Rhythm28 Posted June 25, 2007 Share Posted June 25, 2007 I dated this girl two years ago. We were friends first for a number of years and then we decided to date. Needless to say, it didn't last long. She chickened out (commitment issues)OK, whatever. I had someone else waiting in the wings anyway. Over the last 2 years she's kept tabs on me but I made no effort to contact her until a month ago when a mutual friend got married. We were both there and sat at the same table. She touched my arm and was really friendly towards me but I didn't reciprocate. I was cordial and we both wound up leaving early. About a week ago she calls me saying she needs someone's number that we know. Then towards the end of the voicemail she goes on about how I should not bother trying to get back with another ex because she went through the same thing with one of her ex's and it didn't work out. OK first of all, this guy whose number she asked for didn't change his number like she claimed he did. Two, who is she to give advice on my relationships? I don't counsel her on her relationships. She claims we are friends but she left me like I said earlier and we never went over that. Me, I don't care and I moved on but she likes to claim we are still friends. Whatever. Anyway we agreed to meet over the weekend and the night before I went over there, she sent a text at 1 a.m. saying "I'm glad you're not here. I've had too much to drink and I would....Nevermind. Night." I didn't respond to that and when I saw her the next day she claimed that there was something to tell me and forgot what it was. She said that I misconstrued her text as something else. Whatever. I told her if she still had feelings for me it was OK but that was not the reason I went over there. She laughed it all off and said I was the one who was crazy. The whole time I was there she initiated alot of physical contact and practically laid on top of me when I was watching TV on her couch. I massaged her feet and she made no effort to stop me. Friends don't play with each other's feet. Who's wrong here? Me or her? If you send a text or receive a text like that, what would you take that to mean? Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2007 Share Posted June 25, 2007 You didn't respond to the text so her only way out was to make it look like it was nothing.. She was saving face You blew her off in a sense.. you agree to meet her then ignore an erotic text.. I would either do the meetup with her and ask her what is up or just blow her off forever.. Link to post Share on other sites
dr strangelove Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Im not really sure why you are posting is it to a) ask what to do next b) get an idea what she is thinking c) prove an arguement Well unfortunely I cant put on a puppet show for you, but lets pretend she is a cat ok. You know when cats are in heat they rub against you and meow alot same idea So perhaps you are not familar with the story "how mommy and daddy make a baby" ? well if you are thats what you are susposed to do next except pass on the baby part Now if you arent familar with this just do a google anbd you will understand and yes you have to stick your pee pee in her.. dont worry its fun! Ok I hope that helps Link to post Share on other sites
alasia Posted June 28, 2007 Share Posted June 28, 2007 Well. I would have agreed with you guys, it was a provocatove text and she got embarrassed when he didn't reply so hgad to save face. Until I read this... I didn't respond to that and when I saw her the next day she claimed that there was something to tell me and forgot what it was. She said that I misconstrued her text as something else. I think she was playing you. She was drunk, seeing if you'd rise to the bait, so to speak...see if she could click her fingers and have you come running. You didn't. Well done you. A classic sign of a player (IMO) is someone who tells you that you read more into something they said/did than you were meant to. My ex did it with me; he said he loved me "more than anything" when he came back from a day out drinking (he was mildly drunk but not paralytic, so I reckon he knew exactly what he was saying) and when I questioned him about it the next day, he said I'd taken what he'd said the wrong way. I bet if you'd have gone round there the night she sent the text, she'd have lead you on and then stopped just before you guys actually 'got down to it'. She would have made some excuse about how it "didn't feel right" or she cared about you too much...which would have been bull, because she was never going to have sex with you anyway. Make sense? Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted June 29, 2007 Share Posted June 29, 2007 You are wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 Well I still don't know what to make of the whole thing. It's been over a week and I haven't heard from her. Who knows what was going to happen that night. Things got a little hot when I started massaging her feet. Before that she was touching me and bumping into me in the kitchen. It's just crazy. I want it to end but she wouldn't let me end it!!! I'd like to know either way. She did this two years ago, she's doing it now and she's gonna do it two years from now. It was just the two of us at her place. Nobody knew we were there together. She's really bottled up, won't let her emotions out, very well-guarded. I didn't press the issue but I was really dumbfounded when she just laughed hysterically about how I thought she wanted me back. I know she has commitment issues. She's 33 and never been married. No kids. She sees me as a good guy who comes from a good family. It's kinda like I'm her link to the real world. Oh well. Link to post Share on other sites
