Struggling...could use some support

[tinke]

what is important, is how the SO treats you, approaches the situation, at your WORST times. we all can be loving when times are good and satisfying, the test of character is when faced with unpleasant situations.

[Zapbasket]

In line with what you said, Tinke, I have a much older friend (60) who's been with her husband since they both were in high school. I asked her what she felt to be the number one factor in their relationship's longevity, and she said, "We both had to accept a lot of 'dark' in each other. I know he's accepted a lot of 'dark' in me."

 

I guess the question is, when are you accepting the other's 'dark,' and when are you just putting up with crap at your own expense? I cringe when I imagine the reaction my partner's long-time friends might have been to our break up: "Congrats, man--she wouldn't come visit you, she wouldn't move in after you moved way out there to be with her.... Now you can find a woman who really loves you." Maybe that really wasn't their reaction. I tried to explain to my partner nearly every day how much I was struggling, but it was like he didn't hear, or didn't really get it. I ask myself, if the situation were reversed, would I feel insecure or would I recognize that my partner truly was having a really hard time and needed me. I think I'd have a hard time, and wonder at times whether he was just making up excuses not to see me. This is why I feel so guilty. I can't bear the thought that he went off on his separate path thinking he spent 5 years with a woman who didn't love him. I tried to show it in all the ways I could...but it perhaps was just not enough?

[Crimson Rose]

It is time to stop blaming yourself and going through every scenario of what people think of you. When it comes down to it, does it really matter what his friends think or what he told them?

A breakup is never easy, but it appears that he spent a lot of time deliberating doing it, and he feels he made the right decision or he would have asked for you back by now. Has he?

Can't you just accept it wasn't meant to be and move on? I'm sure he doesn't think anything bad about you, he just didn't love you anymore. It's time to let it all go now and stop thinking "what if I had done this" "what if I had done that" etc. I think it is a case where you are an extremely verbal and analytical person and it is something that he was not compatible with.

[Zapbasket]

Yes, Crimson, I'm working on moving on. If it were so easy as to just shrug and say "It's not meant to be" and have that be the end of it, this forum wouldn't exist. I see this as an opportunity to ask myself some hard questions so that I can learn from this experience, and that requires reviewing aspects of the relationship. I've also never experienced a break-up before, so this is all new to me. Also, I'm a little overly idealistic, perhaps, and I find it hard to understand how you can just fall out of love with someone and that's that. Once I've loved anyone, it never stops, even if the friendship has ended, or contact has been lost for whatever reason. So I can't relate at all to what he has done, and it's shaken up my world more than a bit. This could be a good thing, maybe.

 

And yes, I do think he has thought some bad stuff about me. He broke up with me in anger, not in the coolness of someone who made their decision long ago and was emotionally removed from it all. perhaps since that time he's become certain--certainly his continued silence suggests so much (or really, it could suggest lots of things, but this is the only thing I have to go on and so I have to interpret it this way)--but 6 months ago he blamed me vociferously for everything. And I'm the type of person where, if someone accuses me of something, even if I think they're full of crap I nevertheless ask myself if they just might be right. Hence the "what ifs."

 

I'm using this site a) to learn more about relationships through reading about others' experiences, and b) as an outlet for those feelings I'm having that keep me from moving on, so that gradually, I can overcome them and move on. Lately, for whatever reason, happens to be a particularly rough patch. I'm doing my best; it's all I can do. Thanks for reading and for your thoughts.

[Zapbasket]

Oh GreenCove,

I just want to give you hugs and symapthy.... it's OK to be Eeyore. I'm suddenly going through a rough patch myself, after 6 months and much progress, and yet feeling sh**ty about it all of a sudden. I guess it's just part of healing, or whatever. Those extreme ups and downs... the downs suck.

 

Are you seeing a therapist? It helps.

 

Just give yourself permission to feel like this, because you Do. Grief has its own pace, I think. Anyhow, I hear you... and I'm feeling a similar way right now, despite many gains.

