Ready to confront OW!!!!!1111

[IfWishesWereHorses]

If I am going to be lonely, I am going to be lonely ALONE

 

FN, I love that!

 

 

A new lease on life sounds great right now...I am trying...I know it doesn't seem so from reading my posts..They seem like pity parties, but I AM trying! Thanks for taking the time to post...

 

Then put you money where your mouth is OOD! Leave everything and everyone behind for one week and get your behind down here! I can show you an incredible time and for a few days we can leave all worries behind, no kidding, you derserve a break today!!!

[smartgirl]

No, right now..IT is NOT worth it...Re: My H not doing what he should have done and is still doing now...You're absolutely right, and I have NO excuses for letting these things ride. Everything you listed, I insisted on upon withdrawing my D papers three 2.5 years ago...A few got done, some didn't and he began that abusive pattern again. Our son got sick...LIFE hit hard...NOT good enough excuses, I know, but it was what it was, and I can't change that. In looking back, I wish now that I had gone ahead w/ the D and not been suckered back in by all of his wooing, etc., but I was, he's all I've ever known, and I can't go back in time.

 

How did you go about getting your H to change all of these things? I could never even get him to change the same cell # that he's had since cell phones came out...I would really be interested in knowing...Some tips on this would be great...I know I can't MAKE anyone do anything, but am I missing something? I really thought he loved me and had turned over a new leaf...I fell for the same s---that all of the OW's fell for...Sad for me and them...Sad for any Woman to be treated this way by any man...It's always...well..that would never happen to ME! Then you turn around one day and realize that it does and has! I know that you are right and that if he had really wanted to be w/ myself and the kids and change, he would have done all of these things, but he never did...Guess he thought I'd go back to being that same old oblivious ostrich w/ my head in the sand. Even if I wanted to, I could never go back to being the same person that I was. And..I don't want to...I've grown up...BAD way to grow up, but never the less, it has to happen some time..So..I'd say if anything GOOD came from his A's, it's just that...That I've grown in so many ways...Thanks for the post..

 

I say this reluctantly, knowing it will make you sad. I didn't have to do anything to get my H to do all those things but ask. He was humiliated at what he did and remorseful that he had hurt me so badly. He willingly did everything I asked except one thing. He would not tell me where she worked and did not tell me they were continuing to have conversations. The reason was that it turned out -- she worked with him. So avoiding her was impossible and she continued to confront him until 7 months after d-day when he finally told me the truth and we arranged to let her know that I knew who she was. But beyond this last thing, he has been doing everything he could to make it all up to me. That is why I have been willing to work so hard on recovering and getting our lives back on track.

 

I am working on forgiving him because he has been willing to put the work into earning it. I think that given your Hs behavior over the last 10 years and especially the last 2.5, that he has some serious psychological issues. I think he may well love you and your son, but he is so egocentric he is not able or willing to change his behavior. He must derive some sense of power from the way he gets what he wants from each woman and gives nothing in return. He is disturbed and I think he is draining the strength you need to help your son and yourself.

 

Make him leave. Stick to it. Unless you see something really significant that proves he is changing, don't let him back. Save yourself.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I say this reluctantly, knowing it will make you sad. I didn't have to do anything to get my H to do all those things but ask. He was humiliated at what he did and remorseful that he had hurt me so badly. He willingly did everything I asked except one thing. He would not tell me where she worked and did not tell me they were continuing to have conversations. The reason was that it turned out -- she worked with him. So avoiding her was impossible and she continued to confront him until 7 months after d-day when he finally told me the truth and we arranged to let her know that I knew who she was. But beyond this last thing, he has been doing everything he could to make it all up to me. That is why I have been willing to work so hard on recovering and getting our lives back on track.

 

I am working on forgiving him because he has been willing to put the work into earning it. I think that given your Hs behavior over the last 10 years and especially the last 2.5, that he has some serious psychological issues. I think he may well love you and your son, but he is so egocentric he is not able or willing to change his behavior. He must derive some sense of power from the way he gets what he wants from each woman and gives nothing in return. He is disturbed and I think he is draining the strength you need to help your son and yourself.

