say I did the right thing!

[LoveLace]

I need someone to tell me I did the right thing with the note I left my roommate this morning, I am starting get upset and wish I could take it back, I need someone to tell me they would do the same thing as I did...I'm getting worried about losing my best friend right now...someone please tell me I'm doing the right thing...I explained what happend in my last post under "what do my feelings mean"...feelin I need LSackers more than ever !!!!

[melodymatters]

I've been following your story for a while now, and I think you did the right thing !

 

personally I've always found your roomate a bit immature and selfish, but regardless, better to KNOW and move on, then stay in this endless loop of frustration and self denial.

 

I would rather cut the cord completely, than pine for someone who doesn't want me and therefore makes me feel less than special.

 

But, who knows what his response will be ?

 

Good luck, I'm pulling for you HOWEVER it turns out !

[LoveLace]

Oh thank you so much I feel better already Melody. I'll start thinking I'm being too harsh on him, when in fact I've been nothing but the best thing that's ever happened to him. I know he's an idiot for not doing anything about it.

[LoveLace]

God I'm getting nervous, here at work and my roommate will get up and find the note sometime in the next hour probably. I feel like I could puke. I don't know why I feel so afraid of what his response will be. I guess because I've never stuck to him this way before? Why am I afraid of him saying "fine, move out"...deep down I want him to beg me to stay? Ugh!!! What is wrong with me? I hope LS is here to hold my hand from here through the evening, cuz I'm going to be a mess, I have a feeling. Even though I know, there can't possibly be much he can say in his defense.

[melodymatters]

I read your last thread, but I don't know if you got into the details of the letter, if not, what were a few of the major points ? ( also helpful for those who didn't read that thread)

 

 

 

I know you are freaking out, But this is a whole new chapter : either things change for the better, YAY ! Or worse, "ok fine, time to move on anyway lacey" !

 

Its time to take back your life !!!!!

 

( besides, what GROWN UP gets excited about taking THREE dates to a wedding ???? tres juvenile !!!!)

[LoveLace]

I read your last thread, but I don't know if you got into the details of the letter, if not, what were a few of the major points ? ( also helpful for those who didn't read that thread)

 

 

 

I know you are freaking out, But this is a whole new chapter : either things change for the better, YAY ! Or worse, "ok fine, time to move on anyway lacey" !

 

Its time to take back your life !!!!!

 

( besides, what GROWN UP gets excited about taking THREE dates to a wedding ???? tres juvenile !!!!)

 

Here's the short letter word for word:

 

If I owed you money, but had enough to go out and entertain myself or someone else all night long, I would have enough to at least give you some of what I owe you 1st. But you are different, and p*ssy and blow is more important then your best f*king friend. I could have more anal about all this if I've wanted to. Start looking for a new "wife you don't have to f*ck" - Me

 

Mind you this is only one day after he tells me he's too broke to start paying me back, and he left the computer screen up showing that he looked up directions to a nice restaurant, obviously to take a girl out -- mind you this is only 3 weeks after a he promised ME a "nice" dinner (ok it dinner was my idea for him to pay me back some, but it was him that said we'll go somewhere "nice") but then because of money I guess, he didn't do it, nor did he apologize for forgetting, and I let it go without bitching at him about it. He doesn't drink, so it isn't like he was out spending $ on liqour, but he could have buying drinks for a girl or girls, whatever. And possibly dinner, which I don't know if that is the right conclusion on my part.

 

I think the THREE dates he supposedly had for the wedding was to either A) intimidate me or B)an attempted plan to make him look over-the-top cool for our friends, because they all know his Ex left him for someone else....and he didn't even go to the wedding and suddenly had NO date right before. I still don't know what happened there.

 

I'm afraid to even check to see if I have voice messages...he'll be at work the next 3 nights in a row, so I don't know when I'll see him again, which is OK with me.

[LoveLace]

I read your last thread, but I don't know if you got into the details of the letter, if not, what were a few of the major points ? ( also helpful for those who didn't read that thread)

 

 

 

I know you are freaking out, But this is a whole new chapter : either things change for the better, YAY ! Or worse, "ok fine, time to move on anyway lacey" !

 

Its time to take back your life !!!!!

 

( besides, what GROWN UP gets excited about taking THREE dates to a wedding ???? tres juvenile !!!!)

