sao2 Posted July 12, 2007 Share Posted July 12, 2007 Delete it, every email, every letter, every picture, every gift, cell phones make it easy to get rid of phone numbers you don't want to remember. I even make a point to not remember the phone numbers of people I am dating(until it is too late). Do you know how embarrasing and how hurt an ex felt when I asked her for her phone number again after we got back together a few months later. When my ex and I broke up I immediately took everything that reminded me of her and threw it away. I know it seems cold, but you need to get it out of your system. You had good times, and you had some bad times. Now get rid of the relationship. I spend alot of time recently(while waiting for code to run) just reading all these different stories that people have and it comforts me to realize in the grand scheme of things our issues are easily dealt with and furthermore they are issues that everyone faces. It doesn't mean it doesn't suck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Author Share Posted July 13, 2007 ...well when I went to his house to pick up my stuff.. all the gifts i have given him while we were together were still in their same spot. and the rubber ducky which always sat on the ledge of his bathtub was still there to. Why didnt he throw/tuck away things that remind him of me ?? what could this mean? Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 13, 2007 Share Posted July 13, 2007 Maybe its not hard for him to look at them. i can only think this to be the case. Sorry its not what you want to hear. i know that my ex (as far as i know) Still wears the dimond ring i got her for xmas, with her new b/f. She can do this cause i dont mean much anymore and its a nice ring. (or i guess that to be the case) I wish she would have sent it back to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 13, 2007 Author Share Posted July 13, 2007 well its not extreamly hard for me to look at his stuff. I have 1 thing on top of my tv still from him. even if they were not there I would still be missing him. I want to call him SOOOOOO bad. It is pretty ****ty because since ive been back from vacation I have been looking at my vacation pics and he is in 70% of them. I also told him I would print copies for him. So when I go give them to him it will be our last and final. I am thinking i should just leave them on his door step. **** this is so hard. At times I just feel like calling and saying sorry sorry sorry..sorry i called. I just want to see how ur doing. but i know that is not the right thing to do. will this feeling go away? Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 Man. I cant hold it in anymore. This is so hard. this is so hard. I want to cry so bad but I am at work for the next 5 hours. God. Why. Why. Why did I get left like this. All I ever wanted to do was be by his side. I understood him so well. I understand waht he is going through. He needs someone supportive. Why doesnt he want me by his side? I fell like F***ing garbage. I just want to call him and tell him how I feel. Saturday night was SO hard. We spend every saturday night together. And although we were not together yesterday... i could still feel OUR saturday night vibes in the air. We'd pop pop corn watch a movie ...etc. I could feel that ..... and the sunday morning rutine....... and now it is all over.. and WHY? Why does he need space from me? why..... god I just want to break down man. Is it wise to write a note? explaining how I want the best for him. I just feel because I am not calling or something he might think I am not concerned. I want him to know the reason i am staying away is because #1 he told me to, but #2 because if it is what is best for him... then I want what is best for him. I feel like asking him again: Can't we work through this together? But the last time I asked that he said : "It is to hard for me...." But in a relationship arnt people supposed to work through their problems..and not just get up and leave? URG MAN WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I know this is a stupid question, but Do you think he'll ever come back? I know I need to burn the hope..coz that will only set me back..but I cant help it.... I want to be a part of his life like I was.... I keep feeling like...once he is alone for as long as it takes...he'll call me? I know I am a f***ing loser..... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I know this is a stupid question, but Do you think he'll ever come back? No. He's not coming back. What's more, you don't need him back. He's going to hurt you again and again and again and if you carry on like this, you're going to just let him do it. Do you think anything is going to change....? No. You need to as you say, burn that hope and start healing. The only way you're going to do that is to firstly cut all contact with him or anything related to him; take everything he gave you, every email and letter, pictures and gifts and archive everything and put it away in a box and store it way under the bed or in the loft - out of sight. For me it was easier to completely delete everything like Sao suggested. I then sent all his gifts back in the mail. Wipe any trace of him out of your immediate life until the immediate pain passes. Then deal with everything else afterwards. Start building yourself up again and regaining your self respect. Only you can do this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 But how will he hurt me this same way if when he comes back (if he does) hes a changed and better person? ... