Feeling that urge to cheat....!

[fetish]

Hey everyone, I got a ligitimate problem. I know yall are gonna hate me after reading this but please respect the fact that i'm being honest

 

I've been dating my woman for about 5 years now. The first month we were dating, i had another squeeze on the side. My main woman even went away for about 6 months on some retreat she has to do in school. We both did the long distance relationship and agreed that we wouldn't see other people. We talked on the phone every night but regretfully, i admit, i stepped out on her a few times during that time.

 

For the past 3-4 years, we've been living together off and on and sometimes i felt like the walls were closing in. It had been over 3 years since i had last been with another woman. Last year, she went on this summer internship in Ohio out of state for 2 months. One night i got drunk and went out to the club. To make a long story short, i met some fine girl at the club and ended up banging her. It felt good while i was doing it but when i reflected on what i had done later, i actually felt bad about it. What killed me was the first few months i was dating her, i was cheating left and right and felt nothing but that last time, i actually felt wrong and like i didn't deserve her.

 

Anyways, my woman has left for her summer internship in Chicago this summer about 2 weeks ago. She will return at the end of July. THe whole time i've been thinking, "I'm not married so why not? After all, i'm only young once!" This time, although i've been wanting to go out there, i've been staying at home and doing things to try to keep me from going astray again. I went out last weekend and saw the finest group of girls and i know i could have them cuz i'm a good-lookin' dude:p.

 

It's just that i love her and couldn't bare what would happen if she were to find out. It's like i'm being pulled both ways here by my good side and my evil side. One side is telling me its easy to go out there while she's gone and do what I want. Afterall, i do live with her the majority of the time when she's here. The other side is telling me that even though we're not engaged or married yet, it's wrong.

 

LS, i need some serious help because i'm trying so hard not to succomb to my doggish ways again. I know all i'm gonna do is do what i want and feel bad about it later. It's like i want to go out there more and more each day. Do i have split personality? What's wrong with me?

[Lizzie60]

Nothing wrong...you're the typical cheater... like the majority of men out there.

 

I've been saying that all along that most cheaters really do love their wife/gf but they just can't seem to control their urge to seek sexual excitement elsewhere.

 

I see men like you all the time... they really love their wife, they would never leave her but yet...

 

The fact that she travels a lot doesn't help IMO, you're 'home alone' and your 'evil side' comes out.

 

The other night I was with a guy just like you... he loves his wife but she does a lot of travelling for her job... so he's out wandering...

 

I think your future with her is not too promising.. you're cheating on her and you're not even married... just imagine 5-8 years down the road, after the passion has faded away, a few kidlets... humm... methink you'll end up paying alimony...unless you're extremely lucky and never ever get caught... I've seen lots of those too.

 

I don't really have an advice for you... you are the only one who can really do something about it...but IMO, you'll never stop... once a cheater, always a cheater.

[BlueEyedSarah]

I feel sorry for your girlfriend, She doesnt know anything about this and she could catch something from you if you bang other girls.

 

Let your girlfriend go, for her own health safety and for your freedom to be single to have sex with other girls.

[bish]

LS, i need some serious help because i'm trying so hard not to succomb to my doggish ways again. I know all i'm gonna do is do what i want and feel bad about it later. It's like i want to go out there more and more each day. Do i have split personality? What's wrong with me?

 

Whats wrong with you? You're a dog, plain and simple.

 

It isn't going to matter what we say here, you are going to step out on this girl and any other girl you date.

 

So I'd be wasting my time saying anything aimed at trying to get you to snap out of it.

[bish]

Nothing wrong...you're the typical cheater... like the majority of men out there.

 

I've been saying that all along that most cheaters really do love their wife/gf but they just can't seem to control their urge to seek sexual excitement elsewhere.

 

I see men like you all the time... .

 

Are you one of those women in Vegas that you see on those little cards that litter the strip early in the morning that says $39.95?

[BentSpine]

OK, fetish, I am slightly optimistic. Guess I have to be since a lot of it seems familiar.

 

You have been doing the right thing lately, staying at home avoiding temptation. This will make you suffer, but if you have decided that your partner is compatible with you and you want to keep your current relationship , staying at home is the right thing to do at the moment.

 

You probably need sex often so any long distance relationship is not going to work for you in the long run. After a short dry period you will respond strongly to sexual cues and since you are handsome, you will have opportunities if you wanted to have sex. And after a while you will want to. Like hunger after a few days.

 

What worries me is your comment that the walls are closing WHILE you and your partner are not separated. As I see it, either you don't get enough sex or you don't find her hot. Honestly, this makes me doubt that you two are a good match.

 

 

Summary: I think you can be monogamous but it takes partner you find hot, who likes to have sex often enough, and very seldom works away from you.