 

Here's the short letter word for word:

 

If I owed you money, but had enough to go out and entertain myself or someone else all night long, I would have enough to at least give you some of what I owe you 1st. But you are different, and p*ssy and blow is more important then your best f*king friend. I could have more anal about all this if I've wanted to. Start looking for a new "wife you don't have to f*ck" - Me

 

Mind you this is only one day after he tells me he's too broke to start paying me back, and he left the computer screen up showing that he looked up directions to a nice restaurant, obviously to take a girl out -- mind you this is only 3 weeks after a he promised ME a "nice" dinner (ok it dinner was my idea for him to pay me back some, but it was him that said we'll go somewhere "nice") but then because of money I guess, he didn't do it, nor did he apologize for forgetting, and I let it go without bitching at him about it. He doesn't drink, so it isn't like he was out spending $ on liqour, but he could have buying drinks for a girl or girls, whatever. And possibly dinner, which I don't know if that is the right conclusion on my part.

 

I think the THREE dates he supposedly had for the wedding was to either A) intimidate me or B)an attempted plan to make him look over-the-top cool for our friends, because they all know his Ex left him for someone else....and he didn't even go to the wedding and suddenly had NO date right before. I still don't know what happened there.

 

I'm afraid to even check to see if I have voice messages...he'll be at work the next 3 nights in a row, so I don't know when I'll see him again, which is OK with me.

 

Thanks Melody your sweet...and so is everyone else who has followed my tortorous story and given me advice, from all points of view. When I heard him discuss me with his buddy last night, part of me melted because that means he cares. I do know he cares about me, so it's hard to accuse of him not caring. I guess he just doesn't care enough for me.

[Snuggle Tiger]

Imagine if you had no romantic feelings towards him and were nothing but roomates. Would it be acceptable to treat you the way he does?

 

I say no.

 

You did the right thing. You are forcing things to a head and hopefully you will have resolution one way or the other. No matter how hard you try, you can't make someone love you.

 

Maybe if you start making plans to leave he might realize he is making a mistake. Unfortunately, it will be hard to tell if any change of heart from him will be due to love or fear of financial pain.

As for the drugs, thats enough to give him the heave-ho. Coke is expensive and can get you some hard prison time.

 

As for the money you loaned him, if he makes it clear that you have no future together, then tell him you are taking it out of your share of the rent. This is not revenge, its trying to get back what is yours before he can blow it on more drugs or fancy eating with someone else. If he does not like it, tell him he can borrow from one of the girls he "wants to f*ck."

 

You did the right thing. Good luck, and be strong.

 

-Snuggle Tiger

[hope1975]

I said it in my other post but I'll say it again here...you did the right thing Lacey

 

He's the one that owes YOU money...you have a right to be pissed off...he's made agreements with you as to how he's going to pay it back, and hasn't stuck to it...if you let him walk all over you, he'll start to think he can take advantage of you, not cos he's necessarily a bad person, just cos it's human nature..It's good that you stood up for yourself.

 

I do think he cares about you...but I think he has a tendancy to be selfish sometimes (as do we all) but that doesn't mean you should let him get away with it.

 

If he gets REALLY pissed about the letter, just leave him another one explaining you didn't mean to come across as rude or anything, but he knows you need your money back and it was quite rude of him not to even offer you the $50.

 

Don't stress too much hon, you did NOTHING wrong

 

luv ya

[LoveLace]

Seriously, don't know what I'd do without all of ya. If I'm able to stick to my guns it's only because of you. Without you, I start remembering all the sweet things about him and start to feel sorry and as though I am not being understanding enough, which is SOOO ridiculous. We've known each other so many years, makes this harder.

 

Snuggle Tiger, regarding your comment about my plans to move....that has already worked once. I got a new apt. lined up and everything, after he blew up one day and said I am still moving. But after that we started getting along beautifully and said it would be cool to be "neigbors". But suddenly on the same day months later, we both said "ok let's re-think this"-- and he said we should talk about it over dinner. Then I had to loan him more money, then he forgot dinner, and that's when I started holding my tongue as long as possible, and it's all down hill from here. So this is basically the 2nd time for me to say, "that's it, I'm outta here".

 

I liked your suggestion that he should borrow money from someone he actually WANTS to f*ck. I'm going to use that.

[LoveLace]

I know for sure he had to see the note by now. I'm still at work and I don't want to check my messages until I leave here. Why I freak out so much about confrontation I don't know. I stuck up for myself and I know I was right to do so, I don't know why a response scares me so much. I know nothing could make him just hate me...I guess I'm scared of rejection, looking like a fool, letting him know that even though I say he's got a big head, here I am helping to make it bigger. I'm already going on little sleep because of this, and tonight might be the same. Doesn't help when I have a really important exam for nursing school next week. And i'm already thinking about staying at my mom's this weekend, just to avoid him. Sounds too much like a divorce or break-up. Ugh.

