Online fancy, meeting and weirdness.

[Theck]

This is a long one!!

 

Firstly - I haven't had a girlfriend yet so I'm not sure how to deal with all this stuff. I'm older than I should be (think early 20s) and obviously not having been out with anyone at my age attracts a fair bit of abuse online. I expect that, being my age without g/f is sad and lame and it shouldn't have happened but there it is and I'm trying to solve it.

 

Heres the deal. About a year ago now I started chatting on MSN to a girl I met on a forum. She lives in Belgium, me in England. We chatted often, most nights in fact, sometimes for up to five hours per night.

 

I started to fancy her. Or rather, fancy her online persona. We exchanged pics, I complimented hers. We had our ups and downs over the year, we each had our own problems during the time. I got her something she really wanted for Christmas and she was delighted. We seemed to really click online and would talk for hours and hours about complete rubbish. I kinda fell for her online persona, thinking she was the nicest girl I've ever known.

 

Eventually we decided to meet. I wanted to see her for obvious reasons, she seemed to want to meet me too, not sure tho if that was just for friendship or something more.

 

So I did it. I bit the bullet and booked flights & hotel. I stressed out for weeks beforehand, knowing I'd meet her finally. The day came round and I had the flight over there.

 

We finally met, big meeting with an "OMG so good to see you" and a big hug.

 

Details of the weekend are irrelevant, suffice to say we did a lot of touristy stuff, had a great laugh but nothing happened between us. I didn't get any obvious vibes from her, but then she told me beforehand that shes always been quite shy. I didn't give out obvious vibes, for two reasons. 1) Through plain and simple lack of experience and 2) I wouldn't have tried anything what with it being a first visit and all. She would be too important to me to waste on a quick one night stand. Boy would she be more important to me than THAT.

 

Not all good news though.. I did meet a friend of hers to seemed to me to have all the hallmarks of a potential boyfriend. She's been single for several years and although they weren't all over each other, I could kinda tell there was some mutual fancying going on.

 

All in all, I was amazed to discover that her real-life persona was even nicer than her Internet persona. Didn't think that possible. Also, the pictures she sent me didn't do her justice. She is GORGEOUS in real life. My god. Overall, she is without a shadow of a doubt the nicest girl I've ever known by miles. I compare every girl Ive met since to her and they don't come anywhere close to her on the scale.

 

Anyway, holiday over, I came home. Now the weirdness has started. She seems very distant now. What used to be five hour conversations now seem to be 10 minute quick hellos. Emails back and forth have dried up. I know shes had a lot of work to do at college, but that wouldn't account for all the lack of communication. Its weird. I don't want to accuse her of ignoring me, but something definitely has changed. I don't know what. Did I not live up to her expectations or is it something else?

 

I know the usual advice with Long Distance relationships. "Don't bother, they're too much trouble." I agree. I'd much rather meet a nice girl where I live, but I know for a fact I'm never gonna meet another girl like her and I doubt I'll ever find one as nice as her.

 

Anyone any thoughts on all this? How to proceed? Do I have the remotest of chances with her or is it a complete pipe dream? I'm kinda reluctant to lose her as a friend too, even though I'd far rather have a relationship with her.

 

I dunno. Any thoughts or advice or a different perspective would be appreciated.

 

 

 

Short version -

 

Met a girl on the Internet, got on really well, really fancy her. Met up, had a good time, nothing happened, now REALLY fancy her. Since I've got home she seems very distant and I need advice on how to continue.

[melodymatters]

Oh dear heart, no one likes to be the bringer of bad news, but I don't see any GOOD signs here.

 

Either she had romantic hopes which were not fufilled at your meeting. ( this is NO fault of yours, it happens to the very best of us, due to timing, circumstances etc !)

 

Or perhaps your instincts were right, and she is now dating her former pal.

 

regardless, good for YOU, that you took that first step ! That showed courage and willingness to go out and engage life !!!!

 

Keep up the good energy ( withOUT the "nevers". That is crap, been there done that, and I've been pleasantly surprised at how WRONG i was !)

and meet people closer to you, so that you can figure out quicker if you are a match.

 

Good luck to you !

[phyrespryte]

Short version -

 

Met a girl on the Internet, got on really well, really fancy her. Met up, had a good time, nothing happened, now REALLY fancy her. Since I've got home she seems very distant and I need advice on how to continue.

 

Maybe you should've put that at the top of your post.

I'm not sure what exactly is going through her head. Maybe she really is busy. Maybe she's distancing herself because she didn't get any clear signals of interest from you. Maybe you offended her? Or maybe she was caught up in the excitement of meeting you, then after meeting, the mystery was gone?

 

You've been chatting with this girl for over a year now. I think it wouldn't hurt to ask her what is going on. It'll give you some peace of mind for sure.

