What do you men think about women who earn 6 figures a year?

[Star Gazer]

It sounds as if you're preoccupied with material possessions to an unusual extent, and I think people will often perceive that as demonstrating a certain insecurity and some weakness of character. A sense that you don't think that you yourself are enough - and that only with props can you win other people's respect. If they don't give you that respect, it maybe becomes a source of confusion and frustration.

 

When it comes to it, few people are going to say "I really want to be cutegirl because she's driving a top of the range car and carries a prestigious handbag." They might say "I'd like to have those possessions cutegirl has" - but that's not at all the same as saying "I really admire cutegirl, and I wish I were more like her."

 

So the possessions, rather than you, get the attention....and in a way you re-create that onto this forum. You start a thread asking men how they feel about high-earning women. "How do you feel about my money? What do you think of my car? Do you approve of my home? Do you think it's good that I earn six figures, or does it intimidate you." By taking that approach, you risk other people forming feelings about and relationships with your possessions and your bank account rather than with you.

 

After all, if you're giving the message that your possessions are more important than you yourself are (and I think with most of your posts you do give that impression) then other people will accept that as the way it is.

 

"Do I like cutegirl? Don't know. Never really thought about it - but she's got a nice car, and her handbag's very nice."

 

Don't you want to be more than that?

 

Fabulous, fabulous post!

 

CG clearly has a problem obtaining REAL respect from people. Remember the "I can't believe he didn't call me 'Ms.'!!!!!" thread?

[cutegirl]

Okay but you have also stated in other threads that you prefer dating men that you earn more money than, so aren't you being sexist as well?

 

I think most men want to date women who make less than they do because they like to feel in power, feel like "the man", the breadwinner etc

 

As for me, I prefer men with less money because I feel like they are less likely to cheat due to the fact that they have less opportunity and options to cheat.

 

---------------------------------------------

 

From msnbc :

 

"For men with money, infidelity is just another perk. Among men making more than $300,000 a year, 32 percent report cheating, compared to 21 percent of men making less than $35,000 a year. Wealth isn't much of a factor in women's cheating.

 

“Wealthy men may simply have more dating opportunities than men with less income,” says David Frederick, a psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who helped analyze the survey findings."

 

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I don't think women with more money are as likely to cheat as men with more money. I think men are somehow programmed differently and have natural instincts to spread their seed as far as possible and need more variety...

 

Therefore I like to minimize the chances of me getting cheated on by choosing guys who aren't as successful.

[Trialbyfire]

Coach is not really that subtle, especially the ones with all the tacky C's... Although of course they do have nicer stuff like the Legacy bags etc

 

Also, Coach is carried mostly by teens where I live. I don't really like Coach too much because it's too much of a "middle-class" brand. I know that sounded bad but that's not how I meant it. Coach is quite common too...

It's interesting how you zero in on the brand and not the real meat of the comment... You can pick out materiality but not the context.

[Star Gazer]

I think most men want to date women who make less than they do because they like to feel in power, feel like "the man", the breadwinner etc

 

As for me, I prefer men with less money because I feel like they are less likely to cheat due to the fact that they have less opportunity and options to cheat.

 

---------------------------------------------

 

From msnbc :

 

"For men with money, infidelity is just another perk. Among men making more than $300,000 a year, 32 percent report cheating, compared to 21 percent of men making less than $35,000 a year. Wealth isn't much of a factor in women's cheating.

 

“Wealthy men may simply have more dating opportunities than men with less income,” says David Frederick, a psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who helped analyze the survey findings."

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

I don't think women with more money are as likely to cheat as men with more money. I think men are somehow programmed differently and have natural instincts to spread their seed as far as possible and need more variety...

 

Therefore I like to minimize the chances of me getting cheated on by choosing guys who aren't as successful.

 

 

Where are the statistics of men cheating due to a woman's ridiculous attitude? I bet those numbers are quite high.

[lindya]

Fabulous, fabulous post!

 

Thanks SG - and I owe you for the typo correction. I tried to edit - but was too slow

 

CG clearly has a problem obtaining REAL respect from people. Remember the "I can't believe he didn't call me 'Ms.'!!!!!" thread?

 

I didn't catch that one, but I remember the thread about the car salesman who paid more attention to cutegirl's boyfriend than to her - even though she was the one buying the car.

 

Next time you're car-shopping, cutegirl, take us along with you and we'll lay into that salesman with our designer handbags. That'll teach him a bit of respect.

[nittygritty]

I think most men want to date women who make less than they do because they like to feel in power, feel like "the man", the breadwinner etc

 

As for me, I prefer men with less money because I feel like they are less likely to cheat due to the fact that they have less opportunity and options to cheat.