 

Make him leave. Stick to it. Unless you see something really significant that proves he is changing, don't let him back. Save yourself.

 

Smartgirl, you husband sounds like a smart man, noone had to tell him how to get back what he wanted, he new the right thing and was capable of doing it. This is the difference in a man who makes a "mistake" and a man who makes the "mistake of getting caught". Yep, somepeople can never change, but SG's husband wasn't a serial cheater if I'm right. There is a very big difference the the psyche of these individuals.

[outofdarkness]

If I am going to be lonely, I am going to be lonely ALONE

 

FN, I love that!

 

 

A new lease on life sounds great right now...I am trying...I know it doesn't seem so from reading my posts..They seem like pity parties, but I AM trying! Thanks for taking the time to post...

 

Then put you money where your mouth is OOD! Leave everything and everyone behind for one week and get your behind down here! I can show you an incredible time and for a few days we can leave all worries behind, no kidding, you derserve a break today!!!

well..that sounds great...got another offer to go to arizona!! I'm going to have to fire up my new wheels and burn some serious rubber, or hit the blue skies!!!

[outofdarkness]

OOD, first let me tell you that I really, really feel for you. I wish I could give you a big hug and wave a magic wand and fix everything for you. I really do!!!

 

I hate to tell you this OOD, because I know how hard it is right now, but some people are not capable of changing. Part of it may be genetic, believe it or not, and the other part of it is they have to want to change. Your husband clearly does not want to change. He has seen that you will stay with him and therefore he can have it all his way. If you really force the issue and make him move out and still support you and if you do not let him back into your life until he does do all the things that you want him to, then maybe you can make him change. But at this point he is like the kid who keeps getting told no, but then never faces any consequences, so he just keeps on with the bad behavior. He can deal with the nos by ignoring them. It is the actual consequences that he does not want to deal with.

 

As for the genetic part, a friend of mine (who knows nothing of my story) told me the other day that she had divorced her first husband because she caught him in an affair. Turns out he had been married twice before and had affairs on both of them. He has been married four more times since my friend's divorce, all because of affairs. When my friend told his mother that she was getting a divorce and why, his mother told her not to rush into things, that he would come back to her, after all his father and his grandfather always did!!!!! Can you believe that!!!! So your husband may not be capable of changing his basic nature. If that is the case, then there really is nothing you can do other than put up with it or divorce him.

 

I am glad that you are here on LS and talking with everyone. There are a lot of good people here. And you know the old adage, two heads are better than one, well, here you have a whole flock! There is a variety of advice. You have said that you are thinking about what people are saying and advising, that is good. You definitely should think carefully about it and evaluate it within your own situation and your own needs. Only you know the full story and your full reasons. Ultimately you are the only one who can make the decision and it has to be one that you can live with. It should also be one that protects the health (both emotional and physical) of yourself and your children. You are the most important people in this equation!!! Do whatever you need to do and know that we will be here for emotional support at least, no matter what you choose. You are strong, you CAN get through this!

Thanks for the post..I know somewhere in my past posts, I did mention that my H's G Father and GG Father, etc...were all serious cheaters..I found out thru my H's G Mother who is 94 and still very alert and active, and whom I am very close to...She explained everything to me and said there has never been a man on that side of the family who has ever been able to stay faithful in a M..It really helped me, and I continue to talk to her about it...She told me when all of this came out that I was literally living her life...SOOO telling...Thanks again.

[outofdarkness]

I say this reluctantly, knowing it will make you sad. I didn't have to do anything to get my H to do all those things but ask. He was humiliated at what he did and remorseful that he had hurt me so badly. He willingly did everything I asked except one thing. He would not tell me where she worked and did not tell me they were continuing to have conversations. The reason was that it turned out -- she worked with him. So avoiding her was impossible and she continued to confront him until 7 months after d-day when he finally told me the truth and we arranged to let her know that I knew who she was. But beyond this last thing, he has been doing everything he could to make it all up to me. That is why I have been willing to work so hard on recovering and getting our lives back on track.

