Confused610 Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 I found out that my boyfriend was masturbating to porn, it bothers me because I don't like the fact that he is getting pleasure by looking at another womans body. I think he does know i get upset by this ..he continues to do it. what do u guys think about that? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 Excessive masturbation can be an addiction. You can find it listed among sexual addictions on Internet sites dealing with the subject. If he is addicted, there is little you can say or do to get him to stop. It's one of the more difficult addictions to deal with because, unlike drugs, it doesn't cost any money and can be done most anytime...and is pleasurable for the addictee. So you have told him you are aware of his practice and you say he continues to do it. If this guy is masturbating indiscretely where you can either observe him or know that he is doing it, he is the most inconsiderate and low class bxstard on the planet. Since you did tell him this bothers you and he continues to do it, there is little chance you're going to get him to stop. Since he gains pleasure from this, it's not likely he will seek treatment. It is definitely a problem when someone gets as much or greater pleasure from masturbation as from intercourse with a female. One can argue that pleasuring oneself is more readily available than a partner in most cases but even still the frequency is not normal. I think you ought to give him a choice between these women's pictures and your body. I also think you ought to be really pissed that he has allowed you to find out about the practice, which most sane people would keep very secret and perform discretely. After the dust settles, I really don't see how you can stay with him. Your life will be greatly affected by a man who is addicted to porn and masturbation. You might want to talk to a counsellor to see just how your life would be affected before you break up with him. There is almost no chance of him giving up this practice, given the fact he knows it bothers you and he continues. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Confused610 Posted February 8, 2003 Author Share Posted February 8, 2003 It just bothers me in a way because it kinda feels like cheating, i mean really bottom-line do u think it is? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 8, 2003 Share Posted February 8, 2003 Depends on your definition of cheating. Cheating usually takes place with a real person. However, if he's screwing these girls in his mind...then you'll have to figure that one out. You have to go with YOUR feelings, not ours. If you feel he's cheating, get rid of him. What he is doing would not make most women feel very special. Link to post Share on other sites
hornywife4 Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 come on' you don't masterbate to pleasure yourself? I know I do it too.. I have a sex toy that my husband doesn't even know I have and I love it. I know he masterbates too! that doesn't bother me.. I also look at penthouse magazines at work to help me get through the night.. It helps and it even made our sex life a little better.. maybe you should help him masterbate and vise versa. good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted February 22, 2003 Share Posted February 22, 2003 Physically its not cheating, emotionally it is because the girls in the magazines are arousing him to the point where he's fantasizing sexually to encourage masturbation or fantasizing about them during masturbation. But this sounds like a problem your boyfriend had before the both of you got into a relationship. And reality is that if you have habits or behaviors before you get in a relationship, they are not going to change once you get in a relationship. So this has nothing to do with you. I'm not saying you should not feel bad, what I am saying is that you should not responsible for his behavior. And I agree with Tony, if it's done alot it could be an addiction which once again, has nothing to do with you. You gain nothing by not letting you know how he feels. Don't assume he knows how you feel. You have to tell him how you feel, and if that doesn't changes things, you may encourage him to seek help, and if he don't see anything wrong with it and you do, you may have to end the relationship. Because what's important to you is not important to you. I understand so people do this in their relationships, but this is about what you're comfortable and uncomfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
flowers Posted February 23, 2003 Share Posted February 23, 2003 You need to make your feelings to him about the porn direct and clear to him ..that you dissapprove of it. He will probably give you the line that every guy does it and their wives don't mind and their girlfriends don't mind. DON'T LET THAT INTIMIDATE YOU. YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT. IF IT BOTHERS YOU THEN VOICE IT AND IF HE MATURE THEN HE WILL GIVE UP THIS SELFISH ACT. Nobody wants to be married to someone in the future with kids...and have their husband getting hard off another womens body on the computer...you don't deserve to feel second over a computer person. have him make a choice...you or the porn. I have been through this...personally...with someone that i was dating. it is a big issue.....although, he will play it off as it not that big. Link to post Share on other sites
hopeless_love Posted March 4, 2003 Share Posted March 4, 2003 As long as he's not *substituting* the porn for you, it's not really a big deal, although I agree with other replies that he should probably be a little more discreet about it. Myself, I enjoy looking at beautiful bodies, male or female, but I'm not always 'turned on' by them. Do I masturbate looking at them? Occasionally. Would I rather masturbate to porn, or do myself while my wife watches- or participates herself? DOH! Really, though, unless he prefers the porn to your own warm body, just tell him to be a little more discreet about it. (And keep an eye on *what* porn he's getting turned on by- it might help you figure out a way to 'break' him!) Link to post Share on other sites
