will my wife ever come back to me

[Chrome Barracuda]

good for you confuzd. it's good you finally had enough of her BS!

 

Move on with your life it's too short to waste on one woman who's completely disrespectful. You'll be better off.

[Mike1966]

confuzed-

 

I hope you post soon, my friend! I've been anxious to hear how things are going for you through the divorce, and on the dating front. It astonishes me how similar our situations have been............especially the timing. Maybe we can figure a way to get in touch and chat sometime! Lord knows we've been through the mill and it's time to have a little R&R!

 

Best wishes to you!

[bestadvisor]

Confuzed, how are things going?

[confuzd]

First time checking in on this board after a very long break, alot has happened, but somethings seem to remain the same.

 

Thanks for all the support, and Im sorry for leaving you hanging, just had to try to get my head together, although I don't think I am there yet.

 

For starters my wife does not want to divorce me, and I was doing well as far as getting over her. I have not been speaking with her, nor seeing her.

 

Things have been going very well for me and the new woman. She is very much into me and I am into her as well. She sees a future for us and I can see one as well. She is not of american descent as I am which could pose a problem with her family, but she finds that I am worth any unhappiness her family may initially feel.

 

I love her values, she is very focused, positive, caring, loyal, and dare I say womanly. I feel good when I am with her.

 

So you would think it's a no brainer right, Wrong.

 

I saw my wife for the first time in a while this past week, I went to go sign the divorce decree. It was a little uncomfortable at first, and there was some arguing and stuff going on, but through it all we seemed to be able to share several laughs together.

 

There was an attraction that was totally undeniable. She looked so gorgeous, and I hated feeling that way about someone I was trying to get over.

 

She mentioned that she gets so nervous around me and cant seem to stop trembling.

 

She started crying so I hugged her.

 

to make a long story short we ended up making love and it was incredible. Obviously I felt guilty right after, but at the same time it felt right. I left shortly after, and apologized if I had opened any wounds.

 

She was not upset but she admittedly did not want me to leave.

 

Ever since that day, I cant seem to stop thinking about her. I don't know if this is natural or what.

 

Maybe she is still trying to manipulate me into not going through with the divorce, but part of me feels there is to much water under the bridge.

 

Im not sure if its the cold weather, that's giving me nostalgia, and making me feel vulnerable, but I do have feelings for my wife and probably always will.

 

I just don't think that is reason enough to turn the boat around and pull back into the dock.

 

Anyways that's where I am at. I don't talk to the wife much at all, and I am very much involved with the new woman.

 

I still have feeling of loss, but maybe it's more because Im leaving something safe and certain, to venture off to a life I have never experienced.

 

To be quite honest, I spent my whole adult life with her, so she is all I know.

 

I wish I knew what love was, because I'd hate to make the wrong decision. People say follow your heart, well I don't know what my heart is saying.

 

I guess, I will put it in gods hands and hope he leads me to a better place.

 

anyways take care and it's good to hear from you guys.

 

confuzd

[Chrome Barracuda]

First time checking in on this board after a very long break, alot has happened, but somethings seem to remain the same.

 

Thanks for all the support, and Im sorry for leaving you hanging, just had to try to get my head together, although I don't think I am there yet.

 

For starters my wife does not want to divorce me, and I was doing well as far as getting over her. I have not been speaking with her, nor seeing her.

 

Things have been going very well for me and the new woman. She is very much into me and I am into her as well. She sees a future for us and I can see one as well. She is not of american descent as I am which could pose a problem with her family, but she finds that I am worth any unhappiness her family may initially feel.

 

I love her values, she is very focused, positive, caring, loyal, and dare I say womanly. I feel good when I am with her.

 

So you would think it's a no brainer right, Wrong.

 

I saw my wife for the first time in a while this past week, I went to go sign the divorce decree. It was a little uncomfortable at first, and there was some arguing and stuff going on, but through it all we seemed to be able to share several laughs together.

 

There was an attraction that was totally undeniable. She looked so gorgeous, and I hated feeling that way about someone I was trying to get over.

 

She mentioned that she gets so nervous around me and cant seem to stop trembling.

 

She started crying so I hugged her.

 

to make a long story short we ended up making love and it was incredible. Obviously I felt guilty right after, but at the same time it felt right. I left shortly after, and apologized if I had opened any wounds.

 

She was not upset but she admittedly did not want me to leave.

 

Ever since that day, I cant seem to stop thinking about her. I don't know if this is natural or what.

 

Maybe she is still trying to manipulate me into not going through with the divorce, but part of me feels there is to much water under the bridge.