 

I am working on forgiving him because he has been willing to put the work into earning it. I think that given your Hs behavior over the last 10 years and especially the last 2.5, that he has some serious psychological issues. I think he may well love you and your son, but he is so egocentric he is not able or willing to change his behavior. He must derive some sense of power from the way he gets what he wants from each woman and gives nothing in return. He is disturbed and I think he is draining the strength you need to help your son and yourself.

 

Make him leave. Stick to it. Unless you see something really significant that proves he is changing, don't let him back. Save yourself.

Thanks for the advice. He did do everything that I asked for awhile, but there were a few exceptions, like changing his cell phone..I had thought, and still think that he many have a child/ children by one of these OW's. but I think now that there is a possibility that this is someone that he works w/ and THAT is why he's been so very protective and defensive of this particular one...IDK...Thanks again for the advice.

[smartgirl]

I've been away, or I would have responded sooner. If he works with her it is more complicated. My H seemed determined to not tell me where she worked. It was a barrier between us and even though he saw how much it was torturing me - he wouldn't say. I had finally had enough. I told him that this showed he didn't trust me. How could I trust him again, when he didn't trust me. I told him this was going to be the undoing of our marriage. So he finally told me.

 

He wasn't trying to protect her necessarily, but probably himself. He was afraid I would come after her and that she would retaliate by coming after him at work. She could destroy his job, career and reputation. She was angry enough that he wasn't sure what she might do.

 

It has made it very difficult. It also makes it difficult for the H to really cut off contact and he has to continually "make nice" for fear of her causing trouble. So if your H is still trying to be nice to this woman, it may be because of a work complication and the fear factor. Throw this out to him and see if he is willing to come clean. But before you do, be prepared for what life will be like after you know. You will have to be ok with him going into work everyday and seeing her.

 

Why won't he change the cell phone? Does he let you see the bills? If not, arrange for an online account with your carrier and you can see them that way.

[myblue_heaven]

I've been away, or I would have responded sooner. If he works with her it is more complicated. My H seemed determined to not tell me where she worked. It was a barrier between us and even though he saw how much it was torturing me - he wouldn't say. I had finally had enough. I told him that this showed he didn't trust me. How could I trust him again, when he didn't trust me. I told him this was going to be the undoing of our marriage. So he finally told me.

 

He wasn't trying to protect her necessarily, but probably himself. He was afraid I would come after her and that she would retaliate by coming after him at work. She could destroy his job, career and reputation. She was angry enough that he wasn't sure what she might do.

 

It has made it very difficult. It also makes it difficult for the H to really cut off contact and he has to continually "make nice" for fear of her causing trouble. So if your H is still trying to be nice to this woman, it may be because of a work complication and the fear factor. Throw this out to him and see if he is willing to come clean. But before you do, be prepared for what life will be like after you know. You will have to be ok with him going into work everyday and seeing her.

quote]

 

Isn't that the case alot of times?

My h, after the A ended had to work with the xOW. He didn't want me going after her because of the same reasons stated above that I've marked in bold type.

it's not fair to us the BWs because they, H and xOW go out and do this to us but then they don't think we should react or have a voice about it, just to protect themselves and their careers, reputations, etc.

I think if they're willing to risk doing what they're doing for their own selfishness, then I have no problem telling them face to face, job or no job. That's the "risk" they wanna take? Fine by me.

[smartgirl]

Isn't that the case alot of times?

My h, after the A ended had to work with the xOW. He didn't want me going after her because of the same reasons stated above that I've marked in bold type.

it's not fair to us the BWs because they, H and xOW go out and do this to us but then they don't think we should react or have a voice about it, just to protect themselves and their careers, reputations, etc.

