First heartbreak...boyfriend and friend having an affair. Not coping :(

[MarinaAquamarina]

We were emailing today, I told him my theory...later he called me, says he wants me back and has made a huge mistake. he says he loves me and thinks he wants to be with me but is confused. he also swears blind that he never cheated on me with her, it started after he dumped me, and that if I want, he'll never ever see her again...

 

What the f*uck?!?!

[Aloros]

So on top of cheating on you with some other girl, and leaving you in a cruel manner, now he's adding BIG FAT LIAR to the mix.

 

Ever hear that saying "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."? Yes, he made a huge mistake. Now it's time to face the consequences.

 

Just remember the way he treated you - so cold. Is that the way a person treats the woman they love? You don't want someone who gets "scared" every so often and runs off to another woman, do you?

 

Stay strong. You have every right to be angry with him, and every time you think about getting back with him, use that anger to push it from your mind.

 

I used to be with a man who was "confused" about whether or not he wanted me. He told me he loved me, retracted that for a year (during which I stupidly told him I loved him with no expectation of response), decided to break up with me w/o telling me, did things he promised not to, and then decided that he DID want to be with me, so conveniently hid those things he did from me, etc. Then, after I left him, he said he'd planned his life around marrying me. Right. Funny how his actions didn't show that.

 

Well, now I'm with a guy who makes me feel amazing and is certain that he wants me in his life. The ex? Wasted time.

 

Don't waste your time with a guy like this, when you could be out and about, having fun with your buddies, and maybe meeting a guy that makes you feel like the best thing since sliced bread! I can tell from your posts that you're cute and well-articulated, and that's a hell of a lot more than many women your age have to offer

 

*HUGS* You're doing so well, don't look back!

[MarinaAquamarina]

I was doing well! So well! That's what's so annoying...my head is all over the place again now, just as I was getting better. Not happy, but better. Thank you for the compliments, at a time like this, they mean more than ever!

 

Thank God for this website and you lovely people...I need to get to London as soon as possible.

 

He just sounded so sad. For a minute, I thought I heard the old him in there somewhere.

[MarinaAquamarina]

It's been a long time since I've posted. I did end up getting back together with him, and a few months later we moved in together. However, I then went off to university. SAdly, due to the whole fiasco described above, I didn't do well in my A Levels and had to go to a different university, three hours away from him. Things were going okay, and he was begging for me to try and get a transfer home to another uni near him that would take me, and I eventually agreed. However, two months later, I get a text message in the middle of the night, saying simply 'I don't love you'.

 

The next day I phoned him, and he ended it. I was, again, devastated. So I jumped on a train the next day, went all the way home, turned up, and asked him what the hell was going on.

 

He was horrible to me. He barely wanted to speak to me, and I ended up leaving and going to a friend's house in floods of tears.

 

Ever since, he's just ignored me and wiped me out of his life altogether - even so far as to be so immature he's deleted me from Facebook/Myspace etc, all comments, photos, everything.

 

I text him yesterday asking when I can come and pick up all the stuff that I didn't bring to uni, that is still in the flat we lived together in. He said he didn't want me there, and that he'd get in contact with my mother to get it all. I pointed out - quite reasonably - she wouldn't find all of it, as it's all over the place, in various drawers, wardrobes, cupboards etc all over the flat. So I said I'd come over myself when he wasn't there if he didn't want to see me (I still have a key). He said not to bother, he's had the locks changed. a) I don't believe that, I know how strapped for cash he is at the moment and b) why would he say it? What does he think I'm going to do, turnup in the middle of the night and shave his head or something? I also don't understand why he;s trying to drag out the inevitable, and make this whole mess even worse - I just want to get my stuff and get it over with.

 

Basically, I'm falling apart. In a way, the fact he's being so nasty is a good thing, because I can hate him. But I am three hours away from my home town, have barely anyone at uni I can talk to, and I am so deperately lonely. I am so unhappy and I'm trying to keep grip on it all, but I'm finding it so hard.

 

Just before I came to uni we were more in love than EVER. I don't know what I did wrong. Well, I guess I do, I never should have mvoed away. He said to me on the phone just after we broke up that he would have given me everything, and that me leaving destroyed our relationship. I am going to regret leaving for the rest of my life, and I don't know how to cope.

 

I don't want him back, he;s put me through too much now. But I am so miserable, and there is no one to give me any support. I really need help.

[torranceshipman]

Come on girl, you think this is your fault for moving away? Are you MAD? firstly, he messed with your head while you were studying your A Levels, so you didn't get the grades you wanted, and you forgave him, then you went to one university and transferred to another JUST because of him, and you didn't complain, even tho you were changing your whole life to give him what he wanted - and you possibly compromised your studies (again) by transferring...then he ends it? Exactly how much have you forgiven him, and how much have you compromised for him? And you are blaming yourself for what, now? Going to university? Surely you must see that this kind of talk is crazy. He sounds like some kind of horrible, manipulative control freak and you are WAY better away from him. If he was a decent guy he'd have supported your move.

 

Oh...and lovely of him to call you after you split, while you were hurt, to tell you it was all your fault for moving - what an assclown...and you were 3hrs away, which, lets face it. is really not that far-you weren't in freakin Australia, but he still couldnt cope. He sounds NEEDY.

 

So sorry you are hurt but it is NOTHING that you did. I hope this guy never comes back into your life as he sounds like a really nasty piece of work.

[Javelin]

You can't teach an old dog new tricks, Marina.You've fallen for a really bad egg and there's nothing more you can do, but move on!

 

I really need help.

 

If you continue to wonder, question, and think about him, he'll only haunt you more. I know you're very attached, but you have to take protocol and detach yourself and feelings from him!

 

Why settle for this guy? You really want to marry someone who can show you the world one minute and then take you through hell the next whenever they please? I don't think so, that's unhealthy and can be very dangerous! You have a very promising future and deserve much better! I mean take a look at yourself! If that's really you in that avatar picture, then what guys wouldn't want an attractive, well educated young woman?

 

By the way, take this opportunity to heal, hang low for a bit, and focus on your studies. You don't need this ***** right now because there are bigger and better things at stake... Your future!

[cj1988]

He is cruel and mean because you caught and busted him......his only defense to make him look innocent is to be mean to you and make you think you made a mistake, called gaslighting, look it up in google ! You will feel better knowing he is a LIAR and you are not CRAZY at all, my H did the same thing and still denies it all.....whatever I am getting over it !

[MarinaAquamarina]

Thanks everyone, I'm feeling a bit better now. Still miss him terribly but realise I'm worth so much more. It'll take a long time to get over it, but it's nice to know I have support

 

Plus, someone sent me flowers through the post today, I don't know who though, so that's cheered me up!

 

And whoever asked if that was me in the picture, it is, thank you very much for the compliment!

[Brendi_thesnake]

Go date someone else, you're still young. I'm sure there's plenty of fishes and do concentrate in your school. College and exams has nothing to do with relationships.

[Javelin]

And whoever asked if that was me in the picture, it is, thank you very much for the compliment!

 

You're welcome.