What's the influence of "money issues" on relationships?

[Touche]

No time like the present.. you have time..

 

Why not go to a planner and pay him to do you up a plan so you can see how your whole picture looks ?

 

You don't have to follow it.. but it would be helpful just to know what it really takes to save for your goals..

They would help you set goals and achieve them.. they don't even have to be retirement goals.. it could be that you want to own a home by the age 32 and they can show you how to make it happen while taking into account your debt and bills and income and lifestyle

 

This is funny, AC. I think it's very fitting that you're advising SG on finances and me on love. She can't go wrong now!

[Star Gazer]

Why not go to a planner and pay him to do you up a plan so you can see how your whole picture looks ?

 

I did that, but I couldn't keep seeing him because he was too hot. I'm serious. I would literally start to sweat around the guy.

 

Anyway, I'm doing fine, I think I'm making it out to be much worse than it is. Most people would kill for what I have and such, but I want..."more" but not just in a $$$-sense. I could care less about $$$ to tell you the truth. I grew up poor, everything I have that's more than what I started with is a luxury to me, not a necessity.

 

I'm just worried that the fact that I don't care about it as much as most men apparently do is yet another flaw that men can and will use to nix me from their "potential wife" list...if that makes sense. And seeing as this is a "flaw" I can fix, I feel compelled to repair it.

 

You're not. You really aren't.

 

CG's thread is actually what got me started on thinking about all of this.

 

If you watch Sex in the City as religously as I do (er, did) you'll recall the episode where Carrie is trying to find the money necessary to take a mortgage out on her apartment-turned-co-op so that she doesn't get kicked out and become homeless. During this time, she accompanies Miranda while shoe-shopping. After looking at the price tags and considering how many shoes she owned herself, Carrie realized that she had spent a total of $40,000 on shoes, and said, "I will literally be the old woman who lived in her shoes."

 

I found myself in my closet this morning, surrounded by beautiful clothes and shoes, looking around my place at lovely furniture, art, etc., and realized I really, really don't want to be her....desperate for a down payment and left with only fancy shoes.

[Star Gazer]

Absolutely, go see a professional. Also, if you have credit card debt, consider some form of consolidation loan that will lower your debit interest rates so you can get out from under sooner. It will also help your monthly cash flow so you can start to put money away/investing immediately.

 

I've seen a professional, but I realize I do need to see another one. Preferably a woman.

 

I have no credit card debt. None. I had a problem in college with it, and have avoided it since. My only real debt is my car payment and my student loans. But somehow my cash just seems to vanish every month, and I've got nothing to show for it.

[Trialbyfire]

I've seen a professional, but I realize I do need to see another one. Preferably a woman.

 

I have no credit card debt. None. I had a problem in college with it, and have avoided it since. My only real debt is my car payment and my student loans. But somehow my cash just seems to vanish every month, and I've got nothing to show for it.

Haha...wimmens rock!!

 

A consolidation loan can do the same thing for your car payment and student loans.

[Storyrider]

How old is Carrie's character on the show? She is supposed to be late thirties, right?

[Star Gazer]

How old is Carrie's character on the show? She is supposed to be late thirties, right?

 

I think she starts off around 32 in the first season, and ends up somewhere around 39 in the finale. This episode was right in the middle of Aiden, so she was about 36?

 

I'm almost there! Only 7 years! It will be only me and my shoes and handbags and passport stamps!!

[IpAncA]

I take my financial situation serious for the sake of my future. I have no bad credit yet and no credit cards. And let me say it isn't easy. I don't care what anyone says.

 

Anyhow I have a financial advisor who's awesome. I mean he knows his s**t. Without going into details, he ended up helping me set up funds I don't touch.

 

I started doing all this while I was young (smart move) so it can build long enough so I have it when I retire. How sweet is that? And what's even sweeter is the goverment can't touch it. So if I get screwed out of my SS or anything else, I have that instead.

 

Now I do spend money on myself but that's only after I have paid things that need to be paid. I just don't go and blow my paycheck or spend money on me first. That's stupid and when people do that, it shows me where their priorities are.

 

As for my student loans, I'm in the process of checking into consolidation. Then after I do that, I'll be set up to use an accelerator margin to help pay it off in half the time.

