Do I want a woman or a girl?

[0217174]

I've always been so stumped when simply having conversations, not knowing whether to use the term "woman" or "girl".

 

Because I don't ever see myself dating a woman. I'm 33 and I still go skateboarding for cryin' out loud. I look about 24 (literally--I don't just have "youthful features") and it seems my personality has revolved around my physical appearance.

 

I can get along perfectly fine with a woman.. I noticed most "women" who seem to be interested seem like they're in a mid life crises and want some young meat--which would be moi-- just kidding. But I just cannot see myself with them. It's laughable. I look like their younger brother's best friend. But I guess I really would rather date a woman. But I feel more physically compatible with either a younger girl, or someone who still looks really young. Dating sites is hell for me, because I search for "under 26" but every single one I take one look at and I know we'd have nothing to go on. I'm no longer into the whole cool social lifestlye of all the <26ees. But I just don't feel physically equal to the older folks.

[underpants]

Have you ever tried to date older women. Apparently it's the new hip thing. I have a friend in his early thirties and his relationship with a beautiful 40 something woman is going on over a year now. He is still smitten. I also have a friend who is 46 and married now for 10 years to a 57 year old woman who runs marathons and bikes miles every week. Gosh she is 57 (to me she looks maybe 40) her body is amazing.

 

I only suggest it because you have tried younger girls and haven't found the compatibility. Some older women are still quite fit and might open up a new world to you. I find it kind of hypocritical that you can only be open in one direction. What if those younger girls see you as the older brother type? Just food for thought.

 

Regardless of the age of a potential romantic interest you should be somewhat selective. Of course you don't want to be some fresh divorcee's boy toy, nor do you want to have to wait for some young girl to mature enough be relationship material.

 

Keep an open mind and be cautious and above all have fun.

 

Regards,

Unders

[Steveto]

whoa...you are me..but in a different part of the world! I totally feel for you..I'm 32..look 10 years younger, but my prob is that I either attract the real young or the older, more mid-life crisis women like you said..many have kids..divorced and the young ones are ..well..i guess they are sick of guys their own age...the wrench in all this for me is that I work overseas..well..by choice..I don't have to..I just do it because I can..8-)

 

As for the "woman" and "girl" issue...I refer to most as girls up to say mid 40's only because at the same time..I feel really weird that some kids call me sir...it's just damn weird. I put "guy" on the same equivalency as "girl". if I am being formal, I would use mam/madame..

 

"I look like their younger brother's best friend."

 

I hear you..really...especially because I wear a ball cap almost everywhere I go...heh..and I still hang out at the fraternity house when i go home for visits. I can have "real" conversations with older women and of course my peers, but the thing is..my peers LOOK their age...I don't. It's rare to find a mature person..mature enough to have a conversation level of a 30 something. Sure, they might have the education by the mid 20's but they're still fresh...Music interests tend to be similar and other things might bind us together..., but again..it does feel different.

 

"I search for "under 26" but every single one I take one look at and I know we'd have nothing to go on"

 

hahaha..I know exactly what you mean! out in left field..nothing at all.

 

The crap part of it is..women around our age or close are either engaged, married, married with kids, or married/divorced/kids, OR have other issues that you have no interest in entertaining or dealing with.

 

I'm in limbo state myself..

 

Anyway..good to know I'm not the only one..If you find a solution, let me know. I think 27 is my lucky number.

 

Steve

[Alexandra-Girl]

I just have to chime in as a "LADY" on the other end of this. Lady fits nicely between girl and madamme OP writes, ""I search for "under 26" but every single one I take one look at and I know we'd have nothing to go on"" - well I am just slightly older than this age. There are unique ladies out there that are younger and don't fit the typical age stereotype that I am sure you could connect with on many levels.

 

For instance, I am one of those "shockers". I have independently travelled to foreign places. I have moved around more times than the number of my toes and fingers. I have a B.A. and a B.Sc. in two different fields. I am pursuing my Master's in Europe this year in a very interesting field that - ummm hummm - most women wouldn't consider (PM me if you want the field - it is very unique and would blow you away). I can chat up a storm about almost anything, yes this includes hockey. I rarely mention the above in new conversations because it is just a 'profile on paper.' But, when it comes to relationships, the person you wish to connect with wants to find out more about you so, like all conversations, the profile comes out .