 

Im not sure if its the cold weather, that's giving me nostalgia, and making me feel vulnerable, but I do have feelings for my wife and probably always will.

 

I just don't think that is reason enough to turn the boat around and pull back into the dock.

 

Anyways that's where I am at. I don't talk to the wife much at all, and I am very much involved with the new woman.

 

I still have feeling of loss, but maybe it's more because Im leaving something safe and certain, to venture off to a life I have never experienced.

 

To be quite honest, I spent my whole adult life with her, so she is all I know.

 

I wish I knew what love was, because I'd hate to make the wrong decision. People say follow your heart, well I don't know what my heart is saying.

 

I guess, I will put it in gods hands and hope he leads me to a better place.

 

anyways take care and it's good to hear from you guys.

 

confuzd

 

Confuz'd NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (lol)

 

Why did you sleep with her??? That's what she wanted!! No your back to square one with everything. She's gonna tell your girlfriend mark my words!!!

 

I understand the power of the coochie! I understand how we as men get hynotized to the love muscle I get that, but sleeping with her sent the wrong message!

 

Dont go backwards, move forwards!!!!

[Citizen Erased]

First time checking in on this board after a very long break, alot has happened, but somethings seem to remain the same.

 

Thanks for all the support, and Im sorry for leaving you hanging, just had to try to get my head together, although I don't think I am there yet.

 

For starters my wife does not want to divorce me, and I was doing well as far as getting over her. I have not been speaking with her, nor seeing her.

 

Things have been going very well for me and the new woman. She is very much into me and I am into her as well. She sees a future for us and I can see one as well. She is not of american descent as I am which could pose a problem with her family, but she finds that I am worth any unhappiness her family may initially feel.

 

I love her values, she is very focused, positive, caring, loyal, and dare I say womanly. I feel good when I am with her.

 

So you would think it's a no brainer right, Wrong.

 

I saw my wife for the first time in a while this past week, I went to go sign the divorce decree. It was a little uncomfortable at first, and there was some arguing and stuff going on, but through it all we seemed to be able to share several laughs together.

 

There was an attraction that was totally undeniable. She looked so gorgeous, and I hated feeling that way about someone I was trying to get over.

 

She mentioned that she gets so nervous around me and cant seem to stop trembling.

 

She started crying so I hugged her.

 

to make a long story short we ended up making love and it was incredible. Obviously I felt guilty right after, but at the same time it felt right. I left shortly after, and apologized if I had opened any wounds.

 

She was not upset but she admittedly did not want me to leave.

 

Ever since that day, I cant seem to stop thinking about her. I don't know if this is natural or what.

 

Maybe she is still trying to manipulate me into not going through with the divorce, but part of me feels there is to much water under the bridge.

 

Im not sure if its the cold weather, that's giving me nostalgia, and making me feel vulnerable, but I do have feelings for my wife and probably always will.

 

I just don't think that is reason enough to turn the boat around and pull back into the dock.

 

Anyways that's where I am at. I don't talk to the wife much at all, and I am very much involved with the new woman.

 

I still have feeling of loss, but maybe it's more because Im leaving something safe and certain, to venture off to a life I have never experienced.

 

To be quite honest, I spent my whole adult life with her, so she is all I know.

 

I wish I knew what love was, because I'd hate to make the wrong decision. People say follow your heart, well I don't know what my heart is saying.

 

I guess, I will put it in gods hands and hope he leads me to a better place.

 

anyways take care and it's good to hear from you guys.

 

confuzd

 

I am now doling out my first virtual bitch slapping of the day to you

[Cobra_X30]

Maybe she is still trying to manipulate me into not going through with the divorce, but part of me feels there is to much water under the bridge.

 

You crack me up!

 

I must have not read the part where she changed and became a different person.

 

Is she still involved with the other guy?

 

Look, dont do to this new girl what your wife did to you. It isnt fair and it isnt right!

 

Pick one right now and go with it!

[confuzd]

Confuz'd NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (lol)

 

Why did you sleep with her??? That's what she wanted!! No your back to square one with everything. She's gonna tell your girlfriend mark my words!!!

 

I understand the power of the coochie! I understand how we as men get hynotized to the love muscle I get that, but sleeping with her sent the wrong message!

 

Dont go backwards, move forwards!!!!

 

LMAO, yeah, I felt that way myself, trust me I didn't plan it. I was going to sign the divorce decree, but when I saw her all these feelings just woke up. I don't know what to say.

[confuzd]

I am now doling out my first virtual bitch slapping of the day to you

 

oooh, don't hurt me coco...

[confuzd]

You crack me up!

 

I must have not read the part where she changed and became a different person.

 

Is she still involved with the other guy?