 

---------------------------------------------

 

From msnbc :

 

"For men with money, infidelity is just another perk. Among men making more than $300,000 a year, 32 percent report cheating, compared to 21 percent of men making less than $35,000 a year. Wealth isn't much of a factor in women's cheating.

 

“Wealthy men may simply have more dating opportunities than men with less income,” says David Frederick, a psychologist at the University of California, Los Angeles, who helped analyze the survey findings."

 

-----------------------------------------------

 

I don't think women with more money are as likely to cheat as men with more money. I think men are somehow programmed differently and have natural instincts to spread their seed as far as possible and need more variety...

 

Therefore I like to minimize the chances of me getting cheated on by choosing guys who aren't as successful.

 

 

Really because your doing exactly what your saying you don't like. Stereotyping and discriminating men based on income.

[Star Gazer]

Thanks SG - and I owe you for the typo correction. I tried to edit - but was too slow

 

No problem.

 

Next time you're car-shopping, cutegirl, take us along with you and we'll lay into that salesman with our designer handbags. That'll teach him a bit of respect.

 

I'll be sure to dangle my Benz key from my "tacky" Coach keychain in his face too! That'll teach 'em!

[strawman]

I think your experience is based on your attitude and the way you present yourself to these people who are "assuming" things. If a man or woman boasts about material things, rubs it in others faces, shows off...others will question how they obtained those things. However, if a woman carries herself professionally, with confidence and elegance, I doubt anyone would question her income level, her ability to provide for herself, or her ownership of her own car. Personally, I have never had anyone show surprise at my income level, or think that my car wasn't mine.

 

I think you just hit the issue dead on, SG. Good call.

[cutegirl]

Why does this irk you so much? Doesn't your money give you the confidence not to worry about what other people think?

 

Or put another way: you make a lot of money - I see no reason to doubt that. But it's not enough, is it, unless people recognize you for it? Is that it? As much money as you make, is that the wage you can't figure out how to earn?

 

I CHOOSE to care about what other people think. Image is important to me. Money has nothing to do with that. Regardless of whether I am poor or rich I will ALWAYS care about what others think and I have the prerogative to do so.

[Star Gazer]

I CHOOSE to care about what other people think. Image is important to me. Money has nothing to do with that. Regardless of whether I am poor or rich I will ALWAYS care about what others think and I have the prerogative to do so.

 

You're not running for election, and you don't have real "clients," so why does it matter what people think?

[cutegirl]

I think you just hit the issue dead on, SG. Good call.

 

Actually, what StarGazer said is not completely true. Sometimes people do not have the chance yet to see if you carry yourself professionally or with class. Sometimes people assume something about you on first sight.

 

For example, if you are driving a car, no one can really tell if you are carrying yourself with elegance or class. Everyone looks the same just driving a car, but if you look young for your age and petite people might already ASSUME certain things about you.

[strawman]

I CHOOSE to care about what other people think. Image is important to me. Money has nothing to do with that. Regardless of whether I am poor or rich I will ALWAYS care about what others think and I have the prerogative to do so.

 

As long as that's your perogative, you'll never be happy. You can't control what other people think, and you'll ALWAYS be not good enough for someone.

 

But you're 100% correct. It is your perogative to do so. No straw off my nose. You only hurt yourself.

[cutegirl]

You're not running for election, and you don't have real "clients," so why does it matter what people think?

 

It matters to me just because it does. If I didn't care about what people thought I wouldn't get my hair cut or put makeup on or buy nice clothes. It is extremely important to me what others think. I cannot really explain why, I just know that image is very important to me. So is status. So is appearances.

 

I know I'm not the only one. Most people care about what others think. That's why people buy Mercedes, BMW, Gucci and Chanel. Not ALL of the people that purchase these items do so for status reasons, but quite a few do.

 

So apparently I am not the ONLY one who cares about what others think. A lot of people do.

[crazy_grl]

For example, if you are driving a car, no one can really tell if you are carrying yourself with elegance or class. Everyone looks the same just driving a car, but if you look young for your age and petite people might already ASSUME certain things about you.

 

There you go assuming assumptions again. Didn't we cover this already? You weren't exaggerating about learning not being important to you, were you?

[Trimmer]

I CHOOSE to care about what other people think. Image is important to me. Money has nothing to do with that. Regardless of whether I am poor or rich I will ALWAYS care about what others think and I have the prerogative to do so.

You most certainly do. As much as I try to live my life as an independent, whole individual, I have to admit that I care about what other people think of me as well. This much we have in common.

 

I'll even admit that a part of who I am is defined - relfected back to me, let's say - by the connections and relationships that I have with the people around me, close friends, acquaintances, passing strangers.