[vivrantflo]

Dude, take 10 minutes, click my profile, and read my story... after reading it, you should know what not to do.. Don't wait until you are caught to decide that u wanna make changes and proclaim to love her.. Believe me.. if you really do love her, STOP cheating on her, and show her some respect. If you dont feel you can change, let her go now... it would be much better for her to deal with being dumped, rather than finding out on her own that her man of 5 years cheated on her.. and she won't even know to the full extent...

[fetish]

on Thanks for the insight guys....

 

vivrantflo what's your story? Maybe provide a link.

 

I may not be a hibitual cheater but i am a cheater and i hate myself for it. Maybe i'll never be married. My girlfriend always talks about us getting married. Sometimes i think that might be best becasue ain't nothin' really out there but a bunch of scandalous women and diseases in the long run. PLus, 5 years is too long not to be married.

 

I'm just worried that because i always find other women attractive, i might not be able to control myself. My urge to cheat is something that i've tried to fight but it always haunts me.

[Aloros]

Have you thought about seeking help? Talking to a therapist or something? I know this may seem extreme, but if you really do love her and you really don't want to stray anymore, you need to get to the root of the problem and find some way to solve it.

 

The way you put it, it almost sounds like a craving or an addiction.

 

It sounds like you would be very unhappy if you continue to cheat on the woman you love, and who wants that?

[vivrantflo]

Here you go bro.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t110697/

[fetish]

Have you thought about seeking help? Talking to a therapist or something? I know this may seem extreme, but if you really do love her and you really don't want to stray anymore, you need to get to the root of the problem and find some way to solve it.

 

The way you put it, it almost sounds like a craving or an addiction.

 

It sounds like you would be very unhappy if you continue to cheat on the woman you love, and who wants that?

 

I actually was considering that. I told myself that it must be a phsycological thing that makes me think the grass is greener on the other side. I love my gf and don't want to mess it up. She gets on my nerves but every mate does after a point

[MarinaAquamarina]

I'm actually disgusted with the way you've been talking. You've been 'banging' other women behind her back - not just one either, but several? She deserves so much better than you. You say you love her but you blatently don't. Okay, so people make mistakes. The first time you slept with someone else was a mistake. The second time was in no way justifiable.

 

I respect the fact that you're now trying to stop feeling the way you do and want help so you don't stray again. However, I'm not sure that anyone on here can say anything that will register in your head if you're out at a club and some 'fine girl' comes up to you because you're such a 'good looking guy'.

 

As someone who has very recently been cheated on, I can tell you I am feeling so angry writing this. You either need to break up with her so she can find someone she deserves, or turn a leaf and mean it.

 

Have a little read around this forum. Read the stories of girls who have been cheated on and how it makes them feel. Start with mine if you want. I am utterly heart broken and it upsets me that this poor girl of yours may soon be going through the same agony I am.

 

Either grow up, or move on.

[MarinaAquamarina]

And please, don't try and make excuses like it's a mental problem. All you have to do is keep your d*ck in your pants, it's not that hard.

 

(Pun not intended!)

[fetish]

^^^ okay the good looking guy comment was just a little humor. I agree with what you're saying and wish I could change the past. Yes the first year i was cheating like no tommorow because I thought I was a player. Last year was the first time i had cheated on her in 3 years and actually felt guilty. The fact that i've been thinking of doing it again is just my doggish ways kickin in and forgetting how bad I felt the last time I did it.

 

But you're right, i do need to grow up. Ill be 27 years old next month. But that urge to cheat is hard to fight. MarinaAquamarina, i do think us men are cursed because we do have that thing in our pants. You will never understand cuz you're a woman but I'm telling you, it's got a mind of its own!!!

 

BTW, vivrantflo, i had actually read your story about a month ago bro. I'm sorry to hear how it recently ended.

[annieo]

OK, I'm sorry but give it a break with the lame excuses already! How many "scandalous" women do you have to "bang" before it occurs to you that women have something in their pants, too, and it has a way of telling us what to do also (usually against our better judgement, when it comes to guys like you). You can let you dick do your thinking or move the thought processes upstairs for a change (assuming there is an organ in your head as well).

Your dick is not telling you what to do, your brain is making excuses (and really worn out one's at that) for what YOU chose to do.

As far as I am concerned, you'll get what you deserve when your partner (and that's what she is, 5 years and cohabitation later, don't kid yourself. Ask a lawyer) finds out. Good luck.

[vivrantflo]

The reason I wanted you to read my story is because I wanted you to see what "could" go down when/if she finds out. Because of my mistake, I lost a wonderful woman, and even thought I am dating someone new, I have to live the rest of my life wondering how happy I could have been with this woman, if I didn't think with my dick. If you got a good woman, you love her, and you want to be with her..hang on to her, and treat her like a queen. Take it from someone that loves eyes candy.. the grass is NOT greener on the other side.

