Mixed signals or my imagination running away with itself?

[gaztak]

A little more than a month ago, my girlfriend of 8 months broke up with me. She told me that she felt she wasn't being fair to me and that she thought I should date other girls because she was emotionally unavailable(due to many deaths in her personal life, losing her job, and other such things). She also said that she wanted to be alone because she'd never really been alone and she's never taken the time to get to know what being truly on her own is like.

 

Things were awkward at first, obviously, because I was hurt and it sucked. We talked a couple times and she said she wished there was something I could say that would convince her to not end things.

 

We had a talk one day about us still living together. She said "you know it's gonna be awkward, if one of us starts dating someone." and I said "it's not a big deal, we're both adults".

 

Anyway, it's now been about 5 weeks or so and we're on speaking terms. Things keep happening that I don't know how to read(I've limited my contact with her, but that's hard since we live together, although she stays at her friend Angela's a lot).

 

I guess I'll do a list of stuff that happened cus that'll be easier than me rambling.

 

1. Her family visited(Aunt and Uncle) and we I would entertain them while she was at work(she didn't ask me, I was just being nice) and things were cool, they're nice people. My (ex)girlfriend would talk to me briefly when her and I were alone in the apartment. One night we had a really great talk during which she asked me to give her a hand massage. She fell asleep. While her family was visiting, I told her she could sleep in my room since I'm often out working on films.

 

2. I had a friend visit, a female friend, also a film maker, and during that visit, my ex and my friend were talking and my ex started teasing me, she'd sit close to me, and at one point she made a joke and flipped my hair down in my eyes. During the visit, my ex also gave me my birthday present. She was really giggly/laughy about it. When she gave it to me, we were face to face and maybe 10 inches apart. I was really happy cus she got me something I really liked and she said "It'd be a shame if you had to watch it alone."

 

After that, my ex left to go to Michigan to visit her family. More on this thing later.

 

3. My ex is now back from Michigan and one of her friends from Michigan followed her back(unknown to her, he just showed up(he's had some personal things happen and he wanted to be near a friend/get away from home)). The first night he was here, I got back at about 5AM from a film shoot. She came out and sat down next to me on the couch and we talked briefly. She then went back to bed. I noticed that a notebook that I had left out had something written in brail in it(it reads "Hope is not lost"). I haven't asked about that at all yet.

 

Anyway, this morning before she went to work, I was working in the living room and she asked me "what was up" with my female friend who had visited. She said she talked about it with her mom and her mom said "He's trying to get lucky! You're cramping his style!"... anyway, I told her nothing is going on, because nothing is, and she said "Well, that's what I figured, but I wasn't sure."

 

Alright, back to the Michigan thing.

 

I think she might be dating someone, but I don't know. There's a guy on her MySpace that has left her a couple flirty things("I can't wait to see you. I'll call you in the morning"). Anyway, I was browsing myspace pages, and he left a message on her brother's page that read "It was great to see you again". I know her brother was in Michigan and that the post was made the day after she got back... so my suspicion is he went with her to Michigan.

 

Also, like I said, she's been staying in Jersey at her friend Angela's house, but I realized that the dude who might have gone to Michigan with her also lives in Jersey.

 

Alright, that's all I've got... it's been driving me nuts. Is it just me or are there mixed signals here?

 

Is there anything to save? I'm minimizing what contact I have, when she calls me, usually I'll let it ring, go to voice mail, and call her back after a little while. I haven't asked her to do anything other than help me dye my hair.

[alasia]

Well my first instincts when I read your post were that there's nothing to see. She's moved on, still likes you as a friend but that's it. She COULD be flirting to lead you on a bit, or it could be genuine - it's hard to tell., Even if she is genuinely flirting it might not mean anything; I flirt with a lot of men (and women) - not in a sexual way, but in a friendly, chatty way similar to your ex. It's just a way of getting people to relax around you and having fun.

 

It's easy to overanalyse things with exes - I did it myself. My ex asked me to shave his head once (because he's lazy and couldn't be bothered to do it himself!) and due to my recently-dumped/still-in-love state, I started to pick and pick at it, over analysing everything he'd said before, during and after the head-shaving to try and pick up on any little 'hidden' clues that he still cared about me. It's pointless.

 

If she still loves you, you'll find out eventually. Just take things slowly and try and see her as a friend, rather than an ex or someone you still care about.

[gaztak]

Alright, well, I just found out that the guy I thought went to Michigan with her did in fact go. So, nuts.

 

Guess she doesn't love me/never loved me. Awesome.

 

Thanks for your analysis.