Mom's driving me nuts...and maybe my friend

[Mydish1]

Im in my early 20's I have a day job, and Im on call for a night job when they need me, so i go there occasionally. Sometimes if things get done on time and If im lucky I can leave around 11/12 AM, if not then likely I have to stay till the middle of the night.

 

The problem is Im still living at home. And knowing how my mom is she doesnt stop worrying until everyone is home safe and sound so she can sleep. Literally, she cant sleep (well) until everyone is home. Usually she leaves dinner on the table for me so I have something to eat when I get home. Cold dinner is usually fine, if anything I can heat it myself. But usually she fights to do the job to warm it up when I tell her its ok not to.

 

She wines and complains about what kind of job I have that makes me stay so late, but honestly my night job is optional to attend. Any and everytime she cooks dinner, she asks when im coming home so we can eat together...and everytime (many times), i tell her if Im at work to eat without me and leave me the leftovers, but she still calls.

Plus she has to get up early every morning also take my sister to school, and everytime I tell her to go to sleep and let me be she's arrogant and sits on the couch sometimes...she reminds me of a baby/kid.

 

She gives a damn too much, and it really bugs me that she's not watching out for her own health and at the same time smothering me with her 'care' when im already old enough to fend for myself...Of course I've always known the only way to resolve this is to move out...which leads me to my next problem:

 

Me and another friend have planned to get an apartment this year, which we've been planning since last year(our set goal is next month). But any and everytime I bring us one step closer to getting that apartment, he always has some excuse not to get it. His first reason was he wanted to save enough money and make sure he's financially stable to move out, and not dip into his savings...so he said give him 3 weeks to reach his $ goal, and he did. Recently he lost his job, but I know he's a capable guy as he always finds new jobs quickly he does temping afterall. Now his new excuse is that he has no job, but previously he'd say yes to moving out even if he didnt find a long term job and was still temping. But everyone knows temping has its ups and downs.

 

I know he's my friend and says a lot of things to be nice..which leads me to believe he's BSing, but my gut tells me that his ambition to move out isnt as strong as mine. Why? because I know he's a loner and on occassion in the past has brought up the idea of having an apt to himself living alone. I questioned if he was 100% serious of being roomies with me, he said yes. I am too, and the reason im being patient on moving out is cause he's my friend. But even on occassion he'll tell me to get the apartment w/o him if i really wanted to, again leading me to believe he's not that serious about moving out. Often times he's a very indecisive guy.

 

I honestly have no problems moving in an apt with a stranger, but if i had a choice I'd do it with a friend. Being the person that I am, my goal is to do the things I say and not dwindle/procrastinate on it.

 

Ugh I dont know, what do you guys think about the whole situation?

[Lynna]

It sounds like you are ready to move out. If your friend is not ready, that is okay, you can still move out and still be friends with him. Moving in with someone and seeing them "all the time" is very different compared to just being friends. It can cause strife in some friendships (though definitely not all) so if he is uncertain or not ready then you definitely should not push him.

 

You should definitely go ahead and move out however, either find a small, affordable studio apartment on your own, or as you said, find someone who is looking for a roommate - you may make a good friend that way! Good luck.