[MarinaAquamarina]

^^^ okay the good looking guy comment was just a little humor. I agree with what you're saying and wish I could change the past. Yes the first year i was cheating like no tommorow because I thought I was a player. Last year was the first time i had cheated on her in 3 years and actually felt guilty. The fact that i've been thinking of doing it again is just my doggish ways kickin in and forgetting how bad I felt the last time I did it.

 

But you're right, i do need to grow up. Ill be 27 years old next month. But that urge to cheat is hard to fight. MarinaAquamarina, i do think us men are cursed because we do have that thing in our pants. You will never understand cuz you're a woman but I'm telling you, it's got a mind of its own!!!

 

 

My boyfriend (or rather my ex) is the same age as you. It's no excuse...infact, it means you should be more grown up than me.

 

The urge to cheat is NOT HARD, I've been in this relationship, for 2 years...do you think I never had the opportunity to cheat? Well, I did. With guys I really fancied, too. Just cos you've got a dick and I haven't does not make a difference. I have sexual needs as well. But I didn't do it. I kinda wish I had now, after I know what he did, but I didn't do it because I could never do that to someone I cared about.

 

I'm begging you, please God don't do it to her again. I don't judge you, I just know how much it hurts. It hurts more than you can ever imagine...if it helps, PM me. I'll talk to you honestly. I'll help you; Just please, promise me you won't do to your g/f what my boyfriend did to me.

 

Hopefully speak soon. PM me. x

[shadowofman]

First of all! Your not a dog, your a human. Cheating is never a good idea really, but that won't change the fact that your a man and you want sex with multiple partners. It's not even a matter of hot or not, BentSpine. He could be married to Angelina Jolie and he'd still want to have sex with other women once in a while. I'm sure you love your GF and it doesn't seem to me that you any less attracted to her. You are just having a hard time being monogamous.

I happen to be one of the biggest feminists I know (more than my wife), but I find it extremely oppressing that our current monogamous culture seems to think that millions of years of male promiscuity could be just repressed, just like that without any good explaination as to how or why. As I've said, cheating is a road to ruin a relationship. I'm in the same boat as you my friend. I don't want my relationship to end, but I also don't want to eat the same cereal for breakfast every morning. I see myself as having options.

1) I could be a cowardly *******: cheat and hope that my wife never finds out. (Difficult and not worth the effort although most men are up for the risk)

2) I could be a man: confront my wife with my position. try to explain it in the clearest and most honest, simple language (the hard part), and except the outcome of said confrontation (I happen to think that my wife would take it hard, after a good time to mull it over, she would see the rationality of my position, which would conflict with her possessive nature, and would lead her to murder me by slow poison)

3) I could ignore my sexual desires: which will and has affected my sex life with my wife already. grow old and regretfully that I wasted my virility. probably grow resentful of my wife. (hopefully I'd kill myself before it gets too bad)

That's why men cheat! It's worth the risk to a majority (Much more than anyone will ever know!)

[rtHawk]

First of all! Your not a dog, your a human. Cheating is never a good idea really, but that won't change the fact that your a man and you want sex with multiple partners. It's not even a matter of hot or not, BentSpine. He could be married to Angelina Jolie and he'd still want to have sex with other women once in a while. I'm sure you love your GF and it doesn't seem to me that you any less attracted to her. You are just having a hard time being monogamous.

I happen to be one of the biggest feminists I know (more than my wife), but I find it extremely oppressing that our current monogamous culture seems to think that millions of years of male promiscuity could be just repressed, just like that without any good explaination as to how or why. As I've said, cheating is a road to ruin a relationship. I'm in the same boat as you my friend. I don't want my relationship to end, but I also don't want to eat the same cereal for breakfast every morning. I see myself as having options.

1) I could be a cowardly *******: cheat and hope that my wife never finds out. (Difficult and not worth the effort although most men are up for the risk)

2) I could be a man: confront my wife with my position. try to explain it in the clearest and most honest, simple language (the hard part), and except the outcome of said confrontation (I happen to think that my wife would take it hard, after a good time to mull it over, she would see the rationality of my position, which would conflict with her possessive nature, and would lead her to murder me by slow poison)

3) I could ignore my sexual desires: which will and has affected my sex life with my wife already. grow old and regretfully that I wasted my virility. probably grow resentful of my wife. (hopefully I'd kill myself before it gets too bad)

That's why men cheat! It's worth the risk to a majority (Much more than anyone will ever know!)

 

LET ME JUST SAY STD STD STD STD STD STD STD STD--

that shoud defintley enhance your virility!!!!!

