Heidi Posted February 9, 2003 Share Posted February 9, 2003 I met a guy about a month ago at a party. We really clicked and he was very keen at first, calling me throughout the week. We went out that weekend and had a great time, then went out the next weekend and the date was even better. I then didn't hear from him for 2 weeks, until finally this afternoon I called (normally I would let it go but I really like him). We had a really nice conversation and he apologised for not getting back to me, saying that he's been "a bit of a recluse" the past two weeks, and busy with work. I asked him out for a drink but he said he had to work. He then asked me what my plans were for the week (more to fill a gap in the conversation, I think) and when I said, 'not sure about the weekend, no concrete plans...' he basically let me know that he wouldn't be available on the weekend (again, because of work). He had been on holidays when he met me and just got back. He is a final year medical student and I understand that he is extremely busy and prioritises his study. I'm just not sure whether to take this personally. I mean, if I was elle macpherson would he "make" time for me?? Should I continue to keep in contact with him in the hope that he'll soon get a break in his diary and fit me in? I don't want to let him go without a fight, I think we connect really well and I haven't liked anyone so much in years. I am prepared to be second best in his life (I am actually extremely busy myself and have a great social life so not seeing him every week is not a major issue). I just don't know whether I am making a fool of myself by trying to maintain some kind of relationship with him - surely if he liked me he would make an effort?? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 9, 2003 Share Posted February 9, 2003 You've done all you could. Now sit back & if he calls - good, if not - nothing you can do. If he does call, make sure to let him know that u'r also rlly busy & be picky about the time to go out. Don't call him anymore, though! You're right, he WILL make time for you if he wants to. I know this is much easier said than done, but hey - you can do it! that's my take, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
Heidi Posted February 9, 2003 Share Posted February 9, 2003 but I think there is potential for an amazing relationship here and I don't know if I want to throw it away just to play 'hard to get'. If he told me straight up that he doesn't have time for a relationship and we should end it, then that's fine. But it seems like he could go either way, and I think to get things going I will have to initiate the next date. I am not going to push anything on him, I just don't want to see things go down the gurgler because he has other things on his mind. Is that stupid?? Am I being too desperate? Letting 2 weeks go past without contacting him was hard enough... Link to post Share on other sites
yes Posted February 9, 2003 Share Posted February 9, 2003 It's not "playing hard to get". It's just keeping your dignity (it's important, believe me, ive acted dumb and didnt quite keep mine at some points). You called him & asked about a drink - so he's been informed that you wanna see him. From here, it's in his hands! If he wants to see you, he will contact you. I don't think contacting him again will look anything but desperate. Just keep dating people, keep your mind off him (i know its hard)... After all, you've only seen him twice or so, you can't know him too well yet, so you can't even be sure you're SO into him. Right now you're mostly interested b/c based on what you saw, you built up an elaborate image of him in your mind (been there, done that!), which doesn't necessarily correspond to how he really is. ... Look at it this way: if he has time & wants to see you, he'll call, right? So what's the use of you calling again? Either he's still busy, or just doesn't wanna see you. Makes sense? best of luck, -yes Link to post Share on other sites
midori Posted February 9, 2003 Share Posted February 9, 2003 I agree completely with yes. He knows. If he cares to act on the knowledge, he will. If he doesn't, it's because he has chosen not to, for whatever reason. People are often vague about plans and their intentions when they're trying to avoid having to come right out and say, "sorry, I'm not interested." If you don't hear from him, it's more than likely that you should interpret his silence as such. Link to post Share on other sites
Graham Posted February 10, 2003 Share Posted February 10, 2003 It's fair enough that this guy is busy. But making a phone call doesn't take that much time and I'm sure if he wanted to pursue something, he would go to the effort. It's annoying when u don't understand why a relationship has ended but sometimes u just have to move on. Sucks, I know. Link to post Share on other sites
Sage555 Posted February 21, 2003 Share Posted February 21, 2003 I dated a medical student for awhile, it didn't work out (for other reasons) and now we are good friends. But he is/was SO busy with school! Their workload is insane. One low mark can set them back so far. He studies literally ALL the time. It was really hard for me to understand at first, and I too took it personally, but you have to respect his commitment. He really appreciated that I was understanding that school came first and that when he was able to call and get together with me, that I wasn't holding a grudge. He ended up turning to me for a five minute study break when he was stressed! He gets really cranky now if he meets someone and she calls him a lot or bugs him when he's studying or is just generally not understanding. He pretty much just writes them off...so just be cool about it. He'll appreciate it. If there is a connection, it will be you he will turn to when he does have time. Link to post Share on other sites
Donswa Posted February 21, 2003 Share Posted February 21, 2003 i totally hear what everyone is saying but the problem is you just don't know how this guys really feels...... is he just busy or is he not interested? i would try and bump into him somewhere and ask point blank (in a tactful way of course!) at least the worst he can say is that he's not interested and you can move on and find someone who is into you!! Link to post Share on other sites
vfr Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 I am a medical student, and believe me, just because he's not calling you doesn't mean he's not interested!! You cannot even imagine what medical school is like until you've been through it. The rest of your life is necessarily put on hold if you want to do well. I am seriously considering quitting school because I am not willing to put in the time that's necessary. Anyway, just remember that if you continue this relationship it may not be that much different even when he's done with school...doctor's hours can be very grueling and the job can easily take over one's life. Residency is even worse...and he'll be a resident for around 3-6 years, depending on his specialty. Link to post Share on other sites
FreeMe Posted February 10, 2004 Share Posted February 10, 2004 You could offer friendship. Wait at least a week and then call him and tell him you're sure he is extremely busy but if he needs a break from studying/work sometime, you'd be happy to hang out, go to a movie, whatever. Don't mention date, relationship, etc. Even if he's interested, it sounds like he's just not going to have much time to build anything. You could at least stay in touch as friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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