Starlight Starbright Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 I have a friend who broke up with his girlfriend about 1 1/2 years ago. She was too clingy, he wanted more freedom, etc. etc. They've never really stuck to NC, and I think it's made both of them kind of miserable as a result. Sometime around December, my friend got a MAJOR crush on this girl. She was kind of stringing him along (because she had just gotten out of a long-term relationship), but he was really really into her. He would talk to me about it all the time. I would ask him about his ex, and he admitted he still had feelings for her, and he wouldn't say that he NEVER wanted to get back with her, just not at the time. He REALLY wanted to date this new girl, and it looked like things were heading that way. Until about a month ago . . .apparently he got real drunk in front of the crush and offended her in some way because she will longer talk to him. As of two weeks ago, he was telling me just HOW DEPRESSED he was because he was "crazy" about this girl who wouldn't speak to him. He could barely drag himself out of his room on weekends. He was miserable. And then all of a sudden, today, he instant messages me, sounding very chipper, and he tells me that him and his ex are probably going to get back together. She has a boyfriend right now, but my friend assured me that she was going to break up with him very soon. So . . . .for those who can't really grasp the concept of how a backup plan works - I think this is a prime example. If my friend could have dated that other girl (the one that no longer speaks to him) he would have done it in a second. But she is out of the picture, and he has been lonely and depressed, so who does he run to? . . . .the ex, aka "option 2" aka "the backup plan." Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 Hanging around waiting for somebody to break up with somebody else so you can date them is insane. So, say they do break up. There are all kinds of issues there and there's always a danger that THEY may get back together. Now, there are some people who won't break up with somebody until they have another somebody standing by. That's insane too. That hardly gives a person time to see exactly what's out there and to find a truly great person. The idea of having a "back up" is really nice but I don't think it works in human relationship unless you really don't care who the "back up" is. If the "back up" is somebody you used to date, what would make a person think that things would be any different a second time? Hey, if it works for you or your friend...good deal!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Starlight Starbright Posted June 17, 2007 Author Share Posted June 17, 2007 i'm not advocating "the backup," nor do i think i'd ever be capable of seeing someone that way. I wrote this post because we see it all the time on LS, where people give the following advice to a dumpee who is hoping to get a second chance with the ex: "You're the backup plan! Don't you get it? Do you really want to be someone's backup?!?!?!" But, unfortunately, no, the dumpee usually doesn't get it. I guess I thought my example might help them see the light. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 yeah, it reminds me of a quote in somebody's signature here: "Never make somebody a priority who sees you only as an option." These things happen all the time but somewhere in the equation somebody is either being fooled or fooling themselves. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 17, 2007 Share Posted June 17, 2007 yeah, it reminds me of a quote in somebody's signature here: "Never make somebody a priority who sees you only as an option." *wave* I know that "somebody!" I love that quote because it says what everyone needs to learn to do and that's "respect yourself." Link to post Share on other sites
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