I dont understand?? what now?

[a81688]

Long story short. I broke up with my bf of 7 months. I realized I was making a mistake the moment the words escaped my mouth. I acted impulsively.. I dont even know why. We got into a fight. And I left his apt. He called non stop when I got home that night. I finally answered and he was pretty pissed.. saying he didnt know what to do now and that he didnt know why I made that decision. I said I didnt want to break up with him I just wanted some time apart.

 

That was friday (the 8th)

He finally called me sunday night. We talked. But mentioned nothing about the break up. He called again monday morning, monday night.. tuesday morning.. Finally on tuesday i had the guts to say i missed him. that i was sorry. and that I really did want to work things out.

 

wenseday we actually talked. he told me maybe i just needed to take some time to myself. a break. and i told him that was exactly what i needed. in fact 3 months ago, that was what he did for himself. he took a break for 2 weeks. and when we got back together it was great again.

 

thursday i called him and he didnt really talk to me. i asked him if he had thought about giving me a break and us having another chance. and he said yes,..no.. i dont know.

 

friday no contact.

 

today, sat. i finally called him.

and we talked for more than 20 min,.

it was pretty intense.

and i told him that i was just stressed with always doing things for him.. i work part time cuz i also go to school. but since its summer i wake up everyday and i go to his house and go with him to work. and THEN i go to my own job. i dont have a car so i take the city bus. so it sometimes means taking 1-3 buses and anywhere from 2-3 hours!! and i do this on my days off! and he always needs money and I am always helping him out! and i just need to spend some time to myself. and do things for myself!

and i told him all this.. and told him i was sorry i hadnt told him or apologized sooner. and he said that if i had done it the day after i would have had a chance. but it was too late and that he didnt want this anymore.

 

he even said that he was sick of me throwing it in his face that he owed me 1000 so he is now working his ass off to pay me back so he doesnt feel like he has to owe me anything. which i think is stupid. i told him ALWAYS that it never mattered.. the money is stuipd. i would rather have him than the ****ing money.

 

so he had to go work and we hung up.

i thought about it.. and i texted him. saying that i was sorry i couldnt make him happy. i am learning from my mistakes. i wish we could fix things instead of throwing everything away. i love you. you stupid cheeseball. i hope everything gets better for you. call me if you ever need anything. love your friend gigi. (his nickname for me)

 

and i guess thats it. and from now on it will be NC from me. cuz what else can i do? we never finished our talk. but i think i got the msg.

i am still hoping he will change his mind. he has done this before.. but i dont know =( i tried. i really did. i told him i am still here. and that i really wanted to fix things. and that i am now his friend.

he will have to call eventually cuz uh i have my cellphone under his name. lol.

 

I just dont understand how everything was fine until I admitted i missed him and wanted him back. =( i miss him and i love him so much. i put myself completely into this relationship. its hard... very hard. i just wish i could atleast have him as a friend.