She let me back in her life just to drop me again??

[mattymaxima]

My name is Matt and am looking for advice from others who I dont know. Aprreciate anything from everybody. This is long but good.

 

So...I meet this girl at my work back in may 2006. I begin talking to her and find out she has a bf who she lives with and ask for her number but she takes mine instead. Anway she calls me that night needing a ride to work the next day. From that point on we started talking and fooling around. We secretly went on some dates had sex behind his back. After about a month of this she says it cant go on any further so we stop talking. About a week later she calls me and comes to my house. We start hanging out again and it gets real hard on her. She finally tells him shes been cheating on him but wont do it again. By this time we have been seeing each other for about 3 months. Then one day after work she decides to get all her stuff out of the apartment and starts driving. I end up meeting up with her that night and stay at a hotel. I tell her the next day that she can live with me if she wants. Now im 23 at this point and she is 27 and I live with my brother whos 26 and his gf whos 25. Shes reluctant but then later that day decides to come live with me. He kept calling and what not but we absolutely loved being with each other and worked together happily for months.

 

Now shes from Mass and Im from AZ and she always talked about getting her own place or even moving back to Mass to be with her family. I refused for her to move into her own place because it didnt make sense to me and thought that was a step back in our relationship. We had a couple physical altercations by means of pushing, mostly me pushing her. When these events happened we talked and worked through them but then one day she packed up all her stuff in feb and moved in with one of her gf's. I told her not to come bcak unless she really wanted me and to not take advantage of me. So she did and everthing started going good again. On another occasion she tried to leave again but we talked about it for a few hours and she stayed again.

 

So in march of this year i lose my job and start working somewhere else remember we have worked together the whole time weve known each other. She always thought i was cheating on her at this new job but i wasnt and thought maybe she was me for even thinking about it. Anyways before coming home one day i go to my friends and smoke weed and when i get home im in a mad mood and totally take it out on her. I grabbed her and pushed her face and she started to hit me. We immediately went to the room and tried to work it out. She says lets just have sex and it will be better. Im like no thats not the answer. This happened on a thurs. So fri sat sun and mon go great for us, a very good weekend. I start my new job on a tues early. I tell her i love her and go to work . I text her and she texts me saying i love you and cant wait to hear from u on your next brk. Well i try calling and no answer. After work I get home and shes gone! Everything, clothes pictures just a myspace msg saying I wont take the abuse i went home to Mass. Her number was changed but eventually I found out her password to her email and found a number for her after about 2 weeks of her being gone. I know this is prying but I needed an answer not for her just to run away.

 

So I call and we talk about what happened and why and what to do now and eventually start talking with each other. We went on to different realtionship quiz websites and started reading a Dr Phil book on relationships for a couple weeks and sharing thoughts and ideas and journal antries. Then one day she says she doesnt want to talk anymore she doesnt care about me and its over. A few days later after calling numerous times she starts talking to me again.

 

This is where everything gets so confusing!!

 

The next 4 weeks are amazing on the phone. No arguments, no yelling, just good communication and respect for each other. It gets so great that we start talking about me coming out there to visit in a month or 2. Then one day she says shell buy 1/2 the ticket and buys me a ticket on may 28 for june 23-27 which I was going t pay for the hotel instead when i got there. By the way she is now living with her older brother who is 41. THE NEXT DAY she says i dont want to talk for a few days but everything is ok with us baby i promise. SO i say ok i guess talk to you soon. Never hear from her again!! a week and a half go by and she calls my mom?! saying i need you to tell matt that he cant contact me anymore. My mom talks to her for 15 mins or so then calls me. She says i talked to heather and you guys are done so deal with it this is on thurs the week after she bought the ticket. I decide to fly out there on fri night without telling anyone. I get there and guess what she answers the phone since its a Mass area code and i tell her i want to see her face to face and say what we need to. I dont think its fair at all for what she has just done. She says she seeing and ex and cant talk and doesnt want anything to do with me. She hangs up and I end up flying back to AZ on that Sat. I dont email or call for a few days and then she calls me yelling , asking me what she has to do for me to get the hint that she doesnt want to be with me. I say you have talked to me on YOUR own will for the last month and a half and bought me a ticket then cancelled it the next day and never said another word to me what the hell?

 

So that was last week and today she called so i called her back. She says I just want it to be over civilized with no drama. She says she doesnt want me because of those 3 times I was abusive. BTW i have willingly taken classes on violence and improved myself when she first left. DONT THINK VIOLENCE IS GOOD AT ALL. She says not only can i not take that chance of you not changing but maybe something is wrong with me and i bring it out of you and thats not fair to either one of us. She goes its done its over. Lets move on. I say lets move somewhere together by oursleves with o family or anything right now. She says I would love that more than anything but I cant take the risk. She also said that she lied about being with the ex but did have sex with an old friend a couple days ago because she thought i was having sex with one of my exes?

 

Anyways that is the short version and where I am at right now.

 

Is it too messed up now?

Is there anything I can do to make it better?

Why cant she make that risk when I want a long lasting relationship that only happens with NO VIOLENCE.

 

My family says she is crazy and ruthless and to forget about her but I love her more than I ever though i could ANYBODY and i know she cares and loves me still.

 

What should we do?

 

Thank you, Matt

[LucreziaBorgia]

She snuck and lied and cheated her way into a relationship with you, and snuck, lied and cheated her way out of it as well. That, unfortunately is how it usually goes down when affairs become relationships.

 

What looks like a great loss to you is actually more of a case of dodging the mother of all bullets. Hopefully with some time to clear your head and your heart, you'll see that her leaving you is the best thing that could happen. When you find someone else, and get into a loving healthy relationship, you'll actually be thankful that this girl let you go.

[heggs]

Hey man sorry to hear, exactly some circumstances as me yet shes done it 3 times and now has a bf and still loves me and wants us to be back together, but it wont happen cause shell let me down again same goes for you dont fall into her trap. Be strong ull make it. She also sounds confused to me. Drop all contact with her asap.

 

Heggs

[Pixie-Minx]

same here i gave him the 4th chance.......and ow he's dropped me again, wish i had said no when hewas the one doing the begging.. guess ou cant help who you love....funny thing is i reckon its not the last you will hear from her or ill hear from my ex

[quankanne]

dude, this is one screwed-up, toxic relationship that doesn't really need to go any further because you two just don't work together smoothly. It sounds like it's more drama than relationship, that y'all have got issues to deal with that involve abuse, insecurity, immaturity, possessiveness and other good stuff that are a deathknell to a healthy relationship.

 

just walk away and don't bother going back to the relationship, even though you have certain feelings for her. Because until you both work on the above-mentioned issues, your relationship will never get past this crappy stage it's in ...