Can things still work out???

[TJAvery]

About 7 weeks ago my girlfriend of 2.5 years went through my phone while I was sleeping and found a sexual text conversation that I had with another woman. Without going into details the conversation was talking about things we could do. I should add that I used to date the other woman and my girlfriend absolutely hates her because of a few run ins they had over the years. She didn't immediately tell me she found the messages and ended up find out that night while I was at school working on a project. To make a long story short we had a big argument over the phone and I told her that when I got home she needed to be out of my house (stupid, I know because I messed up not her). Then over the course of the next 4 weeks I kinda stopped speaking to her because I was working on projects for school and work and preparing for finals (Needless to say she was pretty pissed). So after finals I called her and to talk and we argued some and talked some and the skinny is that she says she wants to work things out but her actions say otherwise. She hardly calls and doesn't always take my calls and she just seems really detached right now. I really love her and she has always known that but my relationship has just suffered a tremendous blow. I didn't do anything with the other woman but she is afraid that if she had not have read the messages things would have gone further so in her eyes I did cheat.

 

I guess my question here is can things work and what can I do to help her through this and regain her trust? She keeps asking why I did it but I really don't know other than the fact that I could and it was entertaining. While it sucks that I had to figure it out like this in her absence I really saw how much she means to my life and losing her is something I don't even want to consider as an option. Thought anyone?

[Topper]

They might work out but you are going to have to really step up to the plate. She is still pissed at you and I would say testing you. So no matter what you have to go the extra mile and then some.

[TJAvery]

When you say step up to the plate what exactly do you mean?

[norajane]

About 7 weeks ago my girlfriend of 2.5 years went through my phone while I was sleeping and found a sexual text conversation that I had with another woman. Without going into details the conversation was talking about things we could do.

 

I should add that I used to date the other woman and my girlfriend absolutely hates her because of a few run ins they had over the years.

 

I didn't do anything with the other woman

 

She keeps asking why I did it but I really don't know other than the fact that I could and it was entertaining.

 

First, you need to get it through your head that it doesn't matter that You don't think you did anything wrong. SHE does.

 

And frankly, I can totally understand why. You sent sexually explicit texts to your ex girlfriend about what you would do to her sexually. Sorry, but that earns you a whole pack of mistrust.

 

How would you feel if your girl were spending her free time sending sex texts to her ex boyfriend while your were busy with finals?

 

What if she were doing it over IM? What if it were phone calls? What if they went out for a drink and were tallking about what they would do to each other? Where do you draw the line between what is acceptable and not?

 

And then, to top it off, you basically ignore her for a month. Instead of being there and showing her how much she means to you, you pretty much walked away from her. Now you're surprised that she doesn't contact you???

 

Look, it's time to send the flowers, take her on romantic trips, apologize for being so thoughtless as to flirt sexually with your ex, and so DISRESPECTFUL of your gf that you would entertain sexual ideas about, and EXPRESS them to, another woman. Lay it on - don't hold back. Show her that she's the most important woman in the world. Do not wait for HER to come to YOU, for HER to call YOU - that's a stupid plan. She needs to see that you want her, not your ex.

 

And for god's sake, DO NOT SEX TEXT WITH YOUR EX or other women again.

[Lizzie60]

Just think one second that if it was you who caught those messages on HER phone...how would you feel?

 

I guess my question here is can things work and what can I do to help her through this and regain her trust?

 

This might take time... I don't think there is any miracle 'recipe' for that. It's up to her really...

 

She keeps asking why I did it but I really don't know other than the fact that I could and it was entertaining.

 

You don't really know????? it was fun and entertaining... then it could be fun and entertaining again...next year or in five years... right?

[TJAvery]

First, thanks for the input. It really answered a lot for me. I know not calling for a month was a bad idea but I just figured if I did bad in school and we broke up then there would have been no point in using time I could have been using to study to get dumped. But then at the same time if we did stay together she would have been disappointed that I did bad. Turned out it was a bad idea anyway since I ended up getting like 3 C's and now my girl is even more pissed that I blew her off for a month. In my defense I was under a lot of stress with projects, hell I was sleeping at school at least 3 times a week. But I messed up and you guy are right I need to show her how much she means to me.

 

As to the comment of me doing it for fun and entertainment I think that came off worse than I meant it. I think I was just trying to make her feel like she had a shot at getting me back so I could make her feel like crap but now the joke is on me. And besides there is no justification. I shouldn't have even been talking to her knowing how my gf feels about her.

 

Ok. That was long-winded. Thanks for voicing your opinions.