he ended it.....

[Chinook]

See I could simply leave him a message saying "i'm leaving the pics at ur door step at so and so time" and let that be the end.

 

I see myself trying to make this an event.

 

So i shouldnt give any positive quotes? We were friends..why cant i just give him that last helping hand?

 

Won't it look like I am being my genuine self more so than looking desperate ??????

 

Pineapple, you have said two things here...

 

1) You see it as making it an event.

It's an event to you. It isn't to him. He doesn't care about what you think or what you do. I doubt very much he's even bothered about the pictures. I doubt very much whether he will be bothered by any positive quotes you have for him. These are aspects of YOUR personality, something which he has chosen to leave behind. Whatever you do will not interest him, if it did he would make steps to come towards you and rebuild. He hasn't. By his silence he is making it very clear how he feels.

 

2) Desperation.

You can't see it...but you appear to be sinking in your sadness and pain. That is normal. But if that desperation shows here, to people you don't even know...do you not think that the person who knew you best, who professed to love you is going to see it...? You need to take time out and step back. Even though it isn't how you feel - step back and away from this, from him and re-evaluate where things are. It's painful, of course it is...any grieving process is. But it is not going to change the situation. Sooner or later, you will have to accept it for what it is.

[pineapple2007]

holy sh*t. I am in tears. to know he doesnt care about how I feel.

I wanna f***ing die. he doesnt care about the pics or quotes????????????

He just donest give a s**t at all?

I am so angry now. what a f'ing bastard.

[Chinook]

holy sh*t. I am in tears. to know he doesnt care about how I feel.

I wanna f***ing die. he doesnt care about the pics or quotes????????????

He just donest give a s**t at all?

I am so angry now. what a f'ing bastard.

Jeez, I wish this was easier on you. I had the exact same emotions not just 10 days ago. If he cared honey, you wouldn't be where you are right now. That's the bottom line.

[pineapple2007]

ur boyfriend left u? what is ur story ?

[Chinook]

ur boyfriend left u? what is ur story ?

Yep, he did.

 

My story is here and here

 

He doesn't care. He turned his back and hasn't looked back since.

[pineapple2007]

Wow, Chinook. You are going through a lot urself. And i appreciate every word of ur advice (u too funky!). I guess its some what refreshing to hear someone elses story. I wish all the people paining on this site right now can meet in a room and give eachother hugs . That would be so comforting.

 

I have thought about it. And I am deciding to leave the short note and also the quotes. I do not care how it is going to make me "LOOK" In his eyes. By following through with those 2 gestures, (the short note, positive quotes) it makes me feel good inside. Good inside knowing I am still the positive and caring person right up until the very end. And I know him. I know he will appreciate it. Its not going to make him turn around and want me, but i know he will appreciate it.

After all they are just words of guiding wisdom....nothing more and nothing less than that. Nothing painful or begie-look or desperate..... My gut tells me to follow through...... and my friend just told me it wouldnt be harmful at all....

or are we just both blinded as hell..... my gut is saying yes thought.

[Chinook]

Wow, Chinook. You are going through a lot urself. And i appreciate every word of ur advice.

You're very welcome. I think my over-riding thing at the moment is if I can help someone else not feel as much pain as I do then at least some good has come out of all this.

 

I have thought about it. And I am deciding to leave the short note and also the quotes. I do not care how it is going to make me "LOOK" In his eyes. By following through with those 2 gestures, (the short note, positive quotes) it makes me feel good inside. Good inside knowing I am still the positive and caring person right up until the very end.

You know, sometimes staying true to yourself in spite of everything that happens to you and irrespective of what the other person may think, is an admirable quality to have in life. If it hurts you, we'll be here to help you afterwards. But, I suspect you may feel happy that you tried and that at least, is a little something which helps you to heal.

[pineapple2007]

 

You know, sometimes staying true to yourself in spite of everything that happens to you and irrespective of what the other person may think, is an admirable quality to have in life. If it hurts you, we'll be here to help you afterwards. But, I suspect you may feel happy that you tried and that at least, is a little something which helps you to heal.

 

Just reading that put a smile on my face.

Honestly, I feel that if I do not stay true to myself it is going to hurt so much. I will have regrets, doubts, and they will eat me up inside. This person is not cold or crule. He will not see my note/quotes and bash it or look at me differently. Like I said, I know he will appreciate it. By doing the 2 gestures I am truly being myself to the fullest, and it feels good actually. My friend was right, it wont hurt to do it!

I am just going to let go of the thought of "oh i look desperate!" and just do what feels right deep down inside. And ur right Chinook, it may, give me a little crumb of healing.

I have a feeling doing it will give me piece of mind. (i probably already said this) Allowing myself to know I tried to the fullest to the very end I was the best I could ever be! And that is a very good feeling.

 

And thanks so much for being here.... I will share the encounter when it happens...

