BAD dynamics with STBXH!!!

[TXButterfly]

I feel like I am going crazy, one day I feel like I am going to die from this divorce, loss of relationship, loss of married status. The next I feel relieved it is ending b/c I wasn't happy either and now I can be free. Then the next day I'm in the dumps again. aaaaahhhh just shoot me! Right now we are separated but taking the steps to divorce.

 

To make matters worse, my STBXH and I own a business together. I've mentioned this before. He recently confessed to me he has had attractions to other girls that work for me. Ya-I was ready to ki!! him but now I am starting (only starting) to see he isn't who I thought he was & trying to let go of who I thought he was...and just work on the professional relationship...can't really leave the biz b/c we both make good money doing it. Eventually, yes, but not right now....so I am trying to find a way to make the best of a very awkward and painful situation. He has agreed to (upon my threat to quit if he didn't) sign a legal doc that says he won't date our employees & swears up and down he can be trusted but of course I will forever keep one eye turned sideways at him (now that I see who he really is). I really can't quit and lose the job on top of everything else, but I felt if he didn't sign that doc then I'd have no protection and I'd rather be broke I guess. He gave into that b/c he likes the income & is a materialistic dude that needs a porsche to feel good about himself.

 

It always seems like our employees love him more than they do me - he's a salesman so he's fooled them - he's the fun one, and I'm the shy, quiet one. The truth is, he is really selfish and judgmental to them behind closed doors & I care a lot more about them than he ever has!! Sticking up for them when he is hard on them, etc. But on the face of it, he's their best friend. Now he has gotten VERY friendly with MY team, playing games with them & distracting them from their work...I've started telling him to back off, gimme some space, go play with your own team, etc. I wish I didn't feel I had to do that but since I "know him", I know he can't let me have anything to myself, just mine, and I will have to stand up for it. Then he tells me if he can't have fun at work then he can't be there. (go have fun with your own team, you arrogant jerk) I need to learn to deal with this without eventually hating him...which is clearly where I am headed...or perhaps I'm already there

 

I don't want to hate him but I am so angry & feel so threatened by him. I feel so disrespected that he is into the girls that work for me, and not me. Hard not to think that is done on purpose even just a little.

 

He has never understood the concept of boundaries, is very controlling. Any advice is appreciated. I feel nauseous just thinking about it.