InvisibleTouch Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Based on what you have said this girl is just an emotional can of worms. Goodness knows what is going on in her head but it sounds as though she has some serious issues born out of past negative experiences. These negative experiences could be anything and you may even know about some of them. What do you know? That aside the real issue here is one that I have had to deal with myself and that is why is it that you tolerate this unhealthy behaviour. This is not something that you will find the answer to straight off the bat but it is an answer you need to come up with. You not being able to identify peculiar behaviour but instead try to rationalise it is the problem. Trying to make sense of why she does anything will be like trying to find the answer to the universe. The reason she behaves like she does with you is because you let her. NC is the only solution here because you will never ever be able to change her. Quit while you are ahead and pity the poor sod who does take her on! Link to post Share on other sites
alasia Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 My ex is similar to yours. He's done so many things in the year I've known him that have had me sitting there wondering why... Why did he move me in with him so quickly? Why did he seem so convinced he wanted a baby with me, why did he really TRY to convince ME and even propose; then when I find out I am pregnant (after we'd split up), act so uninterested in our unborn baby? Why, during the relationship, did he feel the need to show no signs of emotion on his face, or tallk abut his feelings (positive or negative)? Why can't he forgive and forget the hassle I've caused him, as I've managed to with him, and just focus on our child who doesn't deserve to never see his dad? Why does he insist on never seeing me again; apparently me even catching his bus and not speaking to him is too much for him to handle. Why can't he be a dad to his kids? Why does he say he hates you one week, then 8 days later say he loves you and wants to get back together - then change his midn AGAIN 2 days later? You get the picture. All the above are questions I've been constantly playing in my head. For ages, I thought I was the problem (as he says I am) - that I was annoying him by being around too often and although I didn't think I was, maybe I WAS harassing him in some way. So I changed my plans, stopped going out on nights I knew he'd be working, barely went out at all because he'd keep changing his shifts at work (he's a bus driver) and I wasn't sure which routes he'd be on, didn't try and ask for his phone number or new address and even waited an extra hour for the next bus if he happened to be on the one I'd wanted to catch - and you know what? It didn't change a thing; except for the fact I've been really miserable from not being able to live my life! He still hates me and is still acting the same way towards me. So I've come to the conclusion that the problem isn't me, it's him. Your ex is the same - she may have issues, as mine might; but you can't fix them and you'll never get an answer to why she's like it. Save yourself the hassle and just forget about her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 I agree with the last two posts. Remember, it had been 2 years since I had seen or spoken to her. Whenever friends brought her name up around me during that time I just said, "Yeah, really? OK, cool." and quickly changed the subject. Meanwhile, she's kept tabs on me and even called a few times to make sure we're still "friends". It's funny how a week and a half ago I received about 40 text messages from her about how we're getting together and today it's like she fell off the face of the earth. Luckily for me, I've gone through this before and have even read a few books on the subject of people with commitment issues to help me better understand what I'm going through. Her issues are her issues. There are other women to keep me occupied. The old me would have thought about calling her, begging her, just to talk and showing up at her place unannounced. I never did that and I don't plan on doing that now. It's just wierd how I thought this was over and done with two years ago and now it's reared it's ugly head again. I told her she was going to to do this two years from now too. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 I had someone else waiting in the wings anyway. There are other women to keep me occupied. it's reared it's ugly head again. It has only reared it ugly head because you want it too.. if you really had other women that you were satisfied with then you would just tell her to leave you alone. Why haven't you told her to go away ? You seem like you don't want her around anyway Link to post Share on other sites
Author Rhythm28 Posted July 3, 2007 Author Share Posted July 3, 2007 That's true. I'm not 100% satisfied with my love life right now but I know it's better than getting back together with this particular person. The day I went over there, I told her I wasn't going to be around for her. That's when she turned the whole thing on me and said I was the one who was crazy. She didn't want to be with me but she didn't want me to end it either. 10 years ago I would have dealt with this type of drama. I had the time and energy for it just because I knew I'd at least get laid out of it. Now, it's not worth all the crazyness that comes with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 it's not worth all the crazyness that comes with it.[/quote'] I hear ya.. Link to post Share on other sites
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