 

My issue isn't that I can't connect with men of all ages, instead it is that they get thrown for a loop when their questions become more personal. The end result is usually their discrediting me in their minds as a potential partner because inital appearances deceive. For the longest time I thought there was something 'wrong' with me, that is until a male friend mentioned that his friends viewed me as an untouchable. I didn't know what they meant so I asked and polled. Here are the responses I received. Ironically I could, just by their responses, classify their age category. The younger 20 somethings always swayed towards the 'I can't believe that you have experienced and accomplished all of that'. The 30 somethings have viewed me as 'the dreamgirl who's lifestyle doesn't have girlfriend or wife-like traits'. The 40 somethings have consistently told me 'they wished they had met me in their 30s' and the 50 somethings have always said 'my lifestyle and career result in a solitary and lonely life'. Have I given up on men and finding the perfect relationship for me given that three age categories have hold-ups - no - but I do literally walk-away shaking my head sometimes. Maybe I should go for the 60 age bracket then - JUST kidding.

 

I honestly question if there is a double standard for men and women when it comes to success in leadership, economic status, educational status, regardless of age when it comes to determining a partner. It is no shocker that Women are known to single out a man with all these traits; yet, it may just be me, the men I've met either shut-down within a few months due to a surfacing lack of confidence in keeping me long-term, or, they try to alter my ambitious choices through ultimatums.

 

We all have dilemmas don't we

[Steveto]

You've definitely peaked my curiosity. I would PM you, but I just realized that it is not accessible without membership. Something to think about I guess.

 

<snip>meant for another post</snip> deleted already..continue..

 

There are MANY under 26 year olds that can hold their own and can have extremely brilliant conversations, but from my experience, thos have different career goals and objectives. They're NOT ready for a relationship because they are still striving to get to where they want to go. My sister is one of them and she won't be till where she wants until about 30.

 

Alexandra - Are these people shocked that you have travelled so much alone as a "Lady" or is their reaction a general one? The reason I ask is because I almost never get that reaction unless I am speaking with someone with an introverted personality or reclusive individual.

 

I know this would be classified as an almost immature comment, but when you said this:

 

"usually their discrediting me in their minds as a potential partner because inital appearances deceive. For the longest time I thought there was something 'wrong' with me, that is until a male friend mentioned that his friends viewed me as an untouchable."

 

I seriously thought you were going to say that you were a "dude"..reinforcing the younger looking younger acting theory.

 

I just can't imagine what kind of lifestyle you could possibly lead that would have guys not even make an attempt at a relationship. I mean really?? If what you say is true 'the dreamgirl' factor...I'm sorry..I am scatching my head right now because I would jump at the chance to give it a shot. It's not every day I get to meet a 'dreamgirl'.

 

Ahh, now I get it, they DO attempt, however shortly down the line there seems to be an inferiority complex; insecurity if you will. You end up not fitting their mold. I am just wondering. Do you think that you subconsciously belittle them? For the guys that try to change your lifelong goals, well, to me they aren't experienced enough. I learned the hard way that you can't change someone unless they want to change themselves and you don't want to change.

 

What exactly are wife-like traits? If you mean traditional wife-like traits, that is too old fashoin and I don't know what kind of guys you are talking to, but I am completely opposite in my beliefs regarding that. Or is it that you do not wish to bear children? That could put a damper on things for potential marriage.

 

Men determine partners on many separate issues. Some are old fashion, some want equal calibre and others have social/cultural/family obligations as do women. NOW, here's what I have noticed is the difference. Many guys have a problem with women making more money than them, having a higher social status and basically anything that makes them look less as a MAN. Insecurity 101. Much like how fashion magazines show that to be beautiful is to be thin and we have all seen results from women trying to achieve that status. There is a lot of pressure for the man to be the bread winnner and in a lot of cases, they are. Every guy on some level thinks this way, even if they don't necessarily believe it. Ok, yes, I am generalizing, but I think you agree to at least some extent to that what I say is true.