 

Hang in there, be kind to yourself, and know you have company.

 

Thanks, Poly. This rough patch, I think, is a good thing, a turning point. Maybe there is something "magical" about the 6-month mark, in that you are less able to measure time by the events of the breakup, and your mind has that long space in which to come to terms with an absence, and then the present begins to seep into the absence, and this is the beginning of true healing. But...all this means that part of you is letting go, and so it's sad even while it's actually all a good thing, because it means you're becoming 'whole' again. Is that somewhat your experience, as well?

[norajane]

It's good to be introspective and analytical and figure out your part in something - to a point. At some point, it's better to step back mentally, stop thinking about it, and gain the perspective that comes from distance from the situation, and adjust to the reality.

 

If you continue to think about it long past the point where you are getting any good from it, and it just circles in your head and you keep coming back to the same place and the same longing...it's just you wanting to hold onto something - your dream of what you imagined you could have had together. As long as you keep thinking about it, you, in some small way, are keeping that dream alive.

 

Why not try something different? Try letting it go and see how you feel? Refuse to think about it anymore and see if that makes a difference in your ability to move on and find new dreams.

[Zapbasket]

Thanks, NJ. I come here, though, to create a space for these thoughts so that when I close my laptop I'm not thinking about it. In previous weeks this has meant I've been going out every evening, all weekend, and having a good time. I'm a bit worn out from the effort, a wave of depression has hit me, and I"m here. Tough love, e.g., "Why don't you stop thinking about it?", "Why can't you move on?" is not helpful to me right now.

I'm griveing the fact that it's seemingly really true: that this person I love, and loved all this time, could really just exit, just like that, and never come back, and that's that. It's so shockingly hurtful that if I don't find some outlet for this pain, it's going to creep into everything else, and I can't afford that to happen.

[Zapbasket]

I think you may be being a little unduly harsh on GreenCove, to be honest. She is describing what was going on in her life at the time of this devastating loss, and the main issue in her life was obviously her thesis. I have repeated over and over again that when my Ex left me last month, it was on the cusp of us moving in together. That is not to brag that we were moving in together, it was just the most important thing going on in my life at the time of the loss. So I might ease up on the characterization of GreenCove of 'tooting her own horn'. I don't think that is the issue and certainly don't think you can assume that is why they broke up.

 

In the end, only he really knows why it ended, and you have to accept that you may never fully understand his reasons. Believe me, I empathize when I hear you poring over any mistakes or errors that you had in the past to determine WHY or HOW this person, that you loved more than anything, walked away from love. When a relationship ends suddenly, with no warning, the past is all you have.

 

However, no matter what your mistakes or picadillos, no matter WHAT you have done wrong, you need to understand that, in the end, HE committed the gravest sin to your relationship, NOT YOU. HE WALKED AWAY, and that is much worse than any mistakes you may have made. HE never had the balls to come out and say "Green Cove, when you do XYZ it makes me feel XYZ, and it is a threat to our relationship. If this doesn't change, it's over". And if he had a problem with your relationship that he knew could have been sufficiently problematic to END it, he owed it to you to state that plainly, and to give the relationship a chance to come out better and stronger. And he didn't. He told you he wanted to be with you forever and then dumped you days later. THAT is the reality of this man's character.

 

Wanting to talk on the phone too much? I would take that flaw in a relationship over someone who doesn't have the balls to communicate how he feels ANY day. When my ex and I were long distance, he told me very clearly once that he was unhappy how little contact we had. So guess what? I accomodated him, even to my own inconvenience, because that is what mature people do.

