skimmy Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Hi guys, I really need your help. If you're in a similar situation, let me know your thoughts. My friend is separated from his wife, and they have 2 young children. She's generally a good woman, good mother, but mean to him, and after taking it for a year, he decided to get out while he had a shred of sanity left. Emotional abuse, okay? Anxiety, depression, the whole 9 yards when he's around her. For most breakups, NC is recommended, but that's pretty damn difficult in this situation because of the children. He of course wants to see his children whenever he can and shares the responsibility of driving the kids to and from school... When she's not being mean he does okay, but it's cyclical...sometimes things come up and conversations have to occur and he has to constantly remind her why he left her...which makes him feel reallllly guilty. He's very empathetic so I know the pain he causes her really gets to him, because he does care about her as a person and as the mother of his children, he just can't be with her for his own sanity. How does a man in this situation cope? How does he deal with the guilt? How do you establish NC when there are children involved? And please, please, please....no flames! Link to post Share on other sites
azianpride143 Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 All he has to do is set the boundaries and expectations with his spouse. He needs to let her know that for now their conversations should only revolve around the kids, home, etc. He needs to be specific about it and stick with it. Most abused men (I was once one) tend to just shutdown when confronted by their spouse. So he would need to put his foot down and let her know he means business. Bottomline is, he needs to man up. Link to post Share on other sites
backseat Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 The children are in the custody of the wife? With what you said of how the wife talks, surely he must have talked harsh words to the children if she's mad sooner or later. Therefore, she is not fitted to have the custody of the children. Tell your friend to get custody of their kids. Nowadays, a lot of men win the custody of their children. Link to post Share on other sites
Author skimmy Posted July 4, 2007 Author Share Posted July 4, 2007 With what you said of how the wife talks, surely he must have talked harsh words to the children if she's mad sooner or later. Therefore, she is not fitted to have the custody of the children. Tell your friend to get custody of their kids. Well, he says that she doesn't badmouth him to the kids or treat them harshly...if anything, she's probably too lenient and lets them get away with misbehaving. He says it's because she feels guilty......anyways, he's already said he wouldn't take the kids away from her, because they need her and she needs them too. Most abused men (I was once one) tend to just shutdown when confronted by their spouse. So he would need to put his foot down and let her know he means business. Yeah, he admitted he tends to shut down....but he does end up trying to deal with it...it's tough for him because she doesn't get the message the first or fiftieth time. Link to post Share on other sites
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