will my wife ever come back to me

[confuzd]

I need some serious advice, I can't eat, sleep or function at work.

click here for a full recap on my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=122018&page=2

 

My wife is giving me mixed signals, I have been expressing my love to her and how I am going to change and have realized my mistakes. I try not to be overly sappy but just genuinely remorseful. She is moving out next week to her own apartment. right now she comes home after work sees her son, then leave to her friends house after he goes to sleep, because she says she needs to be away from me. for the few hours she is home, I try not to stress her out with my sorrow and ask all kinds of questions, but I do still confess my love and my regrets for the past. She is open to the idea of possible getting together in the future but never has said she wants too. she will say things like "anything can happen" or "you never know what the future will hold" she still lets me hold her and kiss her, and will tell me she loves me , but when I call her she will not tell me she loves me when getting off of the phone,

 

Why will she say it in person but not on the phone. Yesterday I was holding her telling her that I think she is amazing, and is very important to me. I told her that I think we will get together again one day, and that it will be fresh start. She told me that she doesn't beleive that I truly love her. she thinks that after a month I will have moved on and found some one else. I asked her if that's what she wants and she said no but beleives that thats what will happen. She swears that she is not looking for anyone and doesn't have anyone else.

 

I don't know how to read her or how to proceed after this separation (which she has not defined as a separation) she says she is just leaving so I don't know how to act, do I move on and find someone else since she says it is over, but then why does she get mad when I ask her how that would make her feel, if its over why does she care. She has not filed for divorce and is not acting like she is going to she never even talks about divorce, so I stopped bringing it up. She does not give me any solid reassurance that we will ever be together and it kills me. she said she will still go with me to an annual conference that my job holds, but doubts by that time I will even still want to take her.

 

What the heck is going on? either she wants to be done with me or not. If she is done why does she care that I will move on, why will she still let me hold her and kiss me, why does she still answer yes when I ask her if she still finds me attractive, why does she say I love you in person but not on the phone, Am I doing something wrong, I don't want to push her away anymore than I already have.

 

Please Help, especially ladies preferrably those that have done the dumping.

[dwalluk]

dude, i know totally where u are coming from, im in the same situation atm, my ex of 18 months split up with me, but it was all my fault but we have a child together and shes sayin she wants me back but not yet she just needs time etc

[confuzd]

so yesterday the I saw the wife before she left to her friends, since it was friday I asked her if she was going out. she said yeah that her and her friend were going to a bar that her friend found. I told her that I hope she has a great time. this was about 530 pm she didn't leave til 830 so we proceded to have some good conversation, I told her I was confused with the whle separation thing she said she was too. I asked her if this was indeed just a separation and she said that it felt like it, so that made me feel kind of good that it is not definitely overlater I massaged her back held her and basically expressed my love for herfast forward to today, she came home about 930 am and was in a good mood she looked as if she had missed me (could be wishful thinking) I asked her and she said she did. she is moving out in two days and wanted to go shopping for a bedroom set for our son, I told her I would go to, probably a mistake but I wanted to spend as much time with her as possible, on the way to the store she notices the sign for the circus on july 4th I asked her if she wanted to go and she said yeah. anyways I pretty much am asking her questions the whole time we are out, I can't seem to help it even though I know it aggravates her at times.however I asked her that if we could have the relationship she always wanted and if I had truly changed would she want to be with me, and she said yes.its just that she doesn't believe I will change even though she sees the changes clear as day. she seems pretty excited about moving in and getting her place decorated. I don't know what to think. does any one think that I have a chance .

[Zona76]

I'm going to keep a clear head and NOT go and read your previous thread.

Let me advise you on one little thing. She cares but she's lost trust.

So... lets start all over. Begin again and court her. The old fashion way. Romance her. Be the prince charming. Make your goal simple. *To make her laugh!*

An old fashion way of dating.

Ask her for a date. Hire a sitter and take her to dinner. Take afternoon outings and plan "fun trips" Picnics, rent a pair of bicycles and ride in the park, Visit museums... compliment her but don't over do. Think of activities she enjoys. Hunt for free or low cost concerts. But remember you're starting from the beginning. Fresh and brand new. You must stop asking if she wants to go back to how it was before because... she left you. She'll never want what it was before. So give her a part of you she will want.

Begin all over again as if you've just met. Keep things a surprise so she will want to date you again. Something new and fresh you've never done before.

