What's the influence of "money issues" on relationships?

[riobikini]

I guess I feel about the past, or irresponsible debt issue of a partner much like Art_Critic does.

 

That negative credit history of a partner can affect you in all sorts of miserable ways that linger on even if the marriage fails and you divorce.

 

And to marry someone who just never thought it important enough to exercise some adult responsibility and try to repair it or keep it from worsening can be a nightmare.

 

Seems like the state of someone's credit history can rank in importance just as high (or higher) on the list as how their romantic history was conducted.

 

(I felt your pain, Art, about the owed taxes of your ex-spouse, that you didn't know about when you married her.)

 

(Smile)

 

Things like that can come up and bite you in the arse and you have a devil of a time -seems like forever- getting free of them.

 

My last hubby had a lousey credit rating, owed taxes, owed a lot of debt (practically rolled in it) -and you're right: they can hide it for just so long and then there it is -for not just *one* of you to deal with -but both of you.

 

You'd think someone who says they love you would take their words into consideration and be honest enough to divulge that kind of info.

 

But secretly, I think they're operating on the same old frame of mind that got them into debt and just wind up deciding to put off telling you.

 

Yeah -I'm feeling a little remorse right now, too.

 

(Smile)

 

But lucky for me, I'm now free of him -and his debt.

 

Due to my blind generosity, though, he was able to plow out of alot of his trouble for a while, use (and use up) our *joined* resources during the marriage, build himself up some -only to land right back to the pig pen of debt I found him within a year after the divorce.

 

I guess the moral of this story is that, if -when you meet them- they're secretly wallowing around in debt, chances are that when you leave them they'll waste no time in returning to their familiar environment and ways of doing things.

 

Some people -no matter how old they get- never grow up.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[monkey00]

Personally I cant be with a woman that is financially reliant on me. For me it isnt the case of financially irresponsible women, but women that have no career goals/job goals in terms of making her own money and/or using it on her own luxury/goods/materialistic stuff. And this has nothing to do with fighting to pay the tab.

 

I've dated women and have female friends that I know all too well. They expect (some of which have told me), that they'd only be with/marry a guy that would provide for them - in terms of being well off and financially stable. While on their end, they procrastinate/do nothing with career goals or are unemployed or live off their parents money...this is a form of irresponsibility on their end because they are spoiled and expect to be swept off their feet like a princess.

[norajane]

Also, I didn't mean to suggest that I'd ever rely-rely on a future-H's salary, but yes, in part a FAMILY should be able to rely on someone's salary, and it's my hope that someday "we" (whoever that is) will be financially secure enough that I'll be able to work less in order to have some cute little Star Gazers runnin' around and not miss too much of their growin' up.

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting that. At the same time, it would be good to get your own financial house in order so you are more likely to comfortably do that, so you can contribute to the financial security of your family. For example, pay off those loans instead of buying more shoes you don't need. Then, when you and your hubby are thinking of starting a family, you won't have that huge debt load to worry about and it will be much easier to work less, or not at all while your kids are young.

 

At the very least, learn how to budget your spending on going out and buying clothes/shoes now, and practice staying within that budget. You'll need to be able to live within a budget when the kiddies come along.

 

That's the biggest financial red flag I would notice about you if I were a guy. If he sees that you buy all these clothes you never wear and spend lots of money going out all the time, while you are willing to carry a significant loan debt (with interest) that you could pay off sooner if you spent less on stuff you don't need....well, I'd wonder if you would ever be willing to limit your wants in favor of your needs.

 

"Like, gee, in a few years are the little Star Gazers' closets and drawers going to be full of piles of clothes they outgrew before they ever wore them, while we're carrying a loan on the new minivan plus a mortgage on the bigger house we had to buy to accommodate the little Star Gazers and their piles of stuff..."

 

They always say the first thing you should do is pay off your debt, and you can easily do that if you cut back some. $100 less per month on going out and buying stuff, is $100 a month extra you can pay on your loans. That's $1200 a year. If you can cut back even more than that, do it. It adds up, especially since paying loans off faster cuts down on the interest over the life of the loan.

 

If you don't want to cut back at all so you can pay off the loans faster, then I'd say your priorities probably could use some fine tuning - for your own sake, and not even for any future husbands or cute little SG's.

[Dumbledore]

The iPhone is a must have. And I am not exaggerating.

[Star Gazer]

"Like, gee, in a few years are the little Star Gazers' closets and drawers going to be full of piles of clothes they outgrew before they ever wore them, while we're carrying a loan on the new minivan plus a mortgage on the bigger house we had to buy to accommodate the little Star Gazers and their piles of stuff..."

 

They always say the first thing you should do is pay off your debt, and you can easily do that if you cut back some. $100 less per month on going out and buying stuff, is $100 a month extra you can pay on your loans. That's $1200 a year. If you can cut back even more than that, do it. It adds up, especially since paying loans off faster cuts down on the interest over the life of the loan.

 

Good point, NJ.

[mental_traveller]

I think it depends on the level of seriousness in the relationship. If I don't live with someone then quite frankly I don't care what their financial situation is - it's entirely their business as long as it doesn't affect me. If I was considering living with someone, then it would become much more important. Personally I am pretty financially conservative, so it would be unlikely I'd get serious with someone who is a credit card junkie, or thinks paying a mortgage/rent on time is optional.

[mental_traveller]

Okay, but what is financially irresponsible to YOU?

 

Missing the deadline for key bills like rent/mortgage, car loans etc; "problem" gambling or other addictive behaviour incurring considerable expense; going significantly over budget repeatedly (or having no budget at all - unless she is loaded enough for it to be unnecessary); excessive luxury spending; complete lack of any kind of financial planning.

 

Less serious stuff would be lack of saving, maintaining a credit card balance instead of paying it off each month, lots of impulsive/unnecessary purchases, significant debts outside mortgage/car loan etc. It also depends on the age of the woman - someone who is 21 obviously isn't going to have much savings, may have large student loans, and will live for the moment much more. That's ok at that age, whereas at 40 the same situation is an indication of gross irresponsibility. I would say that around 30 is a good time to start shifting into a more financially responsible way of living. Anyone who does retirement planning in their 20s is probably extremely boring.

 

Finally, I think smoking is extremely financially irresponsible, but I'd never date a smoker anyway.

[Art_Critic]

Here is an interesting article on Generation Debt.. the people under 35 today

 

You might find it helpful

 

http://finance.yahoo.com/expert/article/generationdebt/37823