I don't understand....????

[guest]

Hi Everone!

 

I'm recently dating this guy from on-line for about 2 1/2 months now but I really don't understand why he's still online, is b/c he think I'm not the right for him? Btw us there are chemistry and we both are very passionated when we are together and we can communicate but not really serious & meaningful conversations which I'm scared & concern about. Becuase he is a doctor and I'm just a receptionist & student (I only have been here in the US for about 19 months so my english is still very weak) which means our knowledge isn't in the same level. Even though one of things we have in common: he had lived in Europe (I grew up in Europe) and he said that he understand for being a beginner w/ a new language and he also said that he doesn't mind of my weak english (he even corrects me when I say something wrong which I really love it and I can like/love him even more for that but at the same time I lack w/ my self-confident b/c I'm also a afraid that he might think that I don't meet up to his expectation/level which he might feel he cann't talk/discuss w/me about things) SHOULD i WORRY ABOUT IT?

 

I just have a feeling that he's only w/ me for satisfy his curiousness & desireness for trying & knowing from different cultures (I'm an Asian and he is very interested in the Asian cultures) but maybe he never have a though of marry one, since that he grew in a very strait upbringing -very religious & oldfashion (a place in Oregon where they still use the horse carriages instead for cars) Even though he said that his family is liberal so they'dn't mind him dating an Asian girl but do you guys think that HE or/& his family if him & I are more than just dating.....do you guys think that for him deep down is out of question for getting marry to a non-American/Caucasian girl?

 

I know that its to early to judge but I really don't want just causal relationship which I feel its what he wants......I really don't know what I should feel, think, do...etc. I just don't want to get to serious and get hurt since that I'm a emotional person.

 

I want to tell him the truth about my point of views (I'll give him three more weeks and see how things will lead to) ......even though I might lose him but I really need a partner in my life who is sincere about me.

 

Do you guys have any advices for me for how I should tell/talk to him about it.......please let me know -'ll appreciate it alot.....THANK YOU!

 

Happy Valetine's Day to you all......he left for Oregon to visit his family....he said he bought the ticket for 1 1/2 months ago so he have to leave which is ok since that he's visiting his family.

[Tony T]

First of all, there are many women who seek doctors for husbands because they can make life very secure and there is prestige involved.

 

You are asking for guarantees here and there are none, even when two people of similar backgrounds are involved.

 

You need to be straightforward with him and simply ask him the same questions you have asked here. Ask him how he feels about having an Asian girlfriend...and ask him if he things his parents would accept you.

 

You've been talking to him for 2 1/2 months now and I think it's time you got this information for yourself. You don't need to waste your time with him if this is not a serious relationship for him.

 

Happy Valentines Day to you as well and I'm sorry your guy is away for this day. You sound like a really nice lady and if things don't go good with your current guy there are many others who would treat you very special. Just understand that even for women from this country, it's very hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys at first. It often takes some time to figure that out.

 

Good luck to you!

[guest]

Tony:

 

Speaking from my side I honestly not dating him because he is a Doc 'cause I have been a onlychild for 9 years and my parents were VERY busy w/ their business and had never time for me, so I had been by myself pretty much of the time in my childhood. I believe b/c of that reason I feel like that the caring, sincereness & love is more what I'm looking for in my life, since that I think that money come in and out easily.

 

I just want to make sure that my partner happy w/ me as I'm w/ him which is very important to me, though.

 

I do not ask for a movie star in out-look or a millioner.......yes, a good looking boyfriend is nice, and yes, it'll also make life "easier" if I marry to a millioner but w/out a heart and true caring & love

is in fact/deep down meaningless...by the time people will say: "why I have everything but still I feel so empty?!"

 

Sometimes I say & ask myself.......its hard to find the true love .....or just a smiple true caring ....these day...........is it!???

 

Tony, do you think its fair enough that I ask him straightly and how should I ask him( would love to hear from other's advices too)........I don't have much experience in this dating thing.

 

Plz let me know.....thank you so much and HAPPY VALETINE'S DAY!!!!

[Tony T]

The only way to ask him is kindly and directly. Ask the specific questions so he will clearly understand what information you are seeking.

[guest]

Yes, I'll naturally talk & quest him about us in a kind & nice way and I will try to make it clearly & short to him. Thank you for the advice!

 

 

But I really don't udnerstand...we have been dating for 2 1/2 months now and for the last days he have been online (since he came back to his hometown...and jhave nothing to do..he said).........made a little change in his ad & update it too, is it b/c he is not really/truly have interest for me 100%. Why people these days (esp CA) keep complaining that they can not truest eacher other by their unfaithful & unkindly behaviors then they do the same thing.......why.....or is it just me - am I not the right one for him, is it what he think....then he can just say directly to me instead of seems sincere when he is w/ me.

 

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND....... HELP!

[Tony T]

No, it's not just you...and I don't understand either. There are a lot of really strange people in this world and they're not JUST in California. If this man isn't treating you right or is updating his profile on a dating site in order to find others to date, I think you ought to forget him.

 

Again, I would question him about why he has done this. Of course, you may not get an honest answer but at this point you have nothing to lose.

 

I really don't think this relationship is going anywhere. Unless you can get some straight answers from him that make sense, you are a lot better off forgetting him and moving on.

 

Was your 2 1/2 months of dating online or in person. It is impossible to date people online. That's the craziest thing you can ever do. But if you were with him in person and he is acting this way, it is definitely a sign he is looking for other people to date.

[gust]

We have been dating in person for 2 1/2 months.

 

 

I want to make everything clearly before I make any conclusion about him/us which I think it'll also be easier for me to move on if I get things clear out. I'm not making any excuses for anything but since that I think he is a nice guy and I honestly like him, so I want to give him a chance as well myself. SO PLZ HELP ME TO ANALYZE THIS

 

THere' s 45 mins distance btw us so we only see each other on the weekend. Before he only give me a call late on the week (he's in residence at a hospital- to busy....) but last week when he called me, I asked him: "Have you only been thinking of me onE TIME during the whole week"...he said, he was sorry...to busy w/ work and he will keep it in mind! And during this week he called me twice. And it was sweet of him to ask me to have lunch w/ him and drove 45mins to pick me up from my work on Thursday before he left in the evening. We did have a wonderful time.....before he drove away he said: "I'll call you....or you can call me too"

Then yesterday I call him early in the afternoon to say happy valetine' s day and wish him to have a wonderful time w/ his family. He called back about 8 pm....."how are you?"...then he asked me what I was doing and I said: nothing...but then he said: it seems like you are busy!" Since that I was in the car w/ a female friend.....there were the noice;; I think)

We tolk on the phone about 5mins then we ended w/ wishing each other having a nice evening and will give a call to each other as well.......

 

 

So what do you think.....when I'm in his company or talk w/ him, he seems to be sincere (maybe it sound naive but its how I feel)

but it makes me feel so disappionted and sad when I was in to check (actually) if he is sincere about me.....I felt so sad when I saw he was online early on Friday.

 

I really don't understand.........I want to talk to him as soon he come back so I can get it over w/ this confusing thing how matter what the answer is, rather than get to serious & deep w/ the caring I have for him right.

 

Plz let me know wha toyu guys think - Thank you!