Then let us know how this is working.

[confuzd]

Thanks for the advice. it is just so hard when all I want to do is ask her what she is thinking and what her intentions are. I love this woman so much, I made her a website, and everything. I need to learn not to give in to my urge to ask questions. but I see her everyday bcause of our son, I am going out of my mind. she is so beautiful to me. I will keep this thread going I hope I can provide you guys with a true success story. I am open to all questions.

[Yernasia Quorelios]

As long as she doesn't say words to the effect "It's over" I would say keep going pretty much as you are. It seems like she's evaluating and will judge you not so much on what you say but more on what you do. She has an internal timetable for this evaluation process and once it is complete, she will make a decision and stick to it. The main problem is you don't know how long this process will take. There's probably a good chance that she doesn't know either.

 

If you love her unconditionally (see this post for my view on unconditional love - it's also worth reading the entire Does anyone have a success story? thread) and you really want her back, then you will wait as long as it takes for her to decide and keep the emotional pressure to an absolute minimum. This will ensure that she comes to a decision based less on your influence and more on how she sees things.

 

In the meantime get on with your own life as best you can and I would suggest you do not complicate matters by prematurely moving on to someone else. Do prepare yourself for the worst as she may decide that the best thing all round will be to make the separation permanent.

[confuzd]

thanks a lot yq that is such a scary thought that she may decide to leave for good , I feel as if I should try to tip the odds in my favor some way but how? she will come over today to finish packing she may even spend the night. I iniated a group hug yesterday with my son and her, and said that we will be together again and be a happy family. she agreed. I hope to god she doesn't find someone else and get her head clouded any more than it is.what would be some reasons why she would decide not to come back? if she still loves me and sees that I have changed.

[confuzd]

well she is not going to stay the night. I cleaned the house from top to bottom before she came over and I went to the store to get some groceries with my son, when I got back she was already home. I snuggled with her and held her while we watched t.v. she said she had to leave at 2 so she could go and clean up her apartment before she moved in tomorrow. I kissed her for a while and she said she was tired. so I carried her upstairs and put her into bed. she told me to wake her up at 2. I went downstairs and played some video games with my son. at 2 I went back up stairs and woke her up and gave her a hug and kiss. I asked her if she was going to stay over tonight, and she said she didn't think that would be a good idea. Why the Hell not? I didn't say that though, but I did ask why. and she kind of whispered "don't push it" what the hell does that mean? Oh I need some answers. anyways I didn't push it. but I did eventually ask her after hugging her if we would ever make love again. she kind of got frustrated, and I apologized for asking. She did not say no though it's just that the question frustrated her.

 

What is the deal. what is going through her mind. Why is sex a bad thing for her if she says she still loves me and is attracted to me?

[Zona76]

You didn't read what I said did you. We're not going back . so stop thinking of how it was. Change your attitude and convence her in how it could be.

Romance the woman. Take it one day at a time.

Maybe she's waiting for you to just give up and go back to how it was.

You need to change YOUR way of thinking before you change hers.

[confuzd]

You didn't read what I said did you. We're not going back . so stop thinking of how it was. Change your attitude and convence her in how it could be.

Romance the woman. Take it one day at a time.

Maybe she's waiting for you to just give up and go back to how it was.

You need to change YOUR way of thinking before you change hers.

 

First let me say thanks alot Zona, I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to my blog, it means alot to me. I thought by doing these things I was showing her how it could be. Im showing her the new me, who shows her the attention she wants but it seems as if the more I try the more she pulls back. its almost she just doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but then at times I think she enjoys the attention. Im so confused.

 

how do I convince her how it could be with out coming on too strong. I want to make love to her so bad, not because i want sex but because I want to feel that closeness to her, but she says it won't be a good idea, what does that mean in female terms?

 

you said I need to change my way of thinking, All I can think about is getting my wife back,and showing convincing her that I have changed, what should I be thinking?

 

oh yeah and I just can't get the thought that she may be involved with someone else out of my head. Has anyone heard of a woman leaving her husband with out actually having another man to turn to.

 

Sorry for all the questions, but they are all important to me.

[Woggle]

Why do you even want her back? From what I have read she doesn't sound like much of a prize anyway. She did cheat on you and blames you for everything so why do you still want her in your life?

[Yernasia Quorelios]

This last piece of advice I'm going to post here is going to be tough for you to take and there is no easy way of saying it, so here goes.....