[Dumbledore]

I remember one particularly lean month when I couldn't even afford a single condom. Sometimes you just have to do without.

 

It's important to think about your future, but too many people sacrifice living life to the full as a result. Being old and poor is bad. Being too old to enjoy your life (with the means to do so) is worse.

[IpAncA]

Being old and poor is bad. Being too old to enjoy your life is worse.

 

That's the truth.

[Krytellan]

I've seen a professional, but I realize I do need to see another one. Preferably a woman.

 

I'm sorry Star, but are you seriously telling me you had to stop seeing your financial advisor because he was too hot? That sounds a little weird. Are you really that unable to focus on other important things in life?

[Krytellan]

I think she starts off around 32 in the first season, and ends up somewhere around 39 in the finale. This episode was right in the middle of Aiden, so she was about 36?

 

I'm almost there! Only 7 years! It will be only me and my shoes and handbags and passport stamps!!

 

Relax. I'm 33, and the plan I created with my advisor has me starting to save in 1 year (paying off debt first) and retiring at 65. Granted, the lifestyle I will be able to afford at retirement would pale in comparison to what you would probably expect to have for yourself, but it's all relative to income.

 

You just need to decide that you need to address it and do it. Once you start saving, it can really be addicting.

[Touche]

I'm sorry Star, but are you seriously telling me you had to stop seeing your financial advisor because he was too hot? That sounds a little weird. Are you really that unable to focus on other important things in life?

 

Unless he was married, hell I would have continued to see him myself!

 

Anyway, Kryt I think you gave very good advice.

[Dumbledore]

A quickie only takes three minutes out of a one hour consultation. And it's a great way to break the ice.

[Lizzie60]

In addition, although I'm as independent as they get, I guess I now worry about wanting to maybe someday kinda rely on (see how nervous I'm getting??) on my future-H's salary so that I can work less to really have the family that I long for. Is that bad? I feel like I can't admit that to men these days...

 

if he didn't care if the girl was financially responsible or not...

 

It's the same for a woman...if she gets involved volountarily with a jerk who can't handle his money...she's asking for trouble.

 

I would never ever get involved with a 'loser' who has no money because he just can't 'budget'.

 

As a woman, I would never ever rely on a man's salary... for my future...knowing that most marriage end up in divorce. But this is just me... I know I will never depend on a man financially or emotionally. Never did and never will...that I know.

[Star Gazer]

I'm sorry Star, but are you seriously telling me you had to stop seeing your financial advisor because he was too hot? That sounds a little weird. Are you really that unable to focus on other important things in life?

 

Well, I was being a little cheeky. But in the end, I had to stop seeing him in part due to his incredible good looks.

 

My previous financial adviser is a friend-of-a-friend, someone I run into socially often enough to make it uncomfortable for me. He's just ridiculously good looking, and charming... I mean, when I'd go meet him for lunch or coffee, I'd get as excited as I would if I had a date with Josh Duhamel or something. I wanted to be able to make decisions on my financial future and explain how I really want to live my life without the sweaty palms and racing heartbeat that he gave me. I couldn't concentrate. But primarily, I didn't like the idea that this friend-of-a-friend would be at BBQ's and at my local dive bar and stuff, just hanging out amongst me and my friends, knowing the intimate details of my financial condition. It's hard to explain.

[Star Gazer]

It's the same for a woman...if she gets involved volountarily with a jerk who can't handle his money...she's asking for trouble.

 

I would never ever get involved with a 'loser' who has no money because he just can't 'budget'.

 

 

I'm neither a jerk or a loser, thanks.

[Dumbledore]

I'm neither a jerk or a loser, thanks.

At least you're polite.

[Touche]

In addition, although I'm as independent as they get, I guess I now worry about wanting to maybe someday kinda rely on (see how nervous I'm getting??) on my future-H's salary so that I can work less to really have the family that I long for. Is that bad? I feel like I can't admit that to men these days...

 

if he didn't care if the girl was financially responsible or not...

 

It's the same for a woman...if she gets involved volountarily with a jerk who can't handle his money...she's asking for trouble.

 

I would never ever get involved with a 'loser' who has no money because he just can't 'budget'.