I think if they're willing to risk doing what they're doing for their own selfishness, then I have no problem telling them face to face, job or no job. That's the "risk" they wanna take? Fine by me.

 

I have really struggled with this and it continues to eat at me. They took these stupid risks - my H in particular. Why wasn't he as worried about his career when he was F******* that woman as he was after, when only my actions were in question. I know that is an oversimplification, but it is the way I feel. They get to rampage around the office having sex and now I have to play nice or risk financial ruin for our family.

 

Sometimes I feel so angry about it I just want to go down there and kick the crap out of her.

[myblue_heaven]

You're saying every single word I said to myself, that I said to my H.

He was worried about his career, and said he wasn't think with his brain when he was having an A.

I think it's all about embarrassment on a H's part. On her(xOW) part it's about revenge about getting her own back.

It's funny how after the humpin' stops, the H sees the OW for what she is. Before she's all nice and wonderful and accomodating.

Funny that...

[myblue_heaven]

I made sure when I confronted the xOW in my H's case, I did it out of the workplace.

She couldn't say I started a fight at the workplace.

[outofdarkness]

The whole thing gives me the creeps! Talk about oversimplifying!!! In reading your posts, yes, I do think there is a good possibility that it is someone he either has in the past or currently works with. There was a "slip" on his part last summer..He forgot to erase her cell# from incoming calls inbetween business trips..I caught him red handed and called to leave her a voice mail telling her it was WAY over the line to even have dinner and drinks w/ a collegue of the opposite sex if one is M and/or one is a superior...This woman is a young 20 something and is a subordinate of his. I told her in the voice mail that if they had "business" to conduct they should have dinner brought into the office or take along another collegue. She called HIM to report the call..I asked that she not call me as our # is unlisted. I got many excuses from him but the main one is one which I have heard many times over the years, even before D day...That business is business and that is just the way it's conducted sometimes...I know enough to know that this is inappropriate/borderline unethical behavior...HE thinks I am oblivious to certain things, but I AM NOT! Just afraid to speak up to him b/c he can be very intimidating..

 

I have a feeling that he is still communicating w/ this woman in some way, but then again, he IS a serial cheater..It could be many and not just her. He also told me that he would NEVER cheat w/ anyone that he works with..Along with that he would NEVER date a M woman...THAT turned out to be a total lie, why should I believe that he would not cross the line at work? I shouldn't..He's a compulsive liar when in his addiction...I PRETEND now that I am oblivious, but I am NOT...This throws him off big time...and allows me to investigate more thoroughly w/out him being one step ahead of me all the time...

 

He EVEN went so far as to tell me that she was very attractive when I asked what she looked like and showed me her picture on the work web site..I DID ask!! It's such a sick game, and one which I do NOT care to be a part of for the rest of my life. Now..He's asking me to attend a small dinner party w/ some very old friends this Sat...I havn't seen or talked to any of those people since D day and don't care to...I would be a nervous wreck and feel terrible about myself...It's a mess..Anyway, thanks to all again for the input..You all are really helping me!

[VinaAmez]

How did you go about getting your H to change all of these things?

 

You can't. He has to do that himself and it sounds like he doesn't want to.

 

I hate to tell you this OOD, because I know how hard it is right now, but some people are not capable of changing.

 

I agree.

[portableversion]

he's a senior VP and probably makes a lot of money. that's why she stays. And that's why he can score with mulitiple OW's.

 

To OOD, if you staying for the money (and i think you are given the mass amounts of degradation you've endured) just forget about your H so to speak. Spend his money, make sure you all assets are joint and turn a blind eye. Form your own hobbies and social groups. Get a boyfriend. Just stop being upset by this.

[silktricks]

I have really struggled with this and it continues to eat at me. They took these stupid risks - my H in particular. Why wasn't he as worried about his career when he was F******* that woman as he was after, when only my actions were in question. I know that is an oversimplification, but it is the way I feel. They get to rampage around the office having sex and now I have to play nice or risk financial ruin for our family.

