Ready to confront OW!!!!!1111

[outofdarkness]

My H and I were in a private meeting w/ our son's tutor this morning when a call came in on his cell from one of his OW's..The persistent:mad:, rude and disrespectful one..I am to say the least...PO'd...I am well aware that my H is not being honest w/ me, and I am also well aware from LS what lengths OW's will go to in order to be with their MM. What I don't understand is the total lack of respect and consideration for the BS's family. There are children involved FGS!!! Where does it end? I have been in the game long enough to know that much of the arousal comes from the secrecy and deception that most often goes along w/ A's, but it is absolutely maddening to have someone treat your family this way!

 

What is it that OW wants? To win the "game"? To have "control"? Where does it stop? I am tired of the games and want it to all end, but I do not know where to go from here...I could go into much more detail, but tonight, I am just too outdone w/ my H's and OW's behavior and the games that they are playing w/ myself and our children.

 

Thanks for letting me vent...Replies are welcome as long as they're kept on topic and respectful..Thanks to all of you who have been there for me!

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Honey, I'm not sure what you expect from an OW???? She has no values or self respect. She is calling another womans H because she cant get her own nor will she ever be able to. Please, please say a prayer for this pathetic excuse for a human being tonight.

[outofdarkness]

Honey, I'm not sure what you expect from an OW???? She has no values or self respect. She is calling another womans H because she cant get her own nor will she ever be able to. Please, please say a prayer for this pathetic excuse for a human being tonight.

Prayer doesn't seen to work for this witch...Sorry to be so ugly, but I am P.O'd...Thanks for the reply....and for caring.

[Trimmer]

OOD - I don't know much of your situation.... What is your husband's position and behavior in all of this? Isn't it mostly his responsibility to you to ensure that your lives are not further disturbed by his OW? (Actually, doesn't he have a responsibility to you not to have any OW in the first place?) But assuming that he does, isn't he really the primary one who owes you the respect and consideration? If he can't get her to stop calling, he should turn off the damn phone when he's around you, or turn off the ringer and certainly not answer it - I can't believe the dissonance I'm feeling in giving advice for how a MM should treat his wife with respect when his OW calls, but for him NOT to do these things must just feel like he is rubbing your nose in it!

 

Not that the OW isn't likely a dishonest, unsympathetic person, but might your anger at her really be misplaced anger at him? In the end, is it really more about what she is doing, or about the fact the he is NOT fixing the mess he has made? Shouldn't he be primarily and completely responsible to you for controlling the situation?

 

... it is absolutely maddening to have someone treat your family this way!

I know you said this about the OW, but shouldn't you really be feeling this about your husband?

[outofdarkness]

OOD - I don't know much of your situation.... What is your husband's position and behavior in all of this? Isn't it mostly his responsibility to you to ensure that your lives are not further disturbed by his OW? (Actually, doesn't he have a responsibility to you not to have any OW in the first place?) But assuming that he does, isn't he really the primary one who owes you the respect and consideration? If he can't get her to stop calling, he should turn off the damn phone when he's around you, or turn off the ringer and certainly not answer it - I can't believe the dissonance I'm feeling in giving advice for how a MM should treat his wife with respect when his OW calls, but for him NOT to do these things must just feel like he is rubbing your nose in it!

 

Not that the OW isn't likely a dishonest, unsympathetic person, but might your anger at her really be misplaced anger at him? In the end, is it really more about what she is doing, or about the fact the he is NOT fixing the mess he has made? Shouldn't he be primarily and completely responsible to you for controlling the situation?

 

 

I know you said this about the OW, but shouldn't you really be feeling this about your husband?

oh...YES, rest assured, I AM feeling this towards my H as well...Is it displaced? IDK, but I CAN say that this particular OW is extremely persistent and witchy....Thanks for the reply..I really appreciate the input!

