fyrwyfe Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Being turned down for sex, or offered a limp penis, but then awaking at three in the morning to find yourself alone in bed, and looking down the hall, and seeing the light from the computer, and KNOWING that your man refused sex with you, but is down the hall masterbating. [color=darkblue] Yeah, great feeling, isnt it? Maybe you should go to therapy Monday - get those bad feelings you have for your wonderful husband out of your head. Jeez, just think of the wonderful marriage you two could have if you'd only stop dwelling! [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
blind_otter Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 My exBF was an alcoholic and a cokehead. You know what? He wasn't addicted to porn, in fact he never watched it. I was ignored, abused (verbally and physically), and I got offered the limp dick, too. I don't think anyone is saying it's your problem. But his problem is not what you think it is. You could get rid of all the porn in the world. You know what? An addict is still an addict until they realize that they are addicted and get help. Link to post Share on other sites
fyrwyfe Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 I don't think anyone is saying it's your problem. [color=darkblue] Actually, certain people are saying it's our problem....[/color] Insecurity is in the head and has nothing to do with one's looks..... Now if you want to cling desperately to your insecurity rather than getting it fixed, go right ahead. [color=darkblue]AND[/color] My guy's looking at porn has NEVER made me feel... ugly, hurt, deceived, lied to or inadequate... and if it did, I'd understand it was MY problem and MY insecurity and I'd get counselling to overcome MY insecurity. [color=darkblue]In their opinion, we are just insecure & need to get over it. It's all in our head.[/color] But his problem is not what you think it is. You could get rid of all the porn in the world. You know what? An addict is still an addict until they realize that they are addicted and get help. [color=darkblue] Now that I agree with. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
Bubbles Posted March 29, 2005 Share Posted March 29, 2005 Unfortunatly moimeme got on this thread and ripped us to pieces blind............your'e coming in at the tail end of things. bubbles Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 So moimeme - if you enjoyed looking at online porn as long as it had guys with enormous hard-ons YET your SO told you this really bothered him - it made him feel insecure, like perhaps his erection wasn't large enough for you, made him feel a like there is a lack of interest in him etc, would you say to him that he needs therapy rather than think about how your actions are causing him to feel? I would reassure him that he was my one and only and that every picture I see reminds me of him because that would be the truth. I would tell him that I was doing it because he wasn't available and I wanted him but couldn't so I did this instead, which would be the truth. And if he was seriously so insecure that this bothered him, then he would be insecure in many other ways and I would probably suggest he get to counselling. HOWEVER. I firmly believe that one's sexual tastes are one of the critical discussions to have BEFORE marriage and therefore I would have ensured that we both discussed this and many other issues thoroughly before we decided to marry. Having a happy marriage doesn't just require that people love each other; it requires that people live together well. Many of these women are experiencing the 'lack of interest' from their SO's, experiencing a limp weenie because the wife just isn't doin' it for them like the porn does, experiencing being left alone in bed while their SO jacks-off to porn in the den instead - so still therapy for the wife to get over her "false beliefs" like you say? For the 766890489559687095086th time I REPEAT IF YOUR SEX LIFE IS SUFFERING BECAUSE OF THE PORN AND THE PORN IS NOT A SYMPTOM OF OTHER PROBLEMS IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP THEN IT IS A DIFFERENT ISSUE. Monday, I have probably told you dozens of times to get counselling. Your husband had a bad life and has not developed good coping strategies and does not relate well to you. If you want to live with this guy, you will have to learn how. If you take on a broken person, you don't expect him to magically be repaired. You have to learn how to deal with him or never take him on in the first place. Once you learn how to deal and manage yourself, you'll maybe be in a position to convince him to get help. Link to post Share on other sites
fyrwyfe Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 I would tell him that I was doing it because he wasn't available and I wanted him but couldn't so I did this instead, which would be the truth. [color=darkblue]But this is not the case for many women. They are available yet their husbands choose to masturbate to porn instead. That sucks.[/color] I firmly believe that one's sexual tastes are one of the critical discussions to have BEFORE marriage and therefore I would have ensured that we both discussed this and many other issues thoroughly before we decided to marry. [color=darkblue]I agree, however IMO talking won't do a whole lot unless you've been with the person a while. The flutters that exist with new relationships will most likely hide any porn addiction already present. The "newness" of relationships makes people act differently, and (typically) only until things settle down a bit will the addiction resurface. I've experienced this personally and seen it in other relationships as well. [/color] Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted March 30, 2005 Share Posted March 30, 2005 They are available yet their husbands choose to masturbate to porn instead. That sucks. Yes and I keep on saying that I am NOT talking about that situation. I sound like a damn broken record, I say it so often. The flutters that exist with new relationships will most likely hide any porn addiction already present. The "newness" of relationships makes people act differently, and (typically) only until things settle down a bit will the addiction resurface. I've experienced this personally and seen it in other relationships as well. Which is precisely my point. Nobody should get married while the 'newness' is still on!!!!! You ought not marry until you are both out of that first flush of foolishness and you know each other *well*. Link to post Share on other sites
motz Posted April 15, 2005 Share Posted April 15, 2005 Originally posted by fyrwyfe [color=darkblue] Yeah, great feeling, isnt it? Maybe you should go to therapy Monday - get those bad feelings you have for your wonderful husband out of your head. Jeez, just think of the wonderful marriage you two could have if you'd only stop dwelling! [/color] How true! Link to post Share on other sites
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