 

Sometimes I feel so angry about it I just want to go down there and kick the crap out of her.

 

Ahhh these guys are pikers compared to the crap that my H said. Your guys just talk about financial ruin.... since that wasn't a card my H could play (I'm certain he would have if he could have, though) he said that he figured that she would get one of her friends to shoot him. (Not that he didn't deserve it, but if somebody was going to kill him, at that point it was going to be me!!! :lmao:)

 

I tried to contact her anyway (me being me), but she hung up on me as soon as I said two words. She recognized my voice from her zillions of "anonymous" hang-up calls to my house!!! I didn't try again. I figured it was a waste of my time. Though if she ever crosses my path, even now, it won't be pretty.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

(Not that he didn't deserve it, but if somebody was going to kill him, at that point it was going to be me!!! :lmao:)

 

NOW THATS FUNNY! :lmao: ITA! I recently am dealing with my own disclosure day since discovery day 2 years ago. There's only one D day left that I can think of.

[outofdarkness]

he's a senior VP and probably makes a lot of money. that's why she stays. And that's why he can score with mulitiple OW's.

 

To OOD, if you staying for the money (and i think you are given the mass amounts of degradation you've endured) just forget about your H so to speak. Spend his money, make sure you all assets are joint and turn a blind eye. Form your own hobbies and social groups. Get a boyfriend. Just stop being upset by this.

Yeah, he MAKES alot of $..BUT there's a difference between MAKING alot of money and HAVING money!!! He squandered away almost all of our nest egg...it's paycheck to paycheck and there's alot of debt...Am I staying for the $..NO!! That was NOT one of the list of things that I had on my list..and I DID post that list somewhere...

[outofdarkness]

he's a senior VP and probably makes a lot of money. that's why she stays. And that's why he can score with mulitiple OW's.

 

To OOD, if you staying for the money (and i think you are given the mass amounts of degradation you've endured) just forget about your H so to speak. Spend his money, make sure you all assets are joint and turn a blind eye. Form your own hobbies and social groups. Get a boyfriend. Just stop being upset by this.

Sorry, it's a good idea, but it's just not the sort of person I am..That would be betraying my vows, and that's important to me..I don't want to put myself on his level...

[cbl]

I got many excuses from him but the main one is one which I have heard many times over the years, even before D day...That business is business and that is just the way it's conducted sometimes...

 

Strictly from a business woman point of view, I do think sometimes it works "magic" to discuss business deals or work related issues with business associates, customers, suppliers over a few drinks or watching football games. I don't mean business deals can not be closed in a work environment like in the office or meetings but the tense from dealing with other misc issues and a lot interruptions on the desk does not help. Building the bonds/connections with colleagues of the opposite/same sex over a relaxed setting helps tremendously in solving issues.

 

I started smoking at the age of 33 so that I can have a heart-to-heart with colleagues and managing-up in the smoking room or smoking area outside office building. These are places where you can hear (useful) gossips which people might take advantage of when it comes to work. Gossips/knowlege/information is power - and you don't hear it by sitting at the work desk.

 

I personally closed quite a few business deals outside office settings. Usually over a dinner.

 

My point is, there is truth in his statement, but it's not an excuse for him if he does have an affair with a business associate.

 

 

He EVEN went so far as to tell me that she was very attractive when I asked what she looked like and showed me her picture on the work web site..I DID ask!!

 

My observation is that "in general" men don't talk about women who they have affairs with. If anything, they would deny any associations with those women - so they stay out of troubles/argument in their marriage.

 

If they've gone as far as giving positive comments, it's either they totally are innocent, or they are doing it out of manipulation and revenge. I personally don't think it has something to do with the cheaters lacking respects to their spouses; they are simply creating competitions to get what they want - but it's hard to change the dynamics of the interactions between couples who are staying with each other for a long time, right? It's time to do something for a change. Maybe use his own tactics against him ie. creating competitions. Focus on yourself and work on yourself so instead you afraid of losing him, he has to worry about losing you.