 

The most important thing that she has said to you so far is "Don't push it" and she isn't talking about just that one occasion. "Don't push it" is very close to "It's over". It means you need to take the pressure off her so that she has the time and space to evaluate. For some reason (and there are no straight or simple answers for this) the more you try to show someone how much you've changed and how much you care the more it pushes them away.

 

The best thing you can do to get your wife back is to not try to get your wife back. At the moment she needs time and space and all you are doing by trying to influence her is denying her this. She has indicated that she has heard you, she has seen how you've changed now she needs time to decide what to do.

 

You need to stop all the attention, the affection, the "look how I've changed" behaviour and just treat her as you would a good friend. If you don't do this, then it's pretty much guaranteed that she will reluctantly (because she still clearly cares about you) come to the decision that she can't come back because you are not listening to her and not giving her the time and space she needs to decide properly....and, yes, plenty of people leave their partners without another person being involved.

 

I would suggest that you go to see a professional counselor as people here on LS can generally only give advice based on their personal experience and not professional expertise.

[Reckless]

If woman that lets you hug and kiss her, that tells you she [still] loves you (even if not on the phone) and that lets you give her back rubs, the game if far from over.

 

I am a woman and I can assure you that if I wanted out with a man wouldn't get his hands on my body. The mixed signals she is sending is because she is feeling conflicted - conflicted means its not: "game over".

 

However, I'm not going to be overly positive 1) because actions do indeed speak louder than words and she is according to your words "moving out"; She's going because either she isn't getting from you what she wanted/expected, doesn't trust the "new you" and/or (and I think this is likely) really wants to try out independence and a new life/man but doesn't want to burn any bridges.

 

and 2) The fact that even now, in crisis you both cannot communicate leads me to believe that whatever lead to the breakdown of your marriage is still very much there and a marriage without meaningful communication is a marriage condemned.

 

Your wife is feeling confliced and unwilling to confront and deal with a clear exist or encourage whole hearted reconstruction. My guess is that either now or further down the line, you will end up in a bad place.

[confuzd]

This last piece of advice I'm going to post here is going to be tough for you to take and there is no easy way of saying it, so here goes.....

 

The most important thing that she has said to you so far is "Don't push it" and she isn't talking about just that one occasion. "Don't push it" is very close to "It's over". It means you need to take the pressure off her so that she has the time and space to evaluate. For some reason (and there are no straight or simple answers for this) the more you try to show someone how much you've changed and how much you care the more it pushes them away.

 

The best thing you can do to get your wife back is to not try to get your wife back. At the moment she needs time and space and all you are doing by trying to influence her is denying her this. She has indicated that she has heard you, she has seen how you've changed now she needs time to decide what to do.

 

You need to stop all the attention, the affection, the "look how I've changed" behaviour and just treat her as you would a good friend. If you don't do this, then it's pretty much guaranteed that she will reluctantly (because she still clearly cares about you) come to the decision that she can't come back because you are not listening to her and not giving her the time and space she needs to decide properly....and, yes, plenty of people leave their partners without another person being involved.

 

I would suggest that you go to see a professional counselor as people here on LS can generally only give advice based on their personal experience and not professional expertise.

 

Thanks alot YQ, I was thinking that was what I probally needed to do. I will still show that I care, but I will stop leaning on her for any kind of affection and understanding. I did call this morning to say good morning to her and I got a voice mail, she called me back like three times before I noticed she called. I just said good morning and got off the phone rather quickly. I will follow this advice. I will be nice, be her friend, but not expect anything in return.

[confuzd]

If woman that lets you hug and kiss her, that tells you she [still] loves you (even if not on the phone) and that lets you give her back rubs, the game if far from over.

 

I am a woman and I can assure you that if I wanted out with a man wouldn't get his hands on my body. The mixed signals she is sending is because she is feeling conflicted - conflicted means its not: "game over".

 

However, I'm not going to be overly positive 1) because actions do indeed speak louder than words and she is according to your words "moving out"; She's going because either she isn't getting from you what she wanted/expected, doesn't trust the "new you" and/or (and I think this is likely) really wants to try out independence and a new life/man but doesn't want to burn any bridges.

 

and 2) The fact that even now, in crisis you both cannot communicate leads me to believe that whatever lead to the breakdown of your marriage is still very much there and a marriage without meaningful communication is a marriage condemned.