[funkybassplayer]

If the guy is caring and decent, thenyes cool. I think alot of us talk from our own experience of our ex's, who quite frankly are not worth the effort, but if you find some1 who truly is a decent person and will look at this note with respect for you, then why not. Know one knows him like you do, and its always best to go with your gut feeling. If i did, i would have walked out of my relationship along time ago.

[Chinook]

Funky, which thread did you post your email on, I need to ask you something.

[funkybassplayer]

[email protected] ask away.

[pineapple2007]

So it ended officially yesterday night. I brought the photo album to work and at 5pm when my shift ended I called him we chatted for a bit (about general things) then I told him I had the pics and he said it was ok to bring them by.

I had plans for the evening. It was my bros bday, after i dropped them off I had plans to go downtown to buy him a gift then go home.

When you think u can face ur ex without emotions, UR WRONG!

 

So we were there in his apartment. We looked through the pics together. and the envelop with the little note and the quotes was at the back of the album. and I was like "open this when I leave!"

So we sat and chatted...and chatted....My cell phone kept ringing (my bro was calling ...obviously wondering where the hell I was on his bday!) But at that moment my situation was more important.

 

I tried to leave a few times but we would just stand there and hold eachother. and we would be standing so long our legs got tired and we would sit on his couch and talk some more. this happened about 3 times. 3 times I tried to leave! I felt kinda weak. But I KNEW he understood.. he even said.. I understand..dont worry. he was so conforting..i couldnt believe it. (Coz previous ex's were *******s)

 

He explain what he was going through. he couldnt stop talking about how the withdrawl makes him so paranoid. the sounds he hears on the tv trip him out. he tells me he is always scared. always anxious... and how he paces up and down his apartment... he explain exactly what he has been doing this past month. he says he just stays in his apartment trying to cope. he says every night at 9pm he thinks about the beer store and how he could make it before closing. (but he hasnt given in. only thinks about it).

He explained : "think of a time in your life when you were really scared... you know that feeling, I have that all the time every day"

It really hurt to hear that. He explained how letting me go is something he HAS to do. and how he cannot give me the attention I need... he cannot be a proper boyfriend to me...he really cannot listen to my problems n stories and be there for me like a boyfriend should.

 

It seems he was really trying hard to get me to understand why he was letting me go. That meant a lot.

He allowed me to say everything I have had bottled up for the past month and it felt really good to know he understood.

[funkybassplayer]

I think hes fair, as he realises that he cant be in a relationship, and thats good. My ex brought so much baggae with her, she needed a lorry and this is unfair to expect your partner to have to deal with stuff that should be taken care of b4 entering a new relationship. Dont feel down, i think that you have a way out now from something that would have been far from pleasant. i know like me you want to help, but some people dont want help, and prefer to bury their heads in hope it will go away. You now have to leave him be and think of yourself, and start to heal, then move on to some1 who can give you the love you need, just like i did. My ex was not capable of giving true love and it drove me away. I hope you will be strong now and move forward.

[pineapple2007]

His issues run deep, and are not your responsibility to deal with; so deep to the extent that he was unable to overcome his issues sufficiently to have a solid and functional relationship with you. Sometimes love is not enough.

 

I am starting to see this now. Because although he loves and cares about me, he needs not to be in a relationship with me/anyone at this time. I guess all his time and energy needs to be put towards rebuilding himself again.

It just really sucks that i cannot be there for him.

I cannot be apart of his life. But deep down inside I am happy. Happy that he is making positive changes to his life. but then again. I am not happy that I cannot be with him. damn.... it this is a hard pill to swollow....

 

He also said "you can call me if you need... we can go for hot chocolate if you want...." I would take him up on that offer but as much as I want to I know I cant.

 

He said he wants to call me but he knows that it will end up being something like "hey what are u doing, let hang out......" and we would be in a relationship again...so he refrains.

 

Remember how I said I told him everything that I had bottled up? Well there is one thing I did not ask and that was : "Is this a forever thing or is it temporary?"

I wasnt that I forgot to ask. I was to scared to hear his response. So i left it unknown.

 

Finally after 4 hours at his house he walked me to the station. We huged there a little too...but I mostly stood stairing at random objects on the street while he talked..and explained some more. It was so hard to pick my arms up and give him 1 last hug. The only way I was able to do it was when my brain repressed what was happening for about a mili second and then I huged him. We held eachother for a bit talked in eachothers ears... and then let go.

 

He was like "call me when you get him so i know u got there ok....i'll be sleeping but call anyways,leave a message" and i was like "alright..."

When we departed and I was alone I was totally frozen... i had to talk my legs into walking onto the subway train. I was so sad. My brain had been on an overload so when i actually got home i just layed down, i was so drozy i just fell asleep.

Then I get a call about an hour later and its him. I was half asleep and i dont remember much of what he said! but I remember him saying "why didnt you call?! Thanks for the quotes.... " thats all i remember!!!!!!

Damn I dont know what his last words were! That kinda sucks. I feel like calling him today and saying what did u say last night?! ....