 

Look, dont do to this new girl what your wife did to you. It isnt fair and it isnt right!

 

Pick one right now and go with it!

 

sounds great, just wish it was that easy, actually I thought it was that easy until I saw her for the first time in a while. Not really thinking about giving it another go, but It did confuse me, I must admit.

[reboot]

confuzd,

 

You really don't have to justify your actions to the people here.

 

Don't be ashamed for loving her. I'm not suggesting you get back with her, but don't be ashamed that you still care. It says a lot about your character to me. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[bestadvisor]

 

Things have been going very well for me and the new woman. She is very much into me and I am into her as well. She sees a future for us and I can see one as well. She is not of american descent as I am which could pose a problem with her family, but she finds that I am worth any unhappiness her family may initially feel.

 

I love her values, she is very focused, positive, caring, loyal, and dare I say womanly. I feel good when I am with her.

 

confuzd

 

So, this new girlfriend of yours, is she Hispanic or Asian?

 

So, let's say 6 months or 2 years from now, things are going well with you and this new girl and your W tells her about you and her sleeping together, that will ruin everything.

 

Are you consider confessing to the new girl? Does your W know about this new girl?

[reboot]

He's not even divorced yet. He owes "the new girl" nothing. Sorry.

[confuzd]

Well,

 

after 9 years of marriage, I guess its normal for it to take some time to get over her.

 

I will always love her and care for her, but I don't think that is enough to make our marriage work anymore.

 

I would love to be able to forgive her, but Im not sure if I could trust her anymore. Who really knows.

 

she texted me today, basically telling me that she loves me and will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work.

 

Part of me thinks that she is just trying to manipulate her way back into my life.

 

It is so weird how the roles have changed, I wanted her back so bad, and now I can have her, but at what cost?

 

Are we meant for each other? is our journey together supposed to end now?

 

there are so many possibilities, and I could choose anyone I want to justify whatever decision I choose to make.

 

In the end I have to follow my mind and my heart, not just one of the two.

 

It is very hard, and very confusing, and we can never be sure if the decision we make is the right one.

 

Sorry for my rant, I have so much on my mind, and so little time. gotta go.

 

confuzd

[Citizen Erased]

oooh, don't hurt me coco...

 

hehe just jokes. We just want to see you happy and in my eyes being with your ex is not the way to do that. But, just like reboot said, you don't have to justify your feelings to us. We may see it as insane but if it works out in the end then yay

 

I know you are struggling at this point, but only you can make this decision, and if you let her back in and she still screws you over then at least you will know you try. But if you can't trust her then is there really a point?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well,

 

after 9 years of marriage, I guess its normal for it to take some time to get over her.

 

I will always love her and care for her, but I don't think that is enough to make our marriage work anymore.

 

I would love to be able to forgive her, but Im not sure if I could trust her anymore. Who really knows.

 

she texted me today, basically telling me that she loves me and will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work.

 

Part of me thinks that she is just trying to manipulate her way back into my life.

 

It is so weird how the roles have changed, I wanted her back so bad, and now I can have her, but at what cost?

 

Are we meant for each other? is our journey together supposed to end now?

 

there are so many possibilities, and I could choose anyone I want to justify whatever decision I choose to make.

 

In the end I have to follow my mind and my heart, not just one of the two.

 

It is very hard, and very confusing, and we can never be sure if the decision we make is the right one.

 

Sorry for my rant, I have so much on my mind, and so little time. gotta go.

 

confuzd

 

Huh, arent you guys divorced. How can she make the marriage work when the papers were signed already???

 

I think it is manipulation, how come she didnt come back when you wanted her?

 

Alot of women are like that they dont want you until someone else does. But it's her loss.

 

I know you still love her but keep it moving. You owe your girlfriend much respect. If you plan to tell her be honest because I have a weird feeling your soon to be ex may throw a wrench in your stuff.

 

I've seen it happen before.

[whichwayisup]

she texted me today, basically telling me that she loves me and will do whatever it takes to make our marriage work.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

[jmargel]

Cut those strings from her already! She is using you as a puppet. Move on to someone who will actually SHOW you how much they love and care about you.

 

Besides, a text message? Pfft.. That is classless. That just shows you how sincere she is. She could have at least made the effort to see you in person or call you.

 

You have come too far to turn back now. Keep moving forward!

 

PS. End this relationship with this other woman as well. It is CLEAR that you are not ready for a new relationship! You already cheated on her! She does NOT deserve to be the rebound relationship. Let her find someone who can give her everything she needs.

[Mike1966]

Wow confuzed........been missing your thread but just caught myself up!

