Question about when spouses should/should not check with each other

[bish]

She believes that now, and after marriage that she should have full right to offer up our home to any of her friends who she sees fit without asking me first. She claims that "needing to ask" first is means I am asking her to compromise herself as a person, because she may need to act and not check with me.

 

 

If that is the way she puts it, then put it back to her and say:

 

"if you feel that asking me first is compromising yourself as a person, then forcing the situation, then, since it is my house too, you are telling me that how I feel about it means absolutely nothing"

 

Or, you could say, "no problem honey". Then organize a poker party every Saturday night right there in your living room without asking her.

[bish]

If the house/condo is hers and it is in her name, then she doesn't have to clarify it with you beforehand, but she should, out of respect for you. I mean that should be an obvious.

 

If both of you own the place, then darn straight she should talk to you first.

 

So whats his is hers....and whats hers is hers eh?

 

It doesn't matter. What do you think would happen if I owned a house, got married, wife moved in with me, and then I told her. "this isn't your house, its my house, got it?"

 

I'd either be hit in the face with a frying pan, or she'd divorce me. And she'd be right.

[bish]

Here's where I sit. Until he commits to something more meaningful, he has no right to decide anything within her life. Actions speak louder than words and no matter how much lipservice a guy gives, until he pisses in the pot, it's all meaningless.

 

Uh, then you didn't read it very well. This woman told him that even AFTER marriage, and he is getting engaged to this woman, that she doesn't have to tell him d!ck when someone will be moving into the home.

 

So if they are married, are you talking about a level of committment higher and more meaningful than that?

 

Sounds like even as a husband, this woman has no respect for him. I'd say he may want to rethink marrying her.

[bish]

Actions speak louder than words. He hasn't moved, they're not yet engaged and he wants to dictate the terms and conditions of his commitment from a distance. Words are just words.

 

Asking to be informed is not dictating terms. Thats what two people in a committed relationship do.

 

And he asked it from the standpoint if he was her spouse. She already told him she doesn't have to tell him anything even AFTER they are married.

[Mr. Lucky]

Or, you could say, "no problem honey". Then organize a poker party every Saturday night right there in your living room without asking her.

Complete with kegs, strippers and hot oil mud wrestling

 

Mr. Lucky

[IpAncA]

It's not a case of either person "has to do" anything.

 

She doesn't "Have to check with him" before inviting anyone.

 

BUT!!!!!!

 

She should check with him, out of mutual respect and courtesy.

 

It's not a matter of what you "have" to do, but what you "should" do that makes a relationship work.

 

Trust me if they married, they have to/should check.

 

But I could be wrong. Wouldn't be the first time.

[bish]

Complete with kegs, strippers and hot oil mud wrestling

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Ya thats it!...THEN she'll see the importance of including your SO in decision making.

[Aloros]

Yeesh! I'd been dating my guy for about four months when his friend needed a place to crash for a month. He still ran that by me, even though we don't live together (we spend a good deal of time together, at either his place or mine, so the decision still affected me).

 

I definitely think that these decisions need to be made jointly. Her unwillingness to do so is basically saying to you that she doesn't care how her decisions affect you. Well, isn't that nice?

 

I think the analogy you made with the sports car was a good one. What was her justification for that being something that needed to be cross-checked, but the letting someone crash for a while was not? Could she articulate a reason at all?

[flowergirl]

Magic Mirror:

 

Don't change your life for this girl, she's selfish and only cares about what she can get from others, not how she can be respectful of you. It's good to find this out now instead of when you two are moving your furniture in or preparing for your weedding. Find someone who doesn't think the world revolves around them.