reboot Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 but part of me thinks it should not be so difficultI'm not trying to give you advice at all, you've been given plenty of that. I just want to take issue with the bolded statement. That's really a bad way to look at things. Marriage is HARD. Your next marriage will be JUST as difficult. You have to work on it ALL the time. You seemed to have figured that part out much earlier. Anyway, good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Kasan Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I just don't understand this....how can you be with someone else if you are in love with your wife? I have wondered this for several pages of your thread now. It seems to me, that you still have unfinished business with your wife. You need to finish the business before you move on. I think this could come back in the future and bite you in the azz. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I can't really say that she will make me happy anymore. I always wanted to make her happy, but as I explained to her, I can not be the source of her happiness, she has to learn to be happy on her own before she can find happiness in another Huh? Seems like a double-standard here? When has it been HER job to make you happy? she has to learn to be happy on her own before she can find happiness in another Take your own advice. This is what you are trying to do with this new GF and it's going to backfire on you. You slept with your wife after being with these other women. You know for a fact that these other women don't have STDs? Wise up man. I'm going to be a little tough on you here because you are being VERY selfish and trying to rationalize it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuzd Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 I'm not trying to give you advice at all, you've been given plenty of that. I just want to take issue with the bolded statement. That's really a bad way to look at things. Marriage is HARD. Your next marriage will be JUST as difficult. You have to work on it ALL the time. You seemed to have figured that part out much earlier. Anyway, good luck. I totally understand that marriage is hard, but I just don't know if these issues should be marriage issues. do you know what I mean. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuzd Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 I just don't understand this....how can you be with someone else if you are in love with your wife? I have wondered this for several pages of your thread now. It seems to me, that you still have unfinished business with your wife. You need to finish the business before you move on. I think this could come back in the future and bite you in the azz. Good luck! you could be right, but I will always love her, just won't always be with her. I guess its a new kind of love. Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuzd Posted October 25, 2007 Author Share Posted October 25, 2007 Huh? Seems like a double-standard here? When has it been HER job to make you happy? Take your own advice. This is what you are trying to do with this new GF and it's going to backfire on you. You slept with your wife after being with these other women. You know for a fact that these other women don't have STDs? Wise up man. I'm going to be a little tough on you here because you are being VERY selfish and trying to rationalize it. alright Jmargel, I won't try to rationalize anything anymore, I will just do it and make no excuses. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted October 25, 2007 Share Posted October 25, 2007 I probably wont get into everything that she said, but if anyone has specific questions about her admissions, I would be glad to answer. confuzd We are going to imagine the worse, if you don't tell us. Did she cheated on you with more than the military guy? sorry to make you curious, but I'm gonna keep somethings to myself confuzd This sentence came from nowhere and doesn't seem to fit in what you wrote...what are you referring to? Link to post Share on other sites
Yernasia Quorelios Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Hey confuzd You are simply doing exactly what you have been doing - listening, reviewing, evaluating then acting. Don't worry too much about the confusing feelings as they are all part of the process - clarity will make an appearance eventually . I'm still 100% with you, particularly as you are being honest (if not totally open ) with all concerned and have no plans to ever completely close the door on your wife. I do have a question for you to ponder (i.e. no need for you to post an answer here) about this comment referring to your girlfriend: I love her values, she is very focused, positive, caring, loyal, and dare I say womanly. I feel good when I am with her. Did you ever feel this way about your wife? If you did, then you can feel that way again. The journey will most likely, but not necessarily, be extremely difficult. Take note of these words from that most wise of women, lysne:Funny how you can totally restart your life if you really want to. New attitude, new possibilities. (The main battle is trying not to wait for the other shoe!) In the meantime continue to do what you feel is right . Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 alright Jmargel, I won't try to rationalize anything anymore, I will just do it and make no excuses. When you self-destruct you can come back here in a few months and re-read these latests posts to show you where it all started from. Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Confuzd - I think you're moving way too fast with the new woman. You have spent little to no time searching yourself first. You've simply taken the focus from your wife to your girlfriend with no time between. This is what is commonly referred to as a "rebound" relationship. It would be best for you to take some much needed time away from any relationship to determine what it is that you really want and to be sure of it. I just see several red flags here with your current situation that leads me to believe you'll be miserable before you really start to be in a place of true happiness again. Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 Confuzd, have you make your decision, what's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
peter15 Posted November 4, 2007 Share Posted November 4, 2007 hi i know what u r going though,im in that boat to.hugs and kiss making me feel wanted or got me hanging by a string. but me my so called girl keeps saying give me space. knowing my luck i feel if i give her space she will drift away.she did say 2 me that all the question im asking her is pushing her away,(but hang on haven't i got the right 2 ask what i wont 2 know)so now i going 2 give her what she want,i wonder after 10 weeks is all over now.but it was her who had the intent and she swears blind nothing was going 2 happen or happen.so i gave her a second chance but did she take it no.just ask 4 a trail separation instead. so now she got me crothaling like its my fort.so Ive stop all the question and stop phoning her now let c if she runs back 2 me,if she dont i guess that's my answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike1966 Posted November 5, 2007 Share Posted November 5, 2007 Confuzed.... Any updates, my friend?? Let me know how you're doing! Link to post Share on other sites