[Green]

look talking to girls on the internet is fine, but you should talk to some who are actualy in easy travling distance from where you live. You should have definetly made some moves or just asked this girl back to your apartment and tried to have sex with her she probably would have out of guilt if shed didnt like you. Look Im american so right off the bat I know more about women then you and on top of that I am the horniest man alive. when you wrote you never had a gf and your early 20's I took it as youve never been physical with a girl, no kissing no nothing. You need to put some energy into yourself. Work out at the gym eat healthy and work toward your dream that has nothing to do with women. Now hopefuly your dream isnt something to dorky like discovering a new bacteria but even if it is girls will pick up on that. Now the trick into getting physical with women is to engage many of them and do it in a sincere way, if your all nervous and trying to be a fake guy who is trying to do every fake thing u think the girl will like ur going to screw it up. Now being yourself has limits you have to use some etiquette most of the time like if you wanted to screw that belgum girl you should have said you should come back and see my hotel... then when you got back there you should have just started making out. In your case I would recomend involving alchol for yourself and for her. Now forget her you screwed up a one time thing, your future involves women in your more imediate area. So to some things up Work out, Go for your dreams take the steps in the right direction, talk to women in your area, And be confident about being yourself stop trying be this fake sexless guy who just does and says everything the girl likes. And send me some pictures of that girl I want to see what u missed out on

[taiko]

. You should have definetly made some moves or just asked this girl back to your apartment and tried to have sex with her she probably would have out of guilt if shed didnt like you.

 

Well maybe not have sex with you. Look at it from her point of view if she spent a year of her life with the hope that you were the one. But when you arrived you didn't take that step, the outward sign of interest, the fire in the man with a woman he might not see for another year.

 

The other guy was a chaperone most likely. Someone to run to if you didn't hit it off and were to aggressive

 

Before you were potentially it, now you are just a penpal. She has moved on. IMO.

[catrocks]

Look Im american so right off the bat I know more about women then you

 

Because as an American, you are obviously so much better than us Brits? And the rest of the world? Although apparently only when it comes to knowing about women.... and I bet you don't know as much as you think you do, being as arrogant as you are.

 

Don't listen to this person, OP. He obviously didn't even read your post since he said you should have "taken her back to your apartment" when you were in another country. I think you should straight out ask this girl whats going on, tell her you like her but you didn't want to rush things with her. If she rejects you then it's not embarassing or anything since she lives in Belgium and you in the UK, so it's not like you'll have to see her every day. And if she doesn't like you in that way then I'm sure you will find someone closer to home that does.

[whichwayisup]

I think what was felt, atleast online, wasn't 'there' in person for her when you two met in real life. Her actions are showing you that she's backed off and honestly, you have no choice to but to back off abit too. If you chase her, she will run the other way...Or she'll feel like you're stalking her online if you email too much.

 

I say you write her one email, explain that you feel things are different - And that it's okay if she doesn't feel the same way as you after meeting. Be honest about it.

[dbtmarley]

look talking to girls on the internet is fine, but you should talk to some who are actualy in easy travling distance from where you live. You should have definetly made some moves or just asked this girl back to your apartment and tried to have sex with her she probably would have out of guilt if shed didnt like you.

 

That would have been quite a car ride.

 

Look Im american so right off the bat I know more about women then you and on top of that I am the horniest man alive.

 

Yep... We American men come out of the womb with an erection... haven't you heard?

 

Now being yourself has limits you have to use some etiquette most of the time like if you wanted to screw that belgum girl you should have said you should come back and see my hotel

 

Yep.... Works every time! James Bond use to do it all the time in those 007 movies. Wait a second wasn't he British?

 

In your case I would recomend involving alchol for yourself and for her.

 

Come on man!?! He is British, everyone knows they drink tea..

 

And send me some pictures of that girl I want to see what u missed out on

 

You're the chaperon aren't you? You sneaky guy!

 

Because as an American, you are obviously so much better than us Brits? And the rest of the world? Although apparently only when it comes to knowing about women.... and I bet you don't know as much as you think you do, being as arrogant as you are.

 

That ain't arrogance sweet... Even the ever so eloquent yet arrogant Winston Churchill thought we were great after your neighbor Hitler started knocking on your door.

 

Theck,

 

I think the sign's are pretty obvious. In my opinion you did all the right things from what you described and she just was not interested. It might be time to move on..

[dbtmarley]

Yeah.... you might want to pick a more recent example.

And saying that since he is American he knows more about women than the original poster is arrongance.... maybe you need a dictionary?

 

 

Recent example... Tell Tony Blair to stop calling our leader on the Bat line.

 

Dictionary?!?! Will it explain why Americans are so "arrogant"? You must of meant an encyclopedia.

 

I was actually being very sarcastic in my comments on KMT's post. I won't blame you for not catching that on your nationality... or religious beliefs for that matter.

