am i going mad?

[dwalluk]

About 3 weeks ago me and my ex of 18 months split up, its a long story so get a coffee or whatever lol, we have a 3 month old daughter together who is brilliant he is the light in my life etc etc, but during my up bringing my parents were involved with drugs and since a very young age (5 ish) i would hide away on games consoles etc, then for my 12th birthday i was given a pc, so i started to hide away on that due to my prents with the drugs and the other stuff going on with my family, when i was 15 my parents started to come off the crap and it was a very stressful time for me as i was getting all this at home and at school i was getting violently bullied, there wudnt be a week that went by where i didnt get my head kicked in. since then all i have known is to blok things out i would sit on the pc playing games chat rooms etc etc.

 

When our daughter was first born we were living with my partners mother, who was very manipulative, when i was off on my first week of paternity leave, i tried to do everything round the house and for my daughter because my ex didnt stay in hospital but still needed to rest, a few days later i had thrown in my face by my ex's mother that im making my ex feel useless and if anyone is going to cause her post natel depression its me, now i never had much confidence with babies as it was due to lack of experience so any that i had gained was knocked right out of me by my ex's mother.

 

me and my ex got a flat together 2 months later and we were alone at last lol, but i still didnt have any confidence with my daughter and i was scared to tell my ex due to all the bullying i had suffered and my upbringing, i had always been scared to tell anyone anything. so i hid myself away on my pc, day in day out playing stupid games, goto work, pc bed day after day. anyway it came to the point (understandably) where my partner had enough and we split, she said she didnt have any feelings for me and didnt want to be in a relationship.

 

after a few weeks of on off arguing and talking, i have received phone calls from her asking me to do her favours, such as pick her up and take her back to the flat, go round there in the evening and bath and put my daughter to bed and just general phone calls where she has tried to start and argument with me and there has been alot of awkward moments on the phone, i had a phonecall this evening from her because she text me saying if i wanted to talk ring her, and i text back saying its too awkward for me etc etc, so she rang me :S

 

im getting a bit confused by these signals, does she want me back? doesnt she? is she playing games with me?

 

oh and btw i did go that evening to bath and put my daughter to bed but as soon as she was asleep i decided to leave which my ex didnt expect, she wanted me to stay i think, im just so confused about the whole situation and because of the pc and lack of family support growing up i feel like i have noone