 

I know this may be difficult, but what you need to do right now is try to find anger over this situation. BELIEVE me when I tell you that I know how tough this is, as I only feel overwhelming pain and sorrow when I think about my relationship ending, but you HAVE to move past that, and the self-blame that comes with it, and find ANGER, it is a much more useful emotion for you right now. Heck, FAKE it, if you have to, I did, and it will make you feel SO MUCH BETTER. Instead of going over the list of things you did wrong, you need to make a list of all the ways he HURT you, and disappointed you, AND (and this part made me feel guilty, but better) any of his flaws. A good start for your list will read:

 

Toasted that we would be together forever, dumped me days later

Told me hurtful things that happened in his therapy session

Not enough COURAGE or BALLS to clearly express the severity of any problems he was having in our relationship

 

And that is a fine start. I'm sure that you are reluctant (because you are still so in love) to share with us the hurtful actions and shortcomings of his, but I know they are there and you need to focus on THOSE now. NOT because that is what he is doing for you (I thought that this is what my ex was doing to our relationship, but believe me-especially with the passage of time he is reflecting on both the good and bad), but because you need to locate a wondeful thing that can be found in all of us - righteous indignation.

 

Despite what your worst fears may be telling you, it is highly unlikely that he has deigned your relationship as a 'bad one' and only now looking at the negative aspects. To the contrary, time and distance often gives us the perspective we need to see the faults AND the strengths of a relationship, and I can guaruntee that the good times and happiness probably goes through his mind as often as the bad times.

 

You have to accept that the only person's actions or feelings you can influence at this point are your own. You cannot make him miss you, or change his mind, or see the error of his ways. That is not in your power. What is in your power is to better yourself as much as possible, and work on the issues that you have discovered (after much introspection) that you would like to improve, for your next relationship (whether it be with someone else, yourself, or him).

 

You really want to contact him. Try to determine exactly WHY that is. You may just be curious how he is doing, but I suspect you have a particular outcome that you would like from the contact: to be back with him or at least back in his life. Try to evaluate how you will feel if your desired outcome does not happen. Remember, you can only control YOUR actions, not his. Will you feel better, or worse, if you face the same cold, distant, unfeeling, dismissive man he proved himself to be when he wrote you that letter?

 

Thank you so much, Hurtandbetrayed. For some reason your post was very comforting to me; I've re-read it a bunch of times. No, I could not take any more coldness. I hope after feeling as low as I've felt the past few weeks--lower than I've felt yet--I really experience a turning point, that includes a nice combo of anger and indifference.

 

And you're right: what pisses me off the most is that he has inflicted this awful shocking pain on me--just as I feared a few years ago he would, and I TOLD him this, and he said he'd NEVER do such a thing--and NEVER TOLD ME how bad he was feeling in the relationship. That? Is something I would not do. If any relationship really bothers me, I make a stink--so that if I end it, the other person has had PLENTY of opportunity to work with me to make changes.

[norajane]

Thanks, NJ. I come here, though, to create a space for these thoughts so that when I close my laptop I'm not thinking about it. In previous weeks this has meant I've been going out every evening, all weekend, and having a good time. I'm a bit worn out from the effort, a wave of depression has hit me, and I"m here. Tough love, e.g., "Why don't you stop thinking about it?", "Why can't you move on?" is not helpful to me right now.

I'm griveing the fact that it's seemingly really true: that this person I love, and loved all this time, could really just exit, just like that, and never come back, and that's that. It's so shockingly hurtful that if I don't find some outlet for this pain, it's going to creep into everything else, and I can't afford that to happen.

 

I wasn't trying to give you any tough love, actually. I was suggesting that if you've gotten to the point where you're spinning in circles, going over the same ground in your mind again and again, it might be beneficial to step back a bit and let time and distance work its magic.

 

For example, you can tell yourself you won't think about it for a month (or two weeks or whatever you think you can handle). YOu won't analyze. You won't consider. You won't think about what you did or said or didn't do or didn't say. You won't think about what he might be thinking or what he might have thought back then. Each time you start, just tell yourself you have a moratorium on thinking for a month, and in a month, you'll give it some more thought. I have a feeling if you can go that long without spinning through it, you'll have a fresher perspective.