[outofdarkness]

I can't say enough times how gut wrenching it is to be sitting in a meeting pertaining to our son, who has been ill for quite some time, and have your H receive a call from one of his OW's..Then hang around after the meeting after he said he needed to excuse himself at a certain time, only to corner me and "ask" me if what area code the call was from..Mind games are sick and make me sick....Most especially when they involve my kids...I am sooooooooooooooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[PoshPrincess]

I can't say enough times how gut wrenching it is to be sitting in a meeting pertaining to our son, who has been ill for quite some time, and have your H receive a call from one of his OW's..Then hang around after the meeting after he said he needed to excuse himself at a certain time, only to corner me and "ask" me if what area code the call was from..Mind games are sick and make me sick....Most especially when they involve my kids...I am sooooooooooooooooo mad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

OOD, I can understand why you are so mad about all this intrusion into your family life but I have to agree with Trimmer. Is your H doing anything to put a stop to this woman calling him? Yes, he should have the respect to turn his phone off whilst with you. I would say that maybe he forgot but with everything that has been going on you would think turning his phone off would be foremost in his mind!

 

I am not excusing the OW in ANY WAY for having an A with your H. Speaking as an OW though, I can only say that she probably feels pretty desperate (if she is in love with him, that is). As I say, this is not an EXCUSE just a REASON. I still contact my exMM from time to time although mainly when I know he is working. If he told me to STOP calling/contacting him that I would respect his decision and do just that.

 

Honey, I'm not sure what you expect from an OW???? She has no values or self respect. She is calling another womans H because she cant get her own nor will she ever be able to. Please, please say a prayer for this pathetic excuse for a human being tonight.

 

I can't say I agree with all of the above from IWWH (of course, I wouldn't, being an exOW myself, would I?) because as far as I am concerned (I can't speak for your Hs OW) I do have values (self respect? maybe not considering) I do think she has a point, however, that if she was comfortable with being an OW then she isn't really going to worry about calling your H, is she?1

 

I hope your son is getting better and I am sorry for your pain. I hoe you and your H can get through all this if that is what you want.

[raincloud]

 

If he told me to STOP calling/contacting him that I would respect his decision and do just that.

 

 

Hey there OOD....sorry you are feeling this way. The above quote is exactly what OW told me when I contacted her about her affair with my husband. I completely understand the burning anger you are talking about. It really burns me that one woman could do that to another...I am one of those "stick up for your sister" kind of gals, but not if she has such total disrespect for someone else's feelings and territory...you just don't go after another woman's man....it is an unwritten rule in my book.

 

Not that I am making excuses for my husband. He totally needs to own up to his own mistakes in this mess we are in, and I'm not letting him off the hook! But, yes it is maddening when she is calling and won't back off!

[Lizzie60]

My H and I were in a private meeting w/ our son's tutor this morning when a call came in on his cell from one of his OW's..The persistent:mad:, rude and disrespectful one..I am to say the least...PO'd...I am well aware that my H is not being honest w/ me, and I am also well aware from LS what lengths OW's will go to in order to be with their MM. What I don't understand is the total lack of respect and consideration for the BS's family. There are children involved FGS!!! Where does it end? I have been in the game long enough to know that much of the arousal comes from the secrecy and deception that most often goes along w/ A's, but it is absolutely maddening to have someone treat your family this way!

 

What is it that OW wants? To win the "game"? To have "control"? Where does it stop? I am tired of the games and want it to all end, but I do not know where to go from here...I could go into much more detail, but tonight, I am just too outdone w/ my H's and OW's behavior and the games that they are playing w/ myself and our children.

 

Thanks for letting me vent...Replies are welcome as long as they're kept on topic and respectful..Thanks to all of you who have been there for me!

 

I think you're blaming the OW for your husband irresponsibilities... He's the one who should tell her off...

 

I haven't followed your story, but I suppose you're still with him... WTF?

 

Plus how was she suppose to know that he was with his kid when she called?

[Melissa277]

My H and I were in a private meeting w/ our son's tutor this morning when a call came in on his cell from one of his OW's..The persistent:mad:, rude and disrespectful one..I am to say the least...PO'd...I am well aware that my H is not being honest w/ me, and I am also well aware from LS what lengths OW's will go to in order to be with their MM. What I don't understand is the total lack of respect and consideration for the BS's family. There are children involved FGS!!! Where does it end? I have been in the game long enough to know that much of the arousal comes from the secrecy and deception that most often goes along w/ A's, but it is absolutely maddening to have someone treat your family this way!