 

Your wife is feeling confliced and unwilling to confront and deal with a clear exist or encourage whole hearted reconstruction. My guess is that either now or further down the line, you will end up in a bad place.

 

We still do communicate and we don't argue anymore, mostly because I have become very patient. She will still try to draw it out of me every once in a while, but I remain understanding and eventually kiss her and she calms down. Before we would've just both exploded and it would've been ugly.

 

I sure hope it doesn't end up in a bad place, My friends tell me that they are more worried that I will find someone else and not want her back more than they are worried about her finding someone else. She is very stressed out with the move and all, so I can't imagine her even having the capability of dealing with another man right now, but the thought still haunts me.

 

Im glad the game is not over, it justs frustrates me that I don't know the rules to the game. I guess I will just have to take YQ's advice and stop trying to convince her how I have changed. She probably wants to make the decision on her own and by me trying to influence her decision it may just make her choose against me just to spite me, because she may feel she has always tried to do things my way.

 

I want her to come back to me but It has be her decision, otherwise she won't feel comfortable with it.

 

YQ's advice is very good but it is contradictory to Zona's advice. Man oh Man.... I guess what I've been doing isnt working so I have to pull back some like YQ said. I don't want to run the risk of appearing inconsistent though, then she will not beleive anything I do. This is so tough and I am so damn confused, But she is worth every ounce of the suffering I am going through I truly beleive that.

 

I will keep you guys posted about our updates, we will be going to the circus on the 4th of July, and her birthday is on the 7th of July, plus she agreed that we all would go to church on sundays. I have never been a christian, I am spiritual, I believe in god and alot of what the bible says, but never took on the title of a christian. I am willing to change for her. and keep an open mind. Maybe the holy ghost will take over me who knows.

all replies are welcome thank you for taking an interest in my life, I will continue to share, and will not leave you all hanging with the final outcome.

[morephine]

I'm in quite literally the same place you are. My wife was far more withdrawn than yours though and I sat for almost 8 months doing the things that you did. Believe me, every step toward her you take, she is going to take a step back.

 

I've done everything that I shouldn't have but then again, every case is completely different. In my case, with some of the things that I've done, if I didn't show that when she said "it's over" that my whole life pretty much changed in a day and kept things as consistent as possible, I'm not sure if I would be as far as I am. On the other hand though, she wasn't without sin either and had an EA with a guy online for over 2 years which I just found out about 2 weeks ago. It was at that point that I was done trying to show her how much I've changed and how committed I was to her. I decided then and there to move and start dating again and learning to be happy with myself. Now that I've gone on dates and everything else, she is getting curious and has started talking about reconciliation. I'm still taking a wait and see approach in my situation but if she's truly wanting things again then nothing would make me happier in the world.

 

What I'm trying to get to is that if she needs space, give it to her. Act as if with her. Act as if your "old" marriage has gone. You need to start things over but GIVE her space right now. Work on yourself first and foremost. Don't suffocate her and don't pressure anything. Just keep working on yourself and she will notice the changes in you rather than you telling her.

[confuzd]

thanks alot morephine, I feel like I need some morphine to take this pain away. Actually I've been feeling a tad bit better, I was actually able to sleep a whole night last night. Any ways here's the latest.

 

Yesterday she came home after she picked up my son from summer camp. she kind of hung around but looked as though something was definitely on her mind. I think she was confused at the way I was acting, I was in a chipper mood, singing and just really acting as though I was getting better. This really had her wheels spinning. I asked her if there was anything on her mind and she said no. I went and got dinner for my son and I, and she said that she would leave since we were getting ready to eat. I told her that she didn't have to. she gave me a hug that was kind of long and then she looked as if she didn't know if she should kiss me or not. So after a few seconds of a comfortable yet awkward stare I said "just kiss me damn it" and i kissed her and we both kind of giggled.

 

The movers cancelled yesterday so they are coming out this morning at nine am. I left a little early today to take my son to camp and I was gonna go into work early, I get a call about 730 it was her she was at my/our house and said "you left rather early" as if she was hoping to see me or something. I asked if she wanted me to come back, and she said I didn't have to. I think that is woman code for (yes, but Im not going to ask) so I went back home. We talked for a little and I pulled her over to me and tried to kiss her. she let me but was resistant the whole time, but not overly resistant, or rude. All the time the conversation was light. we went up stairs and we kind of laid on the bed but she kept a bit of a distance. I kissed her some more, and she said I don't think this is the right thing to do , If you don't answer anything I say in this post SOME ONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT SHE MEANS BY THAT, WHY IS IT NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. since we are still married and love each other.