 

Another option, and I have found this one very useful, is to set aside a certain amount of time each day to think about my issues, and ONLY that time. So, you could set aside 1 hour a night to think. Then, anytime during the day you find yourself thinking about him, push it out of your mind until that designated hour. Then decrease the hour to 45 minutes per night. Then 30 minutes. Then 15. Then nothing.

 

The point is that dwelling on it all the time whenever it comes into your head means you never really give yourself a break, you never give yourself time to heal, to truly move on.

 

You're at a point where you are finding that you have to accept that it's over. And that's a rough place to be. But you can get through this and come out stronger.

[Zapbasket]

I've struggled a few more times with the urge to contact him and I'm not sure I've conquered the impulse once and for all. One thing I'm realizing about the mourning process is that there are tremendous highs and lows. The highs usually come with a "f*** you" attitude towards him and the relationship, and in those states I REFUSE to let the whole breakup and manner of the breakup get me down and I try to get out there and find some adventure, something to keep me from feeling like sh*t.

 

The lows have changed: now I'm really in deep mourning. Last Sunday I couldn't even get out of bed; I just cried and cried despite it being sunny out. This week I started to feel like the truth is that there is NO ONE who really cares, that I could just quietly drop off the face of the universe and no one would really notice. I know that's not true, but to experience someone with whom you were involved for so long just walk away with nary a glance back, nary an effort to really talk through things, to TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for the hurt and confusion he's caused, just really feels awful. I mean, am I really that "leave-able"? Did I really make so small an impact on this person that he wouldn't even wonder how I am and miss me?

 

I find myself questioning all my relationships. It's sad to realize that really I don't feel close to anyone. I feel like everyone's second pick...while simultaneously I feel what's always been true is true--I always have been very well liked and people always gravitate towards me. But I don't feel like I have a best friend, people I really click with. I'm starting to think that maybe I don't ask for what I need in my relationships, and I settle for much less than I give. For example, I look back on my relationship with my partner, and I really think I made the most judicious decisions I could, and tried my very best. I was 100% sincere. But he indicated many times in his actions that he wasn't able/ready/willing to give emotionally to the relationship as much as I gave. I'd like to think it's just because he simply COULDN'T--because he didn't know HOW. In my gut I suspect that's true, but in him leaving me, and now being wide open to fall in love with someone else, I feel like maybe it's just that no matter how much he *thought* he loved me, he really just didn't love me *enough*. And I recognized that something was lacking, but didn't just up and leave.

 

He said something to me once, that in high school he realized that he could have more friends if he just went along with everybody. I never took that tack. I always listened to my own sense of what was right, and frequently that required that I go off alone onto my own path. I feel confused because now, at 30, I feel that tendency has cost me in the sense of not having a group I belong to, having no sense of belonging, and having friends, yes, but friends who give me the space to march to the beat of my own drum. And maybe that's not what I want. But then I feel like I go along with stuff that really I shouldn't go along with. My friend J., for example, I feel like she's really into her big group of Korean girlfriends and they take priority over me. I'm not Korean; I'm her only white female friend and maybe even her only white friend, and I'm realizing that maybe she means more to me than I mean to her. That hurts.

 

It's this kind of jumble I find myself in when I try to find the meaning of this lost relationship with my partner. What does it mean ABOUT ME that he left? What does it mean ABOUT ME that I was in a relationship with someone who in truth, from his last actions in the relationship and in these months after ending it, didn't really love me? I mean, I didn't FEEL that he didn't love me. I felt that he was too emotionally immature to form a meaningful partnership with me in which we could plan together the future of the relationship. There never was any talk of the future from his end, only talk about all the trips he wanted to take with me, and that he "wanted to be with me forever." So why didn't I leave? I have two friends who have told me many times over the past several months that in their view the only real mistake I made was not leaving him sooner. I didn't feel that way; I really loved him so why would I give up on him and leave, even despite my being frustrated?