 

What is it that OW wants? To win the "game"? To have "control"? Where does it stop? I am tired of the games and want it to all end, but I do not know where to go from here...I could go into much more detail, but tonight, I am just too outdone w/ my H's and OW's behavior and the games that they are playing w/ myself and our children.

 

Thanks for letting me vent...Replies are welcome as long as they're kept on topic and respectful..Thanks to all of you who have been there for me!

 

From ONE of his OW's? That statement says it all. I am familiar with your story ... I know your son is ill and I am so sorry, but for God's sake, ODD, how much more are you willing to put up with from this guy? HE is disrespecting your family as much or more than she is. And I know you know that but geeessshhh, you need to put your foot down once and for all. This crap will never end unless HE "gets it" and apparently after all you've been through, that still hasn't happened. He's a blockhead.

 

Sorry if this isn't respectful ... I just feel really bad for you.

[2sunny]

my question is - did you two talk about that phone call when your meeting ended? what did he say?

 

in my mind - he's really got some nerve. it's really not about the OW - it's about your husbands actions and decision to continue with his OW(s).

 

it seems to me that he's making it perfectly clear that you and your family are not a priority for him - by being so disrespectful at every turn.

 

this certainly doesn't seem like love - in fact he is walking all over you and loving every minute of it.

 

he makes me mad.

[bish]

I know you said this about the OW, but shouldn't you really be feeling this about your husband?

 

She probably does feel this way about her husband and has probably lashed out at him quite a bit I would guess.

But now she is angry too, and rightfully so, at this pathetic excuse for a "woman" who has no sense of decency whatsoever.

 

There are two people involved in her betrayal. yes, her husband is more responsible for what happened, but that doesn't mitigate the OW's role in things.

 

She has every right to be angry at the both of them.

[bish]

I think you're blaming the OW for your husband irresponsibilities...

 

She can blame them both. And of course you will downplay the OW's role in this. You are someone that loves being the OW and makes no bones about enjoying being with other women's husbands.

 

So my advice to you outofdarkness, don't take too much stock into what Lizzie here has to say, she will defend the OW to the hills.

[Art_Critic]

She can blame them both. And of course you will downplay the OW's role in this. You are someone that loves being the OW and makes no bones about enjoying being with other women's husbands.

 

So my advice to you outofdarkness, don't take too much stock into what Lizzie here has to say, she will defend the OW to the hills.

 

Actually I thought Lizzie gave good advice.. Her viewpoint shouldn't be ignored because she is an OW..

 

The biggest responsibility is really in OOD hands.. She continues to accept his and the OW's behavior and until she no longer will tolerate his cheating then she will never resolve this..

 

OOD has to get to a point that enough is enough and then it will force her hand..

 

I feel for OOD.. The resolution is in her hands not her husbands.. she just doesn't see it that way yet..

[raincloud]

She can blame them both. And of course you will downplay the OW's role in this. You are someone that loves being the OW and makes no bones about enjoying being with other women's husbands.

 

So my advice to you outofdarkness, don't take too much stock into what Lizzie here has to say, she will defend the OW to the hills.

 

Well said bish!!! Kudos to you!

[raincloud]

The biggest responsibility is really in OOD hands.. She continues to accept his and the OW's behavior and until she no longer will tolerate his cheating then she will never resolve this..

 

OOD has to get to a point that enough is enough and then it will force her hand..

 

I feel for OOD.. The resolution is in her hands not her husbands.. she just doesn't see it that way yet..

 

This is also true....but, I totally understand where you are coming from OOD. Be strong girl!!!

[Sheba]

I don't think I would appreciate Lizzie much if she were my husband's new friend, but as a forum member with a different point of view, I do appreciate her.

 

OOD, I am sorry that once again you are being treated with such massive disrespect. I am sure that the disrespect shown to you and your family by this woman reflects the boundaries within her relationship with your husband: in other words, no boundaries.