 

The wrong guys are asking you out! That's just my assessment. They see you as a challenge at the beginning, but when they realize that you can kick their ass from every possible angle, they give up. I, myself have never been known to back down from a challenge (guy thing maybe), even if it is obvious I will lose. In school I would always choose to do a paper with a topic that had to do with my teachers expertise, so he/she would actually grade it with more precision. Yes, I was a straight C/2.5 student. Academia wasn't my strongpoint, but I always walked head on into a challenge. Guys like the challenge, but they hate failure. I shake failure off as a learning experience. That's why you get top grade highschool kids droppping out by Christmas time. They aren't used to getting that D on a midterm or C on a lab report and just like the guys you dated, they fall apart and end up leaving.

 

You definitely seem intriguing and don't be surprised if you get a pm from me.

 

Steve

[Alexandra-Girl]

Houston we have established connection! Steveo you hit the nail on the head.

 

Let’s just say that wife-like traits means – no traditional domestication due to lifestyle. Specifically, what I mean is that my lifestyle is equivalent to career military personnel on active duty (huge distinction between a business travel man)– yet I am a civilian. Men don’t want to put up with that sh*t, but it is my career and I won’t put something like this on the backburner because it gives me more satisfaction than I could have ever imagined.

 

I choose to live this lifestyle, it’s just that no one in their right mind wants to live it with me (except family and friends because let’s just say the acorn doesn’t fall too far from the tree). I have even been involved with military men because they do live a somewhat similar lifestyle – yet the double standard creeps in and they get all choked-up. It is a no-win situation for me. Insecurity 101 (we need to eliminate this stupid course).

 

Even when the right guys ask me out they give up eventually because they end-up wanting what the typical women dreams of when she is a young girl and I will never be able to provide the traditional element of ‘always there for my man’. I can’t share everything, which only fosters their insecurity 101. Heck, I may not even make it to my own wedding – if there is ever one, ha ha. I’m not trying to make light of it, but it is something I have come to accept.

 

My life is not routine, but it is as secure as it can get. The men know this and this is when the ultimatums and attempts at change come in. I have even dated several who were fine originally, up to the challenge as you mentioned. They thought it would be a wonderful experience. -mental note, maybe stay away from men who have the word experience in their vocabulary - Then when something comes up and I ask for their input to include them in my lifestyle, it hits them like a brickwall and they begin to rethink the relationship and put their own expiry date on it. WTF?

 

Relationships should never be tagged with an expiry date! Mine typically last the honeymoon phase of 3 months. Being the ‘diplomatic’ person that I am - *hint*, belittling and creating an aura of superiority over my partners are the last gestures I would present in my relationships; Precisely because of what I know I am up against to keep a relationship in the first place. It becomes a 80/20 effort because of the green eyed monster that starts with an I. The 50s somethings seem to be on to something... the issue now that I must face is do I accept that perception or not. Ahhhhhhhh dilemmas:D

 

 

Alex

[chryssy83]

To barge in on the conversation...

 

I had one thought--where are you meeting these women who are under 26 and don't have a lot in common with you? If it's bars and crap you might just be looking in the wrong place.

 

I am a 25 year old attorney dating a guy in his 30s. We started dating when I was 21. I have always had a lot to say/been pretty mature but I was never out in the "cool social scene" so you wouldn't have met me at a bar. I'm attractive, smart, goal-oriented, etc., and I have friends who are the same and looking for guys. I'm not obsessed with my career and I certainly hope to be beyond the dating stage by 30.

 

OR...maybe you're meeting the older women in the wrong places. Apparently the Internet might work....

[Steveto]

I don't know about the other guy, but I usually don't have the best of luck meeting women in bars. It's easy to meet women, but it's always the wrong ones I end up talking to..haha. The night club scene is old news and boring really. Too many superficial and pretentious people there. It's one thing to be that way if you have the money to back it up, but I just never liked people that judge a book by it's cover.