 

I'm at that stage of mourning where I'm looking at a future without him. I mean, he broke up with me on DEcember 5, finalized the breakup on FEbruary 13, and I've heard nothing since. Is this length of time enough to determine that he's not likely ever to contact me again?

 

I feel oppressed that he's in the same city. I wish he'd leave, or I'd leave. I can't because I just moved here. I have to be here at least until next May.

 

Right now I feel like I have no ties to anyone, like, again, no one cares whether I'm around or not. I guess that's a good thing because I have totally clean slate to build something really strong? But how on earth have I arrived at age 30 with no really close relationships, where people would notice my absence?

 

I'm just pouring out my feelings. I don't even know if anything I've written makes any sense. Thanks for reading nonetheless.

[Turquoise Waters]

Have you thought about going on antidepressants? The behavior you described of staying in bed all day and crying is a definite sign of clinical depression.

[sao2]

Hi Greencove, I agree about the highs and lows. In fact at times the highs and lows come all within a few minutes of each other. It is an emotional rollercoaster.

 

We all feel like there would be no one to mourn us at times. I live far away from any family and I often wonder if something happened to me how long would it take before anyone found out. Those are natural thoughts and that doesn't mean you are alone or that you are depressed.

 

To be honest I never agreed with the term best-friend, well maybe back in grade school but the thought of having a best friend is not something I concern myself with. I have friends some are close, some would say I am there "best friend" although I never felt that close to them. The point I am getting at is, at the end of the day we are all alone. That can either be a depressing thought or a liberating thought depending on how you look at it.

 

I have been reevaluating my last relationship and I realized what many of the fights I have had in my past relationships have been. At a certain point I want to feel like the most important person in my partner's life. When I didn't feel like that the relationship started to go sour. Perhaps this is an unreasonable expectation in this day and age.

 

I don't think "going along with everyone else" is the way to go. I think you should always do what you think is right. Don't worry about making friends, friends will come when you are happy with what you are doing and where your life is headed.

 

Basically you are not alone in feeling alone, we all feel this way at times in our lives. 30 is an especially tough year because at this age there are expectations from society and family about what our lives should be. Don't let these things get you down.

 

Also another note, what you are upset about most is the idea that he has moved on and you have not. We are all forgettable in the long term. That's life, my first girlfriend, from almost 10 years ago now, I never thought I would get over the heartbreak from the break-up. Now I could care less about her. That is the way life works. Time heals all wounds if you let it.

[Zapbasket]

Have you thought about going on antidepressants? The behavior you described of staying in bed all day and crying is a definite sign of clinical depression.

 

I'm feeling depressed, yes, but I'm not a believer in popping pills to handle feelings that are perfectly natural responses to events that have transpired. Don't even get me started with antidepressants! I have lots of opinions, though of course I recognize for some this is the right move.

 

No, last Sunday's bed-burrowing was more the aftermath of having been at a wedding on Friday and Saturday. I actually like weddings and was thrilled for my friend and her new husband. But one of the guests there was an old friend, a dear friend, but one who 6 years ago professed his love to me, which was problematic given he was married with three young children. We'd worked together for 3 years and he was a wonderful person, certainly not "the cheating kind," whatever that is. But he developed feelings for me and I tried to handle the situation as compassionately and honorably as I could. I told him that while I loved him, I loved him as a package--his wife and children (I loved them) were part of the mix, and I wanted a friendship with him that included the whole package. I never let him kiss me though he tried once. When I went off to complete my BA in another state, he sent me red roses for my birthday, and I realized that I had to do something drastic otherwise things would get ugly: I didn't speak to him for 5.5 years.

 

Then, knowing that he was going to be at the wedding, I contacted him after all that silence to break the ice so that we could just enjoy ourselves at the wedding. We had a lovely catch-up in a park, and he mentioned that he really wanted me to see the kids and I said I'd love to. We e-mailed about it afterwards and he said that week was bad because of little-league playoffs. I said okay, let's get in touch in a week and make a plan. I never heard from him and I didn't pursue it because I wanted to be sure the invitation came from HIM at the sanction of his wife.