 

It seems to me that you are at the point where you are willing to let things be as they are so long as your husband's secret life does not intrude on your real life. I am so sad for you that it has come to that. I know you have your reasons, but for you expect the OW and your husband to treat you with an appropriate degree of respect is simply misguided. Those relationships are based on ignoring boundaries and being disrespectful of your own/other's commitments. It makes me think of the fable about the scorpion and the frog (forgive my bad version):

A scorpion asked a frog to carry him across a stream. The frog responds "Why would I do that? You will sting me.". The scorpion replies "I won't sting you because I can't swim and so we would both die". The frog allows the scorpion to climb on to his back and begins to swim across the stream. Before they reach the other side, the scorpion stings the frog. The frog asks "Why did you do that, now we will both die?". The scorpion replies: "I am a scorpion. It is my nature."

 

You can't expect better of people than their basic nature.

[whichwayisup]

OOD, (if you haven't already) please don't have sex with him anymore. But if you do, PLEASE use protection....I know you probably know that already, but I needed to say it.

 

I'm so pissed off about how he is treating you, wtf is he thinking/doing and WHY he is being such a dickhead? Seriously. He's pathelogical, sick in the head, he really must be to be pulling this crap on you and your kids. Sick....

 

Just hope soon that when the timing is better, you kick him out. But only you know when to say ENOUGH already. I know too, how hard this is on you with your child not well, plus the rest of daily lifes stresses on you...

 

My thoughts are with ya and all I can say is, don't waste anger on the OW or on him right now. Doing that really isn't going to change ANYTHING unless you're willing to follow through on actions.........Know what I mean??

 

Hugs..

[bish]

Actually I thought Lizzie gave good advice.. Her viewpoint shouldn't be ignored because she is an OW..

 

Her viewpoint shouldn't be ignored because she is simply an OW. I believe OW have good insight to give someone like OOD.

 

But OW that learned from their experience. Not women like Lizzie who enjoy seeking out married men. She is the kind of OW that OOD would probably like to strangle right now, and OOD doesn't need that.

 

Someone like Lizzie trying to give OOD advice is like an OW who acts like she cares to her face, then goes off to rendezvous with her husband at a hotel.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Sheba,

 

Great post. The scorpion and the frog, never heard it.

 

OOD, give your self some time to let the anger reside before taking any action. Although unavoidable, to me anyway, the anger is the most debilitating of all of this.

[Havn_a_life]

oh...YES, rest assured, I AM feeling this towards my H as well...Is it displaced? IDK, but I CAN say that this particular OW is extremely persistent and witchy....Thanks for the reply..I really appreciate the input!

 

Why do you even tolerate a H who has more than one OW, let alone you're still with him and he's still a cheater (If I'm incorrect, please say so).

Your comments about the OW you're PO'd about didn't have an "X" infront of it.

[Lizzie60]

She can blame them both. And of course you will downplay the OW's role in this. You are someone that loves being the OW and makes no bones about enjoying being with other women's husbands.

 

So my advice to you outofdarkness, don't take too much stock into what Lizzie here has to say, she will defend the OW to the hills.

 

YOu should read my previous posts... I don't necessarily take the OW's defense...it depends.

 

But I certainly don't feel any pity for a BS who is allowing his partner to walk all over them...then they blame the OW/OM... in that case, yes I will defend the OW/OM.

[jj2007]

Honey, I'm not sure what you expect from an OW???? She has no values or self respect. She is calling another womans H because she cant get her own nor will she ever be able to. Please, please say a prayer for this pathetic excuse for a human being tonight.

 

Exactly! It sounds like your H is a POS. They deserve each other.

I am so sorry about your son.

[whichwayisup]

But I certainly don't feel any pity for a BS who is allowing his partner to walk all over them...

 

Right now the timing sucks and as her son is ill, imagine that poor kid's feelings if they split up! It takes ALOT for OOD to put up with her H's behaviour, she should be commended for that, not put down for that. She's putting her sons needs FIRST, before her own pain, before her marriage.

then they blame the OW/OM... in that case, yes I will defend the OW/OM.

This particular OW in her H's life now has caused problems and is a nasty person, so yeah, I think OOD has a right to be pissed at the OW as much as she's pissed at her H. Some OW don't push it, leave the W alone, some OW don't. So, if an OW pushes it, basically, she should expect to be pushed back by the W.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

Give it up WWIU!!! You are talking to a woman who justifies that she is doing a great deed to society and marriages by screwing MM! There isn't enough logic in this world to straighten out a mind as twisted as that!