she told me my bf acted like he doesnt have a gf, i lost trust, i feel insecure

[rkoaddict]

I have a big problem and I don't know what to do. Last monday, my bf of 2 yrs was assigned to be lab partners with this girl (they just met, she's my friend). so they spent like 3 hrs together. i was at home during that time.

 

yesterday, this girl talked to me. she told me that she and my bf talked, joked, had fun the whole time they were together. she asked me if my bf was really that talkative, funny and attentive. at first i was cool, i said yeah he is, he's a fun guy. i told her he's probably bored that's why he kept joking and talking to you. im ok with my bf chatting with another girl. but then what she told me got worst.

 

she said my bf got all her contact info, mail, messenger, cel number. she said he asked her if she wanted to have coffee, but she said only if its for free. she said he took her jacket and tried it on. she said he kept joking w/her, teasing her and flirting with her. he also asked her if she was already going home, maybe he could go with her. but she said she wasn't, and they lived on opposite directions.

 

when i heard all these, i felt disappointed. i always ask him how's his day, but he never mentioned anything about this. i felt he hid it from me, that if the other girl didn't tell me, for sure i wouldn't know anything like this was happening. so i asked him about it. he told me maybe this girl wants to wreck our relationship.

 

he had a slightly different story. he said the girl got his number somewhere and even memorized it, so he thinks its the girl who is interested in him. he got her number so that she can inform him of homework and they can talk about their projects. he said the girl first brought up the topic of coffee, hinting she likes drinking coffee etc. my bf said he did ask her, but when she said yes, he backed off.he said he did ask if she was going home, but when she sort of agreed that they leave together, he backed off again.

 

basically his argument was that, i shouldnt break up with him because he has no intention with this girl. he was just joking. he didn't continue and had no plans of really going out, drinking coffee or walking her home. he reasoned he never did what he said, he never pursued, continued or acted on what he said. he never did it, he never acted, it never happened because he didn't want to. that's what he said. he says he loves me and doesn't like her.

 

what really bothered me was this girl even told me, these exact words, "your boyfriend acted like he doesn't have a girlfriend", "i told you this because i'm afraid of your bf, he's like a stalker." these words REALLY BOTHERED ME.

 

i don't know if what he did should be enough for me to leave our 2 yrs together, but if i follow my instinct it tells me to dump him. this isn't the first time i caught him flirting with a girl, its like the 3rd time, so i feel there's no use telling him "just don't do it again...." im not ok with him inviting other girls for a drink, or riding home with girls. he knows that too. we talked about our limits way before we entered college.

 

my instinct tells me to leave, but then again, maybe i am just getting too jealous. maybe its just normal for guys to flirt, and he told me he doesn't even like her a bit? maybe i shouldn't leave him because of that? and what if the girl just wants to break us up and steal him from me? or should i not waste my time on him and just move on?

 

thanks.

[justagirliegirl]

Sorry hon but I do believe the girl. If she was interested in your bf she would have just snuck around with him and not brought it up to you.

 

He is the one who never mentioned he at all. He is the one who has a history of doing this.

 

He wants to be Mr. big time playa; let him.

[Reckless]

Don't let a third party into your relationship. I am not saying your boyfriend didn't flirt (most men, especially young men, will do this given a chance and a pretty girl and the likelihood of "getting away with it"... regardless of what they may or may not tell you) BUT it would be foolish to end a relationship based solely that.

 

If your man is untrustworthy, if he systematically destroys all trust you have in him and if you are unhappy with your relationship, then end it; but do not end your relationship on the word of someone else (especially if that someone else is a woman - sorry that is not pc but it's gotta be said; especially-especially if that someone else is a woman who may or may not have your best interest at heart; and who may or may not be interested in your guy..). Use this episode to talk about reasonable limits with your man - my instincts say he is probably lying about having absolutely no interest in her, and if you are fed up with giving him chances to modify his behaviour then walk but do it because you don't trust him anymore not only because of what you've been told.

[Spoonandfork22]

take it from me FIRST HAND. back in December i had a girl tell me my bf was after her, calling her all the time, telling her he missed her, overly flirting with her, you name it. now my bf is the most genuine wonderful person you could meet, and im not saying that b.c. he is my bf. this girl also used to date my man and had 'lingering feelings', if you could call them that. unfortunately everything she told me i believed and when i confronted my bf he was dumbfounded. i was screaming, crying, yelling, calling him a liar. calling him fake. anything you can think of. the double whammy, and this girl knew this, was that i knew him and her were still friends. i was never threatened, but after she decided to start telling me these 'truths' i questioned our ENTIRE relationship. i didnt know who was lying, who was being honest and it nearly detroyed us. 5 months later we are still trying to work through it. its 80% better, but still tough, as he works with her and she has consistantly done things to make me question him, although i know now, its all her.

 

 

my point: DONT listen to her. if anything, keep your eyes open. YOU know your boyfriend, not this girl. regardless if she is your friend, the girl who did this to me was my 'friend' as well, so dont underestimate the power of a girl who wants something you have. im sorry this had to happen to you and i hope it works out. Gosh, ive been there. and it SUCKS.

 

good luck.

[norajane]

"i told you this because i'm afraid of your bf, he's like a stalker."

Well, I was sorta believing she might have a point, until I saw this.

 

Please. Nothing she described remotely is like stalking. Yeah, he may have been flirting, but she's exaggerating. The stalker comment seems wayyyy over the top, and nothing she desribed seemed at all frightening. I wouldn't trust her on her version of events.

 

The truth probably lies somewhere between what she said and what he said.

 

Pay attention to the quality of your relationship with your bf, and how well he treats you. You can't really stop him from flirting if he's an outgoing flirt (some guys just are), but keep an eye out for any new, odd behavior on his part (not showing up when he says, not calling when he says, hiding his cell phone from you, taking calls in another room, etc.).

[Havn_a_life]

With friends like this girl, who needs enemies.

I say the friend is full of it. She wants your BF and she's doing what she needs to do to ensure a break up between you and him.

 

I'd tell her to take a long walk off of a short pier.

[rkoaddict]

Thanks for everyone's advice.

 

I am still mad at my boyfriend, because it's pretty much confirmed that he really flirted with her. We already set limitations when we first started dating, and after 2 years I'm sure he already knows that flirting like that is not allowed in our relationship. That's why I'm mad at him, he knew very well from the start that flirting like that is a big no-no in our relationship, but he still did it. And, it's not the first time I caught him flirting. I already forgave him a lot of times, and he promised a lot of times that he won't do it again.. Oh well.

 

Like what most of you said, I do believe that the girl is exaggerating. Maybe she wants my man, maybe she really felt he was into her, I don't know. But it really makes me sad because I consider her my friend, but now I don't know if I can still call her my "friend". I think what happened pretty much ruined our friendship. I want to save our friendship, but I can't look at her straight in the eye now, I always have these thoughts inside me..

 

I felt like I lost a friend, and I lost some trust for my boyfriend. It's not the first time he did stuff like this, but I still love him. Before this happened, we were already fighting a lot and not getting along well.

[BCE]

Ouch, i can feel your pain and sadness. I too have been in rx where my bf was flirting with a girl when our rx was on the rocks. I think in the end you will make the right decision. If i were you just keep eyes open and don't let this bother you as much. Go out with your girlfriends and have a good time! Your bf made a big mistake, and did not acknowledge your feelings. Don't let it stress you out if you can. I too had to deal with this type of thing and i got over it eventually. In the end I your true love is somewhere out there and will find you.....but i don't think it's him.