 

As a woman, I would never ever rely on a man's salary... for my future...knowing that most marriage end up in divorce. But this is just me... I know I will never depend on a man financially or emotionally. Never did and never will...that I know.

 

You're a smarter woman than I gave you credit for initially. If I were you, I wouldn't ever depend on a man in any way, shape or form either. You'd only be disappointed.

[Star Gazer]

if he didn't care if the girl was financially responsible or not...

 

It's the same for a woman...if she gets involved volountarily with a jerk who can't handle his money...she's asking for trouble.

 

I would never ever get involved with a 'loser' who has no money because he just can't 'budget'.

 

As a woman, I would never ever rely on a man's salary... for my future...knowing that most marriage end up in divorce. But this is just me... I know I will never depend on a man financially or emotionally. Never did and never will...that I know.

 

Wait. This is contradictory, isn't it? If you're not going to rely on his money, what does it matter if he's bad with his own?

 

Also, I didn't mean to suggest that I'd ever rely-rely on a future-H's salary, but yes, in part a FAMILY should be able to rely on someone's salary, and it's my hope that someday "we" (whoever that is) will be financially secure enough that I'll be able to work less in order to have some cute little Star Gazers runnin' around and not miss too much of their growin' up.

[Krytellan]

Also, I didn't mean to suggest that I'd ever rely-rely on a future-H's salary, but yes, in part a FAMILY should be able to rely on someone's salary, and it's my hope that someday "we" (whoever that is) will be financially secure enough that I'll be able to work less in order to have some cute little Star Gazers runnin' around and not miss too much of their growin' up.

 

*just had horrible shivers at the thought*

[Dumbledore]

You're a smarter woman than I

It takes a big person to admit that.

[Touche]

It takes a big person to admit that.

 

Oh, shut the F up, will you? Now, you've just gone TOO far! Too, too far.

[Lizzie60]

Wait. This is contradictory, isn't it? If you're not going to rely on his money, what does it matter if he's bad with his own?

 

Also, I didn't mean to suggest that I'd ever rely-rely on a future-H's salary, but yes, in part a FAMILY should be able to rely on someone's salary, and it's my hope that someday "we" (whoever that is) will be financially secure enough that I'll be able to work less in order to have some cute little Star Gazers runnin' around and not miss too much of their growin' up.

 

If you can work less that would be fine...whatever works for you...but what I'm seeing sometimes, are women, who completely gave themselves to their kids and husband, and forgot about their own career.. and end up alone, no work, no career...nothing... they're the one who lose the most in the end...

 

That's what I mean.... If the woman can afford to put her career on the back burner for a few years...fine that's great...but to depend on a husband for a long period of time is suicidal...IMO.

[Touche]

If you can work less that would be fine...whatever works for you...but what I'm seeing sometimes, are women, who completely gave themselves to their kids and husband, and forgot about their own career.. and end up alone, no work, no career...nothing... they're the one who lose the most in the end...

 

That's what I mean.... If the woman can afford to put her career on the back burner for a few years...fine that's great...but to depend on a husband for a long period of time is suicidal...IMO.

 

Look, no woman should depend completely on a man. (Nor should any man completely rely on a woman for that matter..and we're talking financial or emotional here.) We all have to look out for our children and ourselves first. And smart women (and men) can figure out how to do that.

 

You may think that because I'm now a stay-at-home wife and mother that I'm completely dependent. But you'd be wrong in making that assumption. I wasn't before I met my H and I'm not now either.

[This_Too_Shall_Pass]

I believe that both partners should be responsible, towards their own finances/spending, and towards the joint finances as well.

 

Money inherently carries risk. Of course, you have to take all steps possible to ensure that this risk is minimized. But sometimes, it's more a question of how good a partnership it is, instead of just how much money you make / spend.

 

When two people are together, it's more about "we" than just "me" and "you".

 

You or your partner could have debt (and this can be because of a number of reasons). Or, either one of you may be taking a break from work. Or some events may cause extra expenditures. It's these types of situations that call for shared responsibility. It's a good test of being able to row the boat in harmony.

 

 

Spending money is an art. Money's utility is in being spent, it's just that there's a way to spend it. I don't see a point in either extremes - scrimping and being miserly is as bad as mindless spending and carelessness.