 

So, the wedding confirmed to me that silence had been the proper tack and that it was going to have to continue, probably forever. He could barely look at me. He got stuck sitting next to me at the dinner and I could tell he was very distraught about it. I made efforts to be kind, to include him in conversation, and he just couldn't look at me. I realized what I needed to realize and stopped trying, and I understand that I will not ever contact him, nor he me.

 

So I have lost a dear friend forever. Mind you, the LAST THING I'd want is to be involved in something dishonorable, so I totally respect his indicated wish not to have a friendship with me. In fact, I admire him for it; it's the right thing to do if he feels it will jeopardize his marraige. BUT: It still hurts; it's still a loss to me, and given I feel so vulnerable, it hurt more than it otherwise would at another time.

 

In my 20s I had lots of what you would call "special" relationships--friendships with people much older than me, etc., and I loved it because I got to learn about so many other angles of life that way than if I was just friends with people in my age group and walk of life. But the thing about these special relationships, I'm finding, is that though they leave you with very special memories, rarely are they built to last. And so I feel really alone--have some great memories, yes--but I feel really alone and like a freak, like I will never have a normal family life with a husband I adore who adores me and the two kids I want and the dog and yes, the family pig (I have wanted a pet pig for years!). Where we travel and ski and hike and camp and kayak and get nerdy with books and math and philosophy and have amazing sex and are surrounded by fantastic friends.

 

So, hence the Sunday camp-out in my sheets, my trusty Kleenex box by my side.

 

The tone of this totally changed, didn't it? I'm kind-of laughing at myself. I can't really feel totally sad for long. And yet...in this breakup I do. I'm going mad:confused:

[Zapbasket]

Hi Greencove, I agree about the highs and lows. In fact at times the highs and lows come all within a few minutes of each other. It is an emotional rollercoaster.

 

We all feel like there would be no one to mourn us at times. I live far away from any family and I often wonder if something happened to me how long would it take before anyone found out. Those are natural thoughts and that doesn't mean you are alone or that you are depressed.

 

To be honest I never agreed with the term best-friend, well maybe back in grade school but the thought of having a best friend is not something I concern myself with. I have friends some are close, some would say I am there "best friend" although I never felt that close to them. The point I am getting at is, at the end of the day we are all alone. That can either be a depressing thought or a liberating thought depending on how you look at it.

 

I have been reevaluating my last relationship and I realized what many of the fights I have had in my past relationships have been. At a certain point I want to feel like the most important person in my partner's life. When I didn't feel like that the relationship started to go sour. Perhaps this is an unreasonable expectation in this day and age.

 

I don't think "going along with everyone else" is the way to go. I think you should always do what you think is right. Don't worry about making friends, friends will come when you are happy with what you are doing and where your life is headed.

 

Basically you are not alone in feeling alone, we all feel this way at times in our lives. 30 is an especially tough year because at this age there are expectations from society and family about what our lives should be. Don't let these things get you down.

 

Also another note, what you are upset about most is the idea that he has moved on and you have not. We are all forgettable in the long term. That's life, my first girlfriend, from almost 10 years ago now, I never thought I would get over the heartbreak from the break-up. Now I could care less about her. That is the way life works. Time heals all wounds if you let it.

 

Thanks Sao2, this post really lifted my spirits! It's good to know that if I'm alone, at least I'm not alone in feeling alone.

 

But I don't agree with you that "we are all forgettable in the long term." Anyone I have ever really loved, I have never forgotten. Even people who have hurt me. This has been my first heartbreak, but I can see getting over the heartbreak, sure, but I will never, ever, forget this man. I really loved him, warts and all. And always will, even while I love someone else, hopefully with the same genuineness and intensity as I loved the partner I'm mourning, but hopefully with greater depth and more maturity. He is overall a wonderful person and I would have loved to have spent my life with him, assuming we eventually would have worked through our frustrations, which I assumed we would as we both matured.