[LoveLace]

I am home from work, Tom is at work for the night..he has not called me, the note is on his bedroom floor almost just as would be when I slipped it under the door...but he has folded laundry on the bed...there's no way he didn't see it??

 

I always look at history on our internet to delete my LS visits. Today, he apparently went to like 3 different dating sites and invited people to chat, etc. I've looked at History every day for the last god knows how long...and this is the 1st I've seen of him going to these sites. After I left a note saying to find a new "wife he didn't have to f*k".

 

I'm confused. It isn't like we were "dating" ourselves, like we're breaking up here. No one else has been here, that I know of, that would go to those places. Is he pissed because he thinks I'm only pissed because he went out with a buddy? I was pissed cuz I assumed they were out dating women. But if he just met women last night...why would he bother with dating sites today? Could he just be cooking up a plan to get as many GF's as possible cuz he knows it will piss me off? I am such a whiny cry baby right now.

[melodymatters]

Honestly, it could be a million and one reasons, BUT, one thing stays the same :

 

He looks for cheap relationships/hookups/dates to validate himself instead of seeking a real healthy relationship, and do you really need to to know more ?

[Snuggle Tiger]

the note is on his bedroom floor almost just as would be when I slipped it under the door...but he has folded laundry on the bed...there's no way he didn't see it??

Nail it to the door so he cant pretend he did not see it.

 

I always look at history on our internet to delete my LS visits. Today, he apparently went to like 3 different dating sites and invited people to chat, etc.

Could be fairly innocent, but considering the things he says, you can probably assume its not.

 

why would he bother with dating sites today? Could he just be cooking up a plan to get as many GF's as possible cuz he knows it will piss me off?

No, he is looking for as many GF's as possible because it increases his chances of having sex from minuscule to microscopic.

 

I am such a whiny cry baby right now.

Its understandable.

 

It sounds like he has no respect for you or for himself. Having recently been dumped, he may be afraid to hook up again so soon. That does not mean your heart gets to be his emotional whipping post!

 

You have played the part of the wife - GF by making yourself available for sex, by cleaning, doing laundry, doing dishes, watching his kids. He has taken your money, then spent his money on cocaine and other women. He ignores your needs while using you for whatever suits his purposes, but only when it suits him. Then, to top it off, he tells you about wanting to "F*CK OTHER WOMEN."

 

Its time to strengthen the backbone and not let yourself be taken for granted anymore. IMHO you need to get out of there and make a life with a good man that will treat you with the love and respect you need and deserve. I know you love him, I know its hard; he is taking advantage of you and giving nothing in return but pain and tears and misery.

 

If he cant see the light, dump him.

 

-Snuggle Tiger

[LoveLace]

Thanks Snuggle. Your right, I gave him the opportunity to pretend he didn't even see the note, by slipping it under the door. Last night I went out, Tom and his daughters and his buddy were all there watching tv...when I walked in, he didn't even say hi to me, and I didn't even look at anyone or so hi to anyone, I walked right into my room and to bed.

 

I have a feeling I'll just end up calling him today or tomorrow, and explain that I just don't know the difference b/tween a manipulative drug addict and a true friend.

 

But to be clear, and not to speak for Tom but for myself, in the past I guess I've made it out to seem like I've been a total house-wife type. Not entirely true. We've lived there a year, and I've only cleaned the bathroom once. He always does it. When he cleans, it's from corner to corner, mops, vaccuums, etc....at most, I wipe down the kitchen, put dishes away, and dust the coffee table. That's why he was estatic when I actually cleaned the bathroom, and even scrubbed the stove, etc, on Fathers day. I didn't even get as into it as he normally does -- just cleaned the bathroom and kitchen really good, didn't even vaccuum or dust, and he told me I did such a great job and the "whole place" looked great, I didn't even clean the whole place. I rarely vaccuum, but he does a lot. The dishes are really his only area of weakness when it comes to being clean. He isn't grossed out by too many dishes piling up, but I am, so I've bitched a lot about that in the past. And since I'v bitched more recently, he's gotten better about putting dirty dishes in the dishwasher, instead of leaving them in the sink.