 

She also told me to leave before the movers got there. Why I don't know.

 

some other things that are confusing.

I mentioned that this was my house, and she was like "oh really this is your house now, I see".

What does she want this to still be hers, if so then why is she leaving?

I did tell her before that this house would always be hers so maybe she is testing me for inconsistencies.

 

another thing was that when I asked her if she was excited about moving she said not really, then said "you seem like your doing just fine though, that was real quick" as if she is disappointed that I am not sobbing like a damn school girl anymore.

Some one explain what that is all about.

 

and finally she joked at my attempts to get over to her apt. She said I know what your trying to do in a playful voice. And said to give it some time.

 

Why do I need time to go to her Apt, she comes to my house anytime she wants, why do I have to wait before I can see where she lives or before I can be invited over, maybe she thinks I will stalk her?

 

Thanks for all your answers you guys are great.

[Reckless]

we went up stairs and we kind of laid on the bed but she kept a bit of a distance. I kissed her some more, and she said I don't think this is the right thing to do , If you don't answer anything I say in this post SOME ONE PLEASE TELL ME WHAT SHE MEANS BY THAT, WHY IS IT NOT THE RIGHT THING TO DO. since we are still married and love each other.

 

As I said your wife is EXTREMELY conflicted right now. Her behaviour (in fact both of your behaviours) are totally in conflict with the act of ending a marriage and separating a household.

 

Since the movers are on the way and to all intense and purposes you are seperating, lying on the marital bed and even making love would be "wrong" or perhaps in her mind 'ruin' the progress made (you are by your own admission a 'better husband' more patient and loving since she has made the move to leave).

 

Whatever the case, the bags are packed and although I believe she only half wants to go through with it she probably will. Therefore all you agonizing serves no purpose, future moves will have to come from her. I would continue to be balanced and kind but really think that since she has made a committment to remove herself from the marital home then displays of affection should have been forfeited at that time.

 

Not kindness, not consideration not patience and understanding but the physical displays that should be reserved for a committed partnership. My 2cents figure that in doing so you make yourself more desirable. The contrary hasn't 'worked' in that she is, unless I'm mistaken still moving out.

[confuzd]

As I said your wife is EXTREMELY conflicted right now. Her behaviour (in fact both of your behaviours) are totally in conflict with the act of ending a marriage and separating a household.

 

Since the movers are on the way and to all intense and purposes you are seperating, lying on the marital bed and even making love would be "wrong" or perhaps in her mind 'ruin' the progress made (you are by your own admission a 'better husband' more patient and loving since she has made the move to leave).

 

Whatever the case, the bags are packed and although I believe she only half wants to go through with it she probably will. Therefore all you agonizing serves no purpose, future moves will have to come from her. I would continue to be balanced and kind but really think that since she has made a committment to remove herself from the marital home then displays of affection should have been forfeited at that time.

 

Not kindness, not consideration not patience and understanding but the physical displays that should be reserved for a committed partnership. My 2cents figure that in doing so you make yourself more desirable. The contrary hasn't 'worked' in that she is, unless I'm mistaken still moving out.

 

Okay I have to quit wanting to be intimate with her. It will be hard since I see her all the time, and I find her drop dead gorgeous. But tell me reckless, how would that kill any progress, and what progress would that kill the progress towards her leaving or to her decision to come back to me one day.

 

also if any one could touch on the other questions at the end of my previous posts thanks alot.

 

there are some new developments as well. I just purchased tickets to the ballet for her b-day this sunday, she doesnt know what we will be doing but she agreed to go. She used to take ballet and has a great passion for dance I think she will love this. I have to refrain from trying to kiss her and stuff though.

[confuzd]

I just hope it not a rollercoaster preparing for a huge fall.

