jacob Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 A year ago a woman I know set me up with her friend.She thought that we might like each other.Well,I liked her a lot,but she didn't like me.I called her for a second date and she said "we'll see",but I could tell she wasn't interested.I called the woman who set us up and she told me the cold hard truth.Her friend thought that I was nice,but I wasn't her type.She didn't find me attractive and she thought that I was a little strange. Instead of giving up,I tried something different.I wrote her a letter and told her that I would like to be friends and I won't try to push it any further. To my surprise,she called me and thanked me for the sweet note.We went out as friends that weekend and have seeneach other just about every week since.She calls me every night too.She feels very comfortable around me now,she no longer thinks I'm wierd,she got to know me and thinks I'm the nicest guy she knows. I really enjoy going out with her.She is so pretty.She is so in touch with her feminine side.She has the most beautiful hair.She has the most lovely hands with nice manicured nails.Sometimes she touches my face and i just want to melt. We have become such close friends that sometimes I think we will become more.But,then reality always hits me.Sometimes when we go out,someone will ask if we are dating each other,I am amazed at how quick she says "No".That makes my heart sink every time.But,in a sense I appreciate how firm she is about that,that way I don't get any wrong ideas. Sometimes we will go out for a drink and I will see her dance with some stud.I am sort of jealous,but I know not to show it.She will call me and tell me about her man problems,how she can't meet a decent guy.Sometimes she will even call me and say things like "I met this guy last night,he was so good in bed".She acts like I'm one of her girlfriends or something.I'm just happy that she feels so comfortable around me that she can be so open.I feel lucky just to know her.Yes,I'm in the friend zone and loving it.I don't have low self esteem.I just enjoy her company and being close. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted February 13, 2003 Share Posted February 13, 2003 I think your post is a lot of BS!!! Your are in the friend zone and you hate it!!! You might be able to fool yourself but you can't fool other people. You are being absolutely cruel to yourself, hanging around this lady you would love to be closer to in a romantic way and listening to all her crap about going to bed with guys, dating, social activities, etc. You have really got to be into serious masochism. You better think this one out really carefully. You're never going to get to second base with this lady, yet in the back of your mind you're thinking somehow magically she's going to come around into your corner someday. I can't understand why you're wanting to put yourself in such a weird position and continue to delude yourself into thinking you're so happy she's sharing all this stuff with you when all the while you really want to be with her. If you want to see what you are doing to yourself in psychological terms, go to http://www.google.com and put "reaction formation" into the subject line and press "find". In psychology, this is called an unconscious defense mechanism whereby one's outward behavior is manifest in totally the opposite way as they feel. I hope you get real sick of this someday and go out and find some quality romance for yourself. This is a sick deal that ain't happening and you're certain not a real friend to her. There is no way you can be objective and be her buddy when that's not really where you want to be. Please be honest and true to yourself. Good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Stinger Posted March 2, 2003 Share Posted March 2, 2003 I totally agree, Tony. A girl I've liked for the longest time wanted to be "just friends" with me. I tried it for a few weeks and got sick of it really fast. Same deal-- she'd try to consult me about guy problems, and she'd tell me how she'd melt when Joe Schmoe glanced at her. I got so angry and frustrated with her, that I cut off contact with her for a long time. Trying to be buddy-buddy with a girl you truly love will cause irreparable damage to your heart, trust me. You're living a facade with her. Just be honest with yourself. You want to be the subject of her friends' conversations. You want to play the lead role; you don't want to be a background prop. You definitely don't want to stick around for girl talk with her, but I'm not exactly sure what the proper course of action is after that. I was hoping Tony or another poster would have some advice about that(see my post "Bad Reception"). Link to post Share on other sites
Just A Girl2 Posted March 2, 2003 Share Posted March 2, 2003 In fact, I'll go one step farther and say that I think this "friend" of yours is rude. Surely she has to know that you DO have "more than friends" feelings for her, yet she tells you all the intimate details of her conquests. How insensitive and tacky. I find it really fickle of her to have not wanted to pursue a relationship (even dating) with you from the start, citing you (to your mutual friend) as "weird" and "unattractive", yet you're somehow good enough to be her pal. Sounds like she's just using you in some way. Maybe it even boosts her big ego to have you to hang out with? It's more than clear that deep down, you'd like to be more than friends with her...if not, then you wouldn't be posting here. Like Tony said, you're only deluding yourself if you claim to be so happy in the "friend zone." It's obvious that you're not happy. If I were you, I wouldn't continue to waste time with someone who's not interested in you. Find someone who's interested in you and spend your time getting to know them, with them. You're really just spinning your wheels here, and being used, I'd say. Link to post Share on other sites
ThisGirlNameKD Posted March 6, 2003 Share Posted March 6, 2003 If you want to be just friends, why do you get jealous? Why do you melt when she touches your face? You have romantic feelings for this girl that will prevent you from just being friends. I think you're hanging around waiting for your turn to be the "guy in her life", or you put her on such a pedestal because she is so pretty, and sweet and all that you feel honored to be and that validates your self worth. If you're gonna be her friend, be her friend and lose all thought that you'll get together and move on with your life and find someone else. If you can do that and just be friends, then you need to leave her totally alone. Link to post Share on other sites
SickOfFriends Posted September 30, 2005 Share Posted September 30, 2005 Take a hint. You're just a convenient buffer from other fools she doesn't want to go out with. I'm willing to bet this girl has even gone to bars with you and left with someone else. I think you need to take a closer look at your own sexuality. There are ways to be "friends" with lots of girls, and it will justify all the girl talk you've been participating in. For Christ sake, at least hit on some other females while you're out with this one. If she isn;t going to date you at all, the least she could do is try to set you up with someone else - which makes me wonder what happend to the girl who set you up with her in the first place. By being 'there for her', you're probably just helping her feel better about herself so she can run right back to the same a**h***s that upset her in the first place. You are an emotional crutch. That's a very valuable thing for a girl to have, but you still get packed away in the closet (i hope the depth of this metaphor is recognized) at the end of each night. There's nothing wrong with being in the friend zone, as long as that's where you really want to be. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Jacob, you should've named your thread <can't help being put in the friends zone but trying to love it>. I really feel sorry for you cos most of us guys would've salvaged their dignity and bolted a long time ago. Link to post Share on other sites
Cookie Puss Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 am i the only one who realizes this thread was from feb 2003? this guy could be dead for all we know. Link to post Share on other sites
blue16 Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 am i the only one who realizes this thread was from feb 2003? this guy could be dead for all we know. lmao. Funny but true. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 Please tell me Jacob's a woman. Link to post Share on other sites
elijahBailey Posted October 1, 2005 Share Posted October 1, 2005 am i the only one who realizes this thread was from feb 2003? this guy could be dead for all we know. :lmao: Who would've known! Someone resurrected this thread. Link to post Share on other sites
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