 

In admiration;).

[catrocks]

Recent example... Tell Tony Blair to stop calling our leader on the Bat line.

 

Dictionary?!?! Will it explain why Americans are so "arrogant"? You must of meant an encyclopedia.

 

I was actually being very sarcastic in my comments on KMT's post. I won't blame you for not catching that on your nationality... or religious beliefs for that matter.

 

In admiration;).

Lol ok.... by the way, I don't think Americans are arrogant, just those like KMT. All countries have their a-holes.

[Green]

Look you've got me all wrong Im not an Ahole in the US, Im king of our greatest city New York. When me and my american friends go to europe its like shooting fish in barrel women dont seem to be used to people of our caliber. Every bit of advice I gave to the OP was great. My country is great, and yes if I had travled out of the country, or even my county for that matter for some girl I had been talking to for a year I would have gotten something. I mean if he had got off the train, plain or what ever and just been exited to see her and kissed her theres no way she would have denied him, infact had he tried anything she probably would have done it. Look im a man honey and Im actualy giving him advice that will work dont get stuck on semantics like when I said apartment instead of hotel, or humorously claimed american men to be superior to u britts, what happened you get burned by some american man, or maybe you just wish you had some memory with one of us

[catrocks]

Look you've got me all wrong Im not an Ahole in the US, Im king of our greatest city New York. When me and my american friends go to europe its like shooting fish in barrel women dont seem to be used to people of our caliber. Every bit of advice I gave to the OP was great. My country is great, and yes if I had travled out of the country, or even my county for that matter for some girl I had been talking to for a year I would have gotten something. I mean if he had got off the train, plain or what ever and just been exited to see her and kissed her theres no way she would have denied him, infact had he tried anything she probably would have done it. Look im a man honey and Im actualy giving him advice that will work dont get stuck on semantics like when I said apartment instead of hotel, or humorously claimed american men to be superior to u britts, what happened you get burned by some american man, or maybe you just wish you had some memory with one of us

No cupcake I'm actually getting married to an American man in September and moving there... like I said it's nothing against American men just those who think they're superior to the rest of the world.

[Green]

hahah how did I know this was all personal to you. Well I hope your moving to the midwest, just remember they will all laugh at you if you ask "whens it time for tea and crackers" in the middle of your work day

[catrocks]

Wow you obviously know so much about English people. I'm truly amazed. Although I'm not sure where you got the tea and crackers from since I have never heard of that.... although you must be right, being American and all.

[dbtmarley]

Wow you obviously know so much about English people. I'm truly amazed. Although I'm not sure where you got the tea and crackers from since I have never heard of that.... although you must be right, being American and all.

 

No now get it right! He is a New Yorker!! An American none the less, just a little different that's all. His title as an American deserves an asterisk.

 

You have been a great sport about it all. I want to congratulate you on your impending marriage to the yank and before I forget your move to a country that provides great dental services.

 

There will be some things you have to adapt to once you arrive.

 

Football is called Soccer.... The crumpets do not taste the same here and neither do the O' Henry chocolate bars. You all have the Queen and call her your highness... we have queens that take it in the heinie..

You have Prince Charles... We have a guy here name Brad Pitt that a lot of women consider a prince... You had Margaret Thatcher and we had Anna Nichole Smith.... both just as famous and did equal for their countries..

 

Goodluck!

[catrocks]

No now get it right! He is a New Yorker!! An American none the less, just a little different that's all. His title as an American deserves an asterisk.

 

You have been a great sport about it all. I want to congratulate you on your impending marriage to the yank and before I forget your move to a country that provides great dental services.

 

There will be some things you have to adapt to once you arrive.

 

Football is called Soccer.... The crumpets do not taste the same here and neither do the O' Henry chocolate bars. You all have the Queen and call her your highness... we have queens that take it in the heinie..

You have Prince Charles... We have a guy here name Brad Pitt that a lot of women consider a prince... You had Margaret Thatcher and we had Anna Nichole Smith.... both just as famous and did equal for their countries..

 

Goodluck!

Haha thanks.... I'll bear all that in mind

[high_boost]

before I forget your move to a country that provides great dental services.

 

 

lol thats prolly the greatest "read between the lines" burn i've seen all week.

