Am I getting myself into trouble?

[TooYoungForThis]

ok, I don't know if this is really a problem or not, but I could use some advice on what to do. Ok, my best friend, Kim, has been my best friend since we were kids, and we are both 17 now. I have spent the night over at her house for years and her with me and so on, cause you know, that's what friends do. Well, I know her family really well, both her mom and her dad. Her parents got divorced when we were 13 and now her mom lives in another town and she stays with her every other weekend. Well, her dad is great, we get along great, and he is a blast to be around, he has a great personality and he's not that bad looking either, for an older man (he's 38). Well, I didn't see this coming, but lately I have been getting "involved" with her father. I will tell my parents I am staying at Kim's and go stay over there, but she is at her mother's for the weekend, so really I am spending the night with her dad. I know this is bad, because I used to think of him as my 2nd father, but lately I look at him differently. And ever since him and Kim's mom got a divorce, he has been flirting with me when I am around, and stuff, and I am just really attracted to him. I never thought I would actually start sleeping with him, but it just kinda happened. I don't want to end it with him because he is great and I am happy being with him, even though we have to keep it a secret. I guess my greatest concern is Kim. I really don't want her to find out. She would never be my friend again, much less be severly pissed at her father for sleeping with her best friend. And my parents? I don't even wanna think about what they would do. But I love bieng with him, and I don't care that he is 21 years older than me, because he doesn't act like it. He is great and he is so good in bed, and I would love to let everyone know about our relationship, but I know I can't do that. I just don't know what to do about this, I am in a pickle! can anyone help?

[Tony T]

You aren't in a pickle, the father of your girlfriend is in a pickle. When word of this gets out, he'll go to jail for statutory rape...probably get ten years in prison if he doesn't have a record...and you'll get lots of wonderful publicity. Plus you'll lose your best friend.

 

Any adult male who has sex with a minor child under the age of 18 is guilty of the felony of stautory rape in every state.

 

This guy you're with is an adult many times removed. He has the morals of a low class snake to be having sex with the 17-year-old best friend of his daughter.

 

He deserves prison time, you deserve to lose your friend because obviously you care more about getting laid than you do about her...so it'll all work out.

 

I can't give you advice here because I am sickened by this and I do hope somebody finds out soon. This episode will have lasting damage on your future relationships if it continues.

 

I'm sorry your parents did not give you the moral and ethical education required to stay out of situations like this. Both of you will pay and it will be painful.

 

I'm really sorry because I think you are otherwise a very sweet lady. There are just oh so many other males in the world to have sex with...and you gotta go for the daddy of your girlfriend.

 

Wasn't there a movie about something like this....I think it was called "American Beauty" with Kevin Spacey, as the husband of a very nice lady and Mina Suvari (the girlfriend of his daughter) as his teen love interest? Yeah...talk about one dysfunctional American neighborhood.

 

You need to remove yourself from all this...but I don't think that's going to happen since you're enjoying the sex and nobody knows. Call the State and see if they allow conjugal visits for men in prison.

[quankanne]

is this really worth losing your best friend over, much less your dignity? Of course her daddy is going to make you think he's the best thing that ever happened to you, it reinforces his supply of the "young stuff" that you're providing. While he might care for you some, there's not going to be any "going steady," or dates to the prom, because he's only sees this as passing time with some young, dumb and willing chicky until something better comes along. And I guarantee when she does, he's going to drop you like a like a hot potato that smells really, really bad.

 

Do you really want to destroy your relationship with Kim AND with your parents once they get wind of this? What happens when your parents file charges against him, like Tony's talked about? Do you think this man will be interested in continuing a relationship with you?

 

What he's doing is pretty damned sick, taking advantage of a friend of the family, and you're a fool for letting him do so.

[Bill]

This is absolutely sick. This guy deserves to goto jail. Forget my rest of the advice... I'm fed up with what's going on in the world.

[HokeyReligions]

You said it Tony.

 

TooYoungForThis - stop it. it's sick and you both need some help - the guy needs to go to prison for a while and learn why his behavior is wrong, and you need to do some serious growing up.

[TooYoungForThis]

OK, guys....I know what all of you are saying, because it's exactly what I expected all of you to say. Don't you think that me and her father have thought about all the risks this relationship carries? And don't you think we have thought of every thing that could happen if we got caught? Of course we have, we have been very careful about this relationship and as long as we continue to be careful like we are now, being caught isn't in the cards. And besides, I will be 18 in less than 2 months, so there goes the concern about jail.

 

And another thing - no I am not expecting him to fall deeply in love with me and want to marry me and have a family and blah blah blah...nor am I expecting him to take me on "dates" or to the "prom". I know all of this isn't going to happen. And I don't expect it to. It's really simple - I just like sleeping with him. And I like having secret affair that noone knows about, it gives me an edge kind of.

 

However, I know there are serious risks to my relationship with my friends and family if we do get caught. That's why I wrote in the first place.

 

Just wanted to clear those things up.