[Turquoise Waters]

Yah, I'm sorry, I do think you need some antidepressant intervention in your life. Don't know if you are seeing a therapist, also. It has been since Dec. and an old friend/wedding shouldn't be causing an allday campout of crying in the bedroom. Clinical depression, seriously. Also you get hung up and distraught over every single detail...another sign of clinical depression.

[Zapbasket]

Turquoise, are you a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist/psychotherapist/social worker? If you're not, then you have no business recommending meds to anyone on this board. Most licensed mental health workers would NOT suggest meds on a board like this. You have no way, also, of knowing what should or should not produce an "all-day camp-out" on anyone's bed; you have no right to say that.

 

You know, I could write on this thread 10 times a day about how sad I am, and still be perfectly functional in the rest of my life. I am. I use this place to vent and I do it here instead of a journal so that I can get feedback.

 

It's a big deal to lose someone, no matter what the back story. I'm GLAD it hurts me; I'd be worried about how deeply I lived if I didn't feel awful at losing someone with whom so many of my future hopes and dreams were bound. People AREN'T exchangeable.

 

And people being down does not mean they need pills to blot out their depression. It means they're down. I'm going through a process of grief, as many of us here are. I'm also living my life. The grief will lessen, it might take 8 months, it might take a year. As long as I feel like I'm not getting stuck, I'm not threatened by a little sadness and despair, sucky though it is.

 

I'm irritated, sorry. Look, if you're so with it as to be accurate with your snappy summings-up of people's experiences on this board, WHY are you spending time on this board? Frankly, if I were not dealing with this breakup, I would be spending all my time OFF the internet. So what are you doing? Don't bother answering that; I don't really care. If you want to post about something you're dealing with, I'll try to help out as I can. Sorry to snap, but arrogating the knowledge to prescribe antidepressants to strangers (something people who DO have the knowledge refrain from doing) is something that really pisses me off.

[Turquoise Waters]

Turquoise, are you a licensed psychologist/psychiatrist/psychotherapist/social worker? If you're not, then you have no business recommending meds to anyone on this board. Most licensed mental health workers would NOT suggest meds on a board like this. You have no way, also, of knowing what should or should not produce an "all-day camp-out" on anyone's bed; you have no right to say that.

 

You know, I could write on this thread 10 times a day about how sad I am, and still be perfectly functional in the rest of my life. I am. I use this place to vent and I do it here instead of a journal so that I can get feedback.

 

It's a big deal to lose someone, no matter what the back story. I'm GLAD it hurts me; I'd be worried about how deeply I lived if I didn't feel awful at losing someone with whom so many of my future hopes and dreams were bound. People AREN'T exchangeable.

 

And people being down does not mean they need pills to blot out their depression. It means they're down. I'm going through a process of grief, as many of us here are. I'm also living my life. The grief will lessen, it might take 8 months, it might take a year. As long as I feel like I'm not getting stuck, I'm not threatened by a little sadness and despair, sucky though it is.

 

I'm irritated, sorry. Look, if you're so with it as to be accurate with your snappy summings-up of people's experiences on this board, WHY are you spending time on this board? Frankly, if I were not dealing with this breakup, I would be spending all my time OFF the internet. So what are you doing? Don't bother answering that; I don't really care. If you want to post about something you're dealing with, I'll try to help out as I can. Sorry to snap, but arrogating the knowledge to prescribe antidepressants to strangers (something people who DO have the knowledge refrain from doing) is something that really pisses me off.

Just because I post on this board doesn't mean I have issues. Anyway, being ON the internet so much contributes to depression, hon. The issues your exboyfriend had with you are becoming apparent.

[marac43]

Look we are all here because we are going through something (heavy) in our lives. I have not read all the posts in this thread nor am I a MOD, Actually i new here. However It would be advantagous to everyone if we tried to be alittle more supportive of one another.