UsernameRemoved Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 OK, we've been together for just over 4 years, but for the last few months she's been acting wierd, allow me to elaborate: Several times now when she's been supposed to be coming over and then didn't show up. When I tried ringing her she didn't answer and everytime she texts me to tell me that she's fine, then when I finally get through to her phone she's stepped outside away from her new friends to talk to me. Last week I was snoozing but I woke up when her phone rang, I listened for a couple of minutes talking to a guy, when I asked her who it was she told me it was her female friend on the phone. When I asked her why she lied, she said it was the female friends' phone and boyfriend... Oh yeah, and after she realised I was awake she left... There's more if you want to hear it and I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on just this bit. Link to post Share on other sites
Cobra_X30 Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Give her das boot. I doubt she is planning a suprise party for you. If you broom her now you can control the pain, wait until she wastes another year of your life only to find she is sleeping around.... Thats gonna hurt way more. Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Today I finally met one of these new friends while out shopping, the way they talked suggested that her stories may be true. They talked about their other friends without any sign of something being amiss. Part of me thinks that she is just acting out, it was around this time of the year that her dad died and all of this is very out of character, like she's stepped out of reality.Part of me believes her that nothing is going on but there's still that feeling you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 So why aren't you included in activities or just hanging out with her new friends? Something tells me that something may or may not have already happened. If nothing has happened, I would bet she has her eye on someone she does not want you to meet. She is being secretive that right there is a big Red Flag! Link to post Share on other sites
directx Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 The best way to show someone they are doing wrong is to do what they are doing to you to them. So first of all write down exactly the dates and times she pulls this crap. Make sure its exact. Because if she creates an argument about it, hard facts will shut her up. Second, be prepared mentally to get rid of her. I would already. But I'm emotionally involved. Third, before you prove her wrong, do the same exact crap to her. Don't cheat, but make plans, don't show up, etc. Act like there is nothing wrong with that. I would even go so far as to noticebly 'dress up', 'smell better' to give her impressions, but I'm a little disturbed that way. Link to post Share on other sites
Topper Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 The best way to show someone they are doing wrong is to do what they are doing to you to them. So first of all write down exactly the dates and times she pulls this crap. Make sure its exact. Because if she creates an argument about it, hard facts will shut her up. Second, be prepared mentally to get rid of her. I would already. But I'm emotionally involved. Third, before you prove her wrong, do the same exact crap to her. Don't cheat, but make plans, don't show up, etc. Act like there is nothing wrong with that. I would even go so far as to noticeably 'dress up', 'smell better' to give her impressions, but I'm a little disturbed that way. Well that advice could totally backfire. while you are pretending to maybe have something going on she thinks she is in the clear to do what she has been doing. if she is cheating shes cheating not much you can do about that. she just might be looking for you to give her an excuse to make her exit. Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I kinda ear wigged on a couple of her phone calls with a new friend of hers (he's male), their conversation seemed to line up perfectly with what she's been telling me about these new friends. I would still like to meet these people so that I can form an opinion of them, she doesn't want me to as many of them take drugs and she doesn't think that I'd be cool with it. Any ideas on how to persuade her to introduce us? Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 I kinda ear wigged on a couple of her phone calls with a new friend of hers (he's male), their conversation seemed to line up perfectly with what she's been telling me about these new friends. I would still like to meet these people so that I can form an opinion of them, she doesn't want me to as many of them take drugs and she doesn't think that I'd be cool with it. Any ideas on how to persuade her to introduce us? Is it possible that she is doing drugs with them? I ask because your original post said that she has been acting wierd, supposed to be coming over and then not showing up. Do you know what kind of drugs she says her friends do? If so, start looking for those symptoms of use in her. To persuade her to introduce you to her friends tell her that her friends drug use doesn't bother you (regardless if it does bother you). She may know that thats not true but you can try. So is she saying that her friends are doing drugs at the places they go and that is why she won't introduce you? Or just that they do drugs and she thinks you wouldn't want to meet them? Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 She has been acting weird lately and lies to you. She tells you she does not want you to meet her new male friends because they do drugs. What does that tell you? She is probably doing drugs with them. Drugs usually leads to sex. There is an old saying that you can tell a lot about a person by the friends they keep. Why would someone wish to be friends with people who are into heavy drug use? The fact that she does not even want you to meet them says a great deal? If the roles were reversed do you honestly think she would put up with such crap and dishonesty from you? Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 I've been watching for symptoms of drug abuse and so far I haven't seen anything out of the ordinary in terms of drugs. They take E's, Cannibus, Whizz? and speed... Not all of them take each of them, most of them just smoke cannibus(weed) but some of the guys take the E's and one of the other lasses takes the whizz, not sure who does the speed, I think it's the one who doesn't go much. They all drink (including her) but the guys generally seperate themselves before doing the E's then return to their girlfriends (they all generally go too). They're at one of the lasses' houses when they have these parties, but the part about not introducing me seems strange as i once tried cannibus myself... It's beggining to look like she doesn't trust me, she makes alot of emhasis on how skinny all of her new female friends are and she's been having issues with her wieght for some months now. I think it would really help if I could just get to know some of them at least, I mean, I'm here at my computer telling you lot and it's the weekend so you can guess where she's at. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 OK, we've been together for just over 4 years, but for the last few months she's been acting wierd, allow me to elaborate: Several times now when she's been supposed to be coming over and then didn't show up. When I tried ringing her she didn't answer and everytime she texts me to tell me that she's fine, then when I finally get through to her phone she's stepped outside away from her new friends to talk to me. Last week I was snoozing but I woke up when her phone rang, I listened for a couple of minutes talking to a guy, when I asked her who it was she told me it was her female friend on the phone. When I asked her why she lied, she said it was the female friends' phone and boyfriend... Oh yeah, and after she realised I was awake she left... There's more if you want to hear it and I'd be happy to hear your thoughts on just this bit. Oh ya...unless she's planning a surprise birthday party for you, she is f#cking around on you. Not coming over when she is supposed to, not answering her cell, and lying about who she was talking to then leaving? Yup, she's a ho. Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Oh ya...unless she's planning a surprise birthday party for you, she is f#cking around on you. Not coming over when she is supposed to, not answering her cell, and lying about who she was talking to then leaving? Yup, she's a ho. I was looking for peoples views, not for people to start throwing insults around, if you'd read beyond that point you'd have realised we've moved beyond that post and onto the possibilities of drug abuse. Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Just after one in the morning last night she left the party early as less of them showed up, I ran a good mile to pick her up (long time since I ran that far) because two of the guys that were there tried to follow her home (one with a gf and one who's trying to get back with the mother of his child) and she didn't feel comfortable nor want them to know where she lives. They didn't follow her very far, probably due to the drugs, but she still kept checking for them behind all the way back to her house. There was still no sign that she'd been on any drugs and this time I don't even think she'd been drinking at all. I'm more confused as each week goes by, but less worried about the possibility of her cheating. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Why don't you tell her that your really worried about her. She's not showing up when she says she is going to and she doesn't want you to meet her friends because they do drugs and it is all starting to make you not trust her. If the two of you don't start communicating then the problems are only going to get worse. Unless she admits to having a drug problem, cheating or whatever the problem is and wants to do something about the problem then there isn't really much of a relationship to fix. The turmoil that your putting yourself through by not asking the difficult questions is only delaying the solution. Link to post Share on other sites
nittygritty Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Just after one in the morning last night she left the party early as less of them showed up, I ran a good mile to pick her up (long time since I ran that far) because two of the guys that were there tried to follow her home (one with a gf and one who's trying to get back with the mother of his child) and she didn't feel comfortable nor want them to know where she lives. They didn't follow her very far, probably due to the drugs, but she still kept checking for them behind all the way back to her house. There was still no sign that she'd been on any drugs and this time I don't even think she'd been drinking at all. I'm more confused as each week goes by, but less worried about the possibility of her cheating. She doesn't want you to go to the parties with her because they do drugs there but wants you to rescue her at 1 a.m. from the guys that do drugs that she doesn't want you to meet?? The bolded text sounds kind of paranoid which is a symptom of drug use. You two need to talk. Link to post Share on other sites