Author confuzd Posted November 19, 2007 Author Share Posted November 19, 2007 After much deliberation, inner battles, thought, and prayer. My wife is back home. She moved in yesterday. The night went well, and we are starting over. She is in counseling for her depression. and we will probably do joint counseling. My son couldn't be happier. This almost did not happen, i was very leary and hesitant, but in my heart realized this was the right way to go. I am sad to have hurt the other woman. This is all a lesson learned. Me and my wife have a long way to go, but we both feel It will be right this time. I know many will disagree, but in the end I have to do what I feel is right. I really did like the other woman, she was a great girl, and will make another man very happy. I hope I left her better off than I found her. So for now it is one day at a time, I will never make the mistakes I made in the past, and she has devoted to do the same. We both know the error of our ways, and have realized that we were both at fault. What's done is done, and I now will look ahead to the future. I am at peace, and the look in my wifes eyes is one of love that I used to remember, She has lifted out of the fog and is now done with her midlife crisis. Many would have left, I almost did. In life we don't get to write our story. In a perfect world this never would've happened. The wind blow on all of us the same, what makes the difference in where we end up is the set of our sail. To anyone reading, Just know that everyone makes mistakes, maybe more than others, I am by no means perfect. You may even call us a dysfuntional household if you like. but we still love each other and are probably not to much more dysfunctional than the perfect couple next door. I won't post here that often anymore, but will check back from time to time. I would be glad to answer any and all questions, both negative and positive. It has been a blessing to be able to share my story, but i feel that this really is only the beginning and not the end. my email address is [email protected] take care. Link to post Share on other sites
reboot Posted November 19, 2007 Share Posted November 19, 2007 Awesome news! Congrats. I hope everything works out for you. You deserve it. Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 As Spicoli would say "awsome,totally awsome". im glad for you if this is what makes you happy. In the end that is whats important the happiness between you your wife and your son. Never forget confuzed and remember there still may be hard days ahead. Take it slow and easy. This is going to be a great holiday season for your boy...wow. Link to post Share on other sites
PWSX3 Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, each situation is different. Like you said, you have to decide which path you want to take & then go at it with 100 percent. I really feel when both parties understanding they were part of the problem & it will take 100% from both to work it all out. It will never be perfect, you will never have all the answers, but if you keep working at it together then things will go so much better. I wish you the best of luck, there are a lot of new obstacles that will come up because of the separation but keep an open mind & communicate. Don't hold things inside, let your spouse help you with your questions. Link to post Share on other sites
heartoutside Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 I'm glad to hear/read your story...I remember way back when some 5 months ago or so and reading your posts, couldn't be happier for ya and your family, esp your son....Cheers Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 20, 2007 Share Posted November 20, 2007 Me and my wife have a long way to go, but we both feel It will be right this time. my email address is [email protected] take care. In order for this to work and in order for you to fully trust her again, she needs to be transparent. Have you found out when and why she ended her affair with the OM? Has she come clean with you how many guys she's been with during the past few months? Does she know you were involved with another WM? What's so different about her now compare to 3 months ago? What convinced you that she won't go back to the state where she was 3 months ago? Link to post Share on other sites
Yernasia Quorelios Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Hey Confuzd Well done for seeing it through, putting the past behind you and looking to the future with optimism. Loveshack members have much to learn from this thread and from your (and lysne's ) never-say-die approach. It all goes to prove that if you really want somebody back the most important thing is not to become bitter . Once again, well done and good luck . Link to post Share on other sites
bestadvisor Posted November 23, 2007 Share Posted November 23, 2007 Hey Confuzd Well done for seeing it through, putting the past behind you and looking to the future with optimism. Not so fast. Things won't be moving forward smoothly unless my questions above are being answered with satisfactory answers. Link to post Share on other sites
Mike1966 Posted November 28, 2007 Share Posted November 28, 2007 confuzed, Thanks so much for coming back and updating on your situation. You're so right in saying that we all make mistakes and nothing is set in stone. There are many similarities in relationships....................there were many in what you and I both experienced yet I'm now divorced and dating and you have been able to get back with your wife. I really, really hope things work out for you confuzed. You are a quality guy who "fought the good fight" and hung in there until the very end. As long as you each are committed to working on the relationship, working on yourselves, and getting a clear picture of why this happened, I see no reason why you can't have a successful marriage down the road. Take care, Mike Link to post Share on other sites
StillSame Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Confuzd, what's the update? Link to post Share on other sites
LosingMyDreamGirl Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 bump bump bump Link to post Share on other sites
frd150 Posted January 23, 2008 Share Posted January 23, 2008 Things must be going well...Hopefully. Link to post Share on other sites
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