 

I really, really feel for you my friend. I wish I had some answers for you but it's your journey. I'll try to give you my prospective because I do believe we've been traveling down similar paths. In my case, I actually filed for the divorce, we've signed the petition and the divorce will be final in about a week.

 

confuzed - I'll tell you this......................don't "follow your heart" based only on feelings. Here's the thing, I've been seeing someone else for about 3 weeks now. I'm attracted to her, but I was attracted to my wife's body more than this gal. Should I make a decision regarding staying with my wife purely based on my infatuation with her looks, her body or sex? Well, I don't know about you, but in my case, there's no way in hell I'd go back just for that.

 

A marriage is so much more than feelings, and you know this because I've followed your thread, my man. Marriage and a real and mature relationship is base on commitment, a decision, not just feelings. Sure, do you need to have an attraction to the person you marry, in my book, YES. However, is that the driving force behind the relationship.........IMO, no way, at least not the ones that are built to last.

 

What qualities do you miss about your wife? Did you feel like you were able to live with her as the man you know you ought to be? The husband and father you ought to be? Someone that she respected and did not merely try to manipulate and control into being the way she wanted you to be? In my case, for the first time in nearly 16 years, I see that I was married to a total control freak who had me mezmorized because I was infatuated with her body, sex and was willing to be a whipped puppy dog to make the marriage work no matter what. I now realize I was nowhere near the man I ought to be and would not go back to that life for anything. Maybe your situation is different? Maybe there are many solid qualities you found that added to the attraction to your wife? I encourage you to sort through this with that type of mindset............DON'T just let a feeling and an attraction to someone be THE reason you want them.

 

I can tell you, the girl I'm seeing now, she doesn't have the body my wife did. However, she is so much more mature, I have discussed things with her my wife would never discuss, she's responsible financially where my STBX is a train wreck.................which I've shown myself by now being able to be in total control of my budget and realize I am an excellent budgeter and easily live within my means. I have many more personality similarities to this girl than I ever had to my wife. Now, I'm not saying I want to marry her, as I don't want to jump into anything nor should you at this point.

 

Take a step back, my friend, really lay things out with respect to who your wife is and what she is about. If you really think she has the qualities that will help you rebuild the marriage and you can forgive and trust her, i wish you the best. If not, make the decision that is best for you in the long run, and for a happy future for you and your son where you can be the man that God wants you to be.

 

I'll pray for you, keep me posted.

[Mike1966]

PS. End this relationship with this other woman as well. It is CLEAR that you are not ready for a new relationship! You already cheated on her! She does NOT deserve to be the rebound relationship. Let her find someone who can give her everything she needs.

 

After reading jmargel's post I have to agree. In your emotional state, the fact that you were willing to sleep with your wife while dating this gal and that you still have strong feelings for her, you haven't started to move on and it would be best to level with this new chick about it.

[confuzd]

Huh, arent you guys divorced. How can she make the marriage work when the papers were signed already???

 

I think it is manipulation, how come she didnt come back when you wanted her?

 

Alot of women are like that they dont want you until someone else does. But it's her loss.

 

I know you still love her but keep it moving. You owe your girlfriend much respect. If you plan to tell her be honest because I have a weird feeling your soon to be ex may throw a wrench in your stuff.

 

I've seen it happen before.

 

Not divorced yet, but in the process. I agree with what your saying, but it doesnt make it any easier.

[confuzd]

So, this new girlfriend of yours, is she Hispanic or Asian?

 

So, let's say 6 months or 2 years from now, things are going well with you and this new girl and your W tells her about you and her sleeping together, that will ruin everything.

 

Are you consider confessing to the new girl? Does your W know about this new girl?

 

I hope not but who knows, No she is neither hispanic or asian, not that it really matters.

 

the wife does not know about the new girl perse. She does not that I am not sitting at home by myself though.

 

There have actually been a few girls, post stbx, prior this new girl, but only new girl now.

 

flings, are very over rated, and way too much drama, I enjoy something meaningful, with substance.

[confuzd]

Cut those strings from her already! She is using you as a puppet. Move on to someone who will actually SHOW you how much they love and care about you.

 

Besides, a text message? Pfft.. That is classless. That just shows you how sincere she is. She could have at least made the effort to see you in person or call you.

 

You have come too far to turn back now. Keep moving forward!

 

PS. End this relationship with this other woman as well. It is CLEAR that you are not ready for a new relationship! You already cheated on her! She does NOT deserve to be the rebound relationship. Let her find someone who can give her everything she needs.

 

Lol, the famous words of Jmargel. You know you could be right, its just that in the end I will do what I feel.