 

And I'm a full-time nursing student, AND a full-time employee, so even if I wanted to be anal and tidy, I don't have the time. I just try to keep up with dishes. Otherwise, I ain't no June Cleaver. And we've never had sex. We messed around the 1 time, which I was the main aggressor, and he happily accepted. But in the this whole year, he's never once tried anything sexual, or expected anything sexual. Perhaps because he isn't attracted to me. But I still find that part hard to believe.

[Snuggle Tiger]

Last night I went out, Tom and his daughters and his buddy were all there watching tv...when I walked in, he didn't even say hi to me, and I didn't even look at anyone or so hi to anyone, I walked right into my room and to bed.

Well...imagine it from his point of view. He is at home with this daughters and a friend. You come in, don't say hi to anyone, don't look at anyone, and go right to bed. I'm not suddenly sticking up for Tom, just pointing out that we all filter the world through our own eyes.

 

I have a feeling I'll just end up calling him today or tomorrow, and explain that I just don't know the difference b/tween a manipulative drug addict and a true friend.

I doubt anybody can.

 

But to be clear, and not to speak for Tom but for myself, in the past I guess I've made it out to seem like I've been a total house-wife type.

You work and go to school full time. How much mess could you make compared to Tom and his kids?

 

And we've never had sex. We messed around the 1 time, which I was the main aggressor, and he happily accepted.

Men are mhores. (I just made that word up...)

 

But in the this whole year, he's never once tried anything sexual, or expected anything sexual.

His mistake. *sigh*

 

Perhaps because he isn't attracted to me. But I still find that part hard to believe.

It may be hard to believe, but it may be true. If he has it stuck in his head that only "Barbie" will do, it will be his loss.

 

Good luck, and take care.

 

-Snuggle Tiger

[LoveLace]

"Mhores"-- I like that, I'm gonna use that! And his loss is right..he has no idea!

 

The reason I brought the cold shoulder home last night is because I usually get over things quickly, and I didn't know yet if he was taking my note seriously. I needed him to see that I was truly pissed and serious. Normally, even I'm mad at him, I would at least say hi to who ever else is in the room.

 

Tonight I got home from school, and he left his rent check on my bed. For once, I didn't have to remind him, and he remembered on his own. So obviously, he saw the note. Obviously, he wanted to make effort, even though it shouldn't exactly take too much effort to just remember rent. For him, that's effort. Not quite enough yet, but its something.

 

His Ex left him about 2 yrs ago now, and she was not "barbie"...so I think it's a reason he's been hell-bent over dating nearly perfect chicks. The Ex left him for another, so maybe in his head, he wants to prove that he can do "better" than her...even though she isn't around to see it, perhaps it's a challenge he likes to have for his own mind. I wish he would call or something now, but maybe that's too much for me to expect at the moment. He probably thinks I wouldn't answer, since I ignored him last night anyway. I would love it if he called...but he is at work...and I'm sure it's the last way he thinks I feel.

 

Thanks Snuggle.

[Snuggle Tiger]

"Mhores"-- I like that, I'm gonna use that!

 

I'm trying to decide how it should be pronounced. Since 'whore' is pronounced 'hore' I think 'mhore' should be pronounced 'more' to differentiate the two to the ear. It is my holy mission to spread this new word all over the land. Maybe it will be the next Santorum? (Note to self: email Dan Savage)

 

The reason I brought the cold shoulder home last night is because I usually get over things quickly, and I didn't know yet if he was taking my note seriously. I needed him to see that I was truly pissed and serious. Normally, even I'm mad at him, I would at least say hi to who ever else is in the room.

 

In other words, if Tom can't acknowledge your note, you won't acknowledge his existance. By not saying anything to anyone at all, he SHOULD have gotten the message that Ms. Lacey is not a happy camper.

 

Tonight I got home from school, and he left his rent check on my bed.

 

Sorry if I missed something, but is the apartment under your name, his name or both? I assume that you will take his check and then make the payment yourself?

 

For once, I didn't have to remind him, and he remembered on his own. So obviously, he saw the note.

 

LOL, yeah, I think your note was a reminder.

 

Obviously, he wanted to make effort,

 

because paying the whole rent by himself would suck hard

 

even though it shouldn't exactly take too much effort to just remember rent. For him, that's effort. Not quite enough yet, but its something.

 

Does he ever truly forget the rent? Or is he making the choice to not pay it so he has $$$ in his pocket to buy coke and impress barbie?

