"My daughter and porn"

[sb129]

Its difficult to be compassionate and understanding to someone when they are being flat out rude, and not in the slightest bit compassionate or understanding towards you by saying such a thing!

 

Honestly, what do you think the woman was trying to achieve by saying that to the person about their daughter?

 

I really don't understand how you can say that rudeness such as specified in the OP is justified.

 

Maybe its a cultural difference.

 

Thankfully, I haven't been in that particular situation.

I know if I WAS, I would be angry, but I would be able to contain my anger.

 

I have been personally insulted on a number of occasions- it is par for the course in my line of work.

 

When someone has personally insulted me at work, I have had to act professionally and show understanding, as that is what is required of me, so I am perfectly capable of being understanding and compassionate-

 

however, on the few occasions where I have been subjected to excessive verbal and racist abuse, I have requested that the person kindly leave the premises.

 

You have to draw a line- some behaviour is acceptable, and other behaviour is not. By not reacting to offensive behaviour gives the person license to do it over and over again, which is not fair on the next person they choose to insult- who may not be so tolerant.

 

I think with regards to this particular topic, the womans comment was nasty, exceptionally rude, and unjustified- regardless of their circumstances.

 

I would welcome your suggestions of a constructive way to act in such a situation, and whether or not you would think they would have any effect at all on the persons conscience.

[disgracian]

Its difficult to be compassionate and understanding to someone when they are being flat out rude, and not in the slightest bit compassionate or understanding towards you by saying such a thing!

It surely is difficult! That doesn't mean for a second that you shouldn't try though.

Honestly, what do you think the woman was trying to achieve by saying that to the person about their daughter?

Ignoring the fact that neither of us agree for a second, perhaps she was trying to get them to turn from their wicked ways before more damage is done?

I really don't understand how you can say that rudeness such as specified in the OP is justified.

I don't understand how you drew that conclusion in the absence of me saying anything to that effect. Nowhere did I say it was justified, just that you should seek to change your reaction to it to something more beneficial to everybody.

When someone has personally insulted me at work, I have had to act professionally and show understanding, as that is what is required of me, so I am perfectly capable of being understanding and compassionate-

You're capable of hiding your anger and acting understandingly and compassionately perhaps, but it's pretty obvious from the tone of your posts that your heart isn't really in it.

You have to draw a line- some behaviour is acceptable, and other behaviour is not. By not reacting to offensive behaviour gives the person license to do it over and over again, which is not fair on the next person they choose to insult- who may not be so tolerant.

You're still proceeding from the false assumption that I suggest endorsing or encouraging bad behaviour, even tacitly. I don't. I would actually go so far to suggest that reacting angrily can just as easily encourage the cycle to continue, and even spiral out of control.

 

Leaving aside the other person for a second here, getting angry is detrimental to you and your own health if you let it overcome you too often. From that standpoint, why give some rude person too much of yourself by dwelling angrily on them? It makes you tense, ruins your happiness. Even if you win the argument, you have still lost the battle.

I would welcome your suggestions of a constructive way to act in such a situation, and whether or not you would think they would have any effect at all on the persons conscience.

Haven't I already suggested one?

 

Cheers,

D.

[sb129]

Try modify your rage into pity: instead of detesting people who spout such ignorance, try to think about how their life must be to have to resort to believing such nonsense. They were probably indoctrinated into their beliefs from early childhood, and as such they have had to live with it ever since. Or they may have faced terrible hardship and desperation that forced them to look to religion for solace. Instead of feeling anger, feel sadness for them for whatever in their lives has sent them down that path and brought them to this moment.

.

 

This is why I thought you were justifying rude behaviour.

 

You're capable of hiding your anger and acting understandingly and compassionately perhaps, but it's pretty obvious from the tone of your posts that your heart isn't really in it. .

 

With respect, you are wrong. There has only been one time when it got personal that I did get angry, and it was justified.

However, acting calmly and rationally at the time was the only way to get the person out the door.

And surely not expressing anger is a good thing.

 

Nobody WANTS to get angry. I think you are over-estimating how angry I am actually getting. The knuckle sandwich comment didn't help, but it was a joke!

 

Most of the time I don't even get angry at these people, because I don't let it effect me. Its work. It ends at 5pm, and it stays that way- if it didn't I would be one stressed out bunny. Just as you have said.

 

getting angry is detrimental to you and your own health if you let it overcome you too often. From that standpoint, why give some rude person too much of yourself by dwelling angrily on them? It makes you tense, ruins your happiness.

It would be different if they were having a shot at something dear to me, like my kids, however, as the person in question meant nothing to me, I wouldn't dwell on it for too long, as I would be comfortable in the fact that the comment was wrong.

 

Let me rephrase the question:

 

What would you say to that woman in response to her comment?

And do you think it would have any effect on her conscience?

 

I really am interested in knowing, for future reference!!!:bunny::)

[disgracian]

Hmm. Let's review:

One day a lady at work found out that I sold porn online and she asked me if I ever thought that the reason she was born with cataracts and has very poor vision is because I sold porn online. Because of the things I put out there for people to see.

I would say "No. Do you and if so, why?" and take it from there. I'm honestly intrigued as to what kind of belief would make somebody suggest this. It would make more sense to me if I were to be punished for my own transgressions.

 

Her beliefs could end up being quite vile, but at the end of the day, she's suffering more from them than anybody else. The worst she can do to anybody else is occasionally offend them, and it will be forgotten within hours, maybe less. Meanwhile she mentally tortures herself around the clock. This is why I would react with sympathy instead of anger or offense.

 

Cheers,

D.

[sb129]

Thanks for the insight. That was a good answer.....

 

 

Food for thought! Always good to have different perspectives on these type of things.

 

Will remember it next time the red mist threatens to appear.

 

[Zona76]

You have a different God than I do.

I would NOT find My God being valid to disfigure or maim a child because the father RAPED the mother.

Every child is born innocent. Every new life is a soul unto itself and the creator.

The soul doesn't have to bare the sufferings of the world. I "thought"

being Christian, Jesus removed the sin. His death bares witness to this. Whether one believes or not doesn't discount the fact he existed. We're talking of the child NOT the parent.

I could NOT love a God who would punish a child for the sins of the parents.