 

We all manipulate, to some degree. How else can we get what we want. manipulation is not always a negative term.

 

I definitely am not out to hurt anyone, and wasn't out to get hurt but life throws you blows and you have to recover and move on the best you can.

 

As far as the new girl I have been very up front with her, and am not holding her hostage. She chooses to be with me through all of my drama, and actually admires the fact that I still care for my stbx, she says it shows what kind of person I am.

 

she texted me yesterday out of the blue, just to say how incredible I was as a man and a father, don't know if it is deserved but I did appreciate it.

 

to be hones jmargel, I don't know what will come of me. I just know that I will be okay in the end no matter what happens, new girl, old girl, or no girl.

 

take it easy.

[confuzd]

hehe just jokes. We just want to see you happy and in my eyes being with your ex is not the way to do that. But, just like reboot said, you don't have to justify your feelings to us. We may see it as insane but if it works out in the end then yay

 

I know you are struggling at this point, but only you can make this decision, and if you let her back in and she still screws you over then at least you will know you try. But if you can't trust her then is there really a point?

 

It's all good coco, I want to be happy as well, I just wish I knew what would make me happy. I am a happy person in general, but times are so confusing right now.

 

I don't know what to do really, I am definitely leaning towards moving forward with out her as my wife though, but definitely as a friend forever.

[confuzd]

Yesterday was very interesting,

 

I am so conflicted yet, seem to be getting better.

 

yesterday, my son woke me up about 7 am complaining of not being able to breathe. He was having very labored, and rapid breathing, and wheezing. I jumped out of bed threw on some clothes, and rushed to the emergency room.

 

on the way I call my stbx wife, and told her of the situation. she works next to the ER, so she checked him in before we got there.

 

After we got there he was put on breathing treatment, and things started to settle down. He was in good spirits and was doing fine.

 

I had time to refocus on the stbx. There was a sense of deep anymosity there from my end. And a deep sense of sadness from her.

 

I will make this story short, we spent most of the day together, talking me questioning her, and trying to put all the peices together and her answering all my questions, and telling me what she was going through.

 

I can't say that Im fully satisfied, with everything but I did appreciate her coming clean for once.

 

I explained to my stbx that I did not hate her and that I would love to be her friend, that I will always love her, and care about her.

 

Here is what I am feeling

 

I love my wife, no doubt. However, I don't see anything changing in the future, and I am not referring to any further infidelity. I am referring to the cycle of her depression, and unhappiness, followed by me feeling stifled and inadequate enough to make her happy.

 

She said she has been going to counseling, and will probably be prescribed medication. I said I was happy to hear that.

 

I would love to be with my wife, but I feel like it is time to move on for me. I can't really say that she will make me happy anymore. I don't really know. I'm sure she could, if we both really tried, but part of me thinks it should not be so difficult.

 

I don't want to be in a relationship that seems fake, and have to overlook things forever.

 

She is making it difficult for me, because i feel so terrible for hurting her. She is crushed that I am moving on, and it kills me to see her crushed. I always wanted to make her happy, but as I explained to her, I can not be the source of her happiness, she has to learn to be happy on her own before she can find happiness in another.

 

I am very sad at times, I feel very guilty, and have a very heavy heart.

 

I wish she was happy, or even being mean to me so it would make it easier.

 

It would be so easy to take her back and get on with my life as I know it. On the other hand, I wonder if I could live with her forever, knowing that I could've have started anew and that I gave her a 3rd chance for some Bull ***** that she pulled.

 

I probably wont get into everything that she said, but if anyone has specific questions about her admissions, I would be glad to answer.

 

Anyways I sit her now, feeling a sense of closure after our recent time together, while still feeling a sense of uncertainty, guilt, sadness, and loss.

 

When I turn my thoughts to the new woman, I get a sense of happiness, uncertainty, and fear. I explained the whole conversation I had with my wife to her, and she was very understanding.

 

She said she could not have ever imagined how my wife could've let me get away.

 

I feel very secure with this woman, and I appreciate her values.

 

She comes from a country where, marriage and family are everything, and infidelity and divorce is totally unheard of as far as for women goes that is.

 

sorry to make you curious, but I'm gonna keep somethings to myself

 

we went to lunch together today, and had a great time, she is stressed about upcoming medical board exams, and such.

 

I definitely can see myself with this woman, and I know she can as well.

 

I just wish I could move forward with out this guilt and the heavy heart. which has noting to do with my new girl, but more to do with the fact that I am hurting my ex.

 

I know that should no longer be my concern, but it doesnt change the fact that I still care, and that doesn't necessarily mean I want her back as well.

 

anyhoo, thats all for now, take care

 

confuzd