Flawless

[Trialbyfire]

You are assuming that he is actually getting laid.. he isn't

I hear it puts hair on your chest so it might be happening...

[underpants]

1. KMTs' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

 

2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, KMT instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

 

3. KMT built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, KMT met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

 

4. KMT sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, KMT roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

 

5. KMT's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF KMT!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't try to beat the KMT!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

 

6. KMT recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

7. A man once asked KMT if his real name is "Keith". KMT did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

 

8. KMT was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have KMT omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

 

9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. KMT smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

 

10. KMT does not sleep. He waits.

 

11. KMT can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

 

12. KMT once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

 

13. The chief export of KMT is pain.

 

14. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending KMT. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

 

15. KMT once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's KMT.

 

16. KMT was once lowered into molten metal to try to weaken him, but it only made him stronger. The archival footage made it into the movie Terminator 2.

 

17. KMT is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

18. If you can see KMT, he can see you. If you can't see KMT you may be only seconds away from death.

 

19. KMT took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

 

20. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by KMT.

 

21. KMT once punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

 

22. KMT once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

 

23. Helen Keller's favorite color is KMT.

 

24. When KMT's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, KMT said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question KMT."

 

25. KMT doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead

 

26. The people on the island of Fiji use KMT's feces as currency.

 

27. If KMT were rubber and you were glue, he'd still kick the poop out of you.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

Where did you get these from, Unders?

[Trialbyfire]

Chuck Norris FTW!!

[underpants]

Yes, it was a rip from a Chuck Norris email I have saved. There were more, but I didn't want to make him ......tooo cocky.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

 

3. KMT built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, KMT met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

 

This one was the best.

 

And all the ones with the "roundhouse kick".

[Storyrider]

Highly entertaining!

[Art_Critic]

10. KMT does not sleep. He waits.

 

This is my favorite..

 

he waits.. and waits.. and waits.. and waits...

[Green]

Yeah you forgot the one about if you dont know who your father is then its probably kmt. And my flawlessness doesnt stop at sheer physical and sexual prowess, I am the briliant mind of our times and I've been lucky enough to recieve an education to the highest levels. The things I now work on will change the world for the better. I dont have to say anything to get a girl, I can just point and its like woop... But when I do speak it drives them wild with desire. And by the way girl who says she wouldnt give me the time of day, I know that I could get you, all id have to do is ask for the number n ud be waiting at the phone for my call O yes I could get u

[Dumbledore]

17. KMT is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

:lmao:

[Dumbledore]

I dont have to say anything to get a girl, I can just point and its like woop...

New York is definitely the right place for you. You could spend the rest of your life spreading your talent, and never make the same person orgasmic twice (here I am assuming that a multiple orgasm counts as one orgasmic experience).

[Storyrider]

I dont have to say anything to get a girl, I can just point and its like woop...

 

Now I'm picturing him in a white suit, a al John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever.

 

Think synthesized violins and the Bee Gees. He's gyrating his hips, he points up, then down, then right at a girl, and she hustles right up and starts gyrating and pointing right along with him.

 

I guess the wooping *agic mentioned comes later.

[Dumbledore]

KMT in a white suit. Dreamy.

[Pyro]

1. KMTs' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

 

2. Rather than being birthed like a normal child, KMT instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

 

3. KMT built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, KMT met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

 

4. KMT sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, KMT roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

 

5. KMT's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF KMT!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't try to beat the KMT!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

 

6. KMT recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

 

7. A man once asked KMT if his real name is "Keith". KMT did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

 

8. KMT was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have KMT omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

 

9. To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. KMT smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and acquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

 

10. KMT does not sleep. He waits.

 

11. KMT can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

 

12. KMT once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

 

13. The chief export of KMT is pain.

 

14. After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending KMT. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

 

15. KMT once went to a frat party, and proceeded to roundhouse every popped collar in sight. He then drank three kegs and **** on their floor, just because he's KMT.

 

16. KMT was once lowered into molten metal to try to weaken him, but it only made him stronger. The archival footage made it into the movie Terminator 2.

 

17. KMT is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

 

18. If you can see KMT, he can see you. If you can't see KMT you may be only seconds away from death.

 

19. KMT took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity.", then you are dead wrong.

 

20. One of the greatest cover-ups of the last century was the fact that Hitler did not commit suicide in his bunker, but was in fact tea-bagged to death by KMT.

 

21. KMT once punched a woman in the vagina when she didn't give him exact change.

 

22. KMT once tried to sue Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr., insisting that that actually is "his" way.

 

23. Helen Keller's favorite color is KMT.

 

24. When KMT's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, KMT said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question KMT."

 

25. KMT doesn't see dead people. He makes people dead

 

26. The people on the island of Fiji use KMT's feces as currency.

 

27. If KMT were rubber and you were glue, he'd still kick the poop out of you.

 

:lmao: I love those. Chuck Norris is the man, but so is KMT.

 

Here are two of my favorites that were not on the list:

 

-When KMT gives you the middle finger, he is letting you know how many more seconds you have left to live.

 

-KMT went to visit the Virgin Islands. Now they are known as "The Islands".

[luvmy2ns]

Yeah you forgot the one about if you dont know who your father is then its probably kmt. And my flawlessness doesnt stop at sheer physical and sexual prowess, I am the briliant mind of our times and I've been lucky enough to recieve an education to the highest levels. The things I now work on will change the world for the better. I dont have to say anything to get a girl, I can just point and its like woop... But when I do speak it drives them wild with desire. And by the way girl who says she wouldnt give me the time of day, I know that I could get you, all id have to do is ask for the number n ud be waiting at the phone for my call O yes I could get u

 

As for your education, I won't point out all the mistakes, but to address the bolded one, I would say this: "I before E except after C."