 

Well I went to the gym after work, and then went back to my place. Man I was feeling down when I walked in to my house, it seemed so empty like there was no life or love. I rearranged my furniture to make it look full again from what she took, it looks pretty good. Anyways I jumped in the shower because Im going to a friends house with my son, while in the shower she comes home, my son comes to the shower and gives me a kiss then she comes in and I give her a kiss (I know I couldn't help it, It was just natural) she said I looked surprised, I didn't say anything then she asks in an accusing voice, "what were you doing" I didn't get it at first but she was implying that I may have been pleasuring myself, which I wasn't. I told her that I was just happy to see someone because it felt lonely. she kind of pouted her lip as if she was feeling the same or if she may have felt sorry for me. Any ways I get out of the shower and she is just there watching me get dressed and put on cologne and stuff. we kind of hug here and there and she inspects my chest for any imperfections, thats her sign of affection she pops my pimples, Yeah I know its weird but I love it, and no I don't have a bunch of zits everywhere.

 

so we head down stairs and she is leaning against the counter as I am preparing something to eat for myself (she already ate) and out of the blue with out looking at me she asks "do you love me" in a soft and fragile voice, as if she had been pondering this thought deeply. I stop come over to her grab her and look into her eyes, and I tell her "I love you more than you can imagine" "you mean the world to me" I see her eyes water and I cant hold back a few tears myself. Then I tell her that I was sorry for hurting her and that i am able to carry on with dignity because I know I was wrong, and I have no right to be mad or act like a jerk towards her. I also tell her that I respect her for the decision she made to leave even though I didn't agree at the time, and that we could start over one day. Then I ask her why she asked and she said she just wanted to know, So I asked her again to tell me if there was something she wanted to tell me and she said no. Then I asked her if she loved me and she said yes, then I asked the big question I asked her if she was still IN love with me and she looked at me as if she couldn't lie anymore and said yes I am still in love with you. up until now she always said I don't know, something today made her say that she was still in love with me. I grabbed her and hugged her again and told her that she was the only woman for me,

 

Then in typical hollywood movie fashion my son comes in and we have a group hug and I ask my son "she is our favorite woman isn't she" and of course my son agrees, "then I tell her that we are incomplete with out her and that she is the final touch to our perfect family" then she leaves and I tell her to drive safe.

 

Okay Sorry for the dramatics but it seems like my life could really be a movie right now. Some one please tell me what in the world just happened, is she coming around or what. I try to describe the events in detail so it can be analyzed accurately. Thanks for any input

[chryssy83]

I just wanted to ask how the whole spiritual thing went. I think that if you spend some time praying/meditating on scripture you might find a little more peace.

 

Have you asked her if she would be interested in counseling? It might help you both out.

 

I would think that based on her responses she seems to be mourning the relationship at this point. Whether she'll come back I can't say...but I don't think that women are as likely to do and say what she's doing and saying and then just move on. Have you considered calling her and just asking her to get breakfast one day or something? I say breakfast because it's unusual/sweet and it has a clear time limit--you can stay until you have to leave for work. If she said yes, I think you should just talk about life stuff, not relationship stuff. Don't think there would be any revelation ("I've made up my mind...") or that she'll bring up anything serious.

[Yernasia Quorelios]

Thanks alot YQ, I was thinking that was what I probally needed to do. I will still show that I care, but I will stop leaning on her for any kind of affection and understanding. I did call this morning to say good morning to her and I got a voice mail, she called me back like three times before I noticed she called. I just said good morning and got off the phone rather quickly. I will follow this advice. I will be nice, be her friend, but not expect anything in return.

You're welcome and good luck. Hopefully things will work out the way you want them too but be prepared for things not going your way. Although you can't see it right now, whatever the outcome ends up being, you will get through this and come out the other end OK, either with or without her.

[Woggle]

Despite your good day this is headed to divorce court. Don't get your hopes up because she will swing fast.

[confuzd]

Despite your good day this is headed to divorce court. Don't get your hopes up because she will swing fast.

 

Why do you say that? she just told me she is in love with me when she would never say that before, she would only say she loved me. to her there is a big difference. why do you think she will swing back.

[ilmw]

You're welcome and good luck. Hopefully things will work out the way you want them too but be prepared for things not going your way. Although you can't see it right now, whatever the outcome ends up being, you will get through this and come out the other end OK, either with or without her.

 

I totally agree.

 

To the OP.. hope for the best expect the worst. If you don't... and things do not turn out the way you do... you will be hurt even more.. because of expectation. being prepared will not stop the hurt and the pain.. but you will be a head of the game.

 

Without hope.. you will not try, you will give up in despair.... and it will be over... fast.

 

Expecting the worst... well I have already mentioned this above.

 

Good luck to you.. Hopefully you will have a success story to share.

 

Ilmw