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 But how will he hurt me this same way if when he comes back (if he does) hes a changed and better person? ... If he has hurt you the way he has, it means he's capable of doing it again and again. When you love someone, you don't hurt them and disrespect their feelings. Read back on what you wrote about him in the first post. People generally don't change. They modify their behaviour to get what they want. They rarely change. If you think you can deal with this lack of him changing, then by all means hold out hope that he'll come back. Personally, I think you're worth being treated better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 ya I know what you mean.... But he left me because he said a relationship is to hard to handle as this stage in his life (quiting the alcohal, withdrawl from it, etc)... so when he is ok and ready to be in a relationshiip will he call me? thats what I was asking..... Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 ya I know what you mean.... But he left me because he said a relationship is to hard to handle as this stage in his life (quiting the alcohal, withdrawl from it, etc)... so when he is ok and ready to be in a relationshiip will he call me? thats what I was asking.....Pineapple, no... I really don't think he will call you. Or, at least if he does and you guys try again, I don't really think things will be that different. When you're in a relationship with someone, the mainstay of any relationship is that you are actually there to support each other and to give each other love and guidance when experiencing issues and problems. If he has issues with dealing with withdrawing from alcohol, I would expect him to depend on you a little more for emotional support. As it is, he hasn't he has taken the decisive action to actually walk out of your life. When you can inflict this kind of break-up pain on someone, I don't think that person deserves to know how you're doing, how you're coping and more importantly if someone can desert you at that critical point in their life and focus solely on themselves, instead of the partnership, then I'm not sure that's healthy. I really don't think his leaving the relationship is anything to do with YOU personally, I just don't think he wanted to be in the relationship any more and that's what makes me think he isn't coming back. You deserve better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 But what makes someone just leave the relationship and not want to try and use the support of their partner????? I really want to know. That is what I dont understand. So you think he used the "I cant handle it right now because of my issues" as a cop out? He dose have serious issues he is dealing with. I know this for a fact. But I dont understand why he wants to be alone. Is this normal? I am kinda angry now. I want to talk to him about this but I know that that is not healthy right now. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I know this is really hard for you, but he does not want to be with you. If you can start to realise this, then you will start to put yourself first as you should, because he is not thinking of you right now. You have to come to terms with the hard facts that it really is over, and denial will only slow down your own progress in moving forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I know this is really hard for you, but he does not want to be with you. If I have to write "Funky is right" one more time tonight I'm gonna have a fit! I'm just kidding Funkster. But seriously Pineapple, yes I do think he used it as a cop out. He walked away. He didn't want your support. No matter what he has said previously, the person you knew and loved has gone, he's been replaced with someone who is capable of putting distance between you and hurting you in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 funkybassplayer, I understand. I was doing SO well. I AM SO ANGRY the denial stage was pretty much over. IT WAS. I had the saying in my head playing all the time: "He obviously doesnt want me, he did me a favour, now i can move on" But because of the vacation it just made it even worse. I am back to square one and it is so much harder now. I am back to questioning. and questioning and questioning. It is there when i go to bed at night, and right in my face when I wake up in the morning. I just still cant understand Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 15, 2007 Author Share Posted July 15, 2007 I guess I am just a big f***ing loser stu!D, !d!ot that does not deserve to understand and to just be in pain with no understanding what so ever of this whole situation.... that is what it truly feels like deep down inside. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 If I have to write "Funky is right" one more time tonight I'm gonna have a fit! I'm just kidding Funkster..[/quo Eer you did'nt agree about the onlie chatting!!! Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 15, 2007 Share Posted July 15, 2007 I guess I am just a big f***ing loser stu!D, !d!ot that does not deserve to understand and to just be in pain with no understanding what so ever of this whole situation.... that is what it truly feels like deep down inside. Stop that. This love thing is one of the most powerful feelings that a human can have. Dont beat yourself up about it. ok so your at the bottom of the ladder again, start climing, in a week or two you will be back up again, and now you know not to slip into the pain again. Just be as strong as you can be, you have to really dig down deep not to contact some1 you love, but thats what you have to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 Tomorrow (hopefully if I can) I will go to his place for the last time to drop off the pictures. I was thinking to give him a short note saying: Dearest _______, How are you doing my dear? I just wanted to let you know that I really want what is the utmost best for you in this life. And if not being with you is the best thing, than as hard as it is, I want it. I just want to let you know that this is extremely hard for me. And I am sorry if this note made you feel any way sad or upset. I really am.I wish you all the joy that you can wish. Love _______ I was also thinking to add a list of encouraging Quotes for him to read. If I do this will it say I am desperate? I just want to leave softly. But I remember what Chinook said "he doesnt deserve to know how I am doing or feeling".... but still I want him to know these things..... and to know I am here for him.... but it could also look desperate... at times though i dont really care about looking desperate. God. what do u do during ur very, very last meeting..... ? Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Your full of emotions right now, if it were me, i would wait a little until you feel stronger b4 you c him, but if your gonna write a note, just put i wish you well, thats all that needs to be said. I have been (and not long ago) in the place you are now, but getting over emotional and putting it down and sending it will only make you feel low. Cos you wont hear what you want to. If yur going to put anything, make it short and sweet, and stick it through his door. i sent back my ex's stuff with no note, and i never acknolaged her birthday, there really was no need. the relationship is over, that person is not in your life at that level, so there is no point in going to that level. Write it read it then bin it. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 Pineapple, I don't think you should send the note either. You've already said all that needs saying. The relationship has ended he is where he is with it and you're still trying to catch up. He knows how you feel about him. One last attempt to get him to hear it doesn't work. He doesn't want to hear it. He already walked away from what you feel for him. Also, if I were you I would post the pictures if it's important that they are sent right now. Personally, I think they could wait. Emotions are running way too high at the moment and I think taking them there, you could actually be risking a scene which isn't needed. I personally wouldn't want to go to my ex's place because I wouldn't want to be faced with how he's moved on without me. I wouldn't want to see how his face is different when he looks at me. But maybe that's me. I'm hoping I'll never have to see him ever again. I'm hoping his memory will just fade and die. I don't want to see what life without me looks like. Not after everything he said and did. I can't face it. So facing my own life alone is the only way I can go forward. His life doesn't include me now, so I don't want to see it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 but getting over emotional and putting it down and sending it will only make you feel low. Cos you wont hear what you want to. But what if i am not expecting any reaction from him? coz really, im not. I just hate holding back my feelings. What about: Dearest _____, I wish you all the joy that you can wish Love ______. If I do send the first note I wanted to send, what does it show about me? As hard as it is, i guess I could wait to give him the pics.... the reason i want to do it sooner than later is so I can totally cut the tie and truly move on with nothing else to hold on to. (frig that was hard to say ) "He already walked away from what you feel for him. " -Chinook That is so hard to hear.... I feel so hurt:(.... and I feel so gross I cant even explain. Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 "He already walked away from what you feel for him. " -Chinook That is so hard to hear.... I feel so hurt .... and I feel so gross I cant even explain. I know it's hard to hear. But the fact is, that's how it is. He knows how painful this is and yet the situation is as it is. For me, it was that one thing which made it very clear to me that my ex-bf didn't love me and it was that thing which ensured that I would never take him back. For someone to wantonly and willingly cause this level of pain to someone they supposedly love, is to me incomprehensible. I just cannot get my head around it even now. But the fact is, that is what happened. Someone who is so capable of inflicting that level of pain on me, is not someone I want to share my life with. Hard as that is to know and to feel...it's the truth. I'm not a masochist. I don't want to be hurt time and again. I've been hurt enough. Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 If you truly want to move on, dont put any note, just post the stuff to him, and thats it. You said what you needed to, and he knows how you feel. Trust me, sending stuff like that will not help you, and when you get no reponce from him, it will upset you. There only pics, and he can wait anyway. Chinook is just saying the cold truth, and sometimes you need to hear that for it to cut through the fog of emotions that you have right now. Both me and chinook have been through the same, and the only way forward is to cut all ties, and start to deaL WITH YOUR OWN EMOTIONS. you will see that this is in you, and has to come out, and every bit of contact is a huge blow to you, and it becomes harder and more paintful to let go. Once you do, you move to heal fairly fast. once you have acceptance that they dont want you, then you start to recover, and you have that now, he said what he thinks. Link to post Share on other sites
Author pineapple2007 Posted July 16, 2007 Author Share Posted July 16, 2007 See I could simply leave him a message saying "i'm leaving the pics at ur door step at so and so time" and let that be the end. I see myself trying to make this an event. So i shouldnt give any positive quotes? We were friends..why cant i just give him that last helping hand? Won't it look like I am being my genuine self more so than looking desperate ?????? Link to post Share on other sites
funkybassplayer Posted July 16, 2007 Share Posted July 16, 2007 You sound like you have way to much emotions for a friend. Dont kidd yourself! Do what you feel is right, us guys are always here if you need us! Link to post Share on other sites
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