 

Your wife, your GF your SO---is sooooooooooo much more than a bowl of cereal !!!

and you could enjoy your viritilty with your wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you choose to see your option as a dead end, but it is up to you make it thrive and not stagnant...

new and different is not better!

 

ancient saying:

A man is not a great lover because he makes love to a different woman each night but makes love with the same woman each night.

 

cheating is wrong, inconsiderate,disrespectFul and hurtful to the whole soul.

 

A man's pre-historic history does not mean it is his need; please...

women are meant to b pregnant and have offspring, you don't see them getting pregnant every year....

there is such a thing as looking at the person in your life with RESPECT

AND NOT LOOKING AT YOURSELF WITH ONLY YOUR SELFISH, SELF-CENTERED AND SELF-GRATIFICATION OF CONCERN.

[directx]

Whats interesting is you have been together for so long I bet you both think a lot alike.

She is probably cheating on you when she goes on her trips, no doubt.

 

And i bet thats ok with you as well.

[Citizen Erased]

You do not deserve to have a penis. If Karma existed it would shrivel up and fall off.

[fetish]

vivrantflo, thanks for the advice. I know it sucks getting caught but who knows? Maybe your ex will be back in your life again later down the road because she still sounds like she's straddling the fence with her feelings about you.

 

shadowofman. much of what you say is correct. that's why men cheat but still it doesn't make it right.

 

MarinaAquamarina, i was at a jazz club last night for some live music. I was at the bar and was talking to a rather attractive girl. I wasn't flirting with her or looking at her as a sex object, we were just talking about careers. I think if i had wanted to be the dog i've been in the past, i could've sacked her because she was giving me all kind of rhythm. I simply walked away and ended up leaving the club early and went home to call my girlfriend. So i think in my heart of hearts, i'm trying to do the right thing and actually feel better about it.

 

Whats interesting is you have been together for so long I bet you both think a lot alike.

She is probably cheating on you when she goes on her trips, no doubt.

 

And i bet thats ok with you as well.

 

she could be but women are better at hiding it than we are. When she's here in town, we are always together like glue. I do get tired of it sometimes but i can't figure out how to break loose from her because i don't want to hurt her feelings.

[shadowofman]

Oh I hope no one thinks that I'm advocating cheating at all. Like I said, it's a good way to ruin a relationship. And could we please drop the STD arguement. Safe sex a completely different issue. We should all be having safe sex, period!

Your wife, your GF your SO---is sooooooooooo much more than a bowl of cereal !!!

and you could enjoy your viritilty with your wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you choose to see your option as a dead end, but it is up to you make it thrive and not stagnant...

new and different is not better!

Again, no reason why a man should or could suppress his promiscuity. I look at it the same way as I look at homosexuality. You can't choose to be sraight or gay, you just are. Likewise, you can't choose to only desire one partner for the rest of your life (no matter how hot they maybe). You can, thru religion or sheer will abstain from promisuous behavior, but most people don't. I have so far, but it's getting harder as more time passes. I do respect my wife. That's why I have not cheated and don't want to cheat.

[annieo]

If I had acted on every possibility, every attraction I've had (that was reciprocated, or at least I thought it was) I'd have had hundreds, maybe thousands, of lovers. I'm glad this is not the case. I have been (for the most part) a little bit discrminating, particularily when I've been in a monogomous relationship.

Have I always been faithful? No, but I am not looking for excuses for the times I wasn't. And lately (the last 7 years) I've been a good girl. It hasn't been that hard. I'm with a man I really love, who I have loads of fun with, and I daily make the decision that I don't want to hurt him or **** this up, either by cheating or just being a great big bitch in other ways.

Simple, yes. Easy, most of the time. Impossible, not at all.

Wake up, fetish boy. Life is too short for all of the non-essential bull**** you are putting yourself and your unwitting partner through.

[Walk]

I only go out with family now. Or same sex friends. No trips to the bars by myself... Keeps me honest.

 

Just a suggestion. Next time you want to go out take your brother, or close firend who's in a relationship. The thought of someone you admire finding out your a dog might keep you in check.

 

Don't go out alone. Don't talk to women. Talk to men.

 

Also... about the feeling that you're being smoothered while she's there... it might be because she's some how picked up on your unfaithfulness. Maybe has a bad vibe about your actions that she can't prove. Which could cause her to be clingier then a person normally would. Maybe if you structure the time away from her that wouldn't allow her to doubt your honesty, then she'll be more confortable in letting you out of her sight.

 

But most people get bad vibes when the partner is cheating. Even if they have no proof, and they can't place a finger on what exactly is different... most people still get that bad feeling when their partner strays. I highly doubt your girl is so densly retarded that she hasn't had some real bad feelings about trusting you completely.