 

His Ex left him about 2 yrs ago now, and she was not "barbie"...so I think it's a reason he's been hell-bent over dating nearly perfect chicks. The Ex left him for another, so maybe in his head, he wants to prove that he can do "better" than her...even though she isn't around to see it, perhaps it's a challenge he likes to have for his own mind.

 

I would bet you are right. There is also the possibility that even if you were a so-called 'barbie' (instead of just cute and cuddly) that you two still would not be a match from his point of view. That's not a flaw or defect on your part. Have you ever known anyone that had a crush on you, but you did not feel the same way?

 

I wish he would call or something now, but maybe that's too much for me to expect at the moment. He probably thinks I wouldn't answer, since I ignored him last night anyway. I would love it if he called...but he is at work...and I'm sure it's the last way he thinks I feel.

 

How long until you graduate? Maybe having time to spend together after you are done with school might help one of you have a change of heart; either you deciding Tom is not the one for you or Tom deciding you are the one for him.

 

I hesitate to say what I am about to say, but here it goes....

 

You could be a barbie. You said you have a couple extra pounds hanging around; do what I am doing and join Weight Watchers. The meetings once a week realy help me a lot, I have dropped ten pounds in four weeks. I am 5'9' and got up to 235, which is a pretty chunky lil' monkey that was starting to feel tight in 40" pants. So now I am 225, my pants already fit better. I would like to see 160 before its over, but I dont look at it as trying to lose 75 pounds, I look at it as losing a pound or two a week until I reach my goal. You can do it online if you cant attend a meeting.

 

If you never reply to me again, I'll understand.

 

Take care....

 

-Snuggle Tiger

[LoveLace]

Snuggle, WTF why would I never reply to you again! Hell I think most people around here are sick of me!! he he.

 

"More" sounds good to me (Hope, are you reading this? This is a great new term for us!)...I will be spreading it all over the land as well!! I can't wait to introduce into the lives of others! He's a fu*ing MHORE!

 

The apt. is under both of our names. When we signed, we were told it had to be that way, legally I guess. But we've had the same routine from the start, when its time to mail off rent, he gives me a check for his half, then I deposit that and send the whole rent with one of my checks. He's never had a problem with promptness on this at all, until last month. But even before that when money wasn't a problem, I would still just have to remind him a couple times at least. Before, he might call me and say that he left me a check on the table, etc...none of that this time, and he actually went into my bedroom to leave it on the bed, that was a First. Also I'd normally send him a "thank you" text for remembering or whatever. I didn't acknowledge it though, I just took it and paid rent. The note wasn't about rent, but it was partially about money, so yea that was a reminder! But if he thinks that being prompt with rent erases the note, he's dead wrong.

 

I know I'll have to be the one to bring everything up, cuz I can't stand doing the cold shoulder thing for too long. He might be hoping I just forgive and forget like I do with everything else, and I won't forget, but I won't stay silent either. Next time I speak, it will be about that note. Otherwise, i'm sure he'd leave it alone if he tought he could get away with it. Chances are, he knows he won't this time. But I do wish I had the will to play the cold game for as long as possible until he cracked. That's too hard though.

 

The major reason for him getting behind is because he had to borrow a LOT of money from his boos to pay his lawyer, for a court case going on with his ex-wife. The boss is taking several $100 at a time out of his checks to pay them back with. Since this all started a couple months ago, he started falling back, and it's been downhill ever since. Before that, money problems like this were quite rare for us.

 

Of course, yes, I've had crushes that I did not return feelings for. But I also would never LIVE with those people knowing our feelings did not match up. In fact, I'd be way too afraid that their feelings would only escalate, and I'd feel too weird around them. I don't get the impression that Tom is afraid in this way, in the slightest. Once, he tried to get me to admit I was jealous over a girl, but I still danced around it. I have a year and a half till graduating.

 

Congrats on your weight loss! Keep doing all that your doing! Yes I definitley don't have time for meetings, but I'm ok with eating better on my own-- it's maintaining my work-out routine that is a challenge for me. When I'm on a good roll with that, I start looking just great, satisfactory. Right now, I'm about 3-6 mos. away from hardcore, routine gym time to get the way I want to look. I think I'm perfectly attractive enough already though, and several men think so as well...I'm sure Tom probably thinks I have a couple nice features...but weather or not that qualifies as "attractive" to him, I don't know.

[LoveLace]

We started texting earlier. Said he never saw the note and asked why I'm being this way, and "I don't like your attitude, we are not a couple".

