Newly Separated

[Gentleknight]

Berly,

I am so sorry to hear about what has happened to you. I found out about this site and joined to ease so of my pain. This is my first post as I immediately identified with your situation as I am going through pretty much the exact same thing. My wife of 14 years (dated for 5 years before that) said she wasn't in love with me anymore. We went to counseling but she wanted to just blame me for spending too much money or not spending enough time with the kids - we have two. While I thought we had a good marriage and were currently in a "down" period, I couldn't understand why this was happening. It became all too clear later when I found out she had been having an affair with a coworker. I won't go into all the details but let's just say it was HELL and she's still with him. I still wanted to try and work things out as like you I feel we made a committment to each other for better and for worse, through the good and bad and for our kids sake, we should try and repair the damage (what she caused as well as what I contributed as well). She wasn't willing and finally moved out.

 

My anniversary came and went and it was really hard as well. You have to understand that your husband is thinking only about himself and clearly has lost perspective on you and his children. He is trying to justify his actions and console his guilt/conscience and will twist his thinking to make sure he doesn't have to face the awful truth of what he has done. This happened with my wife as well. It's interesting reading some of the early posts when people knew before you did that your husband was cheating on you. That's because this type of thing happens all the time and its so predictable. Your husband will probably continue to harass you and act like he hasn't done anything wrong. He wants to know who told you and probably will play the victum here and blame you as well for his shortcomings and weaknesses.

 

Don't give into this trap. Stay strong. Do what you need for yourself and your children first. And please get a lawyer immediately. You should try mediation if you can but you should still have a lawyer to underatand your rights and protect yourself and your children. It is a rollercoaster and its a long ride. My wife moved out nearly a year ago and I still wish we could fix this or at least try. i am dating and starting to have fun but I will carry this pain always and just tuck it away under happier times when I meet that special someone who I can share my dreams with and start a new love with. This will happen with you in time as well.

[Gunny376]

Forget this joker!

 

Tell to drive to the nearest sea-side resort, go out and pound sand in his azz!

 

The day he walked out? The day he told you he wanted out! That's the day that he gave up his exclusive priviledges to:

 

Call you anytime he wants

 

Discuss what he wants

 

His arguing rights!

 

His "bitchin" rights!

 

His rights to make any comments about how you live your life!

 

His rights to make any comments about any decisions you make about your life!

 

Basically, he gave up any and all rights to say a damn thing about what you do, how your do it, nor who you do it with!

 

If you make the decision to go out and have sex with a troupe of circus clowns and a bunch of dancing bears ~ that's your business ~ none of his!

 

Where in the HELL did you get it in your brain housing group that this guy is the guy to end all? Where did you get the idea that's he's the only guy on the planet? Where did you get the idea that he's the best there's to be offered up! How did you get it in your head ~ that this POS is all there is to offer! Forget him! Drop him like a bad habit!

 

All this clown is? A classic example of what you're not wanting, needing, having to have ~ nor can afford in your life! Dump this clown ~ and go find you a real man. And, that's not some muscle bound, brain dead SOB per say. That's a man that has self-confidence, self-control, self-discipline that knows what he's about, that's not a slave to his emotions, not a slave to his sex drive. That has confidence in himself.

 

Next time you see this guy? Tell him you need a real man! A man that's going to stand by his word, his honor, his commitment, his responsibilities, his obligations, his woman, his wife, his children, his family ~ come Hell or High Water! To the hilt of the sword ~ to the hilt of the sword! To the death of him ~ if need be!

[Berly]

Forget this joker!

 

Next time you see this guy? Tell him you need a real man! A man that's going to stand by his word, his honor, his commitment, his responsibilities, his obligations, his woman, his wife, his children, his family ~ come Hell or High Water! To the hilt of the sword ~ to the hilt of the sword! To the death of him ~ if need be!

 

Thank you for summing up what I've been feeling. I agree with your statements about what real man is. I see that he wants to take the cowards way out of this and to only take care of himself. I fell in love with this man but the man I feel in love with cared about me and wasn't selfish. The man he is today is not the same, he is being selfish. I have sacraficed a lot and always put my family first. I didn't mind because that's what was needed, I love them and it helped them. He can't understand that and would not do it. He just wants to be single, no responsiblities, and has resorted back to acting like he's in his 20's and not his late 30's. I just don't understand it which is why I'm hurting and confused.

 

How can you just walk away from a relationship and family without attempting to work on it with your spouse? How can you just say you've had enough? I wanted to work on it and still do (so help me). I just can't wrap my brain around the selfishness.

 

I had been talking to his sister and I thought she was trying to help me but it turns out she was just trying to get information for him to turn against me. I don't know what to think or do.