[Green]

Look I just think The United States is the best country in the world, and that all the other people dont matter as much. We saved you in World War I, we saved you in WWII, the entire civilized world would be comunist now had it not been for the US during the cold war. And if you ever seen any science fiction movie or twilight zone episode then you'd know any future with out the US is either ruled by dirty apes, robots, or some hitler type big brother is watching you government. We invented the internet, we made the best computer software and you ungreatful suckers sit back and profit enormously for what we did. God bless america the best country with the best people from around the world living in it. Peace out, and by the way we all know one of the reasons u maried an american was to get citizenship oeee

[catrocks]

Look I just think The United States is the best country in the world, and that all the other people dont matter as much. We saved you in World War I, we saved you in WWII, the entire civilized world would be comunist now had it not been for the US during the cold war. And if you ever seen any science fiction movie or twilight zone episode then you'd know any future with out the US is either ruled by dirty apes, robots, or some hitler type big brother is watching you government. We invented the internet, we made the best computer software and you ungreatful suckers sit back and profit enormously for what we did. God bless america the best country with the best people from around the world living in it. Peace out, and by the way we all know one of the reasons u maried an american was to get citizenship oeee

And it's things like this which give your country such a negative image in most other countries in the world. You're very naive. And you know nothing about me.

[Green]

I know you love telling all ur little british people that your to be wed to an american. If you think my country has a bad name you better check yourself because we stand for the best humanity has to offer. We dream when we look up at the moon, and we went there, not just for us but for all man kind. Were the land of the free and the brave, and none of your advise or bash's are going to do anything to help the OP. Look OP take a page out of my book and forget this girl and move on. You should concentrate on girls in your area, I mean I understand if british girls arnt your thing but you should atleast move out of your country if you want to pursue life and relationships in other countries. I think it was cool that you had some cute girl talking to her I just think you got a little stage shy when it came time for your performance, remember its better to have loved and lost then to have never tried at all

[catrocks]

I know you love telling all ur little british people that your to be wed to an american. If you think my country has a bad name you better check yourself because we stand for the best humanity has to offer. We dream when we look up at the moon, and we went there, not just for us but for all man kind. Were the land of the free and the brave, and none of your advise or bash's are going to do anything to help the OP.

Look dude I like the US, I have nothing against it at all and I agree that you guys have done some good things. It's good that you're so patriotic. I'm not bashing your country at all, I just found some of your comments to be offensive and narrow minded. I agree this isn't helping the OP.

 

But if you want to help him, perhaps you should read the post properly - this chick isn't British, she's Belgian. It had nothing to do with being British. Although I can understand if you don't know the difference between British and Belgian since it's all Europe so what does it matter?

 

OP - talk to the girl, ask her whats up, if she keeps this up then move on and find someone else

[Green]

I knew she wasnt british, I said he should date girls in his area even if that does mean dating britts. As for you saying that people like me is the reason my country has a bad reputation with most people, is a bash at me and my country

[catrocks]

I knew she wasnt british, I said he should date girls in his area even if that does mean dating britts. As for you saying that people like me is the reason my country has a bad reputation with most people, is a bash at me and my country

Ok then I apologise. But I only said that because you said the only reason I was marrying an American was to gain citizenship - that is a bash at me and i was totally offended.

[Green]

I said one of the reasons not the only reason, and you said I was an ahole. look its fine its over. if the op ever comes back my advice for him is to go out into the world and just talk to some women, dont be afraid to flirt and go for what you want, you are missing out if youv'e never known the affections of our fairer sex.

[love necessity]

You met her, and afterwards it got funny? hmm. Maybe you acted like a completely different guy on the internet, and when you met her, your true self came out.

 

I personally don't think anyone can find personality in someone over the internet or telephone. I believe to find a persons true self, you have to spend quality time with them. You need to be in their spacial element. When your communicating over the internet, there is no eye contact, no body signals, and using a web cam is far from being near someone. I took an interpersonal communications course a few semester ago, and I learned that verbal communication is just as important as body language. Body language is refers to gestures and poses intentionally or unintentionally made by a person (i.e. smiling, hand movements, and imitation). Usually involuntary body language takes the form of facial expressions and we use them to read the emotions of the person who is communicating.

 

A good example is when people cross their arms. This usually signals that a person is putting up an unconscious barrier between themselves and others.

 

If you guys were communicating over the internet, then you truly don't know each other. You may think you know her, but you truly don't. And vice versa. Before you met her, you chatted with her, saw pictures, and etc. But you never actually physically touched her. You painted a picture of her, and she of you, but when you two met, they melted and you two fell apart because a mental image is nothing like the real thing. Just email her, tell her she's not the one for you, and go on about your business.

 

When you met her and there was no chemistry between you guys, that is a sure-fire sign that you guys aren't met for each other. Usually a person knows when another person is right for them. When you stepped into her element, and not so much as a kiss or hug was exchanged, then you know she is not the one for you.

 

I'm going to tell you just like everyone else, stop using the internet as a form of finding "LOVE" or even "friends". It just doesn't work, and when it does, it's once in a blue moon. Like I said, there are other forms of communication...body language, verbal, etc., and those all need to be incorporated into meeting someone that is right for you.

 

GOOD LUCK!! Your lucky she wasn't a weirdo or something. I don't know how people can find the courage in traveling to another country to meet someone they've never met before? It's very dangerous.

 

I've got to say though, that's something most Americans just wouldn't do.