McFadden Posted June 24, 2007 Share Posted June 24, 2007 I knew if I ignored my ex when he contacted me again he wouldn't let it go. Well he talked to my boyfriend (disclaimer I am in an open relationship with) on AIM on my screen name one time that I knew about. Then later, I saw that he is on the guy's buddy list so I guess they're talking. I don't really want them talking. My ex always twists things and makes it sound like he's the victim even though he broke up with me. He tells everyone he tries to talk to me but I ignore it, and a lot of people side with him. I cut back on hanging out with my ex's friends even though they were also my friends just to distance myself from the situation. So I think its fair that I don't like him talking to my friends. I don't know what to do about it, I can't forbid it. I already tried to do that and I was accused of being controlling. The main thing that I didn't like, though, is when one of my best friends (who wasn't really friends with my ex before) came into town, my ex somehow managed to worm his way into his life and talked him into having a party at the restaurant where my ex works so I would have to go there. As is probably obvious I'm in kind of a bad mood right now because I got in a fight with my friend Chris about this actually. He finally ended up deciding to move his party to a restaurant where my ex doesn't work. He said it was my fault that he had to change his plans. This was after I said I would go and I would be polite. He said even so he would be able to tell I was the entire time and it would ruin his birthday and he "resents having to plan his life around my drama with my people." That was such an exaggeration, this is like the only time something like this has happened. I can't believe how mean he's being about this. Its almost like my ex starts talking to people who were ok before, and they become shytty people through osmosis. I am starting to feel like ignoring everyone and not going anywhere just so I won't hear about who he's talking to and what he's saying. What makes this twice is bad is the fact that on top of the external pressure, I love him and I'm tortured by the temptation to reply every time he tries to contact me. How many people can deal with the person they want back being in thier face all the time, and not even being able to reply. He's wearing me down and making my life hell, I don't even think I can make it to the 6 month NC mark. Link to post Share on other sites
jlj Posted June 24, 2007 Share Posted June 24, 2007 I would suggest that you just stay out of the scene for awhile. Find something to do without being around all of them, give it a couple of weeks, and just ingnore everybody. It might be good for you for some peace and quiet. and give you some time to think about what you are feeling about this guy. You will end up being the better person in the long run and everybody will see that its just him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted June 25, 2007 Author Share Posted June 25, 2007 I don't know..If I drop off the face of the earth and start ignoring my friends they will just think I am more of an ass..I'm not even on his scene, he bothers my friends who are on my scene. Maybe it is time for me to take a vacation for a while or something. Yeah and I realized this is not a "friends and lovers" thread, but I didn't read the description so I assumed that since it involves friends, lovers and ex lovers it could go here, oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
Ciretho Posted June 25, 2007 Share Posted June 25, 2007 I think taking some time away from it all (Maybe informing a few friends of that fact(So they don't think you're an ass)) would be a good idea. Get a clear head and see how you feel afterwards. It's always helpful but unfortunately it's usually one of the last things we try, if at all. But who broke up with who? I'm a bit confused over your relationship with your ex Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted June 26, 2007 Author Share Posted June 26, 2007 I think taking some time away from it all (Maybe informing a few friends of that fact(So they don't think you're an ass)) would be a good idea. Get a clear head and see how you feel afterwards. It's always helpful but unfortunately it's usually one of the last things we try, if at all. But who broke up with who? I'm a bit confused over your relationship with your ex He broke up with me and he is dating someone else now, but he has never stopped trying to contact me since the break up. When I told him I didn't want to be friends he took it as an insult so he is trying to get back at me. Its so ridiculous..I think he just wants to keep me strung along because of his ego anyway. Well, I see where people were coming from, but I decided I'm not going to let him chase me away from my social life. I'm going wherever I normally go and if he's mentioned I'm ignoring it, I'm not even going to get into it. When he's constantly saying negative things about me and I'm not commenting, people should realize he is the one with hang ups. Deep down it does bother me that some of my friends keep talking to him, but I need to just tough it out because showing that I care about it makes me look weak. Link to post Share on other sites
Ciretho Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Yea. i suppose keeping quiet is not for everyone lol. I'm guessing this guys not very good at empathy. I don't believe in friendships after breakups personally. Not right away anyway. there is always too much pain. On a different note if you show him that you're not being affected by his meddling then maybe he'll stop. This plan could work Link to post Share on other sites
Author McFadden Posted June 26, 2007 Author Share Posted June 26, 2007 Yea. i suppose keeping quiet is not for everyone lol. I'm guessing this guys not very good at empathy. I don't believe in friendships after breakups personally. Not right away anyway. there is always too much pain. On a different note if you show him that you're not being affected by his meddling then maybe he'll stop. This plan could work Yeah, isolating is not for me because it will just get me depressed. I agree friendship isn't a good idea right away in most cases. My ex doesn't seem to comprehend that though. This whole thing has been going on for over 5 months. He got bored with it for a while but now he has started again. I believe its going to keep coming up until I respond, which will probably happen at some point but not under the current circumstances. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 I know this is easier said than done, but you have to learn not to care. You can't control what the ex says or does, nor can you control what others think either...You only have control over you. People are gonna do and say what they please, so if your friends are 'listening' to the ex, and not being your friend, don't be around them at all. Don't respond to the ex, it will just fuel his fire to keep going. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveLace Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 I know this is easier said than done, but you have to learn not to care. You can't control what the ex says or does, nor can you control what others think either...You only have control over you. People are gonna do and say what they please, so if your friends are 'listening' to the ex, and not being your friend, don't be around them at all. Don't respond to the ex, it will just fuel his fire to keep going. Ditto. If these people are really your "friends" as they claim to be, they should be able to understand that your Ex is making you uncomfortable lately. Tell your friend go right ahead and have his party where ever he wants, because you won't be going, imply not because your an a** but because you are just not comfortable around your Ex right now. Break-ups can be complicated, anyone should know that. Your friends shouldn't expect you to just be OK with everything all the time... but if you do go to the party, just ignore your Ex and talk to your friends as though nothing is wrong. Just have fun. Don't even say hi or bye to the guy. If you do talk to your Ex again, remind him you've broken up and you want NC what so ever. People that date/break up in the same circle of friends can be complicated, anyway. Both his friends AND yours should sympathize with that. Link to post Share on other sites
Ciretho Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 People that date/break up in the same circle of friends can be complicated, anyway. Both his friends AND yours should sympathize with that. Agreed *nod* Link to post Share on other sites
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