 

Most of the people I meet are through friends, but I travel a lot and while travelling I meet people all the time, especially on the plane, the airport, conferences, trains or even holidays. It's a toss up who I end up meeting. Sometimes young people and sometimes major execs..I literally have a story every time I go somewhere. I would make a damn awesome grandfather with 5 million stories..heh:p

 

oh Alexandra - your PM doesn't work! And I was so curious too!

[0217174]

No, definately not bars.

 

I dunno, for me this is purely a physical thing. It's not really that I'm confused over whether I see myself with a "women" or a "little girl" as far as personality goes. For that, I know I should be with a woman.

 

But I can't get past how I look. I really do look like some 23 year old dude. I mean, sure it's a blessing. I'm sure one day, it'll pay off. I keep hearing "when you turn 50, you'll look like you're in your thirties.. and you'll get a young lookin woman, and blah blah". Yeah, but what about NOW? Right now, I'm stuck in this grey zone. It's not as if I'm a normal looking 30 year old guy who happens to have youthful features. That's what people online confuse this with. If you saw me, you'd say.. oh, he really does look way younger. Cause I'm short and have this kids body too. In addition to a baby face.

 

My last girlfriend, she was 28, but she too could pass for like 17. It just didn't work out for other reasons. But it's so hard finding girls like her.. who are around my age but extremely young looking.. I know a few others, but they seem to be emotionally stunted or something. Like they still act a little too immature for my taste.

[Alexandra-Girl]

0217174,

 

Age, height, hair color, eye color, body type doesn't matter. I'm not a proponent of judging a book by the cover - so to speak - but it sounds as if your 'lifestyle' creates this young image. If you know what you want, I think you know how to change it so that the two meet.

 

You can dress skateborder/emo/etc but if you start to incorporate some other attire, you may be surprised at the new 'clientele' begging to come chat with you. Spice it up with a little variety - I don't think it has ever killed anyone. Start with one or two items of clothing change from a non- west49 store, perhaps MEXX or Banana Republic. Your clothing will up your profile and women may minimize the 'young' comments

 

STEVEO - I tried the PM and received this 'kick your rear comment back': hmmmmmm

1. Your user account may not have sufficient privileges to access this page. Are you trying to edit someone else's post, access administrative features or some other privileged system?
   
2. If you are trying to post, the administrator may have disabled your account, or it may be awaiting activation.

[Steveto]

0217174 - Lose the ball cap. I assume that you wear one. When you wear one, you lose about 5 years in age at least 8-) I always wear one and sometimes my own mother doesn't recognize me when I take it off. Actually, that sounds pretty sad..haha What social groups do you associate with. Just the one type or many? Yes, but I do agree, clothes do make the man, in some cases..

 

Alexandra - I think you're gonna have toinvest in a subscription. It's a whopping 3 bucks . I'll even pay for you because I'm too curious..lol

[0217174]

Yeah I'm sure I'm blowin this way out of proportion.

 

Alexandra, yeah I dress older sometimes.. my last job was dress shirt and tie. Can't get much older than that As for the banana republic type stuff.. well, I can pull off wearing dressy clothes, but BR isn't really my type.. nor any of the mall stores. But the thing is that although I can wear that stuff, I just feel better in skater clothes. Couple years ago I used to go clubs, and I'd wear a hawaiian shirt haha. But all the guys wear the same lookin collared shirts, like black with pinstripes, rolled up sleeves. When I dress like that, I'm sure the women would be like ohhhhh but it doesn't matter, I like tshirts and jeans .

 

But my point is that, I see many guys who refuse to dress up. But since they look their age (30-ish).. they just look like men who dress younger. But since I look so young, I literally look like about that age. That's the difference.

 

Hey stevo.. dude I keep thinking you're steve-o from jackass. Well speaking of jackass.. I guess that's kinda my crowd. Like skaters, ex skaters, stoners, graffitti artists, etc. Sometimes I hang with guys from work who are like graphic designers or computer geeky guys. I'm kinda middle of the road.. I consider myself a geek, but kinda no so much. Just a typical modern day urban city computer hiphop age guy I guess. I don't got tats or piercings but I was about to get my lapel under the lip pierced. Now I'm too old.. so that stuff is a little too much.