 

Now..He's asking me to attend a small dinner party w/ some very old friends this Sat...I havn't seen or talked to any of those people since D day and don't care to...I would be a nervous wreck and feel terrible about myself...It's a mess..

 

I think more like a man so when I see statement like this, I assume you are looking for some positive inputs than simply empathies. Feel free to ignore the next part of my comments if you don't find them useful.

 

One thing to remember is that a man does not have to always ask his SO to attend all the business/socializing functions with him. He can ask other female friends as he wishes. As a matter of fact, men are good at compartamentalization so they may have various female friends to invite for different functions (although it might sound morally wrong) therefore consider you are honored to be invited to the party with him and attend the party with this attitude. Get ready. Find the right dress and accessories to go with. Get your hair and manicure done (very important) - act confidently and "make him proud". Speak confidently. Find interesting topics to talk about - as a matter of fact now it's time to start your research on what to talk about during the party. Read news that are related to financial industry (or whatever industries your friends are in), economics, and how current events impact the dynamics in the industry. Don't need to be an expert but if needed, ask the right questions (not the dumb ones like I sometimes do). Talk about your own business and how you can assist them with your own biz. Or any news related to their hobbies (golfing, football games, etc.) and then of course chat with them about their life, traveling experiences, kids, etc. Show your husband that you are an interesting partner to attend functions with and you have a lot more than housework kids and LS for him to explore - and talk to male friends with interesting subjects, laugh (and to a point of a little flirtation if you would) and make him join your discussion because it's fun to be with you - have fun and good luck.

[outofdarkness]

Strictly from a business woman point of view, I do think sometimes it works "magic" to discuss business deals or work related issues with business associates, customers, suppliers over a few drinks or watching football games. I don't mean business deals can not be closed in a work environment like in the office or meetings but the tense from dealing with other misc issues and a lot interruptions on the desk does not help. Building the bonds/connections with colleagues of the opposite/same sex over a relaxed setting helps tremendously in solving issues.

 

I started smoking at the age of 33 so that I can have a heart-to-heart with colleagues and managing-up in the smoking room or smoking area outside office building. These are places where you can hear (useful) gossips which people might take advantage of when it comes to work. Gossips/knowlege/information is power - and you don't hear it by sitting at the work desk.

 

I personally closed quite a few business deals outside office settings. Usually over a dinner.

 

My point is, there is truth in his statement, but it's not an excuse for him if he does have an affair with a business associate.

 

 

 

 

My observation is that "in general" men don't talk about women who they have affairs with. If anything, they would deny any associations with those women - so they stay out of troubles/argument in their marriage.

 

If they've gone as far as giving positive comments, it's either they totally are innocent, or they are doing it out of manipulation and revenge. I personally don't think it has something to do with the cheaters lacking respects to their spouses; they are simply creating competitions to get what they want - but it's hard to change the dynamics of the interactions between couples who are staying with each other for a long time, right? It's time to do something for a change. Maybe use his own tactics against him ie. creating competitions. Focus on yourself and work on yourself so instead you afraid of losing him, he has to worry about losing you.

 

 

 

I think more like a man so when I see statement like this, I assume you are looking for some positive inputs than simply empathies. Feel free to ignore the next part of my comments if you don't find them useful.

 

One thing to remember is that a man does not have to always ask his SO to attend all the business/socializing functions with him. He can ask other female friends as he wishes. As a matter of fact, men are good at compartamentalization so they may have various female friends to invite for different functions (although it might sound morally wrong) therefore consider you are honored to be invited to the party with him and attend the party with this attitude. Get ready. Find the right dress and accessories to go with. Get your hair and manicure done (very important) - act confidently and "make him proud". Speak confidently. Find interesting topics to talk about - as a matter of fact now it's time to start your research on what to talk about during the party. Read news that are related to financial industry (or whatever industries your friends are in), economics, and how current events impact the dynamics in the industry. Don't need to be an expert but if needed, ask the right questions (not the dumb ones like I sometimes do). Talk about your own business and how you can assist them with your own biz. Or any news related to their hobbies (golfing, football games, etc.) and then of course chat with them about their life, traveling experiences, kids, etc. Show your husband that you are an interesting partner to attend functions with and you have a lot more than housework kids and LS for him to explore - and talk to male friends with interesting subjects, laugh (and to a point of a little flirtation if you would) and make him join your discussion because it's fun to be with you - have fun and good luck.