 

I said I never thought we were a couple. I don't like ur blow habit and you owe me money. Then he called right away. He said, "so you think I'm a big coke head and I owe you money right? I'm going to pay you back and you know that, I'm not trying to avoid paying you back".

 

He said when he was out the other night, that he didn't spend any money and his buddy was the one doing drugs. I explained that I was worried about our financial problems being due to a drug habit. He said that he was sorry I thought this, and it is a legitamite concern on my part. I also said even if I thought this was all true, I still love you. He says I know, I love you too, your the best. He said we will sit down and talk about this ASAP. Whenever that is-- he works pretty late tonight. I also explained that even when you've known someone for a long time, it doesn't mean you can always trust them, and he agreed.

 

But obviously he thought I was mad because of other girls. I dont even know for sure about any girls he's been talking to or seeing. I just hoped he wasn't spending money on them when he owes me. This I have not told him.

 

Still, all that's left is for me to explain that yes I have feelings for him, and he will probably say he doesn't, and it turns out I actually live with a decent guy who does not want me. Perhaps I wanted to believe in the cocaine habit, in order to side track my feelings, push myself away. It hurts more to have feelings for someone who is not flawed in the way I thought he was.

 

When we talk I will say that he is not the only guy in my life by choice, because I don't have time, energy, or enough opportunity with others. In this case I'm subjecting him to the fact that I have needs not being met by anyone else and I don't mean to make him feel pressured into filling that void. So wouldn't it be a mistake to keep living together? Why doesn't he mind that living with me effects his dating life? (Because there is never a convenient time for either of us to have dates over, etc.). Neither of us are big fans of spending the night at other peoples' places. We've always made a good team of life's obstacles and tasks. I still don't believe there is no physical attraction for him, but if I"m wrong, perhaps I'm conceited enough that I just don't understand why. I don't understand how he can't see our relationship as having more potential.

[hope1975]

We started texting earlier. Said he never saw the note and asked why I'm being this way, and "I don't like your attitude, we are not a couple".

 

I said I never thought we were a couple. I don't like ur blow habit and you owe me money

 

I loved that line lacey....good, I'm glad you said that to him.

 

I honestly don't believe theres no physical attraction there...you guys have hooked up more then once..and the way he was acting a couple of weeks ago was like he wanted a relationship with you. He was being so attentive and stuff & that was just after you hooked up with him...I thought guys that weren't interested, pulled away...aka: Tim

 

Also he jumped to the conclusion that you were upset about other girls, without you saying anything of the sort...hmmmm

 

"More" I love that, we'll have to keep using that

 

He keeps suggesting having talks with you too....maybe subconciously there's something on his mind he wants to talk about...make sure you guys get a chance to do that soon.

 

luv you girl

[LoveLace]

last night when he came home, we apologized to each other, and he said he's "bull headed" sometimes, whatever he meant by that I am not sure.

 

I am so crushed right now. Remember "Tracy"? Yea well she never went away, apparently. It even turns out, she poses for a swim suit calendar he got from work. He said she is soo hot, and she pounced him in his office, said she is a little psycho, but the good thing about her is, she is almost done with chiropractic school.

 

So that settles it, I am not good enough for him physically, and I am a year away from being a nurse, so I can't compete with that.

 

I guess when I said I never thought we were couple, he figures its ok to talk about girls more. He doesn't consider that feelings and thinking of us as a "couple" are 2 different things? I dont' think he's ever hurt my feelings this bad, yet and I'm so shocked that I can't cry. Why does the man I want have to be so shallow?

[Trimmer]

... I'm so shocked that I can't cry. Why does the man I want have to be so shallow?

Now that you are seeing him more clearly, you can turn it around the other way and ask yourself: why do you want a man who is so shallow?

[LoveLace]

Now that you are seeing him more clearly, you can turn it around the other way and ask yourself: why do you want a man who is so shallow?

 

This question is exactly why I"m hurting. Because I don't know the answer. I wanted him before thinking he was shallow. So maybe its just a huge disappointment. But not only do I now feel that he would choose this chick over me any day, I feel that any guy would. It really presses those insecure buttons.

[Trimmer]

Ah, no.... don't go there. His choices are all about him, and what he wants, not about what the rest of the guys out there are interested in. Trust me, he doesn't represent "all guys", and most of all: don't let his opinions affect your image of yourself. His choices tell us about him.

 

It's hard, and I know from experience that you certainly can't see it from where you sit right now (I couldn't when I was there) but I hope that in the long run, you will come to see that you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you.