Southernbabe2020 Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 I need some advice. My boyfriend and I were friends for a while before we started dating. After we started dating things progressed relatively quickly. My 21st birthday is this weekend and I'm expecting an engagement ring. This used to excite me more than anything but now I'm getting nervous. I'm having doubts. The guy I'm with is wonderful. He treats me like a princess (which is hard because I'm a pain in the ass). He's tall, athletic, attractive, and wealthy. My whole family loves him and I love his whole family and they love me as well. It's perfect. So why am I having such a hard time imagining myself with him forever? Why am I not excited? The problem is that I don't have "butterfiles". My boyfriend is my best friend. I love him so much. I've talked to some people who are married and they seem to think that what I have is ideal because those butterflies fade quickly. Is it? I always assumed I would be consumed with excitement over getting engaged and married. There's no one else in the entire world that could ever take my boyfriend's place... so why then am I having such a hard time with it? I just want to know that everything will be ok. That being best friends is ideal. Every relationship that I've ever been in or seen has failed miserably. Could this be the root of my apprehension? Someone please give me some advice! I don't want to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 you're expecting an engagement ring because he's made noises about marriage, or because you're 21 and you feel this is what you'll most likely be receiving from a guy you've dated as long as you have him? other thought is that you can love someone incredibly much, and share a whole intimate history with that person, but it doesn't necessarily translate into a spouse situation ... i.e., that person is not meant to be your spouse no matter how hard you convince yourself that he or she is "the one." do you think that maybe you've stopped seeing him as a love interest but are staying with hiim because the relationship is familiar and because you get along? or is something else going on in your life that is creating more stress than the idea of getting married creates happiness? If you're worried about school or work or family, that could be impacting feelings you'd normally otherwise have ... just some random thoughts, q Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted June 18, 2007 Share Posted June 18, 2007 1st, youmay not be getting a ring, so all this angst may be for naught. 2nd, it's very normal to have doubts about forever with someone, no matter how much you love him. 3rd, 21 is really really young to get married. Learning more about yourself as an individual will only enhance your future as half of a couple. BTW, I was 21 when I married the 1st time. It was an unqualified disaster, so I may be a little opinionated on the subject! Link to post Share on other sites
Chamari Posted June 19, 2007 Share Posted June 19, 2007 Can't say too much about the situation, but just for the record, just as there are people who marry young and end up in disastrous marriages, there are also those who have wonderful marriages. My oldest sister was married at 19--she and her husband have been married for nearly fifteen years now and they're doing great. So really it just depends on the individuals. Wish I could help you but as a single 20 year old I don't think I can give you much advice. Hope everything works out for you, whatever happens. Link to post Share on other sites
flowergirl Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 First of all, what makes you so sure you're getting a ring? Secondly, 21 is, in general, way too young to be thinking about marriage, because you haven't truly experienced real life yet, no matter how much you may think you have, and thirdly, and most importantly, you said things like your boyfriend's attractive and wealthy and everyone else loves him, but you said nothing of any character traits he posesses that make you love him. All of those factors put together would make me very nervous too. Link to post Share on other sites
CynicalP Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 21 is too young for the unrelenting level of lifelong commitment. Throw in a child soon afterward and you'll feel trapped. I highly recommend you stay clear from mariage, remain single and loosely commited to each other and enjoy each other company for as long as you can and pratice birth control. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 I was 21 when I married, first child at 23. 21 is WAAAYYY to young to marry. Late 20's is optimal as you know more about how you will be as an adult. I have a 19 year old. I would be devestated if she married at 21, not much I could do about it though. (Plus, I am sooo too young to be a grandma!!!!) Give it some time, become you first. That nagging feeling is there for a reason. Doesn't mean he won't be the one someday though. Link to post Share on other sites
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