Thanks for the advice. You are absolutely on target as far as the dinner party goes..Trouble is....I just don't FEEL any of those things..I don't FEEL self confident, I don't WANT to chit chat and suck up for him..I am angry w/ him...Yes, I am well aware of how expertly men compartmentalize....I will say this, if he did happen to attend this particular small dinner party w/ a member of the opposite sex, he might as well not come home..I don't care if he goes alone, but I really don't care to be humiliated any more then I already have in our community...These are old high school friends that we used to pal around w/ in high school, college and before we had children..not business associates.

 

At this point, I would feel that any idle chit chat or attempt on my part at making conversation while attending anything with him, would make me feel like the smuck that I feel like I was for not seeing what was happening all around me for 10 years....I really do appreciate your input, and I would hope that some day, I can get back the confidence and self assurance that I once had and attend these functions with or w/out him with ease and enjoyment, but I am not so sure it will EVER be in our hometown again...Thanks again for the feedback...

[outofdarkness]

Just fyi..He didn't' really have a choice but to show me her picture..You see, at random times, or when I'm feeling brave, I'll ask to see his laptop...It was during one of these times that the work web site was up and I asked to see various pictures. It was after he lied to me about his dinner plans and he forgot to erase incoming calls in between business trips, that I asked what this woman w looked like. BECAUSE he had lied to me about it. Now..Whether or not he lied b/c he has a horrible track recored and shouldn't be doing that EVEN if it IS proper protocol, or he just found her attractive and took advantage of her youth and position to try to score is still in question. I tend to think the ladder due to the fact that he IS a sex addict and he CAN'T differentiate as far as W are concerned, business or not...If he is in a conference room full of people on a call, etc. then that's a different story, but this was a cozy restaurant w/ drinks and a long dinner. NO business was conducted, and he lied to me about it...Hope I've cleared that up...

[Lynna]

My observation is that "in general" men don't talk about women who they have affairs with. If anything, they would deny any associations with those women - so they stay out of troubles/argument in their marriage.

 

Actually, my husband came home and talked about the OW a lot. She was the one person at work that he did not complain about, ever. He was always telling me about funny things she said or did, or things that were going on with her and her husband. I knew that they were good friends. Once I discovered the A I knew exactly who it was with because of this, though he tried to lie to me at first because he wanted to protect her from me. I think he talked about her so much to me because he was trying to keep me from being suspicious. Did not work however!

[myblue_heaven]

If you aren't any of your MM's first OW, then you definitely won't be their last, Lizzie. You are deluding yourself if you think that. And I'm not saying that to be smug or b*itchy.

 

They are serial cheaters if you are # 2 or #3 OW for any of the MMs. That's what "serial" is defined by.

[Lizzie60]

If you aren't any of your MM's first OW, then you definitely won't be their last, Lizzie. You are deluding yourself if you think that. And I'm not saying that to be smug or b*itchy.

 

They are serial cheaters if you are # 2 or #3 OW for any of the MMs. That's what "serial" is defined by.

 

but who cares? I don't. When the affair will be finished they can do whatever they want... I'll be out of there...

 

I am seeing one guy (not as often though) he's married, had a mistress for 5 years... then he was cheating on her with another woman and me from time to time... His mistress dumped him last year... so talk about serial cheater...LOL

[myblue_heaven]

I've never been an OW, so I can't really understand an OW's reasoning or what goes on in a R with a MM.

 

I just go by what I see, what I read, and by some people that I know.