Leadnfllw Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 She seems to have some psychological issues. Her 'drug' friends are definitely fun to her otherwise she wouldn't be hanging around them so much. Her motivation seems to be the need for some kind of excitement in her life and maybe these people provide it. I am curious but has she lived a somewhat sheltered life? She is probably taking drugs or beginning down that road. Also keep in mind the fact that even 'soft' drugs like marijuana can lower her inhibitions and combining them with alcohol is even worse. I'm sure that all these people aren't just hanging around her to 'just be her friends.' E and speed are even more cause to be concerned with this girl. All of these signs put together are trouble for your future, if someone is truly content with their life there would be no need for them to take drugs or even associate with these type of lowlifes. You need to have a serious talk with her and express these concerns and also ask yourself if you really want to be someone who acts this way. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 I was looking for peoples views, not for people to start throwing insults around, if you'd read beyond that point you'd have realised we've moved beyond that post and onto the possibilities of drug abuse. You asked if we thought she was.......cheating. So if you don't want to hear it, then never mind what I said. She's an angel. By all means, marry her. Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 We've talked about my suspitions, she's agreed not to go to any more of these parties but she may go out for a couple of girls' nights out, but this won't be nearly as frequently. She told me that she knows she's been acting strangly but isn't sure why and she's going to sort her head out before her 21st (middle of august). I also found out that the majority of these new freinds are only 16 and 17 with only two others over 20 years old. Maybe she really is just acting out and rebelling against whatever, but I guess for the next couple months I'll have to keep a closer eye on her. Link to post Share on other sites
UsernameRemoved Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 She seems to have some psychological issues. Her 'drug' friends are definitely fun to her otherwise she wouldn't be hanging around them so much. Her motivation seems to be the need for some kind of excitement in her life and maybe these people provide it. I am curious but has she lived a somewhat sheltered life? She is probably taking drugs or beginning down that road. Also keep in mind the fact that even 'soft' drugs like marijuana can lower her inhibitions and combining them with alcohol is even worse. I'm sure that all these people aren't just hanging around her to 'just be her friends.' E and speed are even more cause to be concerned with this girl. All of these signs put together are trouble for your future, if someone is truly content with their life there would be no need for them to take drugs or even associate with these type of lowlifes. You need to have a serious talk with her and express these concerns and also ask yourself if you really want to be someone who acts this way. Her life has been mostly sheltered, she was daddy's little angel until he died quite suddenly five years ago, she was there when it happened. She left her last job nearly a year ago due to bullying and hasn't mannaged to find new employment since. I guess all these things and possibly others might have left her partly empty inside and gave reason in her own mind for the way she's becoming. Originally Posted by bish You asked if we thought she was.......cheating. So if you don't want to hear it, then never mind what I said. She's an angel. By all means, marry her. Sorry if I misunderstood you bish and I do mean to be thankful for your opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 Sorry if I misunderstood you bish and I do mean to be thankful for your opinions. I am just giving it to you from someone who has been there. I wouldn't want anyone to be played a fool like I did in the past. So if I can help anyone see the light through my experience, I hope I can. And about her saying she will be doing the "girls night out" thing.....uh...thats no good. Girls night out is ok for someone trustworthy, but she has given you plenty to be untrusting about. I know you can't forbid it and I wouldn't advise you too. But don't be a fool. Don't think she isn't out there doing things that she shouldn't be doing. All I am saying is, don't have trust with his girl so much that it is coming out of your eyeballs. Don't think that her girls night outs are innocent. Out of sight, out of mind. When the cats away the mice will play. Again, I'm not saying this is the case with all SO's, but in your case I feel it is. Link to post Share on other sites
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