 

However, here's where I think we differ: like you, I look for that reflection, but I find it by getting to know other people, human to human, by creating real and caring relationships and welcoming them in return. You think that you should be accorded respect and admiration based on your status, your appearance, and posessions (and you get a little prickly when you don't get it....) If you attempt to influence people's opinions of you, you believe it should be done by optimizing your status, your appearance, your superiority. Hey, as long as that is working for you, then good for you; carry on. I won't even predict a moral letdown in your future - if it keeps working for you, and you're satisfied, then go with it.

 

However, is it really working? Based on your postings here, it seems like something you want - or something you need - is still missing. If you define yourself so significantly on other people's perceptions of you, if you depend on other people to make you whole, and you aren't fully whole until you get that validation from the outside, then you may be headed for a letdown eventually after all.

[Star Gazer]

It matters to me just because it does. If I didn't care about what people thought I wouldn't get my hair cut or put makeup on or buy nice clothes. It is extremely important to me what others think. I cannot really explain why, I just know that image is very important to me. So is status. So is appearances.

 

I know I'm not the only one. Most people care about what others think. That's why people buy Mercedes, BMW, Gucci and Chanel. Not ALL of the people that purchase these items do so for status reasons, but quite a few do.

 

So apparently I am not the ONLY one who cares about what others think. A lot of people do.

 

I get my hair cut, wear makeup, and have nice things for MYSELF, not because I care what anyone else things about those things. How do you not drive yourself crazy caring about what everyone else in the world thinks?

 

I think it's fair to care what the important people in your life think - your family, friends, SO, boss - but what's with your obsession of caring about random strangers perceptions of you based on your material possessions?

 

Based on your postings here, it seems like something you want - or something you need - is still missing. If you define yourself so significantly on other people's perceptions of you, if you depend on other people to make you whole, and you aren't fully whole until you get that validation from the outside, then you may be headed for a letdown eventually after all.

 

Very good point.

 

I've asked you before, and I'll ask you again: WHY do other people's perceptions and opinions of you matter? Why do you seek validation from others?

[Trimmer]

For example, if you are driving a car, no one can really tell if you are carrying yourself with elegance or class. Everyone looks the same just driving a car, but if you look young for your age and petite people might already ASSUME certain things about you.

Ahhh, now I remember the earlier thread - you were upset that the person in the car next to you was probably assuming (an assumption on your part, actually) "certain things" about you. Wow, that must be torture.

 

I think I asked it in that earlier thread, but I don't recall if you answered: Which bothers you more: the possibility that the person in the next car might assume "certain things" about you that don't conform to your desired image, or the probability that they aren't really paying any attention to you at all? What if everybody stopped paying attention: would that really be the ultimate insult?

 

I know I'm not the only one. Most people care about what others think. That's why people buy Mercedes, BMW, Gucci and Chanel. Not ALL of the people that purchase these items do so for status reasons, but quite a few do.

 

So apparently I am not the ONLY one who cares about what others think. A lot of people do.

Indeed, but some of them also form relationships, live their lives honorably, give to their communities, and get a sense of themselves as whole individuals based on what they do and the relationships they form, as opposed to the image they create.

 

It's a chicken and egg problem. Sure, most people care about what others think, but for some people, becoming whole, satisfied individuals is first priority; the external respect is an effect - an adjunct to that. Other people neglect themselves as individuals, in pursuit of creating an "image" that they think will get the respect and validation they crave. Again, if it works for you, and gives you a satisfying life then great - why are we arguing? - but if you have a nagging feeling that you can't figure out what it is that is lacking, consider that maybe you don't need to do more work on the facade, but rather try shoring up the foundation a little more.

[underpants]

Trimmer makes some excellent points. As does alot of other poster's.

 

Cute girl, I just don't know what I can say.

 

Money makes things easier, not better.

 

You are lucky to have it, but to almost worship it is not healthy. In the end your possessions will possess you.

[Herzen]

Cutegirl, I wholeheartedly support your style of living, your consumerism and your defining yourself as reflected in the opinions of others.

 

You've held your ground as you've been tag teamed for the "sins" of middlebrow, new age pop psychology. You're values noncomformity is refreshing in this age of enlightenment.

 

I also detect a whiff of classism and condescension in the welter of "why can't you be authentic and nonmaterialistic like me" posts. Please.

 

Live your life, woman.

[cutegirl]

I get my hair cut, wear makeup, and have nice things for MYSELF, not because I care what anyone else things about those things. How do you not drive yourself crazy caring about what everyone else in the world thinks?

 

I think it's fair to care what the important people in your life think - your family, friends, SO, boss - but what's with your obsession of caring about random strangers perceptions of you based on your material possessions?

 

 

 

Very good point.

