren't in yet.

[ridingthebulls]

All of these things (STDs) constantly drag on the immune system. It's life-long. Taking medications just to keep the outbreaks in check. It's no big deal if you treat your body as a dump and he has it too. But I would probably never sleep with someone who told me they have STDs. People sleep with anyone these days. And they wonder why they are ridden with crap. Your bf didn't even wear a condom with some random tramp? Priceless. This will probably put a damper on any possible future relationships as well.

[roxy_1980]

As a public health worker, whose main area of study is the seqeuncing of herpes virus strains, I'd like to help put to rest some of the contradicting accounts on this thread for the interest of the health of others reading it.

 

First, although it is more likely that he was the original carrier, it is not absolutely guaranteed. I have seen cases where people caught it 10 years before they showed any symptoms. (They were widowed women whose husbands are long since dead, they never re-married and are devotely religious...but anyway). In fact, they probably caught 20 years before. They started to show symptoms as they aged because their immune systems were depleting. PIB, I'd be more worried about your immune status right now than figuring out if he's a carrier or not.

 

Second, there are a multitude of different strains of Herpes viruses. I should know, I've done the sequencing work on some of them. There are two main categories: HVS-1 and HVS-2. They are based on similarities to the first two strains identified. But, they all contain very conserved sections of DNA that are used in PCR reactions to identify them. It does not matter which specific strain that they have, it is identified by these conserved regions. And it also doesn't matter which is identified, but rather the symptoms. Deal with the symptoms, nothing else is really that important now that you actually have it. And making him admit that he was the one that gave it to you does nothing to change that.

 

Third, the condom issue. Condoms offer little protection against many STDs, such as Herpes and genital warts. In this day and age, both partners should get tested before having sex. It's your best defense. And ask to see a copy of the report.

[love necessity]

After reading this, I must say, I feel really bad for you.

 

To go from being healthy, to being infected with a incurable "VIRUS", that you caught from someone you love, is a life changing event that requires a lot of time to heal within.

 

I'm surprised your taking this how you are. If I was faced with the same situation, I would probably be more vicious. However, in these circumstances, there is nothing you can do to take it back. It won't just go away. As a matter of fact, I think I'll learn from this, that way, if I am ever in same predicament, I will just stay calm.

 

I don't think acting hysterical would get anyone very far.

 

You should stay calm, for the sake of your health now.

 

So, here's my advice.

 

Sit down with him and calmly inform him

1. -Make sure to tell him, because he may not know

2. - Ways to tell him

a. With a doctor

b. Somewhere quiet

c. With someone he knows

 

If I were you, I wouldn't sleep with him anymore. However, you both may need moral support in this time of crisis. Adjusting to the change of medical condition can be quite depressing, and having support from someone else who is going through the same thing could really help both of you. Show him this posting.

 

Make sure you get all the information on Herpes that you can. Make sure you are registered through your state. I'm sure you already know this, but make sure you know your options of medication and so forth. I have an outline of Herpes. If you want it, I can scan it, then email it to you if you want to take a look? It has a lot info on it. Just let me know. =)

 

I took a Microbiology class, and Simplex Herpes I & II was one of the diseases I studied in detail.

 

The best way to get your information is at CDC.

 

Here is the website for that: Just cut and past in window

 

http://www.cdc.gov/std/Herpes/STDFact-Herpes.htm

 

I wish you the best of luck, and if you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

 

This is what my professor told me while I was taking Microbiology.

 

 

Just because it doesn't go away, does not mean that it is life-threatening. It is just a life-long disease. You can still live your life the way you want.

[rtHawk]

Just because it doesn't go away, does not mean that it is life-threatening. It is just a life-long disease. You can still live your life the way you want.

 

ahhhh; this hits a sore spot.... notto add more rain to the day, but as much as you can live your life the way you may want to and do the best you can to have sunshine in each day.....

It is NEVER going to be the same the way you wanted it to be when you have Herpes II....

it isn't life threatening but can be to some who are immuno-compromised or may be some day.;; ie cancer...leukemia,--so it can become a serious complication if someone were to become seriously ill..

and...

it will FOR LIFELONG change how you date, whom you date, acceptance from a potential partner, and or how your sex life is affected....if you need continuous anti-viral therapy; long term side effects aren't known;

but some can have GI problems, hair loss...

Pregnancy is complicated by this, can't have a vaginal delivery if infected at time of birth...

etc etc etc...

so NO you can't live life the way you want---something has changed that

and in my case and in the OPs case , someone changed it for us.