TRU_BLU Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 I read all you thoughts as far as masterbating and most of it is all wrong. It is a good relese of stress and anger. If it was not for masterbating the my wife and I wood be fighting all the time about sex. When I want it she is not willing so I do it myself and it has not done us any harm at all. If iy bothers you then don't think about it and yes it is something most guys do. Just think of all the porn and sex web sites out there and they must be making big bucks from somewhere otherwise there would not be a market for it. I myself do it on a daily routine it helps me last longer and feel better after I give my wife an orgasam and I know she likes that. TRU_BLU Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 I would kick his ass to the CURB! and make sure he bounces a couple times along the way! If he has no more RESPECT FOR YOU THEN TO DO IT WHEN YOUR THERE OR EVEN WHEN YOUR NOT IS SORRY OF HIM! IM not a man hater by no means but I think that he would be giving me that pleasure instead of giving to his self with the use of a book or TV! OH yeah and just wait a little down the road when he desides that some woman he is watching across the street is there in life and he is tossing his rocks to watching her skirt rise a bit! Sorry just my OP Link to post Share on other sites
LOTSOFLOVE Posted July 10, 2003 Share Posted July 10, 2003 many men masturbate even if they are married that is ok your boyfriend should be fantasising about you when he does it makes me think that when he makes love to you he realy is making lovr to the porn models thats wrong if you have any questions please feel free to let me know good luck Link to post Share on other sites
haoxin Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 Hehe this may seem funny to me . A girl jealous/feel cheated because his bf is masturbating ? Like everyone said its normal life for a guy . But if you can't accept it you can change it . I know girls hate guys who surf porn . They don't think its right , looking at another girl's body . Try keeping your bf busy with yours ? Have fun with him . Give him the pleasure .. Don't make him feel bad bout his life .. compromise and sought things out .. Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted July 15, 2003 Share Posted July 15, 2003 ok can i get a clear answer here? the overall agreement is that if: the person you are with is masturbating and thinking of someone else while doing it, it is cheating and wrong? im really not sure about this, though. i know sometimes i imagine someone down there on me doing crazy things but it doesnt mean i really want them there in real life. i want that person that i am with by my side... Link to post Share on other sites
pitprincess Posted July 28, 2003 Share Posted July 28, 2003 Everyone has fantasies but if it bothers someone and their feelings then its wrong for the person to keep continuing to do this. Especially after she has told him she don't like it and it hurts her. Hurting the one you love is wrong, no matter if its a white lie to tossing your rocks! She is hurt from him tossing his rocks to pictures of other women and for him to keep doing it to satisfy his self don't do nothing more then hurt her and you think that is OK? Link to post Share on other sites
penelope Posted April 8, 2004 Share Posted April 8, 2004 I completely empathize. I am in a similar situation and I am hurt by my boyfriends addiction to porn. He would rather masterbate to internet porn than have sex with me. He will actually turn down my advances wait until he thinks I'm asleep and proceed to log onto porn sights. I know it's not me because his past girlfriends have left him for that exact reason. We used to have a good sex life...now I have to beg for it. It hurts when you know they're not thinking about you. Have you discussed this with him? Link to post Share on other sites
chrissy4534624 Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 ok sweetie....hate to break it to you but i doubt he just started masterbating to porn. im sure hes been doing it since he found his weiner. anyway....i kinda had the same issue with my recent x-fiance...he dug the porn a lot, well he wasn't really with anyone before me for a couple of years so that's basically what he got into it. i even found out he had a foot fetish in the beginning of our relationship, i think its gross and it bothered me but he was pretty honest about it ...well prob. because i found a video or something so he had to be honest...but anyways i tried getting into porn with him but at the moment i could watch it with him and get into it but afterwards it was like what the hell, why am i even encouraging it? he even told me he preferred blonds and always had, since im brunette it bothered me since he would skip over the brunettes in the vids and go right to the slutty lookin blonds. since im not blond it was like, well if he's always been attracted sexually to blonds what the hell's he with me for ya know? anyway, i ditched him and now i skip to the parts of the vids that i like and everythings much better now. porn can be cool for the moment, but afterwards it can make a female feel pretty damn insecure and makes it seem like the dude doesnt have much respect for women depending on what kinda kinky crap he enjoys watching. if your dudes jackin off to playboy then u really dont have much of a prob. on your hands because they all do it...but if hes getting into weird **** you don't like, run fast. my x-fiance got ditched for other reasons besides the porn but thats another story. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted April 12, 2004 Share Posted April 12, 2004 Originally posted by Confused610 I found out that my boyfriend was masturbating to porn, it bothers me because I don't like the fact that he is getting pleasure by looking at another womans body. I think he does know i get upset by this ..he continues to do it. what do u guys think about that? This is not cheating. This is not wrong. I think he does know i get upset by this You think? Do you know? Have you told him that it upsets you? he continues to do it. what do u guys think about that? Again, does he know that it is bothering you? I think that you should tell him, but don't expect him to stop: You have absolutely no right to demand that he do so. Work on communicating. He most likely is not going to stop looking at porn. If he is honest he will admit this, but try to explain to you why he does it, taking your feelings into consideration. He does not have to stop at all, but he can at least be honest and up front with you about what he does, and reassure you that he is with you and that you have nothing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
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