[Tony T]

The statute of limitations on third degree felonies runs three years. Additionally, the statute of limitations for you to sue this guy for violating a minor does not begin until you realize the psychological damage it has caused you, which could be ten years down the way...so he is really taking risks. You may think the two of you have considered the risks but you have even began.

 

You may be interested that 30 years ago, statutory rape carried the death penalty in many states. As morals have decayed in recent years, the penalties have been reduced.

 

Now, apart from the risks, you show yourself to have no principles in participating in a violation of the law and in screwing the father of your girlfriend...but that's a moral judgement and you didn't ask for that.

 

Your post has basically made me sick for the day. I'm not blaming you at all because you are young, vulnerable and naive. I AM blaming this 38 year old man for being a snake, for not having any respect for you or the law, for taking advantage of your naivete, for using you, for betraying his own daughter, for putting you at risk for serious problems when your parents and others find out, and for making you susceptible to serious psychological problems when you get older.

 

Many people are in therapy for years as a result of having been violated and sexually exploited when they were teens and didn't know what they were doing.

 

Oh, you may think he'll keep his mouth shut...and you may think you will too. But I promise you, this will get out and you will be devastated. Again, I am so very sorry you did not receive the proper moral guidance and training as you were growing up...and neither did this man who robbed you from the cradle.

 

If you came here to make yourself feel better about what you are doing or to get some sort of validation, you came to the wrong site.

 

Meanwhile, keep those orgasms coming!!!

[HokeyReligions]

It's already a sick, sick situation. Since you already knew what was going to be said to you, why did you post in the first place? You apparently know it all and don't give a damn.

 

By the way, sex doesn't "just happen", you [color=darkred]make [/color]the decision and I guarandamntee you that the sick bastard was planning on it happening for a long time before it did.

[bissimalle]

Hey TYFT,

 

I know you're looking for a different perspective from someone. I just read about your situation. I am 17 myself. I have never experienced such a situation like this but I know what its like to be tempted and I know at such an age, some of us don't want to take control. I know once you start something it's hard to stop. But you really need to think about this. You know it's a very serious matter and trying to deny the truth is not going to make anything better.

 

This world has its own morals and ethics. Some of us don't agree with all of them. But in a certain way, most of it sometimes are made for reasons.

 

Since its just sexual, and not an emotional attachment, I don't think it can be that hard for you to put an end to this. There are so many guys out there. If you like older men, there are lot of them out there too. (I'm not encouraging it). I highly doubt that he is the only man that is good in bed. But thats not even the point. If you honestly do care about Kim, even a little bit, you need to think more seriously about this. Put yourself in her shoes and imagine the roles were switched.

 

I know you must think that what she doesnt know can't hurt, but what about your own conscience? if you're just worried what people may think of you incase they found out... then obviously you dont have a guilty conscience and it just shows your true character.

 

The damage is already done. But you can be a bigger and more mature person by being the first to put an end to it. Learning to have control and be responsible, is I think, a very important step in becoming an adult. and you're going to be 18 soon. so think about it. I definitely would not want to be Kim. How would you like to be betrayed? Oh yea.. you might say.. "but it was never planned". There is no good enough excuse to deny something that has been repeating itself so often. A one time thing would be different, as I am learning.

 

You need to think about the consequences of how it will affect Kim. It's not even a case of true undying love between u two is it. About this thrill you get from this big secret, girl, its a terrible thing that u would even look at it that way. Find it somewhere else.

 

Hope you come to your senses and follow the advice that you've gotten from this message board. There's a reason you came here, isn't there?

 

Good luck.

[Ally Boo]

This reminds me of a porn movie....

[quankanne]

let me guess ... the girl's best friend and guy's daughter finds out and offers to join in on the action? And nobody's upset because they all get their rocks off?

[dougster]

Not that I'm condoning anything here. Far from it. But is what Tony said true??

 

"Any adult male who has sex with a minor child under the age of 18 is guilty of the felony of statutory rape in every state"

 

I believe it varies from state to state. But seriously..... TYFT, there is bad ju-ju in this whole thing........ wait for college to make all of your stupid choices

[sortabeenthere]

When I was 16 years old a man in his 30's kept coming to see me at work and flirted with me. He was attractive, had a car and money, always bought me stuff, took me out, etc., and of course I was flattered. I lost my virginity to this man in the back of his car, a decision I have ALWAYS regretted and will for the rest of my life.

 

To make a long long story short...I found out that this man was married and had kids....and the reason he wanted me was because he wanted to relive the sex he had when he was 18.

 

If you're 17, and this man is 38...he's wanting to relive the sex he had at your age.

 

My advice?

 

Stop what you're doing - you will ruin your life, his life, your friend's life, and you could get pregnant and ruin more lives. When you look back on this in 5 years, you'll shudder with disgust and wish it never happened. You're young and you will learn from this mistake, but don't continue and wish later that you had stopped sooner.

 

If you stop now, you don't have to involve anyone, JUST STOP!! Because sooner or later something or someone else will stop you and you'll have to deal with the consequences.

 

Good luck and I pray to Whomever that you take the advice you've been given here.