 

I've asked you before, and I'll ask you again: WHY do other people's perceptions and opinions of you matter? Why do you seek validation from others?

 

I don't know why it matters to me, but it always HAS, ever since I was young up till now. It's actually probably the sole reason for me trying to make money and investing etc... buying nice clothes etc

 

I don't see why it's something that needs to be questioned, because by questioning why I place value on the things that I do, your are implying that my values are not the "correct ones". Only I can determine that for myself.

[Star Gazer]

Cutegirl, I wholeheartedly support your style of living, your consumerism and your defining yourself as reflected in the opinions of others.

 

You've held your ground as you've been tag teamed for the "sins" of middlebrow, new age pop psychology. You're values noncomformity is refreshing in this age of enlightenment.

 

I also detect a whiff of classism and condescension in the welter of "why can't you be authentic and nonmaterialistic like me" posts. Please.

 

Live your life, woman.

 

I honestly cannot believe these words just came out of your mouth...er, fingers.

[Trimmer]

Cutegirl, I wholeheartedly support your style of living, your consumerism and your defining yourself as reflected in the opinions of others.

 

You've held your ground as you've been tag teamed for the "sins" of middlebrow, new age pop psychology. You're values noncomformity is refreshing in this age of enlightenment.

 

I also detect a whiff of classism and condescension in the welter of "why can't you be authentic and nonmaterialistic like me" posts. Please.

 

Live your life, woman.

I agree, and although I invoked the idea of "people giving back to their communities" in admitted contrast with CG's lifestyle, I'm not intending to opine that she "should be" that way; as long as her life is working for her, she's doing great and I have no sermon to preach at her.

 

However, then why is she here? What is the issue? If she's just telling us about her happy life, then I commend her for figuring out a way to be successful and get what she wants, and I don't even feel inclined to take a stand on her chosen profession. No skin off my nose. Wish I could make that much and only work a few hours a day in my bathrobe (a Gucci bathrobe, of course...) Good for her.

 

But if her comment is, why don't I get more respect for my appearance, why does the guy in the next car (I assume) assume certain things about me, it "irks" me when people assume I don't make as much as I do, when people don't accord me the respect I think I should get based on my fancy car, my salary, etc... then I have to ask, what is missing?

 

And so I wrap up shamelessly plagiarizing Herzen's closing, verbatim:

 

Live your life, woman.

[Star Gazer]

I don't know why it matters to me, but it always HAS, ever since I was young up till now. It's actually probably the sole reason for me trying to make money and investing etc... buying nice clothes etc

 

Your opinions and values carry absolutely no weight if you're not able to explain WHY you have those opinions and values. "It just does" isn't an explanation.

 

I don't see why it's something that needs to be questioned, because by questioning why I place value on the things that I do, your are implying that my values are not the "correct ones". Only I can determine that for myself.

 

Then why are you here questioning what others think?

[Star Gazer]

However, then why is she here? What is the issue? If she's just telling us about her happy life, then I commend her for figuring out a way to be successful and get what she wants, and I don't even feel inclined to take a stand on her chosen profession. No skin off my nose. Wish I could make that much and only work a few hours a day in my bathrobe (a Gucci bathrobe, of course...) Good for her.

 

But if her comment is, why don't I get more respect for my appearance, why does the guy in the next car (I assume) assume certain things about me, it "irks" me when people assume I don't make as much as I do, when people don't accord me the respect I think I should get based on my fancy car, my salary, etc... then I have to ask, what is missing?

 

The above is the point I've been trying to make, but have been getting sidetracked with other nonsense.

 

And I think the answer to your final question is something that can't be purchased.

[cutegirl]

Your opinions and values carry absolutely no weight if you're not able to explain WHY you have those opinions and values. "It just does" isn't an explanation.

 

 

 

Then why are you here questioning what others think?

 

Ok, then I will explain it to you. Other people's opinions matters to me, because to ME, certain things are more "REAL" when they are validated by others. Validation is important because it strokes ones ego and makes one feel superior. I cannot get satisfaction from having something, if that something is "invisible" and not seen by others.

 

Other people's opinions are important because it is THAT what drives me in life, to become financially successful in order for me to SHOW to people in my past that I have made it. (an ex for example).

 

It is what keeps me going in life.

 

It also matters to me because I'm a competitive and aggressive person. I like to compete with others and see how I measure up against them.

 

What other people think is also important to me because sometimes I feel like men get thought of "better" than me just because of their gender. It infuriates me because it is sexist. Why wouldn't I get angry, if people assumed certain things about me or treated me in a particular way or didn't greet me properly just because I am a woman?

 

The part of why it matters to me is because I get treated unjustly and unfairly. For